Just a moment ago, my daughter Rebecca texted me for good luck. Her text said, "Mom, you will rock." I love this. Getting that text was like getting a hug. And so there you have it. I embody the central paradox. I'm a woman who loves getting texts who's going to tell you that too many of them can be a problem.
幾分鐘前 我的女兒蕾貝卡送了個簡訊來祝我一切順利 她的簡訊說 “媽,你會紅” 我很喜歡 收到這個簡訊 像得到一個擁抱一樣 這就是我們今天要說的主題 我就代表了 這個矛盾中心 我是個 喜歡收到簡訊的女人 但我同時還要來告訴你們 太多簡訊會出問題
Actually that reminder of my daughter brings me to the beginning of my story. 1996, when I gave my first TEDTalk, Rebecca was five years old and she was sitting right there in the front row. I had just written a book that celebrated our life on the internet and I was about to be on the cover of Wired magazine. In those heady days, we were experimenting with chat rooms and online virtual communities. We were exploring different aspects of ourselves. And then we unplugged. I was excited. And, as a psychologist, what excited me most was the idea that we would use what we learned in the virtual world about ourselves, about our identity, to live better lives in the real world.
事實上我女兒的這個簡訊 讓我回想起這個故事的起點 1996年,我第一次來TED作演講 蕾貝卡只有5歲 她就坐在這裡 在第一排上 那時我剛寫完了一本書 來紀念我們的網路生活 爲此Wired(專門報導未來趨勢)雜誌 還邀請了我去上他們的封面 在那段讓人振奮的日子裏 我們正在試驗 網路上的聊天室和虛擬社區 我們在探索自己不同的相貌 然後我們拔下插頭下綫 這讓我覺得很興奮 身為心理學家,讓我最感興趣的 是這樣一個想法 就是我們會基於我們在虛擬世界裏 對自己的認識和認同 而在真實世界裏活得更好
Now fast-forward to 2012. I'm back here on the TED stage again. My daughter's 20. She's a college student. She sleeps with her cellphone, so do I. And I've just written a new book, but this time it's not one that will get me on the cover of Wired magazine. So what happened? I'm still excited by technology, but I believe, and I'm here to make the case, that we're letting it take us places that we don't want to go.
現在快轉到2012年 我又回來TED演講 我的女兒已經20歲了 她是大學生,她抱著手機入睡 我也是 我最近又完成了一本書 但這一次這本書 沒有讓我再登上 Wired雜誌的封面 爲什麽會這樣? 科技仍然讓我感到着迷 但我相信 在此我也要舉證讓大家看 我們讓科技把我們帶到 我們不想去的地方
Over the past 15 years, I've studied technologies of mobile communication and I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds of people, young and old, about their plugged in lives. And what I've found is that our little devices, those little devices in our pockets, are so psychologically powerful that they don't only change what we do, they change who we are. Some of the things we do now with our devices are things that, only a few years ago, we would have found odd or disturbing, but they've quickly come to seem familiar, just how we do things.
過去的15年來 我研究了行動通訊科技 我訪問了上百個人 有老的和年輕的 我跟他們問了他們的網上生活 我的發現是 我們這些小小的 放在口袋裏的行動裝置 對我們心理有如此大的影響力 不止改變了我們的所作所爲 甚至改變了我們個人 有些我們現在用行動裝置做的事 在不久之前看來 我們還會覺得那很奇怪 或是讓人不安 但在很短的時間裏大家就習慣了 這些做事的方法
So just to take some quick examples: People text or do email during corporate board meetings. They text and shop and go on Facebook during classes, during presentations, actually during all meetings. People talk to me about the important new skill of making eye contact while you're texting. (Laughter) People explain to me that it's hard, but that it can be done. Parents text and do email at breakfast and at dinner while their children complain about not having their parents' full attention. But then these same children deny each other their full attention. This is a recent shot of my daughter and her friends being together while not being together. And we even text at funerals. I study this. We remove ourselves from our grief or from our revery and we go into our phones.
讓我們看幾個例子 人們在公司開會時 傳簡訊或發送電子郵件 大家傳簡訊、上網購物及上臉書 不論在上課時,還是在聼演講時 事實上在所有的集會上都這樣 還有人告訴我一個重要的新技巧 就是打簡訊時 別忘了還要跟講者有眼神的接觸 (笑聲) 他們跟我說 雖然這不容易,但還是做得到 爸媽也在送簡訊和打email 而他們的兒女在吃早餐和晚餐時 則抱怨說 得不到父母的關注 在抱怨的這些子女也同樣地 也沒能給對方關注 這是一張最近的照片 是我的女兒和她的朋友們 他們在一起 卻又不在一起 還有人在告別式上打簡訊 我研究這些現象 我們把我們自己 從悲傷或白日夢中抽離 投入到我們的手機裏
Why does this matter? It matters to me because I think we're setting ourselves up for trouble -- trouble certainly in how we relate to each other, but also trouble in how we relate to ourselves and our capacity for self-reflection. We're getting used to a new way of being alone together. People want to be with each other, but also elsewhere -- connected to all the different places they want to be. People want to customize their lives. They want to go in and out of all the places they are because the thing that matters most to them is control over where they put their attention. So you want to go to that board meeting, but you only want to pay attention to the bits that interest you. And some people think that's a good thing. But you can end up hiding from each other, even as we're all constantly connected to each other.
這爲什麽很重要? 這對我而言很重要 因爲我認爲我們為自己找來麻煩 麻煩很明顯地在於 我們如何和其他人相處 麻煩也會出現在 我們如何和自己相處 還有我們自我反省的能力 我們漸漸地習慣於一種新的 在一起一同寂寞的相處形態 人們想要聚在一起 但又想要到別的地方 去和他們想去的地方連綫 人們想要訂制自己的生活 想要進出所有的地方 因爲對他們而言重要的是 對自己注意力的掌控權 所以你希望能出席會議 但你只想要關注 你有興趣的事 有的人認爲這是一件好事 但最後有可能變成 我們互相在躲對方 儘管我們24小時都連綫在一起
A 50-year-old business man lamented to me that he feels he doesn't have colleagues anymore at work. When he goes to work, he doesn't stop by to talk to anybody, he doesn't call. And he says he doesn't want to interrupt his colleagues because, he says, "They're too busy on their email." But then he stops himself and he says, "You know, I'm not telling you the truth. I'm the one who doesn't want to be interrupted. I think I should want to, but actually I'd rather just do things on my Blackberry."
一個50歲的生意人 跟我抱怨說 在工作上他覺得他沒有同事了 當他去上班時他不再停下來跟人講話 他不再打電話 他說他不想打擾他的同事 因爲,他說“他們都在忙他們的email” 然而他停了一下 說,“唉,我沒有老實說 其實不想被打擾的人是我 我認爲我該跟其他人多些互動 但是我只想在我的黑莓機上搞自己的東西“
Across the generations, I see that people can't get enough of each other, if and only if they can have each other at a distance, in amounts they can control. I call it the Goldilocks effect: not too close, not too far, just right. But what might feel just right for that middle-aged executive can be a problem for an adolescent who needs to develop face-to-face relationships. An 18-year-old boy who uses texting for almost everything says to me wistfully, "Someday, someday, but certainly not now, I'd like to learn how to have a conversation."
在各個世代的身上 我看到,人們恨不得時刻在一起 只要 彼此能保持一定的距離 在他們能控制的範圍内 我稱這個為三隻小熊效應 有點近又不會太近 剛剛好的距離 但是對剛那個中年男人來說 適當的距離 對青少年來説可能就不適當了 青少年需要發展面對面的關係 一個18歲的男孩 幾乎一切都以簡訊來溝通 他語帶渴望地對我說 “有一天,總有一天 但絕對不是現在 我想學習如何與人交談”
When I ask people "What's wrong with having a conversation?" People say, "I'll tell you what's wrong with having a conversation. It takes place in real time and you can't control what you're going to say." So that's the bottom line. Texting, email, posting, all of these things let us present the self as we want to be. We get to edit, and that means we get to delete, and that means we get to retouch, the face, the voice, the flesh, the body -- not too little, not too much, just right.
當我問人們 “跟人交談有什麽不好?” 人們說,“我可以告訴你有什麽不好 面對面交談是真實進行的 你無法控制要說些什麽” 所以重點就在這裏 簡訊,電子郵件,po文 這些功能 讓我們用自己想要的方式呈現自己 我們能編輯 也就代表我們能刪除 我們能修改 我們的臉,聲音 肌膚,身體 不多也不少 剛剛好
Human relationships are rich and they're messy and they're demanding. And we clean them up with technology. And when we do, one of the things that can happen is that we sacrifice conversation for mere connection. We short-change ourselves. And over time, we seem to forget this, or we seem to stop caring.
人際關係 是豐富的也是複雜的 需要用心經營 而我們用科技將人際關係清理乾淨 當我們這麽做時 可能發生的一件事 就是我們犧牲了對話 而只成就了基本的連結 我們配得更多 而隨著時間的經過 我們好像忘了這點 或是我們好像不再在乎了
I was caught off guard when Stephen Colbert asked me a profound question, a profound question. He said, "Don't all those little tweets, don't all those little sips of online communication, add up to one big gulp of real conversation?" My answer was no, they don't add up. Connecting in sips may work for gathering discrete bits of information, they may work for saying, "I'm thinking about you," or even for saying, "I love you," -- I mean, look at how I felt when I got that text from my daughter -- but they don't really work for learning about each other, for really coming to know and understand each other. And we use conversations with each other to learn how to have conversations with ourselves. So a flight from conversation can really matter because it can compromise our capacity for self-reflection. For kids growing up, that skill is the bedrock of development.
我被嚇了一大跳 當Stephen Colbert(政治評論家、作家、主持人) 問了我一個有深度的問題的時候 這個很有深度的問題 他說“這些零零碎碎的短句 這些片斷的章句 不都是溝通的一部分? 而最後總會合成一個 完整的真實對話?“ 我的回答是否定的 他們沒有加總的效果 用零零碎碎的片段來溝通 在傳遞較簡短隱私的資訊時或許可行 用來説說“我在想你”可能可以 甚至說“我愛你”也還可以 我的意思是說 看看我女兒的簡訊讓我多麽高興 但是這些隻字片語 是沒有辦法讓我們了解對方的 不能讓我們真正互相了解和認識 而我們用和其他人的對話 來學習如何 和我們自己對話 所以逃避對話 是一件嚴重的事 因爲這會同時危害 我們自我反省的能力 對成長中的小孩而言 這個能力是發展的基礎
Over and over I hear, "I would rather text than talk." And what I'm seeing is that people get so used to being short-changed out of real conversation, so used to getting by with less, that they've become almost willing to dispense with people altogether. So for example, many people share with me this wish, that some day a more advanced version of Siri, the digital assistant on Apple's iPhone, will be more like a best friend, someone who will listen when others won't. I believe this wish reflects a painful truth that I've learned in the past 15 years. That feeling that no one is listening to me is very important in our relationships with technology. That's why it's so appealing to have a Facebook page or a Twitter feed -- so many automatic listeners. And the feeling that no one is listening to me make us want to spend time with machines that seem to care about us.
我一再地聽到人們說 “我寧願送簡訊也不要講話” 而我看到的是 人們變得十分習慣於 迴避真正的對話 將就於這省略版的對話 而最後變得也幾乎不在意 將對話的對象也省略掉 擧個例子來説 很多人跟我表達了這個願望 說希望有一天Siri 這個蘋果電腦i-Phone内建的數位個人助理 會變成我們最好的朋友 當其他人不願的時候 這個軟體還會傾聽我們的心聲 我相信這個願望 是反映了我過去15年 所學到的一個痛苦的事實 也就是說這個“沒有人聼我講話”的感覺 在我們和科技之間的關係 佔有很重要的地位 這也就是爲什麽 臉書上的最新動態或 推特的最新動態是如此地吸引人 因爲在那上面有這麽多現成的聽衆 這個“沒有人聼我講話”的感覺 讓我們想花更多的時間 跟好像在乎我們的機器在一起
We're developing robots, they call them sociable robots, that are specifically designed to be companions -- to the elderly, to our children, to us. Have we so lost confidence that we will be there for each other? During my research I worked in nursing homes, and I brought in these sociable robots that were designed to give the elderly the feeling that they were understood. And one day I came in and a woman who had lost a child was talking to a robot in the shape of a baby seal. It seemed to be looking in her eyes. It seemed to be following the conversation. It comforted her. And many people found this amazing.
我們研發了機器人 取名叫作社交型機器人 專門用來和人們作伴 和老人作伴 和小孩做伴 也和我們作伴 我們對和彼此作伴 難道已經絕望到如此地步了嗎? 在我的研究中 我研究過一些安養中心 我引入了這些社交型的機器人 這些機器人的功能被設計為 要讓老人們覺得自己可以被了解 有一天我走進來看到 有一個失去孩子的媽媽 在跟一個外形是小海豹的 機器人講話 機器人似乎注視著她的雙眼 似乎能夠聼懂她的話 能夠安撫她 而很多人覺得這很奇妙
But that woman was trying to make sense of her life with a machine that had no experience of the arc of a human life. That robot put on a great show. And we're vulnerable. People experience pretend empathy as though it were the real thing. So during that moment when that woman was experiencing that pretend empathy, I was thinking, "That robot can't empathize. It doesn't face death. It doesn't know life."
那個女人在試著去找出她生命的意義 想要透過一個完全沒有生老病死的機器人 來找出生命的意義 機器人做了很成功的演出 而我們很脆弱 人們體驗了虛假的移情作用 還以爲那是真的 所以在那個時候 當那個女人 在體驗虛假的移情作用時 我在想:這個機器人是不會憐憫人的 機器人不需面對死亡 不會懂生命
And as that woman took comfort in her robot companion, I didn't find it amazing; I found it one of the most wrenching, complicated moments in my 15 years of work. But when I stepped back, I felt myself at the cold, hard center of a perfect storm. We expect more from technology and less from each other. And I ask myself, "Why have things come to this?"
而當那個媽媽 從機器人身上得到慰藉 我並不覺得這有什麽值得讚嘆的 我反而覺得這是在我15年學術研究裏 最令人痛心最複雜的一刻 但當我退一步看 我發現我自己 正處在冷冰冰鐵一般硬的 完美風暴的中心 我們對科技有著越來越多的期待 而對彼此的人際關係卻越來越不抱希望 我問我自己 “爲什麽會演變到這個地步?”
And I believe it's because technology appeals to us most where we are most vulnerable. And we are vulnerable. We're lonely, but we're afraid of intimacy. And so from social networks to sociable robots, we're designing technologies that will give us the illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship. We turn to technology to help us feel connected in ways we can comfortably control. But we're not so comfortable. We are not so much in control.
我相信這是因爲 科技在我們最弱的點上 顯得最有吸引力 而我們是脆弱的 我們感到孤獨 但又害怕親密 從社交媒體到社交機器人 我們設計了 不需要有友誼 卻能給我們有伴的錯覺的科技 我們向科技求助 讓我們依自己覺得舒適的方式來與他人聯結 但我們並不覺得如此舒適 一切也不都在我們的掌控之中
These days, those phones in our pockets are changing our minds and hearts because they offer us three gratifying fantasies. One, that we can put our attention wherever we want it to be; two, that we will always be heard; and three, that we will never have to be alone. And that third idea, that we will never have to be alone, is central to changing our psyches. Because the moment that people are alone, even for a few seconds, they become anxious, they panic, they fidget, they reach for a device. Just think of people at a checkout line or at a red light. Being alone feels like a problem that needs to be solved. And so people try to solve it by connecting. But here, connection is more like a symptom than a cure. It expresses, but it doesn't solve, an underlying problem. But more than a symptom, constant connection is changing the way people think of themselves. It's shaping a new way of being.
現在,這些在我們口袋裏的手機 正在改變我們的心靈 因爲他們給我們 三個令人滿意的幻想 第一:我們可以將我們的注意力 放在我們想要的地方 第二:總是有人願意聆聽我們的意見 第三:我們永遠不會孤獨 而這第三個想法 “我們永遠不會孤獨” 是我們心理狀態改變的關鍵點 因爲一旦人們獨處 即便只有幾秒鐘 他們立刻變得焦慮,不安,驚慌 立刻要把手機拿出來用 例如在排隊的人們 或是等紅燈的人 獨處變得是個必須解決的問題 而人們試著用互相連綫來解決 但是這裡,有連綫 只是治標而不治本 只是個表象而沒有真正 去解決根本的問題 更甚之, 這個一直有連綫的表象 正在改變人們對自己的看法 正在塑造一個新的生活方式
The best way to describe it is, I share therefore I am. We use technology to define ourselves by sharing our thoughts and feelings even as we're having them. So before it was: I have a feeling, I want to make a call. Now it's: I want to have a feeling, I need to send a text. The problem with this new regime of "I share therefore I am" is that, if we don't have connection, we don't feel like ourselves. We almost don't feel ourselves. So what do we do? We connect more and more. But in the process, we set ourselves up to be isolated.
最恰當的描述是: 我分享故我在 我們用科技來為自己下定義 透過即時分享 我們的想法和感覺 所以在從前是: 我有個感覺 我想打個電話 現在是:我想要有個感覺 我必須送個簡訊 這個“我分享故我在”的 生活方式的問題在於 少了綫上的好友鏈接 我們就好像不是自己了 我們幾乎就無法感受自己 那麽我們會怎麽做?我們會找尋更多的鏈結 但在這樣的一個過程中 我們將自己變得的更加孤立
How do you get from connection to isolation? You end up isolated if you don't cultivate the capacity for solitude, the ability to be separate, to gather yourself. Solitude is where you find yourself so that you can reach out to other people and form real attachments. When we don't have the capacity for solitude, we turn to other people in order to feel less anxious or in order to feel alive. When this happens, we're not able to appreciate who they are. It's as though we're using them as spare parts to support our fragile sense of self. We slip into thinking that always being connected is going to make us feel less alone. But we're at risk, because actually it's the opposite that's true. If we're not able to be alone, we're going to be more lonely. And if we don't teach our children to be alone, they're only going to know how to be lonely.
爲什麽會從有連綫變成孤立呢? 你會孤立 是因為如果你不培養獨處的能力 和將自己抽離出來 重新沉澱的能力 獨處能讓你找到自我 體驗過孤獨後你才能夠走向人們 進而建立真正的連結 當我們沒有和自己獨處的能力 我們轉向別人只為使自己覺得較不焦慮 或感受到自己的存在 當這一切演變到這個地步時 我們已無法去欣賞周圍的人 我們只是在利用這些人 把他們當作是零件 是用來支持我們脆弱自我的零件 我們輕信說跟很多人在綫上連結 將會讓我們覺得不孤單 但我們這是在冒險 因爲我們認知的反面纔是真的 我們如果不能獨處 我們將更加孤單 我們如果不能教會我們的小孩獨處 他們將不會知道 如何處理孤獨
When I spoke at TED in 1996, reporting on my studies of the early virtual communities, I said, "Those who make the most of their lives on the screen come to it in a spirit of self-reflection." And that's what I'm calling for here, now: reflection and, more than that, a conversation about where our current use of technology may be taking us, what it might be costing us. We're smitten with technology. And we're afraid, like young lovers, that too much talking might spoil the romance. But it's time to talk. We grew up with digital technology and so we see it as all grown up. But it's not, it's early days. There's plenty of time for us to reconsider how we use it, how we build it. I'm not suggesting that we turn away from our devices, just that we develop a more self-aware relationship with them, with each other and with ourselves.
當我1996年在TED演講時 我報告了 我對早期虛擬社區的研究 我說,“那些善用他們 在電腦銀幕上人生的人 這麽做是基於一種自我反省的精神“ 而這正是我此時此地所要宣導的: 反省和更進一步去對話探討 看我們對科技的使用 會將我們帶到哪裏 我們將付出什麽代價 我們完全被科技所吸引 而我們也害怕,如同年輕人一般 怕言語太多會破壞浪漫氣氛 但是討論的時候到了 我們和數位科技一同成長 所以我們將它也視爲發育完成 但是並非如此,它仍是在發育初期 我們還有很多時間 可以來思考我們該如何使用科技 如何來建構科技 我不是在建議說 我們不該使用我們的行動裝置 而是說我們該建立一種較有自我意識的關係 在人與科技,在人與人之間 以及和我們自己
I see some first steps. Start thinking of solitude as a good thing. Make room for it. Find ways to demonstrate this as a value to your children. Create sacred spaces at home -- the kitchen, the dining room -- and reclaim them for conversation. Do the same thing at work. At work, we're so busy communicating that we often don't have time to think, we don't have time to talk, about the things that really matter. Change that. Most important, we all really need to listen to each other, including to the boring bits. Because it's when we stumble or hesitate or lose our words that we reveal ourselves to each other.
我已經有幾個初步的構想 首先就是把獨處 想成一件好事 替它保留一些空間 找一些方法來向你的小孩展示 說這個是寶貴有價值的 在家裏劃定一些神聖的區域 廚房、飯廳 把這些區域界定為對話空間 在你的辦公地點也如法炮製 在上班時我們是如此地忙於溝通公務 我們不太有時間來思考 我們沒有時間來討論 真正重要的事 而這該有所改變 最重要的是我們真該好好傾聼 大大小小甚至於無聊的事 因爲只有當我們結結巴巴 猶豫或無言的時候 我們才是跟對方顯示我們的真本性
Technology is making a bid to redefine human connection -- how we care for each other, how we care for ourselves -- but it's also giving us the opportunity to affirm our values and our direction. I'm optimistic. We have everything we need to start. We have each other. And we have the greatest chance of success if we recognize our vulnerability. That we listen when technology says it will take something complicated and promises something simpler.
科技讓人們有機會 來重新定義人際間的連結 如何去關愛對方 和如何來關愛我們自己 同時也給了我們 確認我們價值 和確認我們方向的機會 我是很樂觀的 我們已經擁有需要的一切 我們互相擁有 並且有絕佳的成功機會 只要我們能承認自己的軟弱 我們更該彼此聆聽 特別是當科技承諾說 它會將複雜的 轉換成簡單的
So in my work, I hear that life is hard, relationships are filled with risk. And then there's technology -- simpler, hopeful, optimistic, ever-young. It's like calling in the cavalry. An ad campaign promises that online and with avatars, you can "Finally, love your friends love your body, love your life, online and with avatars." We're drawn to virtual romance, to computer games that seem like worlds, to the idea that robots, robots, will someday be our true companions. We spend an evening on the social network instead of going to the pub with friends.
在我的研究裏 我聽到說生活是辛苦的 人際關係是充滿風險的 相對的,科技是 更簡單、充滿希望 樂觀的、永遠年輕的 這就像我們的完美救兵 有一個廣告說 在綫上用你的替身 你將可以“愛你的朋友 愛你的身體,愛你的生活 快來上綫使用你的替身” 網上虛擬的愛情 做得跟真實世界一樣的網路遊戲 還有那個有一天可以是我們知心伴侶的機器人 這些東西深深地吸引著我們 我們寧願花一整個晚上在社交網路上 而不願和朋友去pub見面
But our fantasies of substitution have cost us. Now we all need to focus on the many, many ways technology can lead us back to our real lives, our own bodies, our own communities, our own politics, our own planet. They need us. Let's talk about how we can use digital technology, the technology of our dreams, to make this life the life we can love.
這個用替代品就好的幻想 最終會讓我們付出代價的 現在我們都該多關注 各式各樣的方法 運用科技將我們帶囘 我們真實的生活,我們真實的身體 我們自己的社區 我們自己的政治 我們的星球 這些都需要我們 讓我們來談談 我們如何能用數位科技 這個我們夢想的科技 來使我們的生活 真正成爲我們的所愛
Thank you.
謝謝
(Applause)
(掌聲)