(Musik) Dette er den menneskelige test en test for at se, om du er et menneske.
(Music) This is the human test, a test to see if you are a human.
Venligst hæve din hånd, hvis noget gælder for dig. Er vi enige? Ja? Så lad os begynde.
Please raise your hand if something applies to you. Are we agreed? Yes? Then let's begin.
Har du nogensinde spist en bussemand længe efter din barndom? (Latter) Det er okay, det er sikkert her.
Have you ever eaten a booger long past your childhood? (Laughter) It's okay, it's safe here.
Har du nogensinde lavet en lille, mærkelig lyd når du husket noget pinligt?
Have you ever made a small, weird sound when you remembered something embarrassing?
Har du nogensinde med vilje skrevet med småt det første bogstav i en SMS med henblik på at komme på tværs som trist eller skuffet? (Latter) Okay.
Have you ever purposely lowercased the first letter of a text in order to come across as sad or disappointed? (Laughter) Okay.
Har du nogensinde sluttet en tekst med en punktum som et tegn på aggression? Okay. Punktum.
Have you ever ended a text with a period as a sign of aggression? Okay. Period.
Har du nogensinde leet eller smilet når nogen sagde noget lortet til dig og derefter tilbragte resten af dagen med at tænke over hvorfor du reagerede på den måde? Ja.
Have you ever laughed or smiled when someone said something shitty to you and then spent the rest of the day wondering why you reacted that way? Yes.
Har du nogensinde følt at du har mistet din flybillet tusind gange mens du gik fra check-in til gaten? Ja.
Have you ever seemed to lose your airplane ticket a thousand times as you walked from the check-in to the gate? Yes.
Har du nogensinde trukket et par bukser på for så meget senere at indse, at der sad en løs sok fast mod din lår? (Latter.) Godt.
Have you ever put on a pair of pants and then much later realized that there was a loose sock smushed up against your thigh? (Laughter) Good.
Har du nogensinde prøvet at gætte en andens adgangskode så mange gange, at det låste deres konto? Mmm.
Have you ever tried to guess someone else's password so many times that it locked their account? Mmm.
Har du nogensinde haft en nagende fornemmelse, at en dag du vil blive opdaget som et bedrageri? Ja, du er sikker her.
Have you ever had a nagging feeling that one day you will be discovered as a fraud? Yes, it's safe here.
Har du nogensinde håbet, at der var en vis evne du ikke havde opdaget endnu og du var bare var naturlig god til? Mmm.
Have you ever hoped that there was some ability you hadn't discovered yet that you were just naturally great at? Mmm.
Har du nogensinde ødelagt noget i det virkelige liv, og så fandt dig selv søgende efter en "fortryd"-knap i det virkelige liv?
Have you ever broken something in real life, and then found yourself looking for an "undo" button in real life?
Har du nogensinde forlagt din TED badge og derefter straks begyndte at forestille hvordan en tre dages Vancouver ferie ser ud?
Have you ever misplaced your TED badge and then immediately started imagining what a three-day Vancouver vacation might look like?
Har du nogensinde undret dig over hvordan en person, du troede var så almindelig pludselig kunne blive så smuk?
Have you ever marveled at how someone you thought was so ordinary could suddenly become so beautiful?
Så du nogensinde på telefonen og smilede som en idiot mens du sms'ede med nogen? Har du nogensinde efterfølgende sms'ede til denne person sætningen "Jeg stirrer på telefonen og smiler som en idiot? "
Have you ever stared at your phone smiling like an idiot while texting with someone? Have you ever subsequently texted that person the phrase "I'm staring at the phone smiling like an idiot"?
Har du nogensinde været fristet til at, og derefter gav efter for fristelsen, af at kigge i en andens telefon?
Have you ever been tempted to, and then gave in to the temptation, of looking through someone else's phone?
Har du nogensinde haft en samtale med dig selv og så pludselig indse du er et rigtig røvhul mod dig selv?
Have you ever had a conversation with yourself and then suddenly realized you're a real asshole to yourself?
(Latter)
(Laughter)
Har din telefon nogensinde løbede tør for batteri i midten af et argument, og det følte slags ligesom telefonen var ved at bryde op med jer begge to?
Has your phone ever run out of battery in the middle of an argument, and it sort of felt like the phone was breaking up with both of you?
Har du nogensinde tænkt at arbejde på et problem mellem jer var forgæves fordi det skal bare være nemmere end dette, eller det er meningen at bare skulle ske naturligt? Har du nogensinde indset, at meget lidt, i det lange løb, bare sker naturligt?
Have you ever thought that working on an issue between you was futile because it should just be easier than this, or this is supposed to happen just naturally? Have you ever realized that very little, in the long run, just happens naturally?
Har du nogensinde vågnet op saligt og pludselig blevet oversvømmet af den forfærdelige erindring at nogen havde forladt dig?
Have you ever woken up blissfully and suddenly been flooded by the awful remembrance that someone had left you?
Har du nogensinde mistet evnen til at forestille sig en fremtid uden en person som ikke længere var i dit liv? Har du nogensinde kigget tilbage på denne begivenhed med den triste smil af efterår og erkendelsen af, at fremtiderne vil ske alligevel?
Have you ever lost the ability to imagine a future without a person that no longer was in your life? Have you ever looked back on that event with the sad smile of autumn and the realization that futures will happen regardless?
Tillykke. I har nu gennemført testen. I er alle mennesker.
Congratulations. You have now completed the test. You are all human.
(Bifald)
(Applause)