OK, I have a question for all of us. You ready? Is all winning success?
好,我要问大家一个问题, 你们准备好了吗? 所有的获胜都代表成功吗?
(Murmurs)
(低语)
Oh.
哦。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Whoa. OK.
喔,好的。
I am the recently retired head coach of the UCLA Women's Gymnastics Team, a position that I held for 29 years.
我是最近刚退休的 加州大学洛杉矶分校 女子体操队的主教练, 我在这个职位任教了 29 年。
(Applause)
(鼓掌)
Thank you.
谢谢。
And during my tenure, I experienced a lot of winning. I led our team to seven National Championships, I was inducted into the UCLA Athletic Hall of Fame and I was even voted the Coach of the Century by the Pac-12 Conference.
在我任职期间, 尝过很多次胜利的滋味。 我带领我的团队 赢得了 7 次全国冠军, 我被编入了学校的运动员名人堂, 甚至当选太平洋十二校联盟 本世纪最佳教练。
(Applause)
(鼓掌)
Winning is really, really, like, really, really fun.
获胜真的,真的, 非常,非常让人愉快。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
But I am here to share my insight: winning does not always equal success. All across America and around the world, we have a crisis in the win-at-all-cost cultures that we have created. In our schools, in our businesses, in politics, winning at all cost has become acceptable. As a society, we honor the people at the top of the pyramid. We effusively applaud those people who win championships and elections and awards. But sadly, quite often, those same people are leaving their institutions as damaged human beings. Sadly, with straight A's, kids are leaving school damaged. With awards and medals, athletes often leave their teams damaged, emotionally, mentally, not just physically. And with huge profits, employees often leave their companies damaged. We have become so hyperfocused on that end result, and when the end result is a win, the human component of how we got there often gets swept under the proverbial rug, and so does the damage.
但我在这里想要分享我的见解: 获胜并不总是等于成功。 美国和全世界的人们 正处在一场我们自己遭致的危机中, 那就是要不惜一切代价 去获胜的文化。 在我们的学校, 商业,和政治领域中, 大家逐渐接受了 不惜一切代价获胜的文化。 在我们社会里, 我们尊重位于金字塔尖的人。 我们过度地为那些赢得 冠军、选举和奖项的人喝彩。 但令人难过的是, 往往也是这些人, 最后遍体鳞伤地 离开了原来的团队。 同样令人难过的是, 成绩优异的学生 在离开校园时背负着创伤; 运动员获得荣誉和奖项后, 也时常伤痕累累的离队, 除了身体,情绪和心理上 也经受着伤痛的折磨。 在利润丰厚的公司, 员工也时常选择身心俱疲地离开。 我们过于专注于最终的结果, 当最终迎来胜利时, 那些背后的功臣 却没有得到应有的表彰, 受到的伤害也被隐藏了起来。
So I'm calling for a time-out. Time-out. We need to redefine success. Real success is developing champions in life for our world, win or lose.
所以我要呼吁,暂停一下。 暂停一下。 我们需要重新定义成功。 真正的成功是为 世界培养人生赢家, 不论输赢。
(Applause)
(鼓掌)
Real success is developing champions in life, not for your team, not for your business and, I'm sad to tell you, not even for your Christmas card bragging rights. Sorry.
真正的成功是培养人生的赢家, 不是为了队伍, 也不是为了公司, 更不是为了在圣诞卡片上炫耀。 抱歉。
So how do we do this? First of all, you may be able to dictate your way to a win, but you can't dictate your way to success.
那么我们要如何做? 首先,你也许能决定获胜的方法, 却不能支配你成功的方式。
Let me take you back to 1990, when I was first appointed the head coach of the UCLA Women's Gymnastics Team. And I would like to share with you that I've never done gymnastics. I grew up in the world of ballet. I have never done a cartwheel, and I couldn't teach you how to do a proper cartwheel.
让我带你们回到 1990 年, 那一年,我刚接手了 加州大学洛杉矶分校 女子体操队的主教练职位。 我想跟你们分享的是, 我从来没有练过体操。 我是在芭蕾舞的世界中长大的。 我从来没有做过侧手翻, 也无法教你怎么做 一个正确的侧手翻。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
It's sadly true. And I knew nothing about how to develop a team culture. The best I could do was mimic other coaches who had won. And so I became tough-talking, tough-minded, relentless, unsympathetic, bullish, unempathetic and oftentimes downright mean. I acted like a head coach whose only thought was to figure out how to win.
很遗憾,却是事实。 我对如何发展团队文化一窍不通。 我能做的至多是 模仿其他获胜的教练。 于是我变得刀子嘴, 却没豆腐心,毫不留情, 不近人情, 气势汹汹,居高临下, 有时甚至很苛刻。 我表现就像个主教练, 只想着要如何获胜。
My first few seasons as a head coach were abysmal, and after putting up with my brash coaching style for a few years, our team asked me for a team meeting. Well, I love team meetings, so I said, "Yay! Let's have a team meeting." And for two solid hours, they gave me examples of how my arrogance was hurtful and demeaning. Yeah, not yay. They explained to me that they wanted to be supported, not belittled. They wanted to be coached up, not torn down. They wanted to be motivated, not pressured or bullied. That was my time-out, and I chose to change.
我作为主教练的头几个赛季 实在非常糟糕, 我的队伍在忍受了我几年 自以为是的教练风格后, 邀请我参加了一个团队会议。 我很喜欢开团队会议, 所以我说,“好啊!我们来开会吧。” 整整两个小时, 他们列举了很多例子,让我知道 自己的自大让他们感到受伤和轻视, 这次是“好吧……”,不是“好啊”。 他们向我解释, 他们需要支持, 而非贬低。 他们想要被督促,而非被摧毁。 他们想要被激励, 而非被施压或威逼。 这是我的暂停, 我选择做出改变。
Being a dogmatic dictator may produce compliant, good little soldiers, but it doesn't develop champions in life. It is so much easier, in any walk of life, to dictate and give orders than to actually figure out how to motivate someone to want to be better. And the reason is -- we all know this -- motivation takes a really long time to take root. But when it does, it is character-building and life-altering.
做一个独断专行的独裁者, 也许会获得顺从、优秀的小士兵, 但它无法培养人生赢家。 在生活的各方面, 独裁和发号施令 比切实想出如何激励某人, 想要去变得更好, 要容易多了。 原因在于——我们都知道这点—— 激励真的需要很长的时间 去生根。 但一旦扎根, 它就会塑造品格 和改变人生。
I realized that I needed to fortify our student-athletes as whole human beings, not just athletes who won. So success for me shifted from only focusing on winning to developing my coaching philosophy, which is developing champions in life through sport. And I knew if I did this well enough, that champion mentality would translate to the competition floor. And it did. The key ingredient was to develop trust through patience, respectful honesty and accountability -- all of the ingredients that go into tough love.
我意识到,需要加强学生运动员 的整体素质, 而非只是为了获胜。 所以成功对我来说, 从只关注于输赢 转向了发展我的教练哲学, 即通过体育来培养人生赢家。 我知道如果我做得足够好, 那种赢家心态将会 在赛场上得到体现, 事实也确实如此。 关键在于通过耐心, 诚实的尊重, 以及负责 去建立信任—— 所有这些关键因素 都可以是严厉的爱。
Speaking of tough love, Katelyn Ohashi is a perfect example of this. You may have all seen her floor routine. It has had over 150 million views. And the consensus is, her performance is pure joy. However, when Katelyn came to UCLA, she was broken in body, mind and spirit. She had grown up in a stereotypical, very high-level athletic world, and she was damaged. So when Katelyn came to UCLA her freshman year, she found her inner rebel quite well, to the point where she was no longer able to do gymnastics at the level at which she was recruited. And I will never forget a team meeting we had halfway through her freshman season. We were in there with the team, the coaching staff, the support staff, sports psychologist, and Katelyn very clearly and unapologetically said, "I just don't want to be great again."
谈到严厉的爱, 凯特琳(Katelyn Ohashi) 是一个很好的例子。 你可能看过她的地板动作, 她的视频有 1.5 亿次观看量。 大家都认为她乐在其中。 然而,当凯特琳来到加州大学 洛杉矶分校时,她的状态很糟。 她在一个刻板的、 非常高强度的运动世界中长大, 她已经身心俱疲。 所以当凯特琳来到 加州大学洛杉矶分校读大一的时候, 她的内心变得有点叛逆, 体操表现也不如刚入队时 那样出色了。 我永远不会忘记 我们在她新生季过半时 开的一次团队会议。 我们整个团队都出席了, 包括教练组,内勤组, 运动心理学家, 凯特琳面无愧色地说: “我就是不想再次变得伟大。”
I felt like I got sucker punched. My first thought was, "Then why the heck am I going to honor your scholarship?" It was a really snarky thought, and thankfully I didn't say it out loud, because then I had clarity. Katelyn didn't hate gymnastics. Katelyn hated everything associated with being great. Katelyn didn't want to be a winner, because winning at all cost had cost her her joy. My job was to figure out how to motivate her to want to be great again, by helping her redefine success.
我觉得自己仿佛挨了当头一棒。 我的第一个想法是, “那我为什么要给你奖学金呢?” 这真是个非常刻薄的想法, 幸亏我没大声说出来, 因为随后我搞清楚了。 凯特琳不是讨厌体操。 她讨厌的是任何 与变伟大相关的东西。 凯特琳不想获胜, 因为不计成本地获胜 牺牲了她的快乐。 我的工作就是要通过帮助她 重新定义成功, 激励她想要再创辉煌。
My enthusiasm for that challenge turned into determination when one day Katelyn looked me in the eye and said, "Ms. Val, I just want you to know, everything you tell me to do, I do the exact opposite."
而让我对这个挑战的热情 变成了决心的是, 有天凯特琳看着我的眼睛说, “瓦尔女士,我只想让你知道, 我处处都想和你唱反调。”
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Yeah, it was like, yeah, Katelyn, challenge accepted. OK.
没错。我只好在心里说, 好吧凯特琳,我接受你的挑战。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
And further proof that dictating was not going to win. So I embarked on the painfully slow process of building trust and proving to her that first and foremost I cared about her as a whole human being. Part of my strategy was to only talk to Katelyn about gymnastics in the gym. Outside of the gym, we talked about everything else: school, boys, families, friends, hobbies. I encouraged her to find things outside of her sport that brought her joy. And it was so cool to see the process of Katelyn Ohashi literally blossom before our eyes. And through that process, she rediscovered her self-love and self-worth. And slowly, she was able to bring that joy back to her gymnastics. She went on to earn the NCAA title on floor, and she helped our team win our seventh NCAA championship in 2018.
这进一步证明了命令起不了作用。 于是我走上了建立信任 这条痛苦的漫漫长路, 也为了向她证明我最在乎的 是她这个人本身。 我的策略之一是 只在体育馆里讨论体操。 在体育馆外, 我们讨论其他任何话题: 学校,男孩,家庭,朋友,爱好。 我鼓励她寻找体育之外 能带给她快乐的东西。 看到凯特琳 在我们眼前开始慢慢绽放, 这感觉真是太美妙了。 通过这个过程, 她重新发现了自爱 和自我价值。 慢慢的,她能够把那种欢乐 带回到她的体操训练中。 她赢得了美国大学体育协会(NCAA) 自由体操比赛的冠军, 并帮助我们队在 2018 年 赢得了第七次 NCAA 冠军。
So --
所以——
Thank you.
谢谢。
(Applause)
(鼓掌)
So let's think about the Katelyn Ohashis in your life. Let's think about those people under your care and your guidance. What are you telling your kids on the car ride home? That car ride home has much more impact than you know. Are you focusing on the end result, or are you excited to use that time to help your child develop into a champion? It's very simple: you will know you're focusing on the end result if you ask questions about the end result. "Did you win?" "How many points did you score?" "Did you get an A?" If you truly are motivated about helping your child develop into a champion, you will ask questions about the experience and the process, like, "What did you learn today?" "Did you help a teammate?" And, my favorite question, "Did you figure out how to have fun at working really, really hard?"
那么让我们想想你生活中的凯特琳。 让我们想想那些 在你的照料和指导下的人。 在回家的路上你怎么跟孩子说的? 接送孩子回家 那段路程的影响超过你的想象。 你是关注最终结果, 还是会很兴奋地利用那个时间 把你的孩子变成人生赢家? 这非常简单: 如果你问孩子的是结果, 就说明你只在乎最终结果。 “你赢了吗?” “你得了几分?” “你的成绩是 A 吗?” 如果你是真的想帮孩子成为赢家, 你问的问题就会是关于经验 和过程。 比如,“你今天学到了什么?” “你帮助其他队友了吗?” 而我最爱的问题是, “你在非常,非常努力时, 有乐在其中吗?”
And then the key is to be very still and listen to their response. I believe that one of the greatest gifts we can give another human being is to silence our minds from the need to be right or the need to formulate the appropriate response and truly listen when someone else is talking. And in silencing our minds, we actually hear our own fears and inadequacies, which can help us formulate our response with more clarity and empathy.
然后,关键是要 专心倾听他们的回应。 我认为我们可以 给予别人最好的礼物 就是不要觉得凡事都必须 如我们想的那样正确, 也不需要刻意营造 恰当的回应方式, 而是当别人讲话时, 用心倾听。 摈弃自己的那些想法, 能帮助我们听到自己的恐惧和不足, 让我们开始思考,该怎样更清楚、 更有同情心的回应。
Kyla Ross, another one of our gymnasts, is one of the greatest gymnasts in the history of the sport. She's the only athlete to have earned the trifecta: she's a national champion, a world champion and an Olympic champion. She's also not one for small talk, so I was a bit surprised one day when she came to my office, sat on the couch and just started talking -- first about her major, then about graduate school and then about everything else that seemed to pop into her mind. My inner voice whispered to me that something was on her mind, and if I was still and gave her enough time, it would come out. And it did. It was the first time that Kyla had shared with anyone that she had been sexually abused by Larry Nassar, the former USA Gymnastics team doctor, who was later convicted of being a serial child molester. Kyla came forward and joined the army of Nassar survivors who shared their stories and used their voices to invoke positive change for our world.
凯拉·罗斯(Kyla Ross), 我们的另一位体操运动员, 是同类项目体育史上 最伟大的体操运动员之一。 她是唯一的一位”三冠王“运动员: 她是国家冠军, 世界冠军 和奥林匹克冠军。 她也不喜欢闲聊, 所以当她有天来到 我办公室时,我有点惊讶。 她坐在沙发上, 开始主动交谈起来—— 首先是关于她的专业, 然后是关于研究生院, 再然后是其他任何进入 她脑海中的话题。 我内在的声音告诉我, 她心中一定有什么事情, 假如我保持安静, 给她足够的时间, 她就会吐露心声。 确实如此。 这是凯拉第一次跟别人分享 她被前美国体操队队医 拉里·纳萨尔(Larry Nassar) 性虐待的事, 他后来被判犯有 一系列猥亵儿童罪。 凯拉站出来, 加入了纳萨尔幸存者 的阵营, 去分享她们的故事, 并且使用她们的声音 为我们的世界带来了积极的变化。
I felt it was extremely important at that time to provide a safe space for Kyla and our team. And so I chose to talk about this in a few team meetings. Later that year, we won the national championship, and after we did, Kyla came up to me and shared with me the fact that she felt one reason that we'd won was because we had addressed the elephant in the room, the tragedy that had not only rocked the world but that had liberated the truths and the memories in herself and in so many of her friends and her peers. As Kyla said, "Ms. Val, I literally felt myself walk taller as the season went on, and when I walked onto that championship floor, I felt invincible." Simply --
我感到在那个时刻, 为凯拉和我们的团队 提供安全空间至关重要。 所以我选择在少数几个 团队会议上讨论这个话题。 同年,我们赢得了全国冠军, 在我们赢得冠军后, 凯拉过来和我分享, 她觉得我们之所以能赢, 是因为勇于直面困境, 这个悲剧不仅震惊了世界, 但也解放了她和她如此多的朋友 和同伴们内心的 真相和记忆。 正如凯拉所说, “瓦尔女士,这个赛季 我觉得自己更上了一层楼, 当我步入决赛时, 我觉得自己是不可战胜的。” 只是——
(Applause)
(鼓掌)
Simply because she had been heard.
只是因为有人愿意倾听她了。
As parents, as coaches, as leaders, we can no longer lead from a place where winning is our only metric of success, where our ego sits center stage, because it has been proven that that process produces broken human beings. And I emphatically know that it is absolutely possible to produce and train champions in life in every single walk of life without compromising the human spirit.
无论是父母,教练, 还是领袖, 我们不能仅仅以获胜 当作成功与否的考量, 也不能只考虑到自己的自尊。 因为事实已经证明了, 那个过程只能会让他人受伤。 我很清楚, 我们绝对可以 在生活中的各行各业 都去培养和训练人生赢家, 而无需牺牲人类的精神。
(Applause)
(鼓掌)
It starts with defining success for yourself and those under your care and then consistently self-examining whether your actions are in alignment with your goals.
必须先为你自己和那些 受你照顾的人定义成功, 并且不间断地 自我检查你的行动 是否和你的目标一致。
We are all coaches in some capacity. We all have a collective responsibility to develop champions in life for our world. That is what real success looks like, and in the world of athletics, that is what we call a win-win.
在某种程度上,我们都是教练。 我们都承担着共同的责任, 去为我们的世界培养人生赢家。 这才是真正的成功, 并且在运动员的世界中, 这就是我们所说的双赢。
Thank you.
谢谢。
(Applause)
(鼓掌)