When my 91-year-old mother, Elia, moved in with me, I thought I was doing her a service. In fact, it was the other way around. You see, Mom was having issues with memory loss and accepting her age. She looked defeated. I tried to make her as comfortable as possible, but when I was at my easel, painting, I would peek over and see her just ... there. She'd be staring at nothing in particular. I'd watch her slowly climb the stairs, and she wasn't the mom I grew up with. I saw, instead, a frail, tiny, old woman.
當我九十一歲的媽媽 艾莉亞搬來跟我一起住時, 我認為我是在服務她。 事實卻正好相反。 我媽媽有失憶的問題, 而且她無法接受她的年紀。 她看起來很挫折。 我盡可能讓她舒服些, 但當我在畫架前畫畫時, 我會偷瞄,看到她就在「那裡」。 她並沒有真的在看什麼。 我會看著她慢慢地爬上樓梯, 那不是我成長過程中的那個媽媽。 取而代之,我看到的是一個虛弱、 瘦小的老婦人。
A few weeks went by, and I needed a break from my painting. I wanted to play with the new camera I had just bought. I was excited -- it had all sorts of dials, buttons and settings I wanted to learn, so I set up my tripod facing this large mirror, blocking the doorway to the only bathroom in the house.
幾週過去了,我作畫 也需要休息一下。 我想要玩玩我剛買的相機。 我很興奮——它有 各式各樣的控制器、 按鈕、設定,我想好好學一下, 我把我的三腳架設定好, 面向這面大鏡子, 擋住了整間房子中 通往浴室的唯一通道。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
After a while, I hear, (Imitating Italian accent) "I need to use the washroom."
不久後,我聽到: 「我要上廁所。」 (模仿義大利口音)
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
"Five minutes, Mom. I need to do this." 15 minutes later, and I hear, again, "I need to use the washroom." "Five more minutes." Then this happened.
「五分鐘就好,媽。 我得把這弄好。」 十五分鐘後,我再次聽到: 「我要上廁所。」 「再五分鐘。」 接著就變成這樣。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
(Applause)
(掌聲)
And this.
還有這樣。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
And then, this.
接著,這樣。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
I had my "aha!" moment. We connected. We had something tangible we could do together.
我有了「啊哈!」的一刻。 我們連結了。 有了件很實在的事情, 是我們可以一起做的。
My mom was born in a small mountain village in central Italy, where her parents had land and sheep. At a young age, her father died of pneumonia, leaving his wife and two daughters alone with all the heavy chores. They found that they couldn't cope. So a very hard decision was made. Mom, the oldest, at 13, was married off to a complete stranger twice her age. She went from being just a kid and was pushed into adulthood. Mom had her first child when she was only 16.
我媽媽是在義大利中部山區的 小村落中出生的, 她的父母在那裡擁有土地和羊群。 她很小的時候,她的爸爸 就因為肺炎過世, 把他的農莊雜務留給 他的妻子和兩個女兒。 她們發現她們實在承受不了。 所以做了一個很艱難的決策。 我媽是長女,十三歲, 出嫁給年齡是她兩倍的陌生人。 她本來只是個孩子, 被迫長大為成人。 她才十六歲時就有了第一個孩子。
Years later, and now living in Toronto, Mom got work in a clothing factory and soon became manager of a very large sewing department. And because it was full of immigrant workers, Mom taught herself words from translation books. She then practiced them in French, Greek, Spanish, Portuguese, Danish, Polish, Russian, Romanian, Hungarian, all around the house. I was in awe of her focus and determination to succeed at whatever she loved to do.
數年後一直到現在, 媽媽都住在多倫多, 在一間衣服工廠工作, 很快就在一個非常大的 縫紉部門當上主管。 因為很多工人都是移民者, 媽媽透過翻譯書來自學字詞。 接著,她在家裡到處練習, 用法語、希臘語、西班牙語、 葡萄牙語、丹麥語、波蘭語、 俄語、羅馬尼亞語、匈牙利語。 我好敬畏她對於自己熱愛的事 所投入的專注和成功的決心。
After that bathroom "aha!" moment, I practiced my newfound camera skills with Mom as portrait model. Through all of this, she talked, and I listened. She'd tell me about her early childhood and how she was feeling now. We had each other's attention. Mom was losing her short-term memory, but was better recalling her younger years. I'd ask, and she would tell me stories. I listened, and I was her audience. I got ideas. I wrote them down, and I sketched them out. I showed her what to do by acting out the scenarios myself. We would then stage them. So she posed, and I learned more about photography. Mom loved the process, the acting. She felt worthy again, she felt wanted and needed. And she certainly wasn't camera-shy.
在浴室的「啊哈!」時刻之後, 我讓我媽媽當模特兒, 來練習我新發現的相機技巧。 在這個過程中,她說,我聽。 她跟我說她孩童時期的事, 以及她現在的感受。 我們擁有彼此的注意力。 媽媽失去的是她的短期記憶, 但她較會回憶起她更早些的時期。 只要我問,她就會跟我說故事。 我會傾聽,我是她的聽眾。 我有想法產生。 我會把想法寫下來, 再把它們畫出來。 我會親自把情境給演出來, 用這種方式告訴她該做什麼。 接著我們就會開始上演。 她會擺姿勢, 而我會學到更多攝影。 媽媽很愛這個過程,演戲的部分。 她再次感到自己有價值, 有人想要她、需要她。 她在鏡頭前一點也不害羞。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
(Applause)
(掌聲)
Mom laughed hysterically at this one.
拍這張時,媽媽笑到歇斯底里。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
The idea for this image came from an old German film I'd seen, about a submarine, called "Das Boot." As you can see, what I got instead looked more like "E.T."
這張影像的想法來自於 我看過的一部德國老片, 《從海底出擊》, 是部關於潛水艇的電影。 你們可以看到,我拍出的結果 更像《外星人》的 E.T.。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
So I put this image aside, thinking it was a total failure, because it didn't reach my particular vision. But Mom laughed so hard, I eventually, for fun, decided to post it online anyway. It got an incredible amount of attention.
我把這張影像放到一邊去, 認為它完全是失敗之作, 因為它沒有達到 我想像中的那個樣子。 但我媽媽笑得好用力, 最終,為了好玩, 我還是決定把它放上網。 它得到了非常大量的關注。
Now, with any Alzheimer's, dementia, there's a certain amount of frustration and sadness for everyone involved. This is Mom's silent scream. Her words to me one day were, "Why is my head so full of things to say, but before they reach my mouth, I forget what they are?" "Why is my head so full of things to say, but before they reach my mouth, I forget what they are?"
不論是阿茲海默、失智症, 任何相關的人都免不了 會有一定的挫折感和感傷。 這是媽媽的沉默尖叫。 有一天,她對我說的是: 「為什麼我的腦中滿滿都是 我想要說的東西, 但它們到我的嘴巴之前, 我就已經把它們都忘了?」 「為什麼我的腦中滿滿都是 我想要說的東西, 但它們到我的嘴巴之前, 我就已經把它們都忘了?」
(Applause)
(掌聲)
Now, as full-time care partner and full-time painter, I had my frustrations too.
身為全職的照護夥伴 以及全職的畫家, 我也會有我的挫折感。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
But to balance off all the difficulties, we played. That was Mom's happy place. And I needed her to be there, too.
但我們會用玩樂來平衡 所有這些難處。 那是我媽媽能感到快樂的地方。 我也需要她在那裡。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Now, Mom was also preoccupied with aging. She would say, "How did I get so old, so fast?"
媽媽會一直想著「變老」這件事。 她會說:「我怎麼會 這麼快就變得這麼老?」
(Audience sighs)
(觀眾嘆氣)
"So old." "So fast."
「這麼老。」 「這麼快。」
I also got Mom to model for my oil paintings. This painting is called "The Dressmaker." I remember, as a kid, Mom sewing clothes for the whole family on this massive, heavy sewing machine that was bolted to the floor in the basement. Many nights, I would go downstairs and bring my schoolwork with me. I would sit behind her in this overstuffed chair. The low hum of the huge motor and the repetitive stitching sounds were comforting to me. When Mom moved into my house, I saved this machine and stored it in my studio for safekeeping. This painting brought me back to my childhood. The interesting part was that it was now Mom, sitting behind me, watching me paint her working on that very same machine she sewed at when I sat behind her, watching her sew, 50 years earlier.
我也讓媽媽當我油畫的模特兒。 這幅畫叫做「裁縫師」。 我記得,我小時候, 媽媽會為全家人縫衣服, 用的是一台又大又重的縫紉機, 放在地下室,固定在地板上。 許多晚上,我會帶著 我的學校作業下樓去。 我會坐在她身後一張 墊得又軟又厚的椅子上。 巨大馬達的低沉嗡嗡聲, 以及不斷重覆的縫紉聲, 很能安撫我。 當媽媽搬到我家來時, 我保存了這台機器, 把它保存在我的工作室裡。 這幅畫把我帶回了我的童年。 有趣的是, 現在是我媽媽坐在我身後, 看著我畫她, 我現在用的就是當年 她用來縫紉的機器, 只是當時是我坐在 她身後,看著她縫紉, 那是五十年前。
I also gave Mom a project to do, to keep her busy and thinking. I provided her with a small camera and asked her to take at least 10 pictures a day of anything she wanted. These are Mom's photographs. She's never held a camera in her life before this. She was 93. We would sit down together and talk about our work. I would try to explain
我也給了媽媽一個專案計畫, 讓她能有事可以忙且持續思考。 我給了她一台小型相機, 要她每天至少拍十張相片, 拍任何她想拍的東西。 這些是媽媽拍的照片。 在這之前,她從來沒有拿過相機。 她九十三歲。 我們會一起坐下來, 談論我們的作品。 我會試著解釋
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
how and why I did them, the meaning, the feeling, why they were relevant. Mom, on the other hand, would just bluntly say, "sì," "no," "bella" or "bruta."
我如何/為什麼做這些作品, 意義是什麼、感覺是什麼、 這些有什麼重要的。 另一方面,媽媽只會很直率地說: 「是。」 「不。」 「美麗」或「畜牲」。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
I watched her facial expressions. She always had the last say, with words or without.
我看著她的面部表情。 任何事最後一定由她決定, 不論是不是用言語表達。
This voyage of discovery hasn't ended with Mom. She is now in an assisted living residence, a 10-minute walk away from my home. I visit her every other day. Her dementia had gotten to the point where it was unsafe for her to be in my house. It has a lot of stairs. She doesn't know my name anymore. (Voice breaking) But you know what? That's OK. She still recognizes my face and always has a big smile when she sees me.
媽媽的這項發現之旅 並沒有到此結束。 她現在住在一間 輔助生活的療養機構, 離我家只要走路十分鐘。 我每隔一天就去看她一次。 她失智的狀況已經到了 住在我家對她來說 並不安全的程度。 我家有很多樓梯。 她也叫不出我的名字了。 (聲音中斷)但, 你知道嗎?那沒關係。 她仍然認得我的臉孔, 當她看到我時, 總會露出大大的微笑。
(Applause)
(掌聲)
(Applause ends)
(掌聲結束)
I don't take pictures of her anymore. That wouldn't be fair or ethical on my part. And she wouldn't understand the reasons for doing them. My father, my brother, (Voice breaking) my nephew, my partner and my best friend, all passed away suddenly. And I didn't have the chance to tell them how much I appreciated and loved them. With Mom, I need to be there and make it a very long goodbye.
我不再拍她的照片了。 我這樣做是不公平或不道德的。 她不會了解做這些事的理由。 我爸爸、 我兄弟、 (聲音中斷)我姪子、 我的另一半,和我最好的朋友, 都突然間就過世了。 我沒有機會 告訴他們我有多感謝他們、愛他們。 對我媽媽,我得要在她身邊, 用很長的時間來說再見。
(Applause)
(掌聲)
(Applause ends)
(掌聲結束)
For me, it's about being present and really listening. Dependents want to feel a part of something, anything. It doesn't need to be something exceptionally profound that's shared -- it could be as simple as walks together. Give them a voice of interaction, participation, and a feeling of belonging. Make the time meaningful. Life, it's about wanting to live and not waiting to die.
對我來說,重點是 要陪在身邊且能真正傾聽。 受撫養的家屬會想要有 參與某件事,任何事的感覺。 與他們分享的不見得要是 特別了不起的事—— 像是一起散步這麼簡單的事也可以。 給他們發言權, 讓他們互動、參與, 找到歸屬感。 讓時間有意義。 人生,重點是想要活著, 而不是等待死亡。
(Applause)
(掌聲)
(Applause ends)
(掌聲結束)
Can I get a wave and a smile from everyone, please?
能不能請大家對我 揮揮手,微笑一個?
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
This is for you, Mom.
這是給你的,媽媽。
(Camera clicks)
(相機快門聲)
(Applause)
(掌聲)