When my 91-year-old mother, Elia, moved in with me, I thought I was doing her a service. In fact, it was the other way around. You see, Mom was having issues with memory loss and accepting her age. She looked defeated. I tried to make her as comfortable as possible, but when I was at my easel, painting, I would peek over and see her just ... there. She'd be staring at nothing in particular. I'd watch her slowly climb the stairs, and she wasn't the mom I grew up with. I saw, instead, a frail, tiny, old woman.
当91岁的老母亲埃利亚 搬来和我住一起的时候, 我想我是在帮助她。 实际上,情况刚好相反。 当时,母亲有记忆力衰退的 问题,但她不认老。 她看上去情绪低落。 我想尽量让她感觉舒服一些, 但是,当我在画板前画画时, 转眼看看,她就在...那里。 她两眼茫然地看着。 我看着她慢慢走上楼梯, 母亲已经不是从前的样子了。 我看到的是一个羸弱, 瘦小的老妇。
A few weeks went by, and I needed a break from my painting. I wanted to play with the new camera I had just bought. I was excited -- it had all sorts of dials, buttons and settings I wanted to learn, so I set up my tripod facing this large mirror, blocking the doorway to the only bathroom in the house.
过了几个星期以后, 我想暂停一下绘画。 我想玩玩新买的相机。 我很兴奋 - 相机上的各种表盘 按钮和设置我都想学学, 我装起三角架,正 对着那面大镜子, 挡住了通向房子唯一厕所的过道。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
After a while, I hear, (Imitating Italian accent) "I need to use the washroom."
过了一会儿,我听到, (模拟意大利口音)“我要上洗手间。”
(Laughter)
(笑声)
"Five minutes, Mom. I need to do this." 15 minutes later, and I hear, again, "I need to use the washroom." "Five more minutes." Then this happened.
“就等五分钟。我要做完它。” 15分钟以后,我又听到, “我需要上洗手间。” “再等5分钟。” 然后出现了这个画面。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
(Applause)
(掌声)
And this.
然后是这个。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
And then, this.
再是这个。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
I had my "aha!" moment. We connected. We had something tangible we could do together.
我来灵感了! 我们灵犀相通了。 我们有些具体事情可以一起做了。
My mom was born in a small mountain village in central Italy, where her parents had land and sheep. At a young age, her father died of pneumonia, leaving his wife and two daughters alone with all the heavy chores. They found that they couldn't cope. So a very hard decision was made. Mom, the oldest, at 13, was married off to a complete stranger twice her age. She went from being just a kid and was pushed into adulthood. Mom had her first child when she was only 16.
母亲出生于意大利中部的 一个小山村, 他的父母有土地和羊只。 她年纪很小的时候, 父亲因为肺炎去世, 留下他的妻子和两个女儿, 和家里很多的重活。 她们发现自己应付不来。 只好做出了一个艰难的决定。 我母亲,长女,才13岁, 被迫嫁给大她一倍的一个陌生人。 她从一个孩子, 被迫一下长大成人了。 母亲16岁时就生下第一个孩子。
Years later, and now living in Toronto, Mom got work in a clothing factory and soon became manager of a very large sewing department. And because it was full of immigrant workers, Mom taught herself words from translation books. She then practiced them in French, Greek, Spanish, Portuguese, Danish, Polish, Russian, Romanian, Hungarian, all around the house. I was in awe of her focus and determination to succeed at whatever she loved to do.
多年以后,这时, 母亲住在多伦多, 她找到一个服装厂的工作 不久,她当上一个大的缝纫部门的经理。 因为厂里多是移民员工, 母亲就从翻译书本里 自学一些单词。 然后,她练习说法语,希腊语, 西班牙语,葡萄牙语,丹麦语, 波兰语,俄语,罗马尼亚语和 匈牙利语,在房间里练习。 我非常敬佩她的专注力 和争取成功的决心 对于任何她喜欢做的事情。
After that bathroom "aha!" moment, I practiced my newfound camera skills with Mom as portrait model. Through all of this, she talked, and I listened. She'd tell me about her early childhood and how she was feeling now. We had each other's attention. Mom was losing her short-term memory, but was better recalling her younger years. I'd ask, and she would tell me stories. I listened, and I was her audience. I got ideas. I wrote them down, and I sketched them out. I showed her what to do by acting out the scenarios myself. We would then stage them. So she posed, and I learned more about photography. Mom loved the process, the acting. She felt worthy again, she felt wanted and needed. And she certainly wasn't camera-shy.
从那次上厕所的 “灵感” 时刻, 我开始以母亲为模特, 练习新的摄影技巧。 在整个过程中,她会说话, 我会去聆听。 她会讲她小时候的故事 和她现在的感觉。 我们彼此相互关注。 母亲正逐渐失去短期记忆, 但小时候的事会记得清楚些。 我会去问,她会讲她的故事。 我聆听,我做她的听众。 我一旦有了主意, 我会写下来,然后画出来。 我把剧情表演出来,告诉她该怎样做。 然后我们开始表演。 于是她摆动作,而我学习摄影。 母亲喜欢这个过程,表演的过程。 她又感到自己有价值了, 有了被人需要的感觉。 她对着镜头绝对不害羞。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
(Applause)
(掌声)
Mom laughed hysterically at this one.
母亲对着这张照片 几乎笑岔了气。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
The idea for this image came from an old German film I'd seen, about a submarine, called "Das Boot." As you can see, what I got instead looked more like "E.T."
这张照片的灵感来自我 看过的一部德国老电影, 关于潜艇的,叫《潜艇风暴》 你看得到,我拍得更像《外星人E.T.》
(Laughter)
(笑声)
So I put this image aside, thinking it was a total failure, because it didn't reach my particular vision. But Mom laughed so hard, I eventually, for fun, decided to post it online anyway. It got an incredible amount of attention.
因此我把这张照片放到一边, 认为它完全失败了, 因为它不符合我的眼界。 但是,母亲笑得非常厉害, 最终,因为好玩儿,我还是 决定把它放在网上了。 它受到很多很多人的注意。
Now, with any Alzheimer's, dementia, there's a certain amount of frustration and sadness for everyone involved. This is Mom's silent scream. Her words to me one day were, "Why is my head so full of things to say, but before they reach my mouth, I forget what they are?" "Why is my head so full of things to say, but before they reach my mouth, I forget what they are?"
一般来说,任何 阿尔茨海默病,老年痴呆, 都会让人有一定程度的 挫折和悲痛感 有关的人都会。 这张是母亲的 “无声的呼喊”。 她有一天对我说: “为什么我脑子里有很多要说的, 但到了嘴边,又忘记是什么了?” “为什么脑子里有那么多的事要说, 但是到了嘴边, 又忘记是什么了?”
(Applause)
(掌声)
Now, as full-time care partner and full-time painter, I had my frustrations too.
此时,作为全职看护人, 全职画家, 我也有挫折感。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
But to balance off all the difficulties, we played. That was Mom's happy place. And I needed her to be there, too.
为了平衡这些压力和 困难,我们也找乐子。 这是母亲喜欢的地方。 我也需要她在那里。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
(Laughter)
(笑声)
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Now, Mom was also preoccupied with aging. She would say, "How did I get so old, so fast?"
现在母亲也很关注人变老的事。 她会说:“我怎么会这么快, 就变得这么老了?”
(Audience sighs)
(听众叹息声)
"So old." "So fast."
“这么老!” “这么快!"
I also got Mom to model for my oil paintings. This painting is called "The Dressmaker." I remember, as a kid, Mom sewing clothes for the whole family on this massive, heavy sewing machine that was bolted to the floor in the basement. Many nights, I would go downstairs and bring my schoolwork with me. I would sit behind her in this overstuffed chair. The low hum of the huge motor and the repetitive stitching sounds were comforting to me. When Mom moved into my house, I saved this machine and stored it in my studio for safekeeping. This painting brought me back to my childhood. The interesting part was that it was now Mom, sitting behind me, watching me paint her working on that very same machine she sewed at when I sat behind her, watching her sew, 50 years earlier.
我也让母亲给我做油画模特。 这一幅画叫《裁缝》 我记得,小时候, 全家的针线活都是母亲做的 用那台很大很重的缝纫机 是固定在地下室的地板上的。 很多的夜晚,我带着 家庭作业走下去。 我会坐在她后面那张 垫得软软的椅子上。 大马达低沉的嗡嗡声 和反复的缝纫声 让我觉得很温馨。 当母亲搬到我家里时, 我把缝纫机搬到了画室保存起来。 这幅画把我带回了童年时刻。 有趣的是 现在是母亲坐在我的后面, 看着我画她 画她在缝纫机前工作 而我坐在她后面看她缝纫, 50年前的情景。
I also gave Mom a project to do, to keep her busy and thinking. I provided her with a small camera and asked her to take at least 10 pictures a day of anything she wanted. These are Mom's photographs. She's never held a camera in her life before this. She was 93. We would sit down together and talk about our work. I would try to explain
我还让母亲做一件事, 让她忙着,让她动脑筋。 我给了她一个小相机 让她一天至少照十张照片, 随便照她喜欢的东西。 这些是母亲的照片。 在此之前,她从来 没有拿过照相机。 她当时93岁。 我们会一起坐下来, 讨论我们的作品。 我试着去解释
(Laughter)
(笑声)
how and why I did them, the meaning, the feeling, why they were relevant. Mom, on the other hand, would just bluntly say, "sì," "no," "bella" or "bruta."
我是怎么样,又为什么这样做的, 它的意义,它的感觉, 为什么要这样。 然而,母亲只是简单地说: "看" "哦,不" “美丽” 或者 "粗鲁”。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
I watched her facial expressions. She always had the last say, with words or without.
我看着她的面部表情。 母亲总是有最后的发言权, 不管她是否说话。
This voyage of discovery hasn't ended with Mom. She is now in an assisted living residence, a 10-minute walk away from my home. I visit her every other day. Her dementia had gotten to the point where it was unsafe for her to be in my house. It has a lot of stairs. She doesn't know my name anymore. (Voice breaking) But you know what? That's OK. She still recognizes my face and always has a big smile when she sees me.
母亲的探索旅程还没有结束。 她现在住在有人护理的居所, 离我家十分钟的行程。 我每隔一天会去看她。 她的痴呆症严重到了一定程度 住在我家里已经不安全了。 家里有很多的楼梯。 她已经不记得我的名字了。 (声音哽咽)但是, 这也没有关系! 她还认得出我的脸 她每次看到我都笑容灿烂。
(Applause)
(掌声)
(Applause ends)
(掌声结束)
I don't take pictures of her anymore. That wouldn't be fair or ethical on my part. And she wouldn't understand the reasons for doing them. My father, my brother, (Voice breaking) my nephew, my partner and my best friend, all passed away suddenly. And I didn't have the chance to tell them how much I appreciated and loved them. With Mom, I need to be there and make it a very long goodbye.
我不再给她照像了。 那样对她不公平, 或者说也不道德。 她已经不明白照像的原因了。 我父亲, 兄弟, (哽咽)我的外甥, 我的伴侣和我的挚友, 都突然地过世了。 我没有机会 告诉他们我有多么的感激, 多么的爱他们。 对于母亲,我要陪着她 做一个很长很长的告别。
(Applause)
(掌声)
(Applause ends)
(掌声结束)
For me, it's about being present and really listening. Dependents want to feel a part of something, anything. It doesn't need to be something exceptionally profound that's shared -- it could be as simple as walks together. Give them a voice of interaction, participation, and a feeling of belonging. Make the time meaningful. Life, it's about wanting to live and not waiting to die.
对我来说,就是要 陪着她,仔细地聆听。 这些依赖你的人,希望能 有参与感,任何的参与都好。 并不要是什么特别深刻的分享... 即使是简单的一起行走都好。 给她们机会 来交流,来参与, 有归属感。 让他们过得有意义。 生命,在于热爱你的生活 而不是等待死亡来临。
(Applause)
(掌声)
(Applause ends)
(掌声结束)
Can I get a wave and a smile from everyone, please?
请大家每人都挥挥手, 微笑一下好吗?
(Laughter)
(笑声)
This is for you, Mom.
妈妈!这是献给你的!
(Camera clicks)
(相机快门声)
(Applause)
(掌声)