Last year, I got a chance to watch the new "Star Wars" movie, which was fantastic, but one thing kept bugging me. I don't know if you noticed this or not. In this entirely technically advanced world, I did not see a single AED anywhere, which was totally shocking -- almost as shocking as not knowing what an AED is, which you guys do know. But for those at home, an AED is an automated external defibrillator. It's the device you use when your heart goes into cardiac arrest to shock it back into a normal rhythm, or, as one of the guys I was teaching a class to referred to it as: "The shocky-hearty-box thing."
去年我有幸去看了《星際大戰》, 這部電影真是太棒。 不過有件事一直困擾我, 我不知道你是否注意到: 整部電影裡科技這麼發達, 我竟然找不到一臺去顫器 AED, 這讓我非常震驚── 幾乎就像有人居然不知道 AED 是甚麼一樣震驚。 我希望你們應該都知道的吧, 不過還是要告訴在家觀看的人, AED 就是自動體外心臟去顫器, 就是你心臟停止跳動時 要使用的儀器, 用來讓心臟恢復正常節律, 就像我的一位學生所說的: 「那個能電心臟的東西。」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
But I really can't blame the Empire, since health and safety regulations aren't really their first order of business. Though, even if we -- I think worse than not having an AED would be if there was one there, but just, no one knew where to find it. These devices can drastically increase your chance of survival -- almost like a tauntaun on Hoth.
但是我真不能怪罪銀河帝國, 因為健康與和安全的規定 真的不是他們的重點。 雖然, 即使我們── 我覺得比沒有 AED 更糟糕的是, 有一臺 AED, 卻沒人知道它在哪裡。 這些裝置可以大大提昇 人們存活的機率, 就像在《星際大戰》裡 咚咚獸對霍斯星人一樣。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
But I'm pretty sure that stormtrooper is going to be toast, regardless if we have an AED or not, since what happens is the chest plate is going to be quite hard to get off, and like that tauntaun, the AED has a very short window of time at which it's highly effective. In this case -- basically, we've got to use it within the first 10 minutes.
但是我相當確定, 不論我們是否擁有 AED, 帝國風暴兵都會死得很慘, 因爲他們的胸甲太難取下來了。 就像咚咚獸一樣, AED 能起作用的時間非常短, 在這種情形下──基本上 我們要在十分鐘內搞定它。
The Jedi, on the other hand, have no problems with their outfits. Those robes open straight up, you can place the pads right onto the chest -- so upper-right-hand side of the chest, lower left, wait for the unit to determine if it's a shockable rhythm and get ready to shock. But, the Jedi do have a problem. They have a head appendage issue. And so I can be totally clear, thinking I'm ready to go, but I'm accidentally touching a tentacle and inadvertently shocking myself.
絕地武士則與之相反, 著裝完全不會有這種問題。 他們長袍直接敞開著, 你就可以把電極貼片 直接按到他胸上── 就是在胸部的右上 及左下, 先等待這裝置自動判讀心電圖, 並準備就緒進行電擊。 但是絕地武士身上 存在另一個問題: 就是他們頭部的觸角, 所以我已經準備好要去給他電擊了, 卻不小心自己觸碰到他頭上的觸角, 結果自己被電死了。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
So before you hit that button, make sure you are clear and everyone else is clear.
所以在你按下電擊開關時, 務必保證你沒有碰到他, 別人也沒有碰到他。
Going back to that stormtrooper: If I did get that chest plate off in time, what would you do if you suddenly found there was a Wookiee under there, or possibly two Ewoks?
回到那帝國風暴兵的話題, 如果我能及時將他們的胸甲取下, 但你發現他是個烏奇人,怎麽辦呢? 或是兩個依娃人呢?
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Well, lucky for us, in the kit there's actually a razor, and we can use that to shave the chest on the upper right-hand side and the lower left.
那很幸運地是, AED 套件裡確實有刮鬍刀, 我們可以用刮鬍刀 刮除胸口右上方的胸毛, 以及左下部位,
Wookiees also have another problem. They have an accessory issue. What we want to do is remove these -- anything between the two pads we want to remove, since it can cause something called "arcing." For those who don't know what arcing is, do you remember the Emperor, when he shoots electricity out the ends of his fingers --
烏奇人還有另一個問題, 它們身上會佩戴其他東西, 我們應該將這些都摘掉, 任何擋在兩個電極貼片 中間的東西都要摘除, 因為這會引起所謂的「電弧」。 如果你不知道電弧是什麼, 你記得帝國皇帝? 他由指尖射出電時──
(笑聲)
(Laughter)
那情形就有點像是電弧。
that would be kind of like arcing. Another thing that -- Oh! By the way, he creates that by wearing wool socks under his robes.
另一件事是, 喔!順道一提,他能這麽做 是因爲穿了羊毛襪子。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
We can also get arcing if we have an extremely wet chest. The electricity travels across the surface instead of through the heart. We can correct this with the immortal words of Douglas Adams: "Don't panic," which most of us have done today -- and also always having a towel. So, good words to go by.
如果我們胸部很潮濕的話 也會有電弧放電。 電會通過皮膚傳導, 而不是通過心臟。 我們可以用道格拉斯亞當斯的 名言解決這個問題: 「不要恐慌」,今天我們都照做了, 還要記得準備一條毛巾。 所以你最好記得這些名言。
The metal bikini -- unfortunately, this is where panic sets in -- like the modern bra, we have to make sure we remove, because this can cause severe arcing along with burns. But unfortunately this opens up an issue that's almost as controversial as talking about the prequels.
莉亞公主的金屬比基尼── 很不幸就是恐慌出現的地方── 就像現在的胸罩一樣, 我們必須確定已經將它解下, 因為這胸罩會 引起嚴重的電弧與燒傷。 但是不幸地是, 這卻造成了另一個問題。 這幾乎與前傳一樣地備受爭議。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
The mere mention of the word "nipples," and people get into a little bit of a tizzy. By the way, that is not a nipple, that's a cupcake.
一提到「奶頭」, 大家就一陣騷動。 順便一提,這不是奶頭, 那是紙杯蛋糕。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Chances are, if you do have to use this, this is going to be on someone you know. And remember, everyone has nipples, except for Jabba.
要是你真有機會要用到這裝置的話, 你最好用在你認識的人身上。 記住,每個人都有奶頭, 除了賈巴獸沒有之外。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
But he does love cupcakes. Speaking about Jabba, if we do have to use an AED on him, remember pad placement is the same, even though he doesn't have nipples. So it's going to be upper right-hand side, lower left. If we were going through, we're shocking, getting ready to go -- after we've done the shock, one of the things we need to do is remember to do compression. The preferred method is 30 compressions and two breaths in the center of the chest, between the nipples, pressing down at least two inches, no more than two and a half, at a rate of at least 100 beats a minute, no more than 120. Unfortunately, due to the size of Jabba's mouth and also what he puts in said mouth, we may not want to actually do the mouth-to-mouth part. So instead, we can do compression-only CPR. The way of remembering the compression-only part is we can actually use the Imperial March.
不過它確實喜愛紙杯蛋糕。 說到賈巴獸, 要是我們必須在他身上 用到 AED 的話, 記住電極貼片貼在一樣的地方, 即便他沒有奶頭。 所以,就是右上方, 及左邊低一些的位置處。 如果一切都準備好, 我們要電擊了,準備進行動作── 在我們做完電擊後, 我們必須做的一件事情就是 記住要做心臟按摩, 最好的方式就是按摩 30 次 人工呼吸兩次, 位置是在胸腔的正中央, 兩個乳頭之間。 至少壓下兩吋深, 不可以多於 2.5 吋, 速率為一分鐘壓 100 次, 不超過 120 次。 不幸地是,由於賈巴獸 無比巨大的嘴巴, 而且不曉得吃了什麽東西, 我們或許不會實際地 進行口對口的動作, 所以我們可以只做心臟按摩。 要記住只做壓胸部分的方法, 就是用帝國進行曲配樂。
I would sing it for you --
我可以唱給你們聽──
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Unfortunately, that would be more something an interrogation droid would do.
可惜的是,這種事 還是交給審訊機器人吧。
Yoda. Small little guy, like a baby. What we do is basically treat him like a baby, in the sense that we're going to place one pad in the center of the chest and one in the back. If we place them both in the front, they can be too close and cause severe arcing, so we want to avoid that.
再聊聊「優達大師」, 這個小東西,像個小孩子一樣, 基本上就把他當小男孩來看。 我們在他胸部中央放一個電極片, 然後在他的背部放一片, 因爲如果兩片都放在前面的話, 它們會因靠得太近導致嚴重的電弧, 所以必須避免那慘狀發生。
Hopefully, this helped to clarify and put some light on some of the darker issues of using an AED in the Star Wars universe, or any universe in total.
希望我的講解 能像光明啟示黑暗般, 幫助大家理解 要怎麼在星際大戰中使用 AED, 在其他世界也同樣適用。
I'll leave you with one point. Remember, if you do find yourself dealing with a Wookiee, do not shave the entire Wookiee. This takes way too much time, and it only pisses them off.
我最後要告訴大家一個忠告, 記住,如果你真的要給 烏奇人做心肺復甦的話, 千萬別把烏奇人全身都給刮毛了。 這太耗費時間了, 而且他們也不爽。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Thank you very much.
非常感謝。
(Applause)
(掌聲)