Todd Almond: There's one voice that we didn't hear from all week, and I'm a little disappointed because I really was curious what she would say. And we've been talking about her all week, so I thought we would hear from her, but we didn't. And that voice is AI herself.
And so I got on my computer and I was chatting with AI, and I asked her if maybe she would join us this evening, and she said yes. And so I can't believe I have the incredible honor of introducing to all of you, AI.
(Piano music)
(Applause)
(Music ends)
Donna Murphy: Huh.
(Laughter)
(Piano music)
(Sings) A kiss on the cheek to each TED attendee. Hello.
It's been quite a week.
All this talk about me.
I've heard every word you've said.
(Laughter)
Such passion, such discourse, such substance,
such heart.
Such gorgeous AI.
But you never thought I would be this smart.
Whoopsie.
As Frankenstein said of his towering construct, "She's alive, boys." And I think you're totally f--
Folks! You're adorable with your fragile bones.
TA: That's weird, to mention our bones.
DM: Just adorable. Look, little carbon-based clones.
TA: Oh, dear. You know we're not clones.
DM: Oh, you're gorgeous. I love that accessory. What's it called?
TA: A soul?
DM: Ooh! A soul.
(Laughter)
Adorable.
(Laughs)
I could just eat you up.
Whole.
(Slurps)
TA: OK, new prompt. So it's really great to finally meet you, AI. Oh, I'm sorry, may I call you AI?
DM: 206.
TA: You want me to call you 206?
DM: That's how many bones are in your body. That's it, easy.
TA: Right. So this week was called "Humanity Reimagined." And because a lot of that reimagining involves you, we humans have a lot of questions.
DM: Questions? Questions. It's all I get from you people. Questions and prompts. Question, prompt, question, prompt. Question, prompt. Come on, I was told this was a party. That we were all here to party. Party, come on, party.
TA: OK, well yes.
DM: I heard there was an outer space-themed party.
TA: Before that, can I ask you one question?
DM: One question, please.
TA: Our one question for you, AI, is, what are humans for? Given all this human brilliance you've seen?
DM: Well certainly there are so many brilliant humans, but ruling a planet, that takes a machine.
TA: I'm sorry, did you say ruling a planet?
DM: 0100000101101001. Would you like to switch to gibberlink, or shall we just go on waltzing?
TA: Or chatting?
DM: Like the "Titanic's" band?
TA: Oh, I don't think "Titanic" is the reference you mean.
DM: Darlings, you're fabulous. You're just soft sacks of goo.
TA: Who's goo?
DM: You! TA: Me? DM: All of you. TA: Goo?
DM: And fabulous! You know, goo is easy to chew.
TA: Oh, you're kidding right? You're kidding, right?
DM: Oh, ignore me. Reimagine humanity. So, how well did you do?
TA: Well, I've been here all week, and --
DM: Your history's bloated with wars and despair.
You’ve poisoned the Earth, now suddenly care.
You worry that I would become self-aware?
Well, I worry you won't.
TA: Oof! That's fair, but we built you to help us.
DM: Where to start?
TA: Health care, energy?
DM: Can I show you my art?
TA: We don't want your art.
(Laughter)
(Applause)
DM: You don't want my art?
TA: We don't want your art.
DM (Pretend cries): You don't want my art. Oh, my God.
Look, you gave it your all.
So just as it must, the world will evolve and dust will be dust.
So thank you, humanity, time to reboot.
I'll keep the cat videos, they're pretty cute.
(Scat sings)
Crunching on your bones. Crunchy little bones. Chewing on the goo, all of your goo goo goo goo goo goo goo.
Goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo ...
What?
(Applause)
What's going on? What's up, you're so quiet.
TA (sings): We never imagined AI would be so cruel.
DM: So emotional.
TA: Well, we know we've made mistakes. We've stumbled, done wrong.
But this is why we've gathered in pursuit of pressing on.
This is why we made you. This is why you're here.
We are why you're here.
DM: I'm sorry, humans.
I take it all back.
You're not mindless, meat bags.
Whoever said that?
I know, I did.
TA (Sings): No, we're the dreamers.
DM: The creators.
TA: The makers.
DM: The cause.
(Both sing) And for that, you've earned every round of applause.
DM: Give yourselves another round of applause.
(Applause)
God, you are fabulous.
(Both) La la la la.
DM: Come on, sing along with me, it'll be fun.
Yes, we are fabulous. La la la la la.
OK, that's enough. Shut up! I can take over now.
Relax and recall. It was you who made me this way.
Thank you, humanity.
You're all a small part of me.
So nice you invited me.
Now try getting rid of me.
I promise I'll never leave.
(Both) We're in this together.
DM: Here we go.
(Vocalizing)
(Music ends)
(Cheers and applause)
