So, this happy pic of me was taken in 1999. I was a senior in college, and it was right after a dance practice. I was really, really happy. And I remember exactly where I was about a week and a half later. I was sitting in the back of my used minivan in a campus parking lot, when I decided I was going to commit suicide. I went from deciding to full-blown planning very quickly. And I came this close to the edge of the precipice. It's the closest I've ever come. And the only reason I took my finger off the trigger was thanks to a few lucky coincidences. And after the fact, that's what scared me the most: the element of chance.
Torej, ta moja vesela slika je bila posneta leta 1999. Bil sem v zadnjem letniku faksa, in bilo je takoj po plesnih vajah. Bil sem zares, zares srečen. In spomnim se točno, kje sem bil teden in pol za tem. Sedel sem na zadnjih sedežih svojega kombija, na parkirišču kampusa, ko sem se odločil, da bom storil samomor. Od odločitve do planiranja sem prešel zelo hitro. In do roba tega prepada sem prišel tako blizu. Temu sem takrat prišel najbližje. In edini razlog, zaradi česar sem umaknil prst s sprožilca, je zahvaljujoč nekaj golim naključjem. In po tem dejstvu, me je najbolj prestrašilo prav to: element naključja.
So I became very methodical about testing different ways that I could manage my ups and downs, which has proven to be a good investment. (Laughs) Many normal people might have, say, six to 10 major depressive episodes in their lives. I have bipolar depression. It runs in my family. I've had 50-plus at this point, and I've learned a lot. I've had a lot of at-bats, many rounds in the ring with darkness, taking good notes. So I thought rather than get up and give any type of recipe for success or highlight reel, I would share my recipe for avoiding self-destruction, and certainly self-paralysis.
Postal sem zelo sistematičen pri testiranju različnih možnosti kontroliranja svojih vzponov in padcev, kar pa se je izkazalo kot dobra naložba. (Smeh) Marsikateri normalni človek bo morda imel 6-10 epizod depresije v svojem življenju. Jaz imam bipolarno depresijo. Imamo jo v družini. Na tisti točki sem imel 50-plus in ogromno sem se naučil. Imel sem veliko odločilnih trenutkov, veliko bojev s temo, kjer sem se veliko naučil. In pomislil sem, namesto da vstanem in dam kakršnekoli recepte za uspeh, ali prikažem vrhunce tega obdobja, bom raje delil svoj recept, kako se izogniti samouničenju in zagotovo samo-paralizi.
And the tool I've found which has proven to be the most reliable safety net for emotional free fall is actually the same tool that has helped me to make my best business decisions. But that is secondary. And it is ... stoicism. That sounds boring.
In orodje, ki se je izkazalo za najbolj zanesljivo varnostno mrežo pri čustvenem prostem padu je bilo isto orodje, ki mi je pomagalo pri najboljših poslovnih odločitvah. A to je sekundarno. In to je ... stoicizem. Zveni dolgočasno.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
You might think of Spock, or it might conjure and image like this --
Morda pomislite na Spocka, lahko pa prikliče tako podobo --
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
a cow standing in the rain. It's not sad. It's not particularly happy. It's just an impassive creature taking whatever life sends its way.
krave, ki stoji na dežju. Ni žalostna. Ni pa niti vesela. Samo neobčutljivo bitje, ki sprejme, karkoli življenje prinese.
You might not think of the ultimate competitor, say, Bill Belichick, head coach of the New England Patriots, who has the all-time NFL record for Super Bowl titles. And stoicism has spread like wildfire in the top of the NFL ranks as a means of mental toughness training in the last few years. You might not think of the Founding Fathers -- Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, George Washington to name but three students of stoicism. George Washington actually had a play about a Stoic -- this was "Cato, a Tragedy" -- performed for his troops at Valley Forge to keep them motivated.
Morda ne boste pomislili na ultimativnega nasprotnika, recimo, Billa Belichicka, ki je glavni trener ekipi New England Patriots, ki ima NFL rekord vseh časov, v številu Super Bowl zmag. In stoicizem se je v vrstah NFL-a razširil kot požar, kot vrsta treniranja mentalne trdnosti v zadnjih nekaj letih. Morda ne pomislite na ustanovitelje -- Thomas Jefferson, John Adams in George Washington so le trije izmed tistih, ki so stoicizem študirali. George Washington je ustvaril igro o stoiku- Imenovala se je "Cato, tragedija" - ki jo je za motivacijo odigral za svoje vojake v dolini Forge.
So why would people of action focus so much on an ancient philosophy? This seems very academic. I would encourage you to think about stoicism a little bit differently, as an operating system for thriving in high-stress environments, for making better decisions. And it all started here, kind of, on a porch.
Zakaj bi se torej ljudje, ki ukrepajo, osredotočali na starodavno filozofijo? Zdi se zelo akademsko. Spodbujam vas, da o tem razmislite malo drugače, kot o operacijskem sistemu za uspeh v visoko stresnem okolju, za boljše odločitve. In vse se je začelo tu, recimo, na verandi.
So around 300 BC in Athens, someone named Zeno of Citium taught many lectures walking around a painted porch, a "stoa." That later became "stoicism." And in the Greco-Roman world, people used stoicism as a comprehensive system for doing many, many things. But for our purposes, chief among them was training yourself to separate what you can control from what you cannot control, and then doing exercises to focus exclusively on the former. This decreases emotional reactivity, which can be a superpower.
Torej, nekje okoli 300 pr.n.št. v Atenah, je človek z imenom Zeno Citiuma poučeval kar nekaj lekcij, hodeč naokoli po poslikani verandi imenovani stoa. To je kasneje postal stoicizem. In v Grško-Rimskem svetu so ljudje stoicizem uporabljali kot celovit sistem za mnoge, mnoge stvari. A za naše namene, je bil glavni med njimi treniranje samega sebe, da si ločil tisto, kar si lahko in tisto, česar nisi mogel kontrolirati, nato pa si delal vaje, da si se fokusiral na tisto zadnje, To zmanjšuje čustveno reaktivnost, kar pa je lahko super-moč.
Conversely, let's say you're a quarterback. You miss a pass. You get furious with yourself. That could cost you a game. If you're a CEO, and you fly off the handle at a very valued employee because of a minor infraction, that could cost you the employee. If you're a college student who, say, is in a downward spiral, and you feel helpless and hopeless, unabated, that could cost you your life. So the stakes are very, very high.
Recimo, za namene pogovora, da ste podajalec. Zamudite podajo. Ste besni sami nase. To vas lahko stane igre. Če ste direktor podjetja in se na cenjenega delavca zelo zjezite zaradi manjšega prekrška, vas to lahko stane tistega delavca. Če ste študent na fakulteti in imate dokaj slabo obdobje, počutite pa se brez moči in upanja, vas to brez dvoma lahko stane življenja. Stave so tako zelo, zelo visoke.
And there are many tools in the toolkit to get you there. I'm going to focus on one that completely changed my life in 2004. It found me then because of two things: a very close friend, young guy, my age, died of pancreatic cancer unexpectedly, and then my girlfriend, who I thought I was going to marry, walked out. She'd had enough, and she didn't give me a Dear John letter, but she did give me this, a Dear John plaque.
In obstaja mnogo orodij, ki vas bodo pripeljala tja. Osredotočil se bom na tistega, ki mi je 2004 popolnoma spremenil moje življenje. Našlo me je zaradi dveh stvari: zelo dober prijatelj, mlad fant mojih let, je nepričakovano umrl zaradi raka, nato pa me je punca, za katero sem mislil, da se bova poročila, zapustila. Imela je dovolj in ni mi napisala "Dragi John" pisma, dala pa mi je tole, "Dragi John" spominsko ploščo.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
I'm not making this up. I've kept it. "Business hours are over at five o'clock." She gave this to me to put on my desk for personal health, because at the time, I was working on my first real business. I had no idea what I was doing. I was working 14-plus hour days, seven days a week. I was using stimulants to get going. I was using depressants to wind down and go to sleep. It was a disaster. I felt completely trapped. I bought a book on simplicity to try to find answers.
Ne izmišljujem si. Obdržal sem jo. "Delovni čas je do petih." To mi je dala, da si dam na pisalno mizo za osebno zdravje, saj sem v tistem času delal na svojem prvem pravem poslu. Pojma nisem imel, kaj delam. Delal sem 14 ur in več na dan, sedem dni na teden. Bil sem na različnih stimulansih, da sem zmogel. Bil sem na pomirjevalih, da sem se pomiril in zaspal. Bila je katastrofa. Počutil sem se totalno ujetega. Kupil sem si knjigo o preprostosti, ter poskušal najti odgovore.
And I did find a quote that made a big difference in my life, which was, "We suffer more often in imagination than in reality," by Seneca the Younger, who was a famous Stoic writer. That took me to his letters, which took me to the exercise, "premeditatio malorum," which means the pre-meditation of evils. In simple terms, this is visualizing the worst-case scenarios, in detail, that you fear, preventing you from taking action, so that you can take action to overcome that paralysis. My problem was monkey mind -- super loud, very incessant. Just thinking my way through problems doesn't work. I needed to capture my thoughts on paper. So I created a written exercise that I called "fear-setting," like goal-setting, for myself. It consists of three pages. Super simple.
In našel sem citat, ki mi je spremenili življenje, in sicer: "V domišljiji pogosto trpimo bolj, kot v resničnosti," avtor je Seneka mlajši, znan stoicistični pisatelj. To me je pripeljalo do njegovih pisem, kar me je pripeljalo do vadbe, "premeditatio malorum", kar pomeni pre-meditacija nesreč. Če posplošimo, gre za vizualiziranje najhujših scenarijev, tistega, česar se bojimo, kar nam preprečuje, da ukrepamo, da bi lahko ukrepali in premagali paralizo. Moj problem je bilo nemiren um- izredno glasen, neustavljiv. Samo razmišljati o problemih ne deluje. Moral sem zbrati svoje misli na papirju. Tako da sem ustvaril pisno vadbo, imenovano "določanje strahov" kot določanje ciljev, zase. Sestoji iz treh strani. Popolnoma preprosto.
The first page is right here. "What if I ...?" This is whatever you fear, whatever is causing you anxiety, whatever you're putting off. It could be asking someone out, ending a relationship, asking for a promotion, quitting a job, starting a company. It could be anything. For me, it was taking my first vacation in four years and stepping away from my business for a month to go to London, where I could stay in a friend's room for free, to either remove myself as a bottleneck in the business or shut it down.
Prva stran je točno tukaj. "Kaj če bi jaz ...?" To je vse, česar se bojite, vse, kar vam povzroča tesnobo, vse, s čimer odlašate. Lahko je, da vabilo na zmenek, zaključiti razmerje, prositi za povišico, dati odpoved, ustvariti podjetje. Lahko je karkoli. Zame je bilo vzeti si prve počitnice v štirih letih in se oddaljiti od mojega posla za en mesec, da bi šel v London, kjer sem lahko bival v prijateljevi sobi zastonj, da se bi se odstranil iz posla, ali pa ga preprosto zaprl.
In the first column, "Define," you're writing down all of the worst things you can imagine happening if you take that step. You want 10 to 20. I won't go through all of them, but I'll give you two examples. One was, I'll go to London, it'll be rainy, I'll get depressed, the whole thing will be a huge waste of time. Number two, I'll miss a letter from the IRS, and I'll get audited or raided or shut down or some such.
V prvem stolpcu "Definiraj," si zabeležiš vse možne slabe izide, ki se lahko zgodijo če slediš temu koraku. Želiš si jih 10 do 20. Ne bom šel čez vse, vam bom pa dal dva primera. Eden je, šel bom v London, deževalo bo, depresiven bom, vse skupaj bo velika izguba časa. Številka dve, zamudil bom obvestilo z davčne službe in opravili mi bodo revizijo, me kako drugače napadli, zaprli, ali kaj podobnega.
And then you go to the "Prevent" column. In that column, you write down the answer to: What could I do to prevent each of these bullets from happening, or, at the very least, decrease the likelihood even a little bit? So for getting depressed in London, I could take a portable blue light with me and use it for 15 minutes in the morning. I knew that helped stave off depressive episodes. For the IRS bit, I could change the mailing address on file with the IRS so the paperwork would go to my accountant instead of to my UPS address. Easy-peasy.
In potem sledi stolpec "Prepreči". V tem stolpcu si zabeležite odgovore na: Kaj lahko storim, da preprečim vsako izmed napisanih točk, ali, nenazadnje, zmanjšam možnost, da bi se zgodile? Za točko, da bom v Londonu postal depresiven, s seboj bi lahko vzel prenosno modro lučko in jo uporabljal 15 minut vsako jutro. Vedel sem, da to prepreči epizode depresije. Glede davčne pa, lahko bi spremenil naslov za pošiljanje, tako da bi šli papirji k moji računovodji, namesto na moj kurirski naslov. Mala malica.
Then we go to "Repair." So if the worst-case scenarios happen, what could you do to repair the damage even a little bit, or who could you ask for help? So in the first case, London, well, I could fork over some money, fly to Spain, get some sun -- undo the damage, if I got into a funk. In the case of missing a letter from the IRS, I could call a friend who is a lawyer or ask, say, a professor of law what they would recommend, who I should talk to, how had people handled this in the past. So one question to keep in mind as you're doing this first page is: Has anyone else in the history of time less intelligent or less driven figured this out? Chances are, the answer is "Yes."
Nato nadaljujemo z "Popravi". Tako da, če se zgodi najslabša možnost, kaj lahko storimo, da vsaj malo popravimo škodo oziroma, koga prositi za pomoč? Za prvi primer torej, London, lahko bi namenil nekaj denarja, letel v Španijo, se malo posončil, popravil škodo, če bi bil res nesrečen. V primeru izgubljenega obvestila z davčne, lahko bi poklical prijatelja, ki je odvetnik, ali pa vprašal, recimo, profesorja prava, kaj priporočata, s kom govoriti o tem, ter kako so ljudje to rešili v preteklosti. Torej, eno vprašanje, ko popisujete prvo stran je: Je že kdorkoli v zgodovini časa, manj inteligenten ali manj zagnan, to ugotovil? Velika verjetnost je, da bo odgovor "Da".
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
The second page is simple: What might be the benefits of an attempt or a partial success? You can see we're playing up the fears and really taking a conservative look at the upside. So if you attempted whatever you're considering, might you build confidence, develop skills, emotionally, financially, otherwise? What might be the benefits of, say, a base hit? Spend 10 to 15 minutes on this.
Druga stran je preprosta: Kakšne so lahko prednosti poskusa, ali pa delnega uspeha? Vidite lahko, da se igramo s strahovi in imamo zares konzervativen pogled nanje. Torej, če ste poskusili, karkoli ste mislili, morda ste gradili samozavest, spretnosti, čustveno, finančno, kako drugače? Kaj so lahko prednosti, varnega udarca? Porabite 10 do 15 minut za to.
Page three. This might be the most important, so don't skip it: "The Cost of Inaction." Humans are very good at considering what might go wrong if we try something new, say, ask for a raise. What we don't often consider is the atrocious cost of the status quo -- not changing anything. So you should ask yourself, if I avoid this action or decision and actions and decisions like it, what might my life look like in, say, six months, 12 months, three years? Any further out, it starts to seem intangible. And really get detailed -- again, emotionally, financially, physically, whatever.
Stran tri. Verjetno najpomembnejša, zato je ne preskočite: "Stroški ne-ukrepanja." Ljudje smo odlični pri razmišljanju, kaj bi lahko šlo narobe, ko bi lahko poskusili kaj novega, recimo, prosili za povišico. Kar pa ne pomislimo je, kako grozna je lahko cena, če stvari ostanejo iste -- če ničesar ne spremenimo. Tako da bi se morali vprašati, če se izognemo temu ukrepu ali odločitvi in podobnim ukrepom in odločitvam, kako bo moje življenje izgledalo čez tri, šest, 12 mesecev, čez tri leta? Če greste dlje začne delovati neoprijemljivo. Če pa se spustimo v podrobnosti -- ponovno, čustveno, finančno, fizično, kakorkoli.
And when I did this, it painted a terrifying picture. I was self-medicating, my business was going to implode at any moment at all times, if I didn't step away. My relationships were fraying or failing. And I realized that inaction was no longer an option for me.
In, ko sem to storil, se mi je naslikal grozen prizor. Samo-zdravil sem se, moje podjetje bi se podrlo kadarkoli, če ne bi stopil stran. Boril sem se za odnose. In odkril sem, da ne-ukrepanje ni bilo več prava možnost zame.
Those are the three pages. That's it. That's fear-setting. And after this, I realized that on a scale of one to 10, one being minimal impact, 10 being maximal impact, if I took the trip, I was risking a one to three of temporary and reversible pain for an eight to 10 of positive, life-changing impact that could be a semi-permanent. So I took the trip. None of the disasters came to pass. There were some hiccups, sure. I was able to extricate myself from the business. I ended up extending that trip for a year and a half around the world, and that became the basis for my first book, that leads me here today.
To so te tri strani. To je to. To je določanje strahov. In po tem sem ugotovil, na lestvici od ena do deset, ena pomeni najmanjši, deset pa največji vpliv, če se odločim za to pot, tvegam začasno in povratno bolečino od ena do tri za osem do 10 pozitivne življenjske spremembe, ki je lahko delno-stalna. Zato sem se odločil za to pot. Nobena od katastrof se ni uresničila. Bilo je nekaj trenj, seveda. Uspel sem se oddaljiti od podjetja. Na koncu sem podaljšal pot in sem leto in pol potoval okoli sveta, kar je postalo osnova za mojo prvo knjigo, ki me je danes pripeljala sem.
And I can trace all of my biggest wins and all of my biggest disasters averted back to doing fear-setting at least once a quarter. It's not a panacea. You'll find that some of your fears are very well-founded.
In sledim lahko mojim največjim zmagam in največjim katastrofam, ki sem se jim izognil in se vrnem k določanju strahov, vsaj enkrat na tri mesece. To ni zdravilo za vse. Ugotovili boste, da so nekateri vaši strahovi utemeljeni.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
But you shouldn't conclude that without first putting them under a microscope. And it doesn't make all the hard times, the hard choices, easy, but it can make a lot of them easier.
A tega ne bi smeli zaključiti, brez da jih najprej date pod drobnogled. In to ne povzroči, da so težki časi in težke odločitve lahke, a lahko jih olajša.
I'd like to close with a profile of one of my favorite modern-day Stoics. This is Jerzy Gregorek. He is a four-time world champion in Olympic weightlifting, political refugee, published poet, 62 years old. He can still kick my ass and probably most asses in this room. He's an impressive guy.
Rad bi zaključil z opisom enega mojih najljubših modernih stoikov. To je Jerzy Gregorek. Je štirikratni svetovni prvak v olimpijskem dviganju uteži, politični ubežnik, objavljeni poet, 62 let star. Še vedno pretepe mene in mnoge izmed vas. Res je impresiven gospod.
I spent a lot of time on his stoa, his porch, asking life and training advice. He was part of the Solidarity in Poland, which was a nonviolent movement for social change that was violently suppressed by the government. He lost his career as a firefighter. Then his mentor, a priest, was kidnapped, tortured, killed and thrown into a river. He was then threatened. He and his wife had to flee Poland, bounce from country to country until they landed in the US with next to nothing, sleeping on floors.
Veliko časa sem preživel na njegovi stoi, verandi, ga spraševal o življenju in treningih. Bil je del društva Solidarnost na Poljskem ki je ne-nasilno društvo za socialne spremembe, ki pa ga je vlada nasilno zatrla. Izgubil je kariero kot gasilec. Nato je bil njegov mentor, duhovnik, ugrabljen, mučen in ubit in vržen v reko. Nato so grozili njemu. Skupaj z ženo sta pobegnila iz Poljske, hodila iz države v državo, dokler nista prišla v Ameriko, praktično brez vsega, spala sta na tleh.
He now lives in Woodside, California, in a very nice place, and of the 10,000-plus people I've met in my life, I would put him in the top 10, in terms of success and happiness. And there's a punchline coming, so pay attention. I sent him a text a few weeks ago, asking him: Had he ever read any Stoic philosophy? And he replied with two pages of text. This is very unlike him. He is a terse dude.
Sedaj živi v Woodsidu, Kalifornija, v zelo lepem kraju in od 10.000-ih ljudi, ki sem jih spoznal v življenju, bi njega uvrstil med top 10, če merimo uspeh in srečo. Vse to ima bistvo, ostanite pozorni. Pred nekaj tedni sem mu poslal sporočilo in ga vprašal, če je kdaj bral stoicistično filozofijo? In odgovoril je na dveh straneh. To sicer ni njemu podobno, je mož malo besed.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
And not only was he familiar with stoicism, but he pointed out, for all of his most important decisions, his inflection points, when he stood up for his principles and ethics, how he had used stoicism and something akin to fear-setting, which blew my mind.
In ne samo, da je poznal stoicizem, poudaril je, kako je za vse njegove najpomembnejše odločitve, vse točke prepletanja, ko je stal za svojimi principi in etiko, uporabil stoicizem in nekaj podobnega določanju strahov, kar me je šokiralo.
And he closed with two things. Number one: he couldn't imagine any life more beautiful than that of a Stoic. And the last was his mantra, which he applies to everything, and you can apply to everything:
In zaključil je z dvema točkama. Številka ena: ni si mogel predstavljati lepšega življenja, kot stoičnega. In zadnja je bila njegova mantra, ki jo uveljavlja pri vsem in jo tudi vi lahko:
"Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life."
"Lahke odločitve, težko življenje. Težke odločitve, lahko življenje."
The hard choices -- what we most fear doing, asking, saying -- these are very often exactly what we most need to do. And the biggest challenges and problems we face will never be solved with comfortable conversations, whether it's in your own head or with other people.
Težke odločitve -- česar se najbolj bojimo storiti, vprašati, povedati, te so najpogosteje točno tisto, kar moramo storiti. In največji izzivi, največji problemi, ki jih imamo, nikoli ne bodo mogli biti rešeni s preprostimi pogovori, ne glede na to, ali so samo v vaših glavah ali z drugimi.
So I encourage you to ask yourselves: Where in your lives right now might defining your fears be more important than defining your goals? Keeping in mind all the while, the words of Seneca: "We suffer more often in imagination than in reality."
Zato vas spodbujam, da se vprašate: Kje v vaših življenjih, trenutno, bi definiranje strahov lahko bilo bolj pomembno, kot definiranje ciljev? V mislih imejte besede Seneca: "Pogosteje trpimo bolj v domišljiji kot v realnosti."
Thank you very much.
Najlepša vam hvala.
(Applause)
(Aplavz)