[This talk contains graphic language and descriptions of sexual violence Viewer discretion is advised]
[Ovaj govor sadrži slikovit jezik i opise seksualnog nasilja. Savetuje se diskrecija gledalaca.]
Tom Stranger: In 1996, when I was 18 years old, I had the golden opportunity to go on an international exchange program. Ironically I'm an Australian who prefers proper icy cold weather, so I was both excited and tearful when I got on a plane to Iceland, after just having farewelled my parents and brothers goodbye. I was welcomed into the home of a beautiful Icelandic family who took me hiking, and helped me get a grasp of the melodic Icelandic language. I struggled a bit with the initial period of homesickness. I snowboarded after school, and I slept a lot. Two hours of chemistry class in a language that you don't yet fully understand can be a pretty good sedative.
Tom Strendžer: Godine 1996, kad mi je bilo 18 godina, imao sam zlatnu priliku da učestvujem u međunarodnom programu razmene. Ironija je da sam Australijanac kome se sviđa pravo ledeno hladno vreme, pa sam bio i uzbuđen i tužan kad sam se ukrcao na avion za Island, nakon što sam se upravo oprostio s roditeljima i braćom. Divna islandska porodica me je primila u svoj dom, vodili su me na planinarenje i pomagali mi da shvatim melodični islandski jezik. Jedan period u početku sam se malo mučio s melanholijom. Posle škole sam išao na snoubord i mnogo sam spavao. Dvosatni čas hemije na jeziku koji još uvek dobro ne razumete može da bude prilično dobar sedativ.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
My teacher recommended I try out for the school play, just to get me a bit more socially active. It turns out I didn't end up being part of the play, but through it I met Thordis. We shared a lovely teenage romance, and we'd meet at lunchtimes to just hold hands and walk around old downtown Reykjavík. I met her welcoming family, and she met my friends. We'd been in a budding relationship for a bit over a month when our school's Christmas Ball was held.
Nastavnik mi je predložio da se okušam u školskoj predstavi, prosto da bi me malo više društveno angažovao. Ispostavilo se da na kraju nisam bio deo predstave, ali sam tim povodom upoznao Tordis. Imali smo ljupku tinejdžersku romansu, i sastajali smo se na užini samo da bismo se držali za ruke i šetali starim centrom Rejkjavika. Upoznao sam njenu gostoprimljivu porodicu, a ona je upoznala moje prijatelje. Bili smo u drugarskoj vezi nešto više od meseca kada je održan božićni bal u našoj školi.
Thordis Elva: I was 16 and in love for the first time. Going together to the Christmas dance was a public confirmation of our relationship, and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. No longer a child, but a young woman. High on my newfound maturity, I felt it was only natural to try drinking rum for the first time that night, too. That was a bad idea. I became very ill, drifting in and out of consciousness in between spasms of convulsive vomiting. The security guards wanted to call me an ambulance, but Tom acted as my knight in shining armor, and told them he'd take me home.
Tordis Elva: Bilo mi je 16 godina i prvi put sam bila zaljubljena. Zajednički odlazak na božićni ples je bila javna potvrda naše veze i ja sam se osećala kao najsrećnija devojka na svetu. Nisam više bila dete, već mlada žena. Opijena novootkrivenom zrelošću, osećala sam da je jedino prirodno da probam rum prvi put te noći, takođe. To je bila loša ideja. Veoma mi je pozlilo, padala sam u nesvest i dolazila sebi između grčevitih napada povraćanja. Obezbeđenje je htelo da pozove hitnu za mene, ali je Tom nastupio kao moj vitez u bleštavom oklopu i rekao im je da će me on povesti kući.
It was like a fairy tale, his strong arms around me, laying me in the safety of my bed. But the gratitude that I felt towards him soon turned to horror as he proceeded to take off my clothes and get on top of me. My head had cleared up, but my body was still too weak to fight back, and the pain was blinding. I thought I'd be severed in two. In order to stay sane, I silently counted the seconds on my alarm clock. And ever since that night, I've known that there are 7,200 seconds in two hours.
Bilo je poput bajke, njegove snažne ruke oko mene, spuštao me je u bezbednost mog kreveta. Ali je zahvalnost koju sam osećala prema njemu uskoro prešla u užas dok mi je skidao odeću i spuštao se preko mene. Glava mi se razbistrila, ali mi je telo i dalje bilo suviše slabo da se odupre, a bol je bio zaslepljujući. Mislila sam da ću se rascepiti na pola. Kako bih ostala pri sebi, tiho sam brojala sekunde na mom budilniku. I od te noći, znam da dva sata imaju 7.200 sekundi.
Despite limping for days and crying for weeks, this incident didn't fit my ideas about rape like I'd seen on TV. Tom wasn't an armed lunatic; he was my boyfriend. And it didn't happen in a seedy alleyway, it happened in my own bed. By the time I could identify what had happened to me as rape, he had completed his exchange program and left for Australia. So I told myself it was pointless to address what had happened. And besides, it had to have been my fault, somehow.
Uprkos tome što sam ćopala i plakala nedeljama, ovaj incident se nije uklapao s idejama silovanja koje sam videla na TV-u. Tom nije bio naoružani ludak; bio mi je momak. I to se nije desilo u prljavoj uličici, desilo se u mom krevetu. Do trenutka kad sam mogla da prepoznam kao silovanje ono što mi se desilo, njegov program razmene je okončan i otišao je u Australiju. Pa sam rekla sebi da je besmisleno baviti se onim što se desilo. A osim toga, nekako je to moralo da bude moja krivica.
I was raised in a world where girls are taught that they get raped for a reason. Their skirt was too short, their smile was too wide, their breath smelled of alcohol. And I was guilty of all of those things, so the shame had to be mine. It took me years to realize that only one thing could have stopped me from being raped that night, and it wasn't my skirt, it wasn't my smile, it wasn't my childish trust. The only thing that could've stopped me from being raped that night is the man who raped me -- had he stopped himself.
Vaspitana sam u svetu u kom devojke uče da ih s razlogom siluju. Njihove suknje su bile suviše kratke, njihov osmeh je bio suviše širok, dah im se osećao na alkohol. A ja sam bila kriva za sve to, te je krivica morala da bude moja. Trebale su mi godine da shvatim da je samo jedna stvar mogla sprečiti da budem silovana te noći, a to nije bila moja suknja, nije bio moj osmeh, nije bilo moje detinjasto poverenje. Jedino što je moglo da spreči da budem silovana te noći je čovek koji me je silovao - da je on zaustavio samog sebe.
TS: I have vague memories of the next day: the after effects of drinking, a certain hollowness that I tried to stifle. Nothing more. But I didn't show up at Thordis's door. It is important to now state that I didn't see my deed for what it was. The word "rape" didn't echo around my mind as it should've, and I wasn't crucifying myself with memories of the night before. It wasn't so much a conscious refusal, it was more like any acknowledgment of reality was forbidden. My definition of my actions completely refuted any recognition of the immense trauma I caused Thordis. To be honest, I repudiated the entire act in the days afterwards and when I was committing it. I disavowed the truth by convincing myself it was sex and not rape. And this is a lie I've felt spine-bending guilt for.
TS: Sećanja o danu posle su mi bleda: posledice pijanstva, određena praznina koju sam pokušao da ugušim. Ništa više. Međutim, nisam se pojavio na Tordisinim vratima. Važno je da naglasim da svoje delo nisam shvatao onim što jeste bilo. Reč "silovanje" nije odjekivala u mom umu kao što je trebalo, i nisu me mučila sećanja na prethodnu noć. Nije to bilo svesno odbijanje, više se činilo kao da je svako priznanje stvarnosti zabranjeno. Moja definicija mojih postupaka je odbijala bilo kakvo priznanje ogromne traume koju sam uzrokovao Tordis. Iskreno, odbaciovao sam postupak u potpunosti narednih dana kao i u trenutku samog čina. Poricao sam istinu, ubeđujući sebe da je to bio seks, a ne silovanje. A to je laž zbog koje me je izjedala krivica.
I broke up with Thordis a couple of days later, and then saw her a number of times during the remainder of my year in Iceland, feeling a sharp stab of heavyheartedness each time. Deep down, I knew I'd done something immeasurably wrong. But without planning it, I sunk the memories deep, and then I tied a rock to them.
Raskinuo sam sa Tordis nekoliko dana kasnije i potom sam je video nekoliko puta tokom ostatka moje godine u Islandu, svaki put osećajući oštro probadanje utučenosti. Duboko u sebi sam znao da sam uradio nešto bezmerno pogrešno. Ali ne planirajući tako, duboko sam potisnuo sećanja, vezujući kamen za njih.
What followed is a nine-year period that can best be titled as "Denial and Running." When I got a chance to identify the real torment that I caused, I didn't stand still long enough to do so. Whether it be via distraction, substance use, thrill-seeking or the scrupulous policing of my inner speak, I refused to be static and silent.
Usledio je devetogodišnji period, koji bih najbolje naslovio kao: "Poricanje i bežanje". Kad sam imao priliku da spoznam istinsku agoniju koju sam uzrokovao, nisam dovoljno dugo mirovao da to uradim. Bilo da se radilo o odvlačenju pažnje, konzumiranju droga, traženju uzbuđenja ili budnom nadgledanju mog unutrašnjeg govora, odbijao sam da budem nepokretan i tih.
And with this noise, I also drew heavily upon other parts of my life to construct a picture of who I was. I was a surfer, a social science student, a friend to good people, a loved brother and son, an outdoor recreation guide, and eventually, a youth worker. I gripped tight to the simple notion that I wasn't a bad person. I didn't think I had this in my bones. I thought I was made up of something else. In my nurtured upbringing, my loving extended family and role models, people close to me were warm and genuine in their respect shown towards women. It took me a long time to stare down this dark corner of myself, and to ask it questions.
A uz tu buku, takođe sam iskorišćavao druge aspekte svog života kako bih izgradio sliku o sebi. Bio sam surfer, student društvenih nauka, prijatelj dobrih ljudi, voljeni brat i sin, vodič za rekreacije u prirodi i kasnije omladinski radnik. Čvrsto sam se držao za prostu misao da nisam loša osoba. Nisam smatrao da mi je to u krvi. Smatrao sam da sam drugačijeg kova. Tokom mog brižnog odrastanja, moja šira porodica puna ljubavi i uzori, meni bliski ljudi su bili topli i ispravni u iskazivanju poštovanja prema ženama. Dugo mi je trebalo da se zagledam u taj mračni ugao sebe i da mu postavim pitanja.
TE: Nine years after the Christmas dance, I was 25 years old, and headed straight for a nervous breakdown. My self-worth was buried under a soul-crushing load of silence that isolated me from everyone that I cared about, and I was consumed with misplaced hatred and anger that I took out on myself.
TE: Devet godina nakon božićnog plesa, bilo mi je 25 godina i srljala sam pravo u nervni slom. Moje samopoštovanje je sahranjeno pod teretom tišine koja je mrvila dušu, koja me je odvojila od svih koji su mi značili, i ophrvala su me osećanja pogrešno usmerene mržnje i besa koje sam iskalila na sebi.
One day, I stormed out of the door in tears after a fight with a loved one, and I wandered into a café, where I asked the waitress for a pen. I always had a notebook with me, claiming that it was to jot down ideas in moments of inspiration, but the truth was that I needed to be constantly fidgeting, because in moments of stillness, I found myself counting seconds again. But that day, I watched in wonder as the words streamed out of my pen, forming the most pivotal letter I've ever written, addressed to Tom. Along with an account of the violence that he subjected me to, the words, "I want to find forgiveness" stared back at me, surprising nobody more than myself. But deep down I realized that this was my way out of my suffering, because regardless of whether or not he deserved my forgiveness, I deserved peace. My era of shame was over.
Jednog dana sam u suzama izjurila kroz vrata nakon svađe sa voljenim i dovukla sam se do kafića, gde sam od konobarice zatražila olovku. Uvek sam sa sobom nosila beležnicu, tvrdeći da mi služi za zapisivanje ideja u momentima inspiracije, ali istina je da mi je bilo potrebno da se uvek vrpoljim jer bih se u trenucima mirovanja zatekla kako ponovo brojim sekunde. Tog dana, pak, gledala sam u čudu kako se reči slivaju niz moju olovku, oblikujući najkrucijalnije pismo koje sam ikad napisala, adresirano na Toma. Uz izveštaj o nasilju kom me je podvrgao, reči: "Želim da nađem oproštaj" su zurile u mene, iznenađujući mene samu najviše. No, duboko u sebi sam shvatila da je ovo moj izlaz iz patnje jer bez obzira na to da li je on zasluživao ili ne moj oprost, ja sam zasluživala mir. Moje doba stida je završeno.
Before sending the letter, I prepared myself for all kinds of negative responses, or what I found likeliest: no response whatsoever. The only outcome that I didn't prepare myself for was the one that I then got -- a typed confession from Tom, full of disarming regret. As it turns out, he, too, had been imprisoned by silence. And this marked the start of an eight-year-long correspondence that God knows was never easy, but always honest. I relieved myself of the burdens that I'd wrongfully shouldered, and he, in turn, wholeheartedly owned up to what he'd done. Our written exchanges became a platform to dissect the consequences of that night, and they were everything from gut-wrenching to healing beyond words.
Pre nego što sam poslala pismo, pripremila sam se za sve vidove negativnog odgovora ili onoga što mi je bilo najizglednije: odsustva bilo kakvog odgovora. Jedini ishod na koji nisam bila spremna je onaj koji sam dobila - Tomovo pismeno priznanje, ispunjeno razoružavajućim kajanjem. Ispostavilo se da je i on sam bio zraobljenik tišine. A ovo je obeležilo početak osmogodišnje prepiske koja, sam gospod zna, nikad nije bila laka, ali je uvek bila iskrena. Oslobodila sam se tereta koji sam nepravedno sebi natovarila, a on je za uzvrat, svesrdno ovladao onim što je uradio. Naša pismena razmena je postala platforma za seciranje posledica te noći, a one su sezale od srceparajućih do neizrecivo isceliteljskih.
And yet, it didn't bring about closure for me. Perhaps because the email format didn't feel personal enough, perhaps because it's easy to be brave when you're hiding behind a computer screen on the other side of the planet. But we'd begun a dialogue that I felt was necessary to explore to its fullest. So, after eight years of writing, and nearly 16 years after that dire night, I mustered the courage to propose a wild idea: that we'd meet up in person and face our past once and for all.
Pa ipak, nije mi donela razrešenje. Možda stoga što format imejla nije bio dovoljno ličan, možda zato što je lako biti hrabar kada se skrivate iza kompjuterskog ekrana na drugoj strani planete. Međutim, započeli smo dijalog za koji sam smatrala da je nužno da se dokraja istraži. Pa, nakon osam godina prepiske, i skoro 16 godina od te kobne noći, sakupila sam hrabrost da predložim ludu zamisao: da se sretnemo uživo i suočimo sa prošlošću jednom za svagda.
TS: Iceland and Australia are geographically like this. In the middle of the two is South Africa. We decided upon the city of Cape Town, and there we met for one week. The city itself proved to be a stunningly powerful environment to focus on reconciliation and forgiveness. Nowhere else has healing and rapprochement been tested like it has in South Africa. As a nation, South Africa sought to sit within the truth of its past, and to listen to the details of its history. Knowing this only magnified the effect that Cape Town had on us.
TS: Island i Australija su geografski ovako udaljeni. Tačno između njih je Južna Afrika. Odlučili smo se za grad Kejptaun i tu smo proveli nedelju dana. Sam grad se ispostavio kao zapanjujuće moćna sredina za usredsređenje na pomirenje i oproštaj. Nigde isceljenje i zbližavanje nisu tako testirani kao u Južnoj Africi. Kao nacija, Južna Afrika je tražila mesto između istine o svojoj prošlosti i detaljnog saslušanja o svojoj istoriji. Znajući ovo, dejstvo koje je Kejptaun imao na nas je bilo još jače.
Over the course of this week, we literally spoke our life stories to each other, from start to finish. And this was about analyzing our own history. We followed a strict policy of being honest, and this also came with a certain exposure, an open-chested vulnerability. There were gutting confessions, and moments where we just absolutely couldn't fathom the other person's experience. The seismic effects of sexual violence were spoken aloud and felt, face to face. At other times, though, we found a soaring clarity, and even some totally unexpected but liberating laughter. When it came down to it, we did out best to listen to each other intently. And our individual realities were aired with an unfiltered purity that couldn't do any less than lighten the soul.
Tokom ove sedmice, bukvalno smo jedno drugom ispričali naše životne priče, od početka do kraja. A radilo se o analiziranju naših istorija. Pratili smo strogi zakon iskrenosti, a to je sa sobom donelo izvesnu izloženost, ranjivost otvorene rane. Bilo je mučnih priznanja i trenutaka kad prosto uopšte nismo mogli da dokučimo iskustvo druge osobe. Potresna dejstva seksualnog nasilja su glasno izgovarana i osećana, licem u lice. Drugih puta, pak, otkrivali bismo okrepljujuću jasnoću, čak i potpuno neočekivan, ali oslobađajući smeh. Kada se sve svede, dali smo sve od sebe da pažljivo saslušamo jedno drugo. I naše individualne stvarnosti su oslobođene nefilterisanom čistoćom koja je ništa manje nego razvedrila naše duše.
TE: Wanting to take revenge is a very human emotion -- instinctual, even. And all I wanted to do for years was to hurt Tom back as deeply as he had hurt me. But had I not found a way out of the hatred and anger, I'm not sure I'd be standing here today. That isn't to say that I didn't have my doubts along the way. When the plane bounced on that landing strip in Cape Town, I remember thinking, "Why did I not just get myself a therapist and a bottle of vodka like a normal person would do?"
TE: Želja za osvetom je veoma ljudsko osećanje - instinktivno, čak. I sve što sam godinama želela je da povredim Toma podjednako snažno koliko je on mene. Ali da nisam otkrila izlaz iz mržnje i besa, nisam sigurna da bih danas stajala ovde. To ne znači da nisam imala sumnje sve vreme. Kada je avion doskočio na pistu u Kejptaunu, sećam se da sam pomislila: "Zašto prosto nisam nabavila terapeuta i flašu votke, kao svi normalni ljudi?"
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
At times, our search for understanding in Cape Town felt like an impossible quest, and all I wanted to do was to give up and go home to my loving husband, Vidir, and our son. But despite our difficulties, this journey did result in a victorious feeling that light had triumphed over darkness, that something constructive could be built out of the ruins.
Povremeno se naše traganje za razumevanjem u Kejptaunu činilo poput nemogućeg pohoda, i sve što sam želela je da odustanem i da se vratim kući svom dragom mužu Vidiru i našem sinu. No, uprkos našim poteškoćama, ovo putovanje je rezultiralo pobedonosnim osećanjem da je svetlo trijumfovalo nad tamom, da je nešto konstruktivno moglo da se izgradi na ruševinama.
I read somewhere that you should try and be the person that you needed when you were younger. And back when I was a teenager, I would have needed to know that the shame wasn't mine, that there's hope after rape, that you can even find happiness, like I share with my husband today. Which is why I started writing feverishly upon my return from Cape Town, resulting in a book co-authored by Tom, that we hope can be of use to people from both ends of the perpetrator-survivor scale. If nothing else, it's a story that we would've needed to hear when we were younger.
Negde sam pročitala da bi trebalo pokušati biti osoba koja vam je bila potrebna u mladosti. A kad sam bila tinejdžerka, bilo mi je potrebno saznanje da sramota nije bila moja, da ima nade nakon silovanja, da čak možete naći i sreću, poput one koju danas delim sa suprugom. Zbog toga sam nakon povratka iz Kejptauna počela grozničavo da pišem ono što će da bude knjiga u koautorstvu s Tomom, za koju se nadamo da će da koristi ljudima s oba kraja skale žrtva-počinilac. Ako ništa drugo, to je priča koju je bilo potrebno da čujemo kad smo bili mlađi.
Given the nature of our story, I know the words that inevitably accompany it -- victim, rapist -- and labels are a way to organize concepts, but they can also be dehumanizing in their connotations. Once someone's been deemed a victim, it's that much easier to file them away as someone damaged, dishonored, less than. And likewise, once someone has been branded a rapist, it's that much easier to call him a monster -- inhuman. But how will we understand what it is in human societies that produces violence if we refuse to recognize the humanity of those who commit it? And how --
Zbog prirode naše priče, znam da su reči koje neizbežno idu uz nju - žrtva, silovatelj - i etikete su način organizovanja koncepata, ali takođe mogu svojim konotacijama da onečovečuju. Čim nekoga odrede kao žrtvu, utoliko je lakše otpisati ih kao nekoga oštećenog, obeščašćenog, manje vrednog. I slično, čim nekoga označe kao silovatelja, utoliko je lakše nazvati ga čudovištem - nečovekom. Ali kako ćemo da razumemo šta to u ljudskim društvima uzrokuje nasilje, ako odbijamo da priznamo ljudskost onima koji ga počine? I kako -
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
And how can we empower survivors if we're making them feel less than? How can we discuss solutions to one of the biggest threats to the lives of women and children around the world, if the very words we use are part of the problem?
I kako ćemo da osnažimo preživele, ako ih teramo da se osećaju manje vrednim? Kako ćemo da raspravljamo o rešenjima za jednu od najvećih pretnji po živote žena i dece širom sveta, ako su same reči koje koristimo deo problema?
TS: From what I've now learnt, my actions that night in 1996 were a self-centered taking. I felt deserving of Thordis's body. I've had primarily positive social influences and examples of equitable behavior around me. But on that occasion, I chose to draw upon the negative ones. The ones that see women as having less intrinsic worth, and of men having some unspoken and symbolic claim to their bodies. These influences I speak of are external to me, though. And it was only me in that room making choices, nobody else.
TS: Sada znam da je moje ponašanje u noći 1996, bilo sebično uzimanje. Osećao sam da zaslužujem Tordisino telo. Imao sam pre svega pozitivne društvene uticaje i primere egalitarnog ponašanja oko mene. Ali tom prilikom, odlučio sam da se vodim negativnim. Onim koji gledaju na žene kao da imaju po prirodi manju vrednost, a da muškarci imaju neko prećutno i simbolično pravo na njihova tela. Ovi uticaji o kojima govorim su ipak za mene spoljni. I jedino sam ja u toj prostoriji donosio odluke, niko drugi.
When you own something and really square up to your culpability, I do think a surprising thing can happen. It's what I call a paradox of ownership. I thought I'd buckle under the weight of responsibility. I thought my certificate of humanity would be burnt. Instead, I was offered to really own what I did, and found that it didn't possess the entirety of who I am. Put simply, something you've done doesn't have to constitute the sum of who you are. The noise in my head abated. The indulgent self-pity was starved of oxygen, and it was replaced with the clean air of acceptance -- an acceptance that I did hurt this wonderful person standing next to me; an acceptance that I am part of a large and shockingly everyday grouping of men who have been sexually violent toward their partners.
Kada ovladate nečim i zaista izađete na čistac sa svojom krivicom, verujem da iznenađujuće stvari mogu da se dese. To nazivam paradoksom ovladavanja. Mislio sam da ću da se pognem pod teretom odgovornosti. Mislio sam da će moja diploma čovečnosti da sagori. Umesto toga mi je ponuđeno da zaista ovladam svojim delom i otkrio sam da ono ne gospodari mojom celokupnom ličnošću. Prosto rečeno, nešto što ste uradili ne mora da bude zbir svega što jeste. Buka u mojoj glavi se stišala. Prepuštanje samosažaljenju je lišeno kiseonika i zamenio ga je svež vazduh prihvatanja - prihvatanja da jesam povredio ovo divno biće koje stoji pored mene; prihvatanje da sam deo velikog i šokantno svakodnevnog gomilanja muškaraca koji su seksualno nasilni prema svojim partnerima.
Don't underestimate the power of words. Saying to Thordis that I raped her changed my accord with myself, as well as with her. But most importantly, the blame transferred from Thordis to me. Far too often, the responsibility is attributed to female survivors of sexual violence, and not to the males who enact it. Far too often, the denial and running leaves all parties at a great distance from the truth. There's definitely a public conversation happening now, and like a lot of people, we're heartened that there's less retreating from this difficult but important discussion. I feel a real responsibility to add our voices to it.
Ne potcenjujte snagu reči. Rekavši Tordis da sam je silovao, promenio se moj odnos prema sebi, kao i prema njoj. Ali što je najvažnije krivica je prešla sa Tordis na mene. Suviše često, odgovornos se pripisuje ženama koje su preživele seksualno nasilje, a ne muškarcima koji su ga izvršili. Suviše često poricanje i bežanje ostavlja sve strane na velikoj udaljenosti od istine. Definitivno je u toku javna rasprava, i kao i mnoge ljude, ohrabruje nas da je sve manje povlačenja od ove teške, ali važne rasprave. Osećam istinsku odgovornost da joj doprinesem našim glasovima.
TE: What we did is not a formula that we're prescribing for others. Nobody has the right to tell anyone else how to handle their deepest pain or their greatest error. Breaking your silence is never easy, and depending on where you are in the world, it can even be deadly to speak out about rape. I realize that even the most traumatic event of my life is still a testament to my privilege, because I can talk about it without getting ostracized, or even killed. But with that privilege of having a voice comes the responsibility of using it. That's the least I owe my fellow survivors who can't.
TE: Naš postupak nije recept koji prepisujemo drugima. Niko nema prava da kaže nekom drugom kako da se bori sa najvećim bolom ili najvećom greškom. Prekinuti ćutanje nikad nije lako, a u zavisnosti od toga gde se nalazite u svetu, može čak i da bude smrtonosno govoriti o silovanju. Shvatam da je čak i najtraumatičniji događaj u mom životu i dalje svedočanstvo moje privilegovanosti jer mogu da govorim o tome, a da ne budem prognana ili čak ubijena. Međutim, s privilegijom posedovanja glasa, dolazi odgovornost njegovog korišćenja. To je najmanje što dugujem mojim kolegama preživelim koji ne mogu.
The story we've just relayed is unique, and yet it is so common with sexual violence being a global pandemic. But it doesn't have to be that way. One of the things that I found useful on my own healing journey is educating myself about sexual violence. And as a result, I've been reading, writing and speaking about this issue for over a decade now, going to conferences around the world. And in my experience, the attendees of such events are almost exclusively women. But it's about time that we stop treating sexual violence as a women's issue.
Priča koju smo upravo podelili je jedinstvena, a ipak je toliko uobičajena, budući da je seksualno nasilje globalna pandemija. Međutim, ne mora da bude tako. Nešto što mi je bilo korisno na sopstvenom putu isceljenja je učenje o seksualnom nasilju. A zbog toga sam čitala, pisala i govorila o ovom pitanju, sad već više od deceniju, posećujući konferencije širom sveta. A prema mom iskustvu, učesnici sličnih događaja su skoro isključivo žene. Ali vreme je da prestanemo da tretiramo seksualno nasilje kao žensko pitanje.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
A majority of sexual violence against women and men is perpetrated by men. And yet their voices are sorely underrepresented in this discussion. But all of us are needed here. Just imagine all the suffering we could alleviate if we dared to face this issue together.
Seksualno nasilje nad ženama i muškarcima većinom počine muškarci. Pa ipak, njihovi glasovi su krajnje nezastupljeni u ovoj raspravi. Međutim, neophodno je prisustvo svih. Samo zamislite koliku patnju bismo mogli da ublažimo, ako bismo se usudili da se zajedno suočimo s ovim problemom.
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)