I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Now, how many times have you heard that one? Over drinks, maybe, with friends, or perhaps with family at Thanksgiving. It's everyone's favorite flaw, it's that now quite common response to the difficult, final question at job interviews: "My biggest weakness? That's my perfectionism."
(掌聲) 我有點太完美主義了。 這句話你聽過多少次了? 也許是在跟朋友喝兩杯的時候, 或是跟家人過感恩節時聽到的。 這是每個人最偏愛的缺點。 去求職面試,最後 被問到這個難題的時候, 大家也常拋出這個答案: 「我最大的缺點? 那就是我太完美主義了。」
You see, for something that supposedly holds us back, it's quite remarkable how many of us are quite happy to hold our hands up and say we're perfectionists. But there's an interesting and serious point because our begrudging admiration for perfection is so pervasive that we never really stop to question that concept in its own terms. What does it say about us and our society that there is a kind of celebration in perfection?
值得注意的是:儘管它算是個障礙, 卻有這麼多人樂意舉手承認, 說自己是完美主義者。 但有個有趣而又嚴肅的重點, 即是我們太充滿了對完美的欽羨, 而沒去質疑完美的真正涵義。 當我們和我們的社會 都在頌揚完美的時候, 這反映出了什麼?
We tend to hold perfectionism up as an insignia of worth. The emblem of the successful. Yet, in my time studying perfectionism, I've seen limited evidence that perfectionists are more successful. Quite the contrary -- they feel discontented and dissatisfied amid a lingering sense that they're never quite perfect enough. We know from clinician case reports that perfectionism conceals a host of psychological difficulties, including things like depression, anxiety, anorexia, bulimia and even suicide ideation. And what's more worrying is that over the last 25 years, we have seen perfectionism rise at an alarming rate. And at the same time, we have seen more mental illness among young people than ever before. Rates of suicide in the US alone increased by 25 percent across the last two decades. And we're beginning to see similar trends emerge across Canada, and in my home country, the United Kingdom.
我們常會高舉完美主義 作為一種身價的表徵。 一種成功的象徵。 然而在我對於完美主義的研究裡, 我很少看到完美主義者 比較成功的例子。 恰恰相反—— 他們感到不滿、失望, 始終擺脫不了自己不夠完美的感覺。 臨床病例報告顯示: 完美主義掩蓋了許多心理問題, 包括抑鬱症、焦慮、厭食、貪食, 甚至自殺念頭。 更令人擔憂的是在過去 25 年裡, 完美主義以驚人的速度上升。 與此同時, 年輕人患精神疾病的也比以往更多。 光是在美國, 自殺率在過去 20 年裡 便增加了 25%。 在加拿大,以及在我的家鄉英國 我們也開始看到類似的趨勢。
Now, our research is suggesting that perfectionism is rising as society is changing. And a changed society reflects a changed sense of personal identity and, with it, differences in the way in which young people interact with each other and the world around them. And there are some unique characteristics about our preeminent, market-based society that include things like unrestricted choice and personal freedom, and these are characteristics that we feel are contributing to almost epidemic levels of this problem.
我們的研究顯示: 隨著社會變遷,完美主義正在提升。 一個變遷的社會, 反映出個人認知的改變, 以及年輕人彼此之間 和他們與周遭環境之間 互動方式的改變。 我們這個卓越的市場導向社會 有一些獨特的特徵, 包括不受限的選擇, 和個人自由等。 而我們覺得恰恰是這些特徵 助長了這個問題的氾濫。
So let me give you an example. Young people today are more preoccupied with the attainment of the perfect life and lifestyle. In terms of their image, status and wealth. Data from Pew show that young people born in the US in the late 1980s are 20 percent more likely to report being materially rich as among their most important life goals, relative to their parents and their grandparents. Young people also borrow more heavily than did older generations, and they spend a much greater proportion of their income on image goods and status possessions. These possessions, their lives and their lifestyles are now displayed in vivid detail on the ubiquitous social media platforms of Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat. In this new visual culture, the appearance of perfection is far more important than the reality.
我來舉個例子。 今天的年輕人更專注於 實現完美的人生 和生活方式。 追求的是他們的外貌,地位和財富。 皮尤研究中心的數據顯示: 出生於 1980 年代末的 美國年輕人裡, 將追求物質財富列為 重要人生目標的比例, 比他們的父母、祖父母輩 還要高出 20%。 年輕人也比老一輩的人借貸得更多, 他們的收入中有更大的比例 花在與外貌有關的商品上, 和炫耀身分地位的物件上。 這些物件、他們的 日常生活及生活方式 現在都鮮活地展示於無所不在的 Instagram、Facebook、 Snapchat 等社交媒體平台上。 在這個新的視覺文化中, 看起來完美,遠比現實更重要。
If one side of the modern landscape that we have so lavishly furnished for young people is this idea that there's a perfectible life and that there's a perfectible lifestyle, then the other is surely work. Nothing is out of reach for those who want it badly enough. Or so we're told. This is the idea at the heart of the American dream. Opportunity, meritocracy, the self-made person, hard work. The notion that hard work always pays off. And above all, the idea that we're captains of our own destiny. These ideas, they connect our wealth, our status and our image with our innate, personal value.
如果現代生活的一面, 是我們為年輕人勾畫的美景—— 生活可以變完美、 可以有完美的生活方式, 那麼它的另一面肯定就是工作。 只要你真心想要,沒有什麼做不到。 至少人家是這麼告訴我們的。 這是美國夢的中心思想。 機會均等,能者多得, 白手起家,勤奮工作。 也就是說努力不會白費。 更甚的是,相信我們是 自己命運的主宰。 這些想法,將財富、地位、外表 與我們固有的個人價值連結在一起。
But it is, of course, complete fiction. Because even if there were equality of opportunity, the idea that we are captains of our own destiny disguises a much darker reality for young people that they are subject to an almost ongoing economic tribunal. Metrics, rankings, lead tables have emerged as the yardsticks for which merit can be quantified and used to sort young people into schools, classes and colleges.
然而這完全是虛構的。 即使機會均等, 我們主宰自己命運的這種想法, 向年輕人隱瞞了他們幾乎 時時要受到經濟試煉的黑暗現實。 指標、名次、排名表 已成了評量好壞的標準, 用來作分配年輕人到 學校、班級和大學的依據。
Education is the first arena where measurement is so publicly played out and where metrics are being used as a tool to improve standards and performance. And it starts young. Young people in America's big city high schools take some 112 mandatory standardized tests between prekindergarten and the end of 12th grade. No wonder young people report a strong need to strive, perform and achieve at the center of modern life. They've been conditioned to define themselves in the strict and narrow terms of grades, percentiles and lead tables.
教育是第一個 公開做評量的競賽場, 成績指標被拿來作為 提高標準和表現的工具。 而且從小就開始了。 美國大城市的高中生 從學前班到高三必須參加 多達 112 次的標準測試。 難怪現代生活中的年輕人 覺得有去努力、表現 和達成目標的強烈需要。 他們被教得只會拿嚴格而狹隘的 分數、百分比和排名表來定義自己。
This is a society that preys on their insecurities. Insecurities about how they are performing and how they are appearing to other people. This is a society that amplifies their imperfections. Every flaw, every unforeseen setback increases a need to perform more perfectly next time, or else, bluntly, you're a failure. That feeling of being flawed and deficient is especially pervasive -- just talk to young people. "How should I look, how should I behave?" "I should look like that model, I should have as many followers as that Instagram influencer, I must do better in school."
這是一個會利用他們的 不安全感的社會。 他們對自己的表現 以及對別人如何看待自己 有著不安全感。 這個社會將他們的不完美放大。 每一個缺點,每一次意料外的挫折, 都讓人覺得下次需要做得更完美, 否則,不客氣地說,你就是沒用。 那種自己有缺陷和不足的 感覺特別普遍—— 跟年輕人聊聊就知道。 「我該怎麼打扮?我該怎麼表現?」 「我應該妝扮得像那個模特兒, 我應該和那個 IG 網紅 有一樣多的粉絲, 我在學校必須表現得更好。」
In my role as mentor to many young people, I see these lived effects of perfectionism firsthand. And one student sticks out in my mind very vividly. John, not his real name, was ambitious, hardworking and diligent and on the surface, he was exceptionally high-achieving, often getting first-class grades for his work. Yet, no matter how well John achieved, he always seemed to recast his successes as abject failures, and in meetings with me, he would talk openly about how he'd let himself and others down. John's justification was quite simple: How could he be a success when he was trying so much harder than other people just to attain the same outcomes?
我輔導許多年輕人的時候, 就目睹了完美主義的影響。 我對某個學生的印象特別深刻。 約翰(假名)雄心萬丈, 賣力又勤奮, 表面上看起來他成就非凡, 成績常常是頭等。 然而,無論約翰取得多大成就, 他似乎總是將自己的成功 視為可悲的失敗, 而且在和我面談的時候, 他毫不隱諱地談論他如何 讓自己和別人失望。 約翰的理由很簡單: 他比別人付出了更多努力 也只達到和他們同樣的結果, 那怎麼能算是成功?
See, John's perfectionism, his unrelenting work ethic, was only serving to expose what he saw as his inner weakness to himself and to others. Cases like John's speak to the harmfulness of perfectionism as a way of being in the world. Contrary to popular belief, perfectionism is never about perfecting things or perfecting tasks. It's not about striving for excellence. John's case highlights this vividly. At its root, perfectionism is about perfecting the self. Or, more precisely, perfecting an imperfect self.
所以你們看,約翰的 完美主義和不懈的努力, 就只向自己和他人暴露了 他自認為是內心的弱點。 像約翰這樣的例子, 說明了以完美主義處世 是有害的。 與一般的看法相反, 完美主義完全無關於 把事做完美或將物變完美。 它無關於對卓越的追求。 約翰的例子鮮明地展示了這一點。 追根究底,完美主義 是為了完善自己。 或者更準確地說,是要 完善一個不完美的自己。
And you can think about it like a mountain of achievement that perfectionism leads us to imagine ourselves scaling. And we think to ourselves, "Once I've reached that summit, then people will see I'm not flawed, and I'll be worth something." But what perfectionism doesn't tell us is that soon after reaching that summit, we will be called down again to the fresh lowlands of insecurity and shame, just to try and scale that peak again. This is the cycle of self-defeat. In the pursuit of unattainable perfection, a perfectionist just cannot step off. And it's why it's so difficult to treat.
你可以把它想作一座成就的高山。 完美主義讓我們想像自己在爬山。 我們會想:「只要我到達頂峰, 大家就會看到我是完美、 是有價值的。」 然而完美主義沒告訴我們, 一旦到達頂峰, 它又會叫我們下山,回到 沒安全感又無顏面的新低地, 然後再重蹈登頂之路。 這是自我挫敗的循環。 追求著無法達到的完美, 完美主義者就是無法脫困。 所以很難治療。
Now, we've known for decades and decades that perfectionism contributes to a host of psychological problems, but there was never a good way to measure it. That was until the late 1980s when two Canadians, Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett, came along and developed a self-report measure of perfectionism. So that's right, folks, you can measure this, and it essentially captures three core elements of perfectionism. The first is self-oriented perfectionism, the irrational desire to be perfect: "I strive to be as perfect as I can be." The second is socially prescribed perfectionism, the sense that the social environment is excessively demanding: "I feel that others are too demanding of me." And the third is other-oriented perfectionism, the imposition of unrealistic standards on other people: "If I ask somebody to do something, I expect it to be done perfectly."
數十年來,我們早就知道 完美主義助長了許多心理問題, 但是一直沒有好的方法去衡量。 直到 1980 年代末期, 保羅.休伊特和戈登.弗列特 兩位加拿大人發展出一套 完美主義自我檢測的衡量方法。 沒錯,各位,你可以衡量完美主義。 它基本上捕捉了 完美主義的三個核心要素。 第一是自我取向的完美主義, 追求完美的非理性慾望: 「我努力去做到盡善盡美。」 第二是社會取向完美主義, 感受到社會環境的過分要求: 「我覺得別人對我太苛求了。」 第三是他人取向完美主義, 強加不切實際的標準於他人: 「如果我要求某人做某事, 我期待完美無瑕的成果。」
Now, research shows that all three elements of perfectionism associate with compromised mental health, including things like heightened depression, heightened anxiety and suicide ideation. But, by far, the most problematic element of perfectionism is socially prescribed perfectionism. That sense that everyone expects me to be perfect. This element of perfectionism has a large correlation with serious mental illness. And with today's emphasis on perfection at the forefront of my mind, I was curious to see whether these elements of perfectionism were changing.
研究顯示完美主義的三個元素 都與心理不健康相關, 包括重度抑鬱, 重度焦慮和自殺念頭。 而問題最大的完美主義元素 是社會取向完美主義。 那種每個人都期待我完美的感覺。 這個完美主義的元素 與嚴重精神疾病有很大的關係。 再加上現今對完美的強調, 這一點是我最重視的, 我很好奇這些完美主義 元素是否隨時間在變。
To date, research in this area is focused on immediate family relations, but we wanted to look at it at a broader level. So we took all of the data that had ever been collected in the 27 years since Paul and Gordon developed that perfectionism measure, and we isolated the data in college students. This turned out to be more than 40,000 young people from American, Canadian and British colleges, and with so much data available, we looked to see if there was a trend. And in all, it took us more than three years to collate all of this information, crunch the numbers, and write our report. But it was worth it because our analysis uncovered something alarming. All three elements of perfectionism have increased over time. But socially prescribed perfectionism saw the largest increase, and by far.
迄今這方面的研究 都專注於近親關係, 但是我們想在更廣泛的層面檢視它。 所以我們拿了自保羅和戈登 發明完美主義檢測法以來 27 年內蒐集的所有數據, 抽取出其中關於大學生的資料。 共有超過 40,000 名年輕人, 分別來自美國、 加拿大及英國的大學, 從這麼多的數據中,我們去 找看看是否有變化趨勢。 我們共花了三年多, 彙整資料、計算數據, 並寫下報告。 但這是值得的,因為我們的 分析揭露了令人警惕的事情。 完美主義的三個因素都隨時間遞增。 但社會取向完美主義 增加最多,而且最顯著。
In 1989, just nine percent of young people report clinically relevant levels of socially prescribed perfectionism. Those are levels that we might typically see in clinical populations. By 2017, that figure had doubled to 18 percent. And by 2050, projections based on the models that we tested indicate that almost one in three young people will report clinically relevant levels of socially prescribed perfectionism. Remember, this is the element of perfectionism that has the largest correlation with serious mental illness, and that's for good reason.
在 1989 年, 僅有百分之九的年輕人 在臨床上有達到 社會取向完美主義的程度。 那種程度在臨床上很常見。 到 2017 年,那個數字 已加倍至 18%。 等到 2050 年,依我們 測試模型的預測 幾乎每三個年輕人中, 便有一個會有社會取向 完美主義的症狀。 請記住,這個完美主義元素 與嚴重精神疾病有最大相關性, 而且那是有道理的。
Socially prescribed perfectionists feel a unrelenting need to meet the expectations of other people. And even if they do meet yesterday's expectation of perfection, they then raise the bar on themselves to an even higher degree because these folks believe that the better they do, the better that they're expected to do. This breeds a profound sense of helplessness and, worse, hopelessness.
社會取向完美主義者感到有種 要滿足他人期望的無止境需求。 即使他們達到了昨天對完美的期望, 他們今天又提高了 自己完美標準的門檻, 因為這些人相信當他們做得越好, 別人對他們的期望就越高。 這釀成了深深的無助感, 甚至到了絕望的地步。
But is there hope? Of course there's hope. Perfectionists can and should hold on to certain things -- they are typically bright, ambitious, conscientious and hardworking. And yes, treatment is complex. But a little bit of self-compassion, going easy on ourselves when things don't go well, can turn those qualities into greater personal peace and success. And then there's what we can do as caregivers.
但是還有希望嗎? 當然有。 完美主義者可以 而且應該要堅持某些事情。 他們通常聰明、上進, 認真而且勤奮。 沒錯,要治療很複雜。 但只要疼惜自己一點, 事情不順利時對自己寬容些, 就能將這些特質轉化成 更多的內心平靜與成功。 我們作為照護者也能幫助他們。
Perfectionism develops in our formative years, and so young people are more vulnerable. Parents can help their children by supporting them unconditionally when they've tried but failed. And Mom and Dad can resist their understandable urge in today's highly competitive society to helicopter-parent, as a lot of anxiety is communicated when parents take on their kids' successes and failures as their own.
完美主義在我們的成長階段中形成, 因此年輕人更容易受害。 當孩子努力但失敗時, 父母可以無條件地支持他們。 在當今競爭激烈的社會中,自然 會有當「直升機父母」的衝動, 但要去抗拒它, 因為要是做父母的 包攬了子女的成敗, 便會把大量的焦慮傳到子女身上。
But ultimately, our research raises important questions about how we are structuring society and whether our society's heavy emphasis on competition, evaluation and testing is benefiting young people. It's become commonplace for public figures to say that young people just need a little bit more resilience in the face of these new and unprecedented pressures. But I believe that is us washing our hands of the core issue because we have a shared responsibility to create a society and a culture in which young people need less perfection in the first place.
最終,我們的研究提出了 關於我們的社會結構, 以及我們社會特別強調 競爭、評估和測試 是否有益於年輕人的重要問題。 公眾人物常說 面對這些新的和前所未有的壓力, 年輕人只需要更多韌性就行。 但我認為那是對於 核心問題撒手不管。 因為我們首先 有共同的責任要去創造一個 年輕人無須太完美的社會和文化。
Let's not kid ourselves. Creating that kind of world is an enormous challenge, and for a generation of young people that live their lives in the 24/7 spotlight of metrics, lead tables and social media, perfectionism is inevitable, so long as they lack any purpose in life greater than how they are appearing or how they are performing to other people.
我們不要自欺欺人。 打造那樣的世界是個巨大的挑戰。 這一代的年輕人 一天 24 小時生活在 指標、排名和社交媒體的聚光燈下, 他們絕對逃脫不了完美主義—— 如果他們生活的目的, 就是在意外表, 在意別人的看法。
What can they do about it? Every time they are knocked down from that mountaintop, they see no other option but to try scaling that peak again. The ancient Greeks knew that this endless struggle up and down the same mountain is not the road to happiness. Their image of hell was a man called Sisyphus, doomed for eternity to keep rolling the same boulder up a hill, only to see it roll back down and have to start again. So long as we teach young people that there is nothing more real or meaningful in their lives than this hopeless quest for perfection, then we are going to condemn future generations to that same futility and despair.
他們能做些什麼呢? 每次他們從山頂被打下來, 除了再爬上去, 他們沒見到其他的選項。 古希臘人知道 在同一座山不斷地上下掙扎, 絕非幸福之路。 這是一幅煉獄圖: 薛西弗斯注定要永遠 重複推那巨石上山, 看著它滾下山,然後又 重新開始的無止盡循環。 只要我們一直教年輕人 他們生活中最真實最有意義的事 便是去追求這無望的完美, 那麼我們將會讓未來的世代 都墮入同樣的徒勞與絕望。
And so we're left with a question. When are we going to appreciate that there is something fundamentally inhuman about limitless perfection? No one is flawless. If we want to help our young people escape the trap of perfectionism, then we will teach them that in a chaotic world, life will often defeat us, but that's OK. Failure is not weakness. If we want to help our young people outgrow this self-defeating snare of impossible perfection, then we will raise them in a society that has outgrown that very same delusion.
所以我們得面對這個問題: 我們要何時才能認清 無限的完美 根本是不合人性的? 沒有人完美無瑕。 如果我們想幫助年輕人 逃出完美主義的陷阱, 我們就要教他們: 在這個混亂的世界裡, 生活往往會打敗我們,但那沒關係。 失敗並不是弱點。 如果我們想幫助年輕人擺脫 這個追求不可能的完美的自我陷阱, 我們就要讓他們在一個 沒有那種幻想的社會中成長。
But most of all, if we want our young people to enjoy mental, emotional and psychological health, then we will invite them to celebrate the joys and the beauties of imperfection as a normal and natural part of everyday living and loving.
最重要的是, 如果要我們的年輕人享有精神上、 情感上和心理上的健康, 那麼我們就要邀請他們一同慶祝 不完美的美與歡樂。 將它視為日常生活和愛中 正常又自然的一部分。
Thank you very much.
謝謝大家。
(Applause)
(掌聲)