I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Now, how many times have you heard that one? Over drinks, maybe, with friends, or perhaps with family at Thanksgiving. It's everyone's favorite flaw, it's that now quite common response to the difficult, final question at job interviews: "My biggest weakness? That's my perfectionism."
Ja sam pomalo perfekcionista. Koliko puta ste to čuli? Uz piće, možda, sa prijateljima, ili možda sa porodicom na Dan zahvalnosti. To je svačija omiljena mana, to je taj sada prilično učestali odgovor na teško poslednje pitanje na intervjuu na posao: „Moja najveća slaba tačka? To je moj perfekcionizam.“
You see, for something that supposedly holds us back, it's quite remarkable how many of us are quite happy to hold our hands up and say we're perfectionists. But there's an interesting and serious point because our begrudging admiration for perfection is so pervasive that we never really stop to question that concept in its own terms. What does it say about us and our society that there is a kind of celebration in perfection?
Vidite, za nešto što nas navodno sputava, prilično je neverovatno koliko mnogo nas rado priznaje da smo perfekcionisti. Ali tu postoji jedna zanimljiva i ozbiljna stvar, jer je naše zavidno divljenje prema savršenstvu toliko opšteprisutno da nikada ne zastanemo da preispitamo šta taj koncept sam po sebi znači. Šta govori o nama i našem društvu to što postoji neka vrsta slavljenja savršenosti?
We tend to hold perfectionism up as an insignia of worth. The emblem of the successful. Yet, in my time studying perfectionism, I've seen limited evidence that perfectionists are more successful. Quite the contrary -- they feel discontented and dissatisfied amid a lingering sense that they're never quite perfect enough. We know from clinician case reports that perfectionism conceals a host of psychological difficulties, including things like depression, anxiety, anorexia, bulimia and even suicide ideation. And what's more worrying is that over the last 25 years, we have seen perfectionism rise at an alarming rate. And at the same time, we have seen more mental illness among young people than ever before. Rates of suicide in the US alone increased by 25 percent across the last two decades. And we're beginning to see similar trends emerge across Canada, and in my home country, the United Kingdom.
Skloni smo da perfekcionizam smatramo oznakom vrednosti. Simbol uspešnih. A ipak, dok sam izučavao perfekcionizam, nisam našao dovoljno dokaza da su perfekcionisti uspešniji. Naprotiv - osećaju se nesrećno i nezadovoljno usred dugotrajnog utiska da nikada nisu dovoljno savršeni. Znamo iz kliničkih izveštaja o slučajevima da perfekcionizam skriva niz psiholoških poteškoća, uključujući depresiju, anksioznost, anoreksiju, bulimiju, pa čak i razmišljanje o samoubistvu. Još više zabrinjava to da tokom poslednjih 25 godina uočavamo da se učestalost perfekcionizma alarmantno povećava. Istovremeno primećujemo više mentalnih bolesti među mladima nego ikada pre. Stopa samoubistava samo u SAD-u povećana je za 25 procenata tokom poslednje dve decenije. Počinjemo da primećujemo da se slične tendencije javljaju u Kanadi, kao i u mojoj domovini, Ujedinjenom Kraljevstvu.
Now, our research is suggesting that perfectionism is rising as society is changing. And a changed society reflects a changed sense of personal identity and, with it, differences in the way in which young people interact with each other and the world around them. And there are some unique characteristics about our preeminent, market-based society that include things like unrestricted choice and personal freedom, and these are characteristics that we feel are contributing to almost epidemic levels of this problem.
Naše istraživanje ukazuje da se perfekcionizam povećava kada se društvo menja. Izmenjeno društvo odražava promenjen osećaj ličnog identiteta i, usto, razlike u načinu na koji mladi komuniciraju jedni sa drugima, kao i sa svetom oko sebe. Postoje neke jedinstvene karakteristike našeg nadmoćnog društva zasnovanog na tržištu koje obuhvataju stvari poput neograničenog izbora i lične slobode, a to su karakteristike za koje smatramo da doprinose da ovaj problem poprimi skoro nivo epidemije.
So let me give you an example. Young people today are more preoccupied with the attainment of the perfect life and lifestyle. In terms of their image, status and wealth. Data from Pew show that young people born in the US in the late 1980s are 20 percent more likely to report being materially rich as among their most important life goals, relative to their parents and their grandparents. Young people also borrow more heavily than did older generations, and they spend a much greater proportion of their income on image goods and status possessions. These possessions, their lives and their lifestyles are now displayed in vivid detail on the ubiquitous social media platforms of Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat. In this new visual culture, the appearance of perfection is far more important than the reality.
Daću vam primer. Mladi ljudi su danas više zaokupljeni dostizanjem savršenog života i načina života, u pogledu svog imidža, statusa i bogatstva. Podaci istraživačkog centra Pju pokazuju da mladi ljudi rođeni u SAD-u kasnih 1980-ih godina 20 posto češće navode sticanje materijalnog bogatstva među svojim najbitnijim životnim ciljevima, u odnosu na svoje roditelje i svoje babe i dete. Mladi se takođe mnogo više zadužuju nego starije generacije, i troše mnogo veći deo prihoda na proizvode koji podržavaju njihov imidž i imovinu koja ukazuje na status. Ova imovina, njihovi životi i stil života sada se prikazuju u živopisnim detaljima na sveprisutnim platformama društvenih mreža Instagrama, Fejsbuka, Snepčeta. U ovoj novoj vizuelnoj kulturi, izgledati savršeno je mnogo važnije od stvarnosti.
If one side of the modern landscape that we have so lavishly furnished for young people is this idea that there's a perfectible life and that there's a perfectible lifestyle, then the other is surely work. Nothing is out of reach for those who want it badly enough. Or so we're told. This is the idea at the heart of the American dream. Opportunity, meritocracy, the self-made person, hard work. The notion that hard work always pays off. And above all, the idea that we're captains of our own destiny. These ideas, they connect our wealth, our status and our image with our innate, personal value.
Ako je jedna strana moderne scene koju smo tako bogato uredili za mlade ta ideja da postoji život koji se može usavršiti i stil života koji se može usavršiti, onda je druga strana definitivno rad. Ništa nije van domašaja za one koji nešto žele dovoljno snažno. Ili nam bar tako govore. To je ideja u srcu američkog sna. Prilika, meritokratija, osoba koja je sve sama stekla, naporan rad. Ideja da se naporan rad uvek isplati. I iznad svega je ideja da smo kormilari sopstvene sudbine. Ove ideje povezuju naše bogatstvo, naš status i naš imidž sa našim urođenim, ličnim vrednostima.
But it is, of course, complete fiction. Because even if there were equality of opportunity, the idea that we are captains of our own destiny disguises a much darker reality for young people that they are subject to an almost ongoing economic tribunal. Metrics, rankings, lead tables have emerged as the yardsticks for which merit can be quantified and used to sort young people into schools, classes and colleges.
Ali to je, naravno, potpuna fikcija. Jer čak i da postoje jednake mogućnosti, ideja da smo kormilari svoje sudbine maskira mnogo mračniju stvarnost za mlade ljude, da su skoro neprekidno potčinjeni ekonomskom sudu. Metrički pokazatelji, rang-liste i tabele pojavili su se kao merila po kojima se zasluga može kvantifikovati i koriste se za sortiranje mladih u škole, razrede i fakultete.
Education is the first arena where measurement is so publicly played out and where metrics are being used as a tool to improve standards and performance. And it starts young. Young people in America's big city high schools take some 112 mandatory standardized tests between prekindergarten and the end of 12th grade. No wonder young people report a strong need to strive, perform and achieve at the center of modern life. They've been conditioned to define themselves in the strict and narrow terms of grades, percentiles and lead tables.
Obrazovanje je prva arena gde se merenje javno odigrava i gde se metrički pokazatelji koriste kao sredstvo za poboljšanje standarda i učinka. Počinje u ranom uzrastu. Mladi ljudi u srednjim školama velikih gradova u Americi polažu nekih 112 obaveznih standardizovanih testova od vrtića do kraja 12. razreda. Nije čudno da mladi iskazuju snažnu potrebu da se bore, postignu i ostvare u središtu savremenog života. Uslovljeni su da definišu sebe u strogom i uskom pogledu ocena, percentila i rang-lista.
This is a society that preys on their insecurities. Insecurities about how they are performing and how they are appearing to other people. This is a society that amplifies their imperfections. Every flaw, every unforeseen setback increases a need to perform more perfectly next time, or else, bluntly, you're a failure. That feeling of being flawed and deficient is especially pervasive -- just talk to young people. "How should I look, how should I behave?" "I should look like that model, I should have as many followers as that Instagram influencer, I must do better in school."
Ovo je društvo koje vreba njihove nesigurnosti. Nesigurnosti vezane za njihovo postignuće i utisak koji ostavljaju na druge. To je društvo koje naglašava njihove nesavršenosti. Svaka greška, svaki nepredviđeni zastoj povećava potrebu za savršenijim postignućem sledeći put, inače, iskreno, promašaj si. Taj osećaj manjkavosti i nepotpunosti je naročito sveprisutan - samo popričajte sa mladima. „Kako treba da izgledam, kako da se ponašam?“ „Treba da izgledam kao taj model, treba da imam pratilaca kao i taj popularni lik na Instagramu, moram da budem bolji u školi.“
In my role as mentor to many young people, I see these lived effects of perfectionism firsthand. And one student sticks out in my mind very vividly. John, not his real name, was ambitious, hardworking and diligent and on the surface, he was exceptionally high-achieving, often getting first-class grades for his work. Yet, no matter how well John achieved, he always seemed to recast his successes as abject failures, and in meetings with me, he would talk openly about how he'd let himself and others down. John's justification was quite simple: How could he be a success when he was trying so much harder than other people just to attain the same outcomes?
U svojoj ulozi mentora mnogim mladim ljudima, vidim ove opipljive posledice perfekcionizma iz prve ruke. Jedan učenik mi se jasno ističe u glavi. Džon - to nije njegovo pravo ime - je bio ambiciozan, vredan i marljiv, i naizgled, imao je izuzetno visoko postignuće, često je dobijao najbolje ocene za svoj rad. A ipak, bez obzira na to koliko je Džon bio uspešan, uvek se činilo da preinačava svoje uspehe u jadne neuspehe, i pri susretima sa mnom, otvoreno bi govorio o tome kako je izneverio sebe i druge. Džonovo opravdanje je bilo prilično jednostavno: kako on može da bude uspešan kada je ulagao mnogo više truda nego drugi ljudi, da bi na kraju dobio iste rezultate?
See, John's perfectionism, his unrelenting work ethic, was only serving to expose what he saw as his inner weakness to himself and to others. Cases like John's speak to the harmfulness of perfectionism as a way of being in the world. Contrary to popular belief, perfectionism is never about perfecting things or perfecting tasks. It's not about striving for excellence. John's case highlights this vividly. At its root, perfectionism is about perfecting the self. Or, more precisely, perfecting an imperfect self.
Vidite, Džonov perfekcionizam i njegova neumorna radna etika samo su služili da razotkriju ono što je video kao svoju unutrašnju slabost pred sobom i drugima. Slučajevi kao što je Džonov govore o štetnosti perfekcionizma kao načina bitisanja u svetu. Nasuprot popularnom verovanju, perfekcionizam se nikad ne odnosi na usavršavanje stvari ili zadataka. Ne radi se o težnji ka izvrsnosti. Džonov slučaj ovo jasno naglašava. U osnovi, perfekcionizam se odnosi na usavršavanje sebe. Ili, preciznije, usavršavanje nesavršenog sebe.
And you can think about it like a mountain of achievement that perfectionism leads us to imagine ourselves scaling. And we think to ourselves, "Once I've reached that summit, then people will see I'm not flawed, and I'll be worth something." But what perfectionism doesn't tell us is that soon after reaching that summit, we will be called down again to the fresh lowlands of insecurity and shame, just to try and scale that peak again. This is the cycle of self-defeat. In the pursuit of unattainable perfection, a perfectionist just cannot step off. And it's why it's so difficult to treat.
Možete o tome razmišljati kao o planini dostignuća na koju nas perfekcionizam navodi da zamislimo da se penjemo. Mislimo u sebi: „Kad stignem do tog vrha, onda će ljudi videti da nisam pun nedostataka i vredeću nešto.“ Ali perfekcionizam nam ne govori da ćemo ubrzo nakon dostizanja tog vrha ponovo biti pozvani dole na nove ravnice nesigurnosti i srama, samo da bismo još jednom probali da se popnemo na taj vrh. To je ciklus samoporažavanja. U potrazi za nedostižnim savršenstvom, perfekcionista jednostavno ne može da odstupi. Zato ga je tako teško lečiti.
Now, we've known for decades and decades that perfectionism contributes to a host of psychological problems, but there was never a good way to measure it. That was until the late 1980s when two Canadians, Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett, came along and developed a self-report measure of perfectionism. So that's right, folks, you can measure this, and it essentially captures three core elements of perfectionism. The first is self-oriented perfectionism, the irrational desire to be perfect: "I strive to be as perfect as I can be." The second is socially prescribed perfectionism, the sense that the social environment is excessively demanding: "I feel that others are too demanding of me." And the third is other-oriented perfectionism, the imposition of unrealistic standards on other people: "If I ask somebody to do something, I expect it to be done perfectly."
Decenijama znamo da perfekcionizam doprinosi nizu psiholoških problema, ali nikada nije postojao dobar način da se izmeri. Bilo je tako sve do kraja 1980-ih kada su se dva Kanađana, Pol Hjuit i Gordon Flet, udružili i osmislili meru samoprocene perfekcionizma. Tako je, narode, možete ovo izmeriti, a suštinski obuhvata tri osnovna elementa perfekcionizma. Prvi je perfekcionizam usmeren na sebe, iracionalna želja da se bude savršen: „Težim da budem što je moguće savršeniji.“ Drugi je društveno propisani perfekcionizam, osećaj da je socijalno okruženje preterano zahtevno: „Osećam da drugi previše zahtevaju od mene.“ Treći je perfekcionizam usmeren na druge, nametanje nerealnih standarda drugim ljudima: „Ako pitam nekog da nešto uradi, očekujem da to bude urađeno savršeno.“
Now, research shows that all three elements of perfectionism associate with compromised mental health, including things like heightened depression, heightened anxiety and suicide ideation. But, by far, the most problematic element of perfectionism is socially prescribed perfectionism. That sense that everyone expects me to be perfect. This element of perfectionism has a large correlation with serious mental illness. And with today's emphasis on perfection at the forefront of my mind, I was curious to see whether these elements of perfectionism were changing.
Istraživanja pokazuju da su sva tri elementa perfekcionizma u vezi sa ugroženim mentalnim zdravljem, uključujući pojačanu depresiju, povećanu anksioznost i suicidne misli. Ali daleko najproblematičniji element perfekcionizma je društveno propisani perfekcionizam. Taj osećaj da svi očekuju da budem savršen. Ovaj element perfekcionizma je u velikoj korelaciji sa ozbiljnim mentalnim bolestima. I kako mi je današnji naglasak na savršenstvu bio glavna stvar na umu, zanimalo me je da li se ti elementi perfekcionizma menjaju.
To date, research in this area is focused on immediate family relations, but we wanted to look at it at a broader level. So we took all of the data that had ever been collected in the 27 years since Paul and Gordon developed that perfectionism measure, and we isolated the data in college students. This turned out to be more than 40,000 young people from American, Canadian and British colleges, and with so much data available, we looked to see if there was a trend. And in all, it took us more than three years to collate all of this information, crunch the numbers, and write our report. But it was worth it because our analysis uncovered something alarming. All three elements of perfectionism have increased over time. But socially prescribed perfectionism saw the largest increase, and by far.
Do sada su istraživanja u ovoj oblasti bila usmerena na neposredne porodične odnose, ali hteli smo da ovo sagledamo na širem nivou. Stoga smo uzeli sve podatke koji su ikada prikupljeni tokom 27 godina otkako su Pol i Gordon osmislili tu meru perfekcionizma, i izolovali smo podatke dobijene na studentima. Ispostavilo se da je bilo više od 40 000 mladih sa američkih, kanadskih i britanskih fakulteta, i sa toliko dostupnih podataka, gledali smo da li postoji neki trend. Sveukupno nam je trebalo više od tri godine da sakupimo sve ove informacije, izvršimo analize i napišemo izveštaj. Ali vredelo je zato što je naša analiza otkrila nešto alarmantno. Sva tri elementa perfekcionizma su se vremenom povećavala. Ali društveno propisan perfekcionizam je zabeležio daleko najveći porast.
In 1989, just nine percent of young people report clinically relevant levels of socially prescribed perfectionism. Those are levels that we might typically see in clinical populations. By 2017, that figure had doubled to 18 percent. And by 2050, projections based on the models that we tested indicate that almost one in three young people will report clinically relevant levels of socially prescribed perfectionism. Remember, this is the element of perfectionism that has the largest correlation with serious mental illness, and that's for good reason.
Godine 1989, samo devet odsto mladih iskazalo je klinički značajne nivoe društveno propisanog perfekcionizma. To su nivoi koje obično možemo videti u kliničkim populacijama. Do 2017. ta se brojka udvostručila na 18 posto. A do 2050. godine, projekcije na osnovu modela koje smo testirali ukazuju da će skoro jedan od troje mladih iskazivati klinički značajan nivo društveno propisanog perfekcionizma. Zapamtite, ovo je element perfekcionizma koji ima najveću korelaciju sa ozbiljnim mentalnim bolestima, i to sa dobrim razlogom.
Socially prescribed perfectionists feel a unrelenting need to meet the expectations of other people. And even if they do meet yesterday's expectation of perfection, they then raise the bar on themselves to an even higher degree because these folks believe that the better they do, the better that they're expected to do. This breeds a profound sense of helplessness and, worse, hopelessness.
Društveno propisani perfekcionisti osećaju neumornu potrebu da ispune očekivanja drugih ljudi. I čak i ako ispune jučerašnja očekivanja savršenstva, onda sami sebi podignu standarde na još viši nivo jer veruju da što bolje rade, očekuje se da će raditi još bolje. Ovo stvara duboki osećaj bespomoćnosti i, što je još gore, beznađa.
But is there hope? Of course there's hope. Perfectionists can and should hold on to certain things -- they are typically bright, ambitious, conscientious and hardworking. And yes, treatment is complex. But a little bit of self-compassion, going easy on ourselves when things don't go well, can turn those qualities into greater personal peace and success. And then there's what we can do as caregivers.
Ali ima li nade? Naravno da ima nade. Perfekcionisti mogu i treba da se drže određenih stvari - obično su bistri, ambiciozni, savesni i vredni. I da, lečenje je složeno. Ali malo samosaosećajnosti i popustljivosti prema sebi kada stvari ne idu dobro može pretvoriti te osobine u veći lični mir i uspeh. Zatim je tu i ono što možemo uraditi kao staratelji.
Perfectionism develops in our formative years, and so young people are more vulnerable. Parents can help their children by supporting them unconditionally when they've tried but failed. And Mom and Dad can resist their understandable urge in today's highly competitive society to helicopter-parent, as a lot of anxiety is communicated when parents take on their kids' successes and failures as their own.
Perfekcionizam se razvija u našim formativnim godinama, pa su mladi zato podložniji. Roditelji mogu pomoći deci tako što će ih bezuslovno podržati kada pokušaju, ali ne uspeju. Mama i tata mogu da se odupru svojoj razumljivoj potrebi da stalno obleću oko deteta u svetu koji je danas vrlo takmičarski nastrojen, jer se mnogo anksioznosti prenosi kada roditelji prisvajaju uspehe i neuspehe svoje dece kao sopstvene.
But ultimately, our research raises important questions about how we are structuring society and whether our society's heavy emphasis on competition, evaluation and testing is benefiting young people. It's become commonplace for public figures to say that young people just need a little bit more resilience in the face of these new and unprecedented pressures. But I believe that is us washing our hands of the core issue because we have a shared responsibility to create a society and a culture in which young people need less perfection in the first place.
Ali naposletku, naše istraživanje pokreće važna pitanja o tome kako organizujemo društvo i da li akcenat našeg društva na takmičenju, ocenjivanju i testiranju koristi mladima. Postalo je uobičajeno da javne ličnosti kažu da mladima treba malo više otpornosti pred ovim novim i jedinstvenim pritiscima. Ali smatram da to u stvari peremo ruke od suštinskog pitanja jer imamo zajedničku odgovornost da stvorimo društvo i kulturu u kojoj je mladima u startu potrebno manje savršenstva.
Let's not kid ourselves. Creating that kind of world is an enormous challenge, and for a generation of young people that live their lives in the 24/7 spotlight of metrics, lead tables and social media, perfectionism is inevitable, so long as they lack any purpose in life greater than how they are appearing or how they are performing to other people.
Ne zavaravajmo se. Stvaranje takvog sveta je ogroman izazov, i za generaciju mladih ljudi koji žive u svakodnevnoj izloženosti metričkim pokazateljima, rang-listama i društvenim mrežama, perfekcionizam je neizbežan, dok god im nedostaje nekakva svrha u životu veća od načina na koji se predstavljaju ili onoga što postižu pred drugima.
What can they do about it? Every time they are knocked down from that mountaintop, they see no other option but to try scaling that peak again. The ancient Greeks knew that this endless struggle up and down the same mountain is not the road to happiness. Their image of hell was a man called Sisyphus, doomed for eternity to keep rolling the same boulder up a hill, only to see it roll back down and have to start again. So long as we teach young people that there is nothing more real or meaningful in their lives than this hopeless quest for perfection, then we are going to condemn future generations to that same futility and despair.
Šta mogu da urade u vezi sa tim? Svaki put kada se survaju dole sa tog planinskog vrha, ne vide drugu opciju nego da probaju da se ponovo popnu. Stari Grci su znali da ova beskrajna borba uz i niz istu planinu nije put do sreće. Njihova slika pakla bio je čovek po imenu Sizif, osuđen da celu večnost iznova kotrlja isti kamen uz brdo, samo da bi se on opet otkotrljao dole i da bi morao da počne otpočetka. Dok god podučavamo mlade ljude da u njihovim životima nema ničeg stvarnijeg ni smislenijeg od ove beznadežne potrage za savršenstvom, osudićemo i buduće generacije na istu uzaludnost i očaj.
And so we're left with a question. When are we going to appreciate that there is something fundamentally inhuman about limitless perfection? No one is flawless. If we want to help our young people escape the trap of perfectionism, then we will teach them that in a chaotic world, life will often defeat us, but that's OK. Failure is not weakness. If we want to help our young people outgrow this self-defeating snare of impossible perfection, then we will raise them in a society that has outgrown that very same delusion.
I tako nam ostaje pitanje. Kada ćemo da uvažimo da postoji nešto fundamentalno neljudski u vezi sa neograničenom savršenošću? Niko nije bez mana. Ako želimo da pomognemo našim mladima da izbegnu zamku perfekcionizma, onda ćemo ih naučiti da će nas u haotičnom svetu život često savladati, ali to je u redu. Neuspeh nije slabost. Ako želimo da pomognemo našim mladima da prerastu ovu samoporažavajuću zamku nemogućg savršenstva, onda ćemo ih odgajati u društvu koje je preraslo tu istu zabludu.
But most of all, if we want our young people to enjoy mental, emotional and psychological health, then we will invite them to celebrate the joys and the beauties of imperfection as a normal and natural part of everyday living and loving.
Ali pre svega, ako želimo da naši mladi ljudi uživaju u mentalnom, emotivnom i psihološkom zdravlju, pozvaćemo ih da slave radost i lepotu nesavršenosti kao normalan i prirodan deo svakodnevnog življenja i ljubavi.
Thank you very much.
Hvala.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)