I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Now, how many times have you heard that one? Over drinks, maybe, with friends, or perhaps with family at Thanksgiving. It's everyone's favorite flaw, it's that now quite common response to the difficult, final question at job interviews: "My biggest weakness? That's my perfectionism."
Pomalo sam perfekcionist. Koliko ste to puta čuli? Možda na piću s prijateljima ili od obitelji na Dan zahvalnosti. To je svima najdraža mana. Danas je prilično čest odgovor na teško zadnje pitanje na razgovoru za posao: "Moja najveća slabost? To je moj perfekcionizam."
You see, for something that supposedly holds us back, it's quite remarkable how many of us are quite happy to hold our hands up and say we're perfectionists. But there's an interesting and serious point because our begrudging admiration for perfection is so pervasive that we never really stop to question that concept in its own terms. What does it say about us and our society that there is a kind of celebration in perfection?
Za nešto što nas navodno zadržava, prilično je upečatljivo da su mnogi od nas sretni što mogu dići ruke i reći da su perfekcionisti. No, postoji zanimljiva i ozbiljna poanta, jer je naše nevoljko obožavanje perfekcionizma toliko prožimajuće, da nikad stvarno ne stanemo promisliti o tom konceptu. Što to govori o nama i našem društvu, da postoji neka vrsta slavlja u savršenstvu?
We tend to hold perfectionism up as an insignia of worth. The emblem of the successful. Yet, in my time studying perfectionism, I've seen limited evidence that perfectionists are more successful. Quite the contrary -- they feel discontented and dissatisfied amid a lingering sense that they're never quite perfect enough. We know from clinician case reports that perfectionism conceals a host of psychological difficulties, including things like depression, anxiety, anorexia, bulimia and even suicide ideation. And what's more worrying is that over the last 25 years, we have seen perfectionism rise at an alarming rate. And at the same time, we have seen more mental illness among young people than ever before. Rates of suicide in the US alone increased by 25 percent across the last two decades. And we're beginning to see similar trends emerge across Canada, and in my home country, the United Kingdom.
Skloni smo održavanju perfekcionizma kao oznaci vrijednosti. Simbola uspješnosti. Ipak, proučavajući perfekcionizam vidio sam ograničene dokaze da su perfekcionisti uspješniji. Baš suprotno - osjećaju se nezadovoljno i nesretno usred trajnog osjećaja da nikad nisu dovoljno savršeni. Iz prikaza kliničkih slučajeva znamo da perfekcionizam prikriva mnogo psiholoških poteškoća, uključujući depresiju, anksioznost, anoreksiju, bulimiju, pa čak i suicidalne misli. Još i više zabrinjava da smo zadnjih 25 godina primijetili uznemirujuće brz porast perfekcionizma. Istovremeno, sve je više mentalnih bolesti među mladima. Stopa samoubojstava se samo u SAD-u povećala za 25% tijekom zadnja dva desetljeća. Počinjemo viđati sličan trend u Kanadi te u mojoj domovini, Ujedinjenom Kraljevstvu.
Now, our research is suggesting that perfectionism is rising as society is changing. And a changed society reflects a changed sense of personal identity and, with it, differences in the way in which young people interact with each other and the world around them. And there are some unique characteristics about our preeminent, market-based society that include things like unrestricted choice and personal freedom, and these are characteristics that we feel are contributing to almost epidemic levels of this problem.
Naše istraživanje sugerira da se perfekcionizam povećava kako se društvo mijenja. Promijenjeno društvo odražava promijenjen osjećaj osobnog identiteta, a s njime i razlike u načinu na koji mladi surađuju jedni s drugima i svijetom oko njih. Postoje neke jedinstvene karakteristike našeg tržišno orijentiranog društva koje uključuju neograničen izbor i osobnu slobodu, a za te karakteristike vjerujemo da pridonose gotovo epidemskim razinama ovog problema.
So let me give you an example. Young people today are more preoccupied with the attainment of the perfect life and lifestyle. In terms of their image, status and wealth. Data from Pew show that young people born in the US in the late 1980s are 20 percent more likely to report being materially rich as among their most important life goals, relative to their parents and their grandparents. Young people also borrow more heavily than did older generations, and they spend a much greater proportion of their income on image goods and status possessions. These possessions, their lives and their lifestyles are now displayed in vivid detail on the ubiquitous social media platforms of Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat. In this new visual culture, the appearance of perfection is far more important than the reality.
Dat ću vam primjer. Mladi se danas više brinu oko postizanja savršenog života i stila života. U smislu njihovog imidža, statusa i bogatstva. Podaci Istraživačkog centra Pew pokazuju da će mladi rođeni u SAD-u kasnih 80-ih 20% vjerojatnije reći da im je biti materijalno bogatima među najvažnijim životnim ciljevima, uzevši u obzir njihove roditelje te bake i djedove. Mladi također posuđuju više nego starije generacije te troše puno veći dio svojih prihoda na imidž i statusne simbole. Ti simboli, njihovi životi i način života su sad prikazani u živim detaljima na sveprisutnim društvenim mrežama: Instagramu, Facebooku, Snapchatu. U ovoj novoj vizualnoj kulturi, privid savršenstva je daleko važniji od stvarnosti.
If one side of the modern landscape that we have so lavishly furnished for young people is this idea that there's a perfectible life and that there's a perfectible lifestyle, then the other is surely work. Nothing is out of reach for those who want it badly enough. Or so we're told. This is the idea at the heart of the American dream. Opportunity, meritocracy, the self-made person, hard work. The notion that hard work always pays off. And above all, the idea that we're captains of our own destiny. These ideas, they connect our wealth, our status and our image with our innate, personal value.
Ako je jedna strana modernog krajolika, kojom smo tako velikodušno opskrbili mlade, ideja da postoji usavršljiv život, usavršljiv način života, onda je druga sigurno posao. Ništa nije nedohvatljivo onima koji to dovoljno jako žele. Ili nam tako bar kažu. Ta je ideja u samom srcu američkog sna. Prilika, meritokracija, samoostvarena osoba, težak rad. Ideja da se težak rad uvijek isplati. I iznad svega, ideja da sami upravljamo svojom sudbinom. Te ideje povezuju naše bogatstvo, status i imidž s našom prirođenom osobnom vrijednošću.
But it is, of course, complete fiction. Because even if there were equality of opportunity, the idea that we are captains of our own destiny disguises a much darker reality for young people that they are subject to an almost ongoing economic tribunal. Metrics, rankings, lead tables have emerged as the yardsticks for which merit can be quantified and used to sort young people into schools, classes and colleges.
No to je potpuna izmišljotina. Jer čak i da postoji jednakost prilika, ideja da sami upravljamo svojom sudbinom prikriva puno mračniju stvarnost za mlade, to da su podložni neprekidnom ekonomskom sudu. Mjerenja, rangiranja, ljestvice vodećih pojavili su se kao mjerila kojima se zasluge mogu prebrojiti i koristiti kako bi se mladi svrstali u škole i fakultete.
Education is the first arena where measurement is so publicly played out and where metrics are being used as a tool to improve standards and performance. And it starts young. Young people in America's big city high schools take some 112 mandatory standardized tests between prekindergarten and the end of 12th grade. No wonder young people report a strong need to strive, perform and achieve at the center of modern life. They've been conditioned to define themselves in the strict and narrow terms of grades, percentiles and lead tables.
Obrazovanje je prva arena gdje se mjerenje tako javno odigrava i gdje se mjerila koriste kao alat da bi poboljšala standard i izvedbu. A počinje vrlo rano. Mladi u američkim srednjim školama u velikim gradovima rješavaju oko 112 obveznih standardiziranih testova između jaslica i kraja 4. razreda srednje škole. Ne čudi da mladi iskazuju jaku potrebu da se trude, djeluju i ostvaruju u središtu modernog života. Uvjetovani su da se definiraju u strogim i uskim terminima ocjena, postotaka i ljestvicama vodećih.
This is a society that preys on their insecurities. Insecurities about how they are performing and how they are appearing to other people. This is a society that amplifies their imperfections. Every flaw, every unforeseen setback increases a need to perform more perfectly next time, or else, bluntly, you're a failure. That feeling of being flawed and deficient is especially pervasive -- just talk to young people. "How should I look, how should I behave?" "I should look like that model, I should have as many followers as that Instagram influencer, I must do better in school."
Ovo je društvo koje vreba njihove nesigurnosti. Nesigurnosti o tome kakva im je izvedba i kakvi se čine drugim ljudima. Ovo društvo uvećava njihove nesavršenosti. Svaka mana, svako nepredviđeno nazadovanje povećava potrebu za savršenijom izvedbom idući put, jer ste inače, grubo rečeno, promašaj. Taj osjećaj da ste manjkavi i nedostatni je naročito prožimajući - samo porazgovarajte s mladima. "Kako bih trebao izgledati, kako da se ponašam? Trebao bih izgledati kao taj model, trebao bih imati followera kao taj Instagram influencer, moram biti bolji u školi."
In my role as mentor to many young people, I see these lived effects of perfectionism firsthand. And one student sticks out in my mind very vividly. John, not his real name, was ambitious, hardworking and diligent and on the surface, he was exceptionally high-achieving, often getting first-class grades for his work. Yet, no matter how well John achieved, he always seemed to recast his successes as abject failures, and in meetings with me, he would talk openly about how he'd let himself and others down. John's justification was quite simple: How could he be a success when he was trying so much harder than other people just to attain the same outcomes?
Kao mentor mnogim mladima, vidim učinke perfekcionizma uživo, iz prve ruke. Jedan se učenik vrlo živo ističe u mom umu. John je, ne pravim imenom, bio ambiciozan, vrijedan i marljiv te je na površini ostvarivao visoke rezultate, često dobivajući izvrsne ocjene za svoj rad. Ipak, koliko god izvrstan John bio, činilo se da uvijek preinačuje svoje uspjehe u bijedne neuspjehe, a na našim je sastancima otvoreno govorio o tome kako je iznevjerio sebe i druge. Johnovo je opravdanje bilo prilično jednostavno: kako bi mogao biti uspješan kad se trudio toliko više od drugih, samo da bi postigao isti rezultat?
See, John's perfectionism, his unrelenting work ethic, was only serving to expose what he saw as his inner weakness to himself and to others. Cases like John's speak to the harmfulness of perfectionism as a way of being in the world. Contrary to popular belief, perfectionism is never about perfecting things or perfecting tasks. It's not about striving for excellence. John's case highlights this vividly. At its root, perfectionism is about perfecting the self. Or, more precisely, perfecting an imperfect self.
Johnov je perfekcionizam, njegova stroga radna etika, služio samo da bi otkrio ono što je on vidio kao svoju unutarnju slabost sebi i drugima. Slučajevi kao Johnov govore o štetnosti perfekcionizma kakav postoji u svijetu. Suprotno općem vjerovanju, perfekcionizam nikad nije usavršavanje stvari ili usavršavanje zadataka. Nije težnja za izvrsnošću. Johnov slučaj to živo ističe. U svom izvoru, perfekcionizam je usavršavanje sebe. Ili, točnije, usavršavanje nesavršenog sebe.
And you can think about it like a mountain of achievement that perfectionism leads us to imagine ourselves scaling. And we think to ourselves, "Once I've reached that summit, then people will see I'm not flawed, and I'll be worth something." But what perfectionism doesn't tell us is that soon after reaching that summit, we will be called down again to the fresh lowlands of insecurity and shame, just to try and scale that peak again. This is the cycle of self-defeat. In the pursuit of unattainable perfection, a perfectionist just cannot step off. And it's why it's so difficult to treat.
Možete o tome razmišljati kao o planini postignuća na koju, zbog perfekcionizma, zamišljamo da se uspinjemo. Mislimo u sebi: "Jednom kad stignem do tog vrha, tad će ljudi vidjeti da nisam manjkav i vrijedit ću nešto." No, perfekcionizam nam ne kaže da ćemo ubrzo nakon dostizanja tog vrha, biti opet pozvani na nove ravnice nesigurnosti i srama, samo da pokušamo opet dosegnuti taj vrh. To je ciklus samoporažavanja. U potrazi za nedostižnim savršenstvom, perfekcionist ne može samo odustati. Zato ga se teško liječi.
Now, we've known for decades and decades that perfectionism contributes to a host of psychological problems, but there was never a good way to measure it. That was until the late 1980s when two Canadians, Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett, came along and developed a self-report measure of perfectionism. So that's right, folks, you can measure this, and it essentially captures three core elements of perfectionism. The first is self-oriented perfectionism, the irrational desire to be perfect: "I strive to be as perfect as I can be." The second is socially prescribed perfectionism, the sense that the social environment is excessively demanding: "I feel that others are too demanding of me." And the third is other-oriented perfectionism, the imposition of unrealistic standards on other people: "If I ask somebody to do something, I expect it to be done perfectly."
Znamo već desetljećima da perfekcionizam pridonosi mnogim psihološkim problemima, ali nikad nije postojao dobar način da se to izmjeri. Sve do kasnih 80-ih, kad su dva Kanađanina, Paul Hewitt i Gordon Flett, došli i razvili mjeru samoprocjene perfekcionizma. Tako je, možete to mjeriti. U suštini, ta mjera obuhvaća tri temeljna elementa perfekcionizma. Prvi je perfekcionizam usmjeren prema sebi, iracionalna želja da budemo savršeni: "Nastojim biti što savršeniji." Drugi je društveno propisan perfekcionizam, osjećaj da je društveno okruženje pretjerano zahtjevno: "Osjećam da drugi previše zahtijevaju od mene." A treći je perfekcionizam usmjeren prema drugima, nametanje nerealnih standarda drugima: "Ako zamolim nekoga da napravi nešto, očekujem da to bude savršeno."
Now, research shows that all three elements of perfectionism associate with compromised mental health, including things like heightened depression, heightened anxiety and suicide ideation. But, by far, the most problematic element of perfectionism is socially prescribed perfectionism. That sense that everyone expects me to be perfect. This element of perfectionism has a large correlation with serious mental illness. And with today's emphasis on perfection at the forefront of my mind, I was curious to see whether these elements of perfectionism were changing.
Istraživanja pokazuju da su sva tri elementa perfekcionizma povezana s ugroženim mentalnim zdravljem, uključujući pojačanu depresiju, pojačanu anksioznost i suicidalne misli. No, najproblematičniji element perfekcionizma je društveno propisan perfekcionizam. Taj osjećaj da svi očekuju da budem savršen. Taj element perfekcionizma ima veliku korelaciju s ozbiljnim mentalnim bolestima. S mojim današnjim naglaskom na savršenstvu, zanimalo me mijenjaju li se ti elementi perfekcionizma.
To date, research in this area is focused on immediate family relations, but we wanted to look at it at a broader level. So we took all of the data that had ever been collected in the 27 years since Paul and Gordon developed that perfectionism measure, and we isolated the data in college students. This turned out to be more than 40,000 young people from American, Canadian and British colleges, and with so much data available, we looked to see if there was a trend. And in all, it took us more than three years to collate all of this information, crunch the numbers, and write our report. But it was worth it because our analysis uncovered something alarming. All three elements of perfectionism have increased over time. But socially prescribed perfectionism saw the largest increase, and by far.
Do danas, istraživanja u tom području fokusiraju se na obiteljske odnose, ali mi smo željeli promotriti širi kontekst. Tako smo uzeli sve podatke koji su prikupljeni u 27 godina otkako su Paul i Gordon razvili mjeru perfekcionizma te smo izolirali podatke dobivene od studenata. Ispalo je da ima više od 40 000 mladih s američkih, kanadskih i britanskih fakulteta, a s toliko dostupnih podataka, potražili smo trend. Trebalo nam je više od tri godine da usporedimo sve te informacije, napravimo izračune i napišemo izvješće. Bilo je vrijedno toga jer je naša analiza otkrila nešto uznemirujuće. Sva su se tri elementa perfekcionizma povećala s vremenom. No, društveno se propisan perfekcionizam najviše povećao.
In 1989, just nine percent of young people report clinically relevant levels of socially prescribed perfectionism. Those are levels that we might typically see in clinical populations. By 2017, that figure had doubled to 18 percent. And by 2050, projections based on the models that we tested indicate that almost one in three young people will report clinically relevant levels of socially prescribed perfectionism. Remember, this is the element of perfectionism that has the largest correlation with serious mental illness, and that's for good reason.
Godine 1989. samo je 9% mladih prijavilo klinički relevantne razine društveno propisanog perfekcionizma. Te su razine tipične za kliničku populaciju. Do 2017. ta se brojka udvostručila na 18%. A do 2050., predviđanja temeljena na modelima koje smo testirali pokazuju da će gotovo jedan od troje mladih prijaviti klinički relevantnu razinu društveno propisanog perfekcionizma. Podsjetnik, ovaj element perfekcionizma ima najvišu korelaciju s ozbiljnim mentalnim bolestima, i to iz dobrog razloga.
Socially prescribed perfectionists feel a unrelenting need to meet the expectations of other people. And even if they do meet yesterday's expectation of perfection, they then raise the bar on themselves to an even higher degree because these folks believe that the better they do, the better that they're expected to do. This breeds a profound sense of helplessness and, worse, hopelessness.
Društveno uvjetovani perfekcionisti osjećaju neprekidnu potrebu da ispune tuđa očekivanja. A čak i ako ispune jučerašnja očekivanja savršenstva, tada si podižu ljestvicu još i više, jer vjeruju da što bolje rade, od njih će se očekivati još i bolje. To stvara dubok osjećaj bespomoćnosti i, još gore, beznađa.
But is there hope? Of course there's hope. Perfectionists can and should hold on to certain things -- they are typically bright, ambitious, conscientious and hardworking. And yes, treatment is complex. But a little bit of self-compassion, going easy on ourselves when things don't go well, can turn those qualities into greater personal peace and success. And then there's what we can do as caregivers.
No, ima li nade? Naravno da ima. Perfekcionisti mogu i trebali bi držati do određenih stvari - obično su bistri, ambiciozni, savjesni i marljivi. I da, liječenje je složeno. No, malo suosjećanja prema samima sebi, blagost prema samima sebi kad stvari ne idu dobro, mogu pretvoriti te vrline u veći osobni mir i uspjeh. A možemo nešto učiniti i kao roditelji te skrbnici.
Perfectionism develops in our formative years, and so young people are more vulnerable. Parents can help their children by supporting them unconditionally when they've tried but failed. And Mom and Dad can resist their understandable urge in today's highly competitive society to helicopter-parent, as a lot of anxiety is communicated when parents take on their kids' successes and failures as their own.
Perfekcionizam se razvija u našim formativnim godinama tako da su mladi ranjiviji. Roditelji mogu pomoći djeci bezuvjetno ih podržavajući kad ne uspiju u nečemu. Mama i tata se mogu oduprijeti razumljivom porivu u današnjem visoko kompetitivnom društvu da budu previše zaštitnički nastrojeni, jer se otkriva mnogo tjeskobe kad roditelji shvaćaju djetetove uspjehe i neuspjehe kao vlastite.
But ultimately, our research raises important questions about how we are structuring society and whether our society's heavy emphasis on competition, evaluation and testing is benefiting young people. It's become commonplace for public figures to say that young people just need a little bit more resilience in the face of these new and unprecedented pressures. But I believe that is us washing our hands of the core issue because we have a shared responsibility to create a society and a culture in which young people need less perfection in the first place.
Na kraju, naše istraživanje postavlja važna pitanja o tome kako strukturiramo društvo te koristi li naglasak na natjecanju, procjeni i testiranju mladim ljudima. Postalo je uobičajeno da javne osobe govore da mladi samo trebaju malo više otpornosti, suočeni s novim i nadolazećim pritiscima. No, ja vjerujem da tako peremo ruke od glavnog problema jer dijelimo odgovornost da stvorimo društvo i kulturu u kojima mladi trebaju manje savršenstva općenito.
Let's not kid ourselves. Creating that kind of world is an enormous challenge, and for a generation of young people that live their lives in the 24/7 spotlight of metrics, lead tables and social media, perfectionism is inevitable, so long as they lack any purpose in life greater than how they are appearing or how they are performing to other people.
Ne zavaravajmo se. Stvaranje takvog svijeta ogroman je izazov, a za naraštaj mladih koji žive svoje živote neprekidno pod reflektorima mjerenja, ljestvica vodećih i društvenih mreža, perfekcionizam je neizbježan, sve dok im nedostaje neki smisao života veći od toga kakvima se čine ili kakva im je izvedba pred drugim ljudima.
What can they do about it? Every time they are knocked down from that mountaintop, they see no other option but to try scaling that peak again. The ancient Greeks knew that this endless struggle up and down the same mountain is not the road to happiness. Their image of hell was a man called Sisyphus, doomed for eternity to keep rolling the same boulder up a hill, only to see it roll back down and have to start again. So long as we teach young people that there is nothing more real or meaningful in their lives than this hopeless quest for perfection, then we are going to condemn future generations to that same futility and despair.
Što mogu učiniti u vezi toga? Svaki put kad su nokautirani s tog vrhunca, ne vide drugu mogućnost nego pokušati se opet uspeti. Stari su Grci znali da ta beskrajna borba uz i niz istu planinu nije put ka sreći. Njihova je predodžba pakla bio čovjek imenom Sizif, osuđen vječno nastaviti kotrljati istu stijenu uz brdo, samo kako bi se ona opet otkotrljala te kako bi morao početi opet. Dokle god učimo mlade da ne postoji ništa stvarnije ili smislenije u njihovim životima od te beznadne potrage za savršenstvom, osuđujemo buduće naraštaje na istu uzaludnost i očaj.
And so we're left with a question. When are we going to appreciate that there is something fundamentally inhuman about limitless perfection? No one is flawless. If we want to help our young people escape the trap of perfectionism, then we will teach them that in a chaotic world, life will often defeat us, but that's OK. Failure is not weakness. If we want to help our young people outgrow this self-defeating snare of impossible perfection, then we will raise them in a society that has outgrown that very same delusion.
Ostaje nam pitanje: kad ćemo shvatiti da postoji nešto fundamentalno neljudski u neograničenom savršenstvu? Nitko nije besprijekoran. Ako želimo pomoći mladima da izbjegnu zamku perfekcionizma, naučit ćemo ih da će nas u kaotičnom svijetu život često poraziti, ali to je u redu. Neuspjeh nije slabost. Ako želimo pomoći mladima da prerastu samoporažavajuću klopku nemogućeg savršenstva, odgojit ćemo ih u društvu koje je preraslo tu istu zabludu.
But most of all, if we want our young people to enjoy mental, emotional and psychological health, then we will invite them to celebrate the joys and the beauties of imperfection as a normal and natural part of everyday living and loving.
No, iznad svega, ako želimo da mladi budu mentalno, emocionalno i psihički zdravi, pozvat ćemo ih da slave radosti i ljepote nesavršenstva kao normalan i prirodan dio svakodnevnog života i ljubavi.
Thank you very much.
Puno vam hvala.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)