Embracing otherness. When I first heard this theme, I thought, well, embracing otherness is embracing myself. And the journey to that place of understanding and acceptance has been an interesting one for me, and it's given me an insight into the whole notion of self, which I think is worth sharing with you today.
包容他人。 當我第一次聽到嚟個主題, 我唸,包容他人 就系擁抱自己。 之所以會有嚟種想法 系因為深刻體會和接受。 我覺得非常有趣, 同埋給予我一種對自我的 洞察見解 今天,我想將嚟個見解同在座的各位分享
We each have a self, but I don't think that we're born with one. You know how newborn babies believe they're part of everything; they're not separate? Well that fundamental sense of oneness is lost on us very quickly. It's like that initial stage is over -- oneness: infancy, unformed, primitive. It's no longer valid or real. What is real is separateness, and at some point in early babyhood, the idea of self starts to form. Our little portion of oneness is given a name, is told all kinds of things about itself, and these details, opinions and ideas become facts, which go towards building ourselves, our identity. And that self becomes the vehicle for navigating our social world. But the self is a projection based on other people's projections. Is it who we really are? Or who we really want to be, or should be?
我地每個人都有一個自我, 但我唔認為嚟種自我系與生俱來的。 你知道,新生兒 相信距地系萬物中的一體; 他們沒有分離。 嚟種萬物歸一嘅概念 被我地好快就遺忘了。 就好似人生最初階段好快就結束咗-- 統一性:雛形, 未成型,原始的。 嚟種萬物歸一嘅概念對於我地來講已經失真,失效。 取而代之嘅系獨立性。 就系初生嬰兒時期, 自我的概念 開始成型。 從起名開始,自我的小部分開始萌芽, 開始得知各種關於自己的事情。 嚟D細節, 觀點同見解 成為事實, 逐漸構造我地自我, 同我地身份。 與此同時自我便成為我地 系嚟個社會行動嘅方向。 但系嚟個自我只是一個投影 一個建立於他人對你睇法嘅投影。 距可以真實反映我們嗎? 或者真實的反映我們想成為點樣, 又或者應該系點樣?
So this whole interaction with self and identity was a very difficult one for me growing up. The self that I attempted to take out into the world was rejected over and over again. And my panic at not having a self that fit, and the confusion that came from my self being rejected, created anxiety, shame and hopelessness, which kind of defined me for a long time. But in retrospect, the destruction of my self was so repetitive that I started to see a pattern. The self changed, got affected, broken, destroyed, but another one would evolve -- sometimes stronger, sometimes hateful, sometimes not wanting to be there at all. The self was not constant. And how many times would my self have to die before I realized that it was never alive in the first place?
所有嚟D自我同身份 相互交流 伴隨我成長嘅過程中一個大難題。 我試圖呈現俾世界嘅真我 受到一次又一次嘅打擊。 而我恐慌 沒有一個適合自己的自我, 以及因拒絕繼而 產生嘅困惑 又帶來焦慮,羞愧 同埋無助感, 系好長一段時間內,嚟D感受一直牽引住我的生命。 但反過來唸下, 我嘅自我被摧毀的系如此頻繁, 幫我睇到一個規律的存在。 我嘅自我開始改變, 被外界影響,被摧毀打碎, 另一個我又逐漸開始產生---- 有時好勇敢, 有時充滿憤恨, 有時根本唔想存在。 黎個自我系唔穩定。 又有多少次 我嘅自我要死去 先至領悟 黎個自我從始至終根本唔存在?
I grew up on the coast of England in the '70s. My dad is white from Cornwall, and my mom is black from Zimbabwe. Even the idea of us as a family was challenging to most people. But nature had its wicked way, and brown babies were born. But from about the age of five, I was aware that I didn't fit. I was the black atheist kid in the all-white Catholic school run by nuns. I was an anomaly, and my self was rooting around for definition and trying to plug in. Because the self likes to fit, to see itself replicated, to belong. That confirms its existence and its importance. And it is important. It has an extremely important function. Without it, we literally can't interface with others. We can't hatch plans and climb that stairway of popularity, of success. But my skin color wasn't right. My hair wasn't right. My history wasn't right. My self became defined by otherness, which meant that, in that social world, I didn't really exist. And I was "other" before being anything else -- even before being a girl. I was a noticeable nobody.
我成長於英國沿海地帶 70年代 我爸爸系白人來自康沃尔郡, 而我媽媽系黑人來自津巴布韦。 即使作為一個咁樣嘅家庭, 對於好多人來講都未必接受。 但系自然就有距獨特嘅方式, 一個棕色嬰兒就此誕生。 但大概從五歲開始, 我就意識到,我與黎個世界格格不入。 我系一個無神論嘅黑人小孩 就讀一間由修女掌管嘅全白人天主教學校。 我就係一個異常。 而我四處為自我去尋找定義, 並試圖找到切入點去融入。 因為自我希望融入, 睇到自己被複製, 搵到歸屬。 因為肯定自我的存在 以及其重要性。 確實,咁樣好重要。 具有极其重要的的功能。 無咗距,我地根本無法與人交往。 我地無辦法孵化計劃 不斷向上爬,變得更受歡迎, 更為成功。 不過我嘅膚色唔o岩。 我嘅頭髮唔o岩。 我個人嘅歷史唔o岩。 我嘅自我被相異性, 所定義, 咁就意味著,系黎個社會, 我唔存在。 而我首先系個異類,黎個身份 甚至比作為一個女仔更先考慮。 我系一個引人注目無名小卒。
Another world was opening up around this time: performance and dancing. That nagging dread of self-hood didn't exist when I was dancing. I'd literally lose myself. And I was a really good dancer. I would put all my emotional expression into my dancing. I could be in the movement in a way that I wasn't able to be in my real life, in myself.
與此同時,另一個世界 向我招手: 演出與舞蹈。 那個無時無刻都存在對自我身份嘅擔憂 當我跳舞時都不再存在。 我真系拋棄了自我。 我系一個非常優秀嘅舞者。 我會把 我全部的感情 投入在舞蹈中。 我可以舞出在 現實生活中無法 做到嘅自我。
And at 16, I stumbled across another opportunity, and I earned my first acting role in a film. I can hardly find the words to describe the peace I felt when I was acting. My dysfunctional self could actually plug in to another self, not my own, and it felt so good. It was the first time that I existed inside a fully-functioning self -- one that I controlled, that I steered, that I gave life to. But the shooting day would end, and I'd return to my gnarly, awkward self.
在我16歲的時候, 我遇到另一個機會, 我得到咗第一次出演電影嘅機會。 我難以用言語 來形容當時我所感受到嘅平和 當我演出時。 我無法運轉嘅自我 卻可以融入到 不屬於我自己的自我。 黎種感受實在太好啦。 黎個系我第一次感受到自己嘅存在 一個完全正常的自我裡。 一個自我可以控制, 我可以掌托, 我給予其生命。 但系當拍攝完結時, 我重回到 果個粗燥,蠢鈍嘅我。
By 19, I was a fully-fledged movie actor, but still searching for definition. I applied to read anthropology at university. Dr. Phyllis Lee gave me my interview, and she asked me, "How would you define race?" Well, I thought I had the answer to that one, and I said, "Skin color." "So biology, genetics?" she said. "Because, Thandie, that's not accurate. Because there's actually more genetic difference between a black Kenyan and a black Ugandan than there is between a black Kenyan and, say, a white Norwegian. Because we all stem from Africa. So in Africa, there's been more time to create genetic diversity." In other words, race has no basis in biological or scientific fact. On the one hand, result. Right? On the other hand, my definition of self just lost a huge chunk of its credibility. But what was credible, what is biological and scientific fact, is that we all stem from Africa -- in fact, from a woman called Mitochondrial Eve who lived 160,000 years ago. And race is an illegitimate concept which our selves have created based on fear and ignorance.
19歲的時候, 我已成為一個完羽翼豐滿的電影演員, 但系我仲系到找尋自我的定義。 我申請攻讀人類學 系大學。 菲利斯·李博士面試我, 她問我,“你系點樣定義種族?” 我以為知道黎題嘅答案。 我講, ”膚色“。 “咁你即系話, 生物,基因咯?” 距講。 ”不過, 桑迪,黎個答案唔準確喔。 因為系基因上 一個黑皮膚嘅肯尼亞人 同一個黑皮膚嘅烏干達人 的差別好多。 一個黑皮膚嘅肯尼亞人。 比如同, 一個白膚色挪威人之間亦有區別。 因為我地都來自非洲。 所以系非洲, 有更長嘅時間 來形成基因多樣化。 “ 換言之, 種族的劃分 系無生物同科學的依據。 一方面系結果。 o岩唔o岩? 系另一方面, 我對自我嘅定義 就咁樣失去一大部分可信性。 可信嘅系, 生物學與科學事實, 就係我地都係來自非洲-- 事實上, 我地都源自一個女人-『粒線體夏娃』 她生後在16萬年前。 所以,種族系一個不合理的概念 系我地自我所塑造的 基於恐慌與無知。
Strangely, these revelations didn't cure my low self-esteem, that feeling of otherness. My desire to disappear was still very powerful. I had a degree from Cambridge; I had a thriving career, but my self was a car crash, and I wound up with bulimia and on a therapist's couch. And of course I did. I still believed my self was all I was. I still valued self-worth above all other worth, and what was there to suggest otherwise? We've created entire value systems and a physical reality to support the worth of self. Look at the industry for self-image and the jobs it creates, the revenue it turns over. We'd be right in assuming that the self is an actual living thing. But it's not. It's a projection which our clever brains create in order to cheat ourselves from the reality of death.
奇怪嘅系,了解到黎一切 並沒有治愈好我卑微的自尊, 仲系有果種異類感。 我想要就此消失的祈望 還是非常強烈。 我有一個劍橋學位; 我嘅蒸蒸日上; 但我自己就似一場車禍, 結果我患上厭食症 並開始接受心理治療。 我當然會變成咁。 當時我仍然相信 我的自我便是我的全部。 我依然非常自重 勝於其他所有的價值。 我仲可以點唸? 我地所創造出嘅整個價值系統 客觀存在緊 都系為著支撐黎個自我的價值觀。 睇下周邊為個人形象所建立的產業 仲有相關聯工作, 創造出的價值。 我地仲好去認為 黎個自我系個真實存在的東西。 不過答案系否定的;黎只系一個投影, 一個我們聰明大腦所塑造出的投影 用來欺騙我地自己 好讓我地無需面對死亡黎個現實。
But there is something that can give the self ultimate and infinite connection -- and that thing is oneness, our essence. The self's struggle for authenticity and definition will never end unless it's connected to its creator -- to you and to me. And that can happen with awareness -- awareness of the reality of oneness and the projection of self-hood. For a start, we can think about all the times when we do lose ourselves. It happens when I dance, when I'm acting. I'm earthed in my essence, and my self is suspended. In those moments, I'm connected to everything -- the ground, the air, the sounds, the energy from the audience. All my senses are alert and alive in much the same way as an infant might feel -- that feeling of oneness.
但系有樣嘢 距可以給予自我 終極,無限的聯繫-- 黎個就係合一性, 我們的本質。 自我的鬥爭 為尋找真實性和定義 系永無休止 除非自我與其創造者一齊-- 同你, 同我。 只要真正意識到黎點-- 意識到合一性的真實存在 與自我其實僅僅系一個投影。 o岩開始的時,我地可以咁唸 當我地可以忘我的時。 對我而言,但我跳舞時就會忘掉自己, 當我系表演時。 我接近我的本質, 把自我暫停。 系黎段時間內, 我與萬物相連-- 大地,空氣, 聲音,觀眾中的能量。 我所有感官都醒覺充滿活力 就好似一個初生嬰兒一樣--- 感覺到合一性。
And when I'm acting a role, I inhabit another self, and I give it life for awhile, because when the self is suspended so is divisiveness and judgment. And I've played everything from a vengeful ghost in the time of slavery to Secretary of State in 2004. And no matter how other these selves might be, they're all related in me. And I honestly believe the key to my success as an actor and my progress as a person has been the very lack of self that used to make me feel so anxious and insecure. I always wondered why I could feel others' pain so deeply, why I could recognize the somebody in the nobody. It's because I didn't have a self to get in the way. I thought I lacked substance, and the fact that I could feel others' meant that I had nothing of myself to feel. The thing that was a source of shame was actually a source of enlightenment.
當我表演一個角色的時候, 我居住在另一個自我裡, 我在一個段時間裡給予其生命。 因為,當我的自我被暫停後 分離與 評判的態度都被暫停。 我中意表演各種角色 從奴隸時代復仇心重嘅鬼魂 到生活在2004年的國務卿。 無論別人的自我如何, 與我有多麼相異, 我都可以理解他們。 而我真的相信 成為一位成功演員的關鍵 還有我做為一個人進步的原因 就係我缺乏自我 即使黎種缺乏在過去令我感到 無比焦慮, 缺乏安全感。 我時時唸 點解我可以如此深刻感受到他人的痛楚, 點解我可以睇到 無名小卒裡的不平凡靈魂。 因為我沒有一個自我來檔路。 我本以為我缺乏實在的存在, 還有我能夠感受他人 系因為我沒有一個自我的感受。 在過去缺乏自我令我感到羞愧 反而依家成為我感悟的源泉。
And when I realized and really understood that my self is a projection and that it has a function, a funny thing happened. I stopped giving it so much authority. I give it its due. I take it to therapy. I've become very familiar with its dysfunctional behavior. But I'm not ashamed of my self. In fact, I respect my self and its function. And over time and with practice, I've tried to live more and more from my essence. And if you can do that, incredible things happen.
當我意識到, 並清楚知道後 我的自我只是一個投影,黎個自我有自己的功用, 一件有得意嘅事發生。 我不在給我的自我很多權力。 我開始對它進行磨練。 我帶我的自我做心理治療。 我已經對自我 不良的行為好熟悉。 但我不再對自己感到羞愧。 事實上, 我開始尊重自己 自我運轉的功能。 通過長時間鍛煉, 我不斷嘗試從我的 本源生活。 如果你可以做到黎一點, 奇妙的事情就會發生。
I was in Congo in February, dancing and celebrating with women who've survived the destruction of their selves in literally unthinkable ways -- destroyed because other brutalized, psychopathic selves all over that beautiful land are fueling our selves' addiction to iPods, Pads, and bling, which further disconnect ourselves from ever feeling their pain, their suffering, their death. Because, hey, if we're all living in ourselves and mistaking it for life, then we're devaluing and desensitizing life. And in that disconnected state, yeah, we can build factory farms with no windows, destroy marine life and use rape as a weapon of war. So here's a note to self: The cracks have started to show in our constructed world, and oceans will continue to surge through the cracks, and oil and blood, rivers of it.
二月份當我系剛果,果陣時, 與自我遭到被無法想像的 真實毀滅女性 一起跳舞慶祝 系字面上無法形容-- 與其他被摧殘了的扭曲心靈的自我的人們 一起同在黎片美麗的土地 來推動我地自省的意識,抵觸自我上癮 對於iPods, iPads同埋其他外表光鮮的事物 黎D另我地上癮,令我地中斷接近自己 黎D癮另我地更加無法感到他人的痛苦, 他人的磨難, 他人的存亡/ 因為, 如果我地各自活在自我的生活裡, 還以為咁就係人生, 那麼我地正在貶低人生的價值 對一切都不在敏感。 系咁樣一個隔離狀態, 無錯,我地可以建造一個唔需要窗嘅工廠, 摧毀海洋生命 用強暴作為戰爭的武器。 所以, 我有一個對於自我的建議: 在我地塑造的鋼筋水泥世界 已經呈現裂痕, 大海將會不斷的 沿著裂縫上湧, 仲有石油和血, 將匯流成河。
Crucially, we haven't been figuring out how to live in oneness with the Earth and every other living thing. We've just been insanely trying to figure out how to live with each other -- billions of each other. Only we're not living with each other; our crazy selves are living with each other and perpetuating an epidemic of disconnection.
關鍵就係,我地仲沒搵到 怎樣與地球 以及其他生物合一共存。 我地瘋狂地試圖尋找 與其他人共存的方式- 幾十億人類。 不過並唔係我地系一起生活, 而我地系瘋狂的自我生活在一起 不斷的蔓延,讓我們無法交匯 產生溝通疫病。
Let's live with each other and take it a breath at a time. If we can get under that heavy self, light a torch of awareness, and find our essence, our connection to the infinite and every other living thing. We knew it from the day we were born. Let's not be freaked out by our bountiful nothingness. It's more a reality than the ones our selves have created. Imagine what kind of existence we can have if we honor inevitable death of self, appreciate the privilege of life and marvel at what comes next. Simple awareness is where it begins.
讓我們真正的生活在一起 一步一步來, 如果我地可以潛伏在自我之下, 點燃自省的火炬, 去尋找我們的根源, 咁我地就可以無限 並與萬物產生聯繫的紐帶。 我們從出生之日便知黎個紐帶。 我們不需要因為 大把的空虛而感到慌張。 我們生存的狀態就是一個事實 僅僅系我們自己創造的。 想像下,我們的生存方式會系點樣 如果我地能夠直面自我不可避免的死亡, 珍惜我們可以生存的權利 對即將發生的事情保持驚喜之心。 黎D簡單的意識,就是回歸根本的開始。
Thank you for listening.
感謝你地來聽我的演講。
(Applause)
(掌聲)