Embracing otherness. When I first heard this theme, I thought, well, embracing otherness is embracing myself. And the journey to that place of understanding and acceptance has been an interesting one for me, and it's given me an insight into the whole notion of self, which I think is worth sharing with you today.
Te perqafosh diversitetin. Kur e degjova per here te pare kete teme, mendova, qe te perqafosh diversitetin do te thote te perqafosh veten Dhe udhetimi drejt rruges se te kuptuarit dhe te pranuarit ka qene interesante per mua, dhe me ka dhene pasqyrimin e plote te nocionit te vetes. per te cilen mendoj qe ja vlen ta ndaj me ju sot.
We each have a self, but I don't think that we're born with one. You know how newborn babies believe they're part of everything; they're not separate? Well that fundamental sense of oneness is lost on us very quickly. It's like that initial stage is over -- oneness: infancy, unformed, primitive. It's no longer valid or real. What is real is separateness, and at some point in early babyhood, the idea of self starts to form. Our little portion of oneness is given a name, is told all kinds of things about itself, and these details, opinions and ideas become facts, which go towards building ourselves, our identity. And that self becomes the vehicle for navigating our social world. But the self is a projection based on other people's projections. Is it who we really are? Or who we really want to be, or should be?
Secili prej nesh ka individualitetin e tij, por une nuk mendoj qe jemi lindur vetem me nje. Ju e dini sesi bebet e sapolindura mendojne se jane pjese e cdogjeje; qe ato nuk jane te ndara, Pikerisht ky kuptim themelor i njeshmerise humbet tek ne shume shpejt. Eshte njelloj sikur faza fillestare ka kaluar njeshmeria; foshnjëri, i paformuar, primitiv. Nuk eshte me i vlefshem apo real. Cfare eshte e vertete eshte e ndashme. Dhe arrin nje pike ku ne femijerine e hershme ideja e vetes fillon te formohet. Pjeses sone te vogel te njeshmerise i vihet nje emer, i thuhet cfaredolloj gjeje rreth vetes se vet. Dhe keto detaje, opinione dhe ide kthehen ne fakte, qe shkojne drejt ndertimit te vetes tone, identitetit tone Dhe vetja behet automjeti kryesor qe te drejton rreth jetes sociale. Por, individualiteti eshte nje projektim bazuar ne projeksionet e njerezve te tjere. Eshte pikerisht kjo ajo qe jemi ne te vertete? Apo ajo qe ne deshirojme te behemi, apo qe duhet te behemi?
So this whole interaction with self and identity was a very difficult one for me growing up. The self that I attempted to take out into the world was rejected over and over again. And my panic at not having a self that fit, and the confusion that came from my self being rejected, created anxiety, shame and hopelessness, which kind of defined me for a long time. But in retrospect, the destruction of my self was so repetitive that I started to see a pattern. The self changed, got affected, broken, destroyed, but another one would evolve -- sometimes stronger, sometimes hateful, sometimes not wanting to be there at all. The self was not constant. And how many times would my self have to die before I realized that it was never alive in the first place?
Pra, i gjithe ky bashkeveprim me veten dhe identitetin ishte shume i veshtire per mua gjate rritjes time. Individualiteti qe kam tentuar te paraqes ne boten e jashtme eshte refuzuar pa pushim. Dhe frika ime per te mos qene e pershtatshme dhe konfuzioni qe erdhi nga vetja duke qene i refuzuar krijoi ankth, turp dhe pa shprese, qe ne nje fare menyre me kane identifikuar per nje kohe te gjate. Por ne retrospektive, shkaterrimi i vetes ishte aq i perseritur sa fillova te shihja nje lloj motivi Vetja ndryshoi, u prek, ashtu e thyer e shkaterruar, por dikush tjeter do te zhvillohej ndonjehere me e forte, ndonjehere me urryese, ndonjehere duke mos dashur per te qene atje. Vetja nuk ishte konstante. Dhe sa here duhej te vdiste indivdualiteti im perpara se te kuptoja qe nuk kishte qene kurre gjalle fillimisht?
I grew up on the coast of England in the '70s. My dad is white from Cornwall, and my mom is black from Zimbabwe. Even the idea of us as a family was challenging to most people. But nature had its wicked way, and brown babies were born. But from about the age of five, I was aware that I didn't fit. I was the black atheist kid in the all-white Catholic school run by nuns. I was an anomaly, and my self was rooting around for definition and trying to plug in. Because the self likes to fit, to see itself replicated, to belong. That confirms its existence and its importance. And it is important. It has an extremely important function. Without it, we literally can't interface with others. We can't hatch plans and climb that stairway of popularity, of success. But my skin color wasn't right. My hair wasn't right. My history wasn't right. My self became defined by otherness, which meant that, in that social world, I didn't really exist. And I was "other" before being anything else -- even before being a girl. I was a noticeable nobody.
Une u rrita ne brigjet e Anglise ne vitet 70. Babai im eshte i bardhe nga Cornwall, dhe mamaja ime eshte e zeze nga Zimbabwe. Edhe ideja per ne si familje ishte sfiduese per shumicen e njerezve. Po natyra u tregua mistrece, dhe femije me ngjyre linden. Por rreth moshes 5 vjec une isha e vetedijshme qe nuk isha e pershtatshme. Une isha femija ateist me ngjyre ne te gjithe shkollen katolike per te bardhet, qe drejtohej nga murgeshat. Une isha nje anomali. Dhe vetja po kerkonte rrenje per tu percaktuar dhe duke u perpjekur per tu pershtatur. Sepse vetes i pelqente te pershtatej, per te pare vetveten te riperseritej, e ti perkiste. Kjo konfirmon ekzistencen dhe rendesine e saj. Dhe kjo eshte e rendesishme. Ka nje funksion jashtezakonisht te rendesishem. Pa ate, ne nuk mund te perballemi me te tjeret. Ne nuk mund te nxjerrim plane dhe te ngjisim shkallen e fames, te suksesit. Por ngjyra ime e lekures nuk ishte e pershtatshme. Floket e mi nuk ishin te pershtatshem. Historia ime nuk ishte e pershtatshme. Individualiteti im filloi te percaktohej nga diversiteti, qe nenkuptonte qe, ne ate bote sociale une ne te vertete nuk ekzistoja. Dhe une isha dicka tjeter perpara cdogjeje edhe perpara se te isha nje vajze. Une isha nje askush e dukshme.
Another world was opening up around this time: performance and dancing. That nagging dread of self-hood didn't exist when I was dancing. I'd literally lose myself. And I was a really good dancer. I would put all my emotional expression into my dancing. I could be in the movement in a way that I wasn't able to be in my real life, in myself.
Nje bote tjeter po hapej perreth ne ate kohe: performanca dhe kercimi. Ajo frike e bezdisur e vetes nuk ekzistonte kur une isha duke kercyer. Une e humbja teresisht veten. Dhe isha me te vertete nje kercimtare e mire. Une do te vendosja te gjitha shprehjet e mia emocionale ne kercimin tim. Une mund te isha ne levizje ne nje menyre qe nuk ishte e mundur ne jeten time reale, ne unin tim.
And at 16, I stumbled across another opportunity, and I earned my first acting role in a film. I can hardly find the words to describe the peace I felt when I was acting. My dysfunctional self could actually plug in to another self, not my own, and it felt so good. It was the first time that I existed inside a fully-functioning self -- one that I controlled, that I steered, that I gave life to. But the shooting day would end, and I'd return to my gnarly, awkward self.
Dhe ne moshen 16 vjecare, Une e drejtova veten drejt nje mundesie tjeter, dhe fitova rolin tim te pare ne film. E kam te veshtire te gjej fjalet per te pershkruar qetesine qe ndjeva kur isha duke aktruar. Mosfunksionimi im tjetersohej ne nje person te dyte qe nuk ngjante me me mua. Dhe ndihesha shume mire. Ishte hera e pare qe une ekzistoja brenda nje veteje plotesisht funksionale qe une kontrolloja, qe une drejtoja e qe dhashe jeten per te. Por dita e aktrimit do te perfundonte, dhe une do te kthehesha perseri perseri ne individualitetin tim te paforme, te veshtire.
By 19, I was a fully-fledged movie actor, but still searching for definition. I applied to read anthropology at university. Dr. Phyllis Lee gave me my interview, and she asked me, "How would you define race?" Well, I thought I had the answer to that one, and I said, "Skin color." "So biology, genetics?" she said. "Because, Thandie, that's not accurate. Because there's actually more genetic difference between a black Kenyan and a black Ugandan than there is between a black Kenyan and, say, a white Norwegian. Because we all stem from Africa. So in Africa, there's been more time to create genetic diversity." In other words, race has no basis in biological or scientific fact. On the one hand, result. Right? On the other hand, my definition of self just lost a huge chunk of its credibility. But what was credible, what is biological and scientific fact, is that we all stem from Africa -- in fact, from a woman called Mitochondrial Eve who lived 160,000 years ago. And race is an illegitimate concept which our selves have created based on fear and ignorance.
Rreth moshes 19, une isha nje aktore ne kuptimin e plote, por perseri ne kerkim te identifikimit. Une aplikova per te lexuar antroplogji ne universitet. Dr. Phyllis Lee me beri intervisten, dhe me pyeti, "Si mund ta perkufizoni racen?" E pra, une mendova se kisha nje pergjigje per te. Dhe i thashe, "Ngjyra e lekures". "Pra, biologjia, gjenetika"? tha ajo. "Sepse, Thandie ajo nuk eshte e sakte. Sepse ne te vertete ka me shume ndryshime gjenetike ndermjet nje personi me ngjyre nga Kenia dhe nje personi me ngjyre nga Uganda sesa ka ndermjet nje personi me ngjyre nga Kenia dhe ndermjet nje te bardhi nga Norvegjia. Sepse ne te gjithe rrjedhim nga Afrika. Keshtu qe ne Afrike, i eshte kushtuar me shume kohe krijimit te diversitetit gjenetik." Me fjale te tjera, raca nuk ka nje baze ne faktet biologjike apo shkencore. Nga ana tjeter, rezultton qe ka. E drejte? Nga ana tjeter, perkufizimi im per veten sapo humbi nje copez te madhe te kredibilitetit te saj. Por cfare eshte e besueshme, cfare eshte fakt biologjik dhe shkencor, eshte qe ne te gjithe rrjedhim nga Afrika ne te vertete nga nje grua e quajtur Mitochondrial Eve qe ka jetuar 160, 000 vite me pare. Dhe raca eshte nje koncept i paligjshem qe pikerisht ne kemi krijuar bazuar ne frike dhe injorance.
Strangely, these revelations didn't cure my low self-esteem, that feeling of otherness. My desire to disappear was still very powerful. I had a degree from Cambridge; I had a thriving career, but my self was a car crash, and I wound up with bulimia and on a therapist's couch. And of course I did. I still believed my self was all I was. I still valued self-worth above all other worth, and what was there to suggest otherwise? We've created entire value systems and a physical reality to support the worth of self. Look at the industry for self-image and the jobs it creates, the revenue it turns over. We'd be right in assuming that the self is an actual living thing. But it's not. It's a projection which our clever brains create in order to cheat ourselves from the reality of death.
Cuditerisht keto zbulime nuk kuruan respektin e ulet qe kisha per veten, ate ndjenje diversiteti. Deshira ime per tu zhdukur ishte akoma shume e fuqishme. Une kisha nje diplome nga Kambrixh; Une kisha nje karriere ne rritje; por une ndihesha si nje makine e perplasur dhe isha e prekur nga bulimia e ndodhesha ne kolltukun e terapistit. Dhe normalisht qe ja dola. Une akoma besoja qe une isha ashtu sic isha. Une akoma i vleresoj vete - vlerat mbi te gjtha vlerat e tjera. Dhe cfare ishte aty per tu sugjeruar ndryshe? Ne kemi krijuar sisteme te tera vlerash dhe nje realitet fizik per te suportuar vlerat e vetes. Shikoni ne industrine e imazhit te vetvetes dhe punet qe ato krijojne, te ardhurat qe prodhon. Do te ishte e drejte per te nenkuptuar se individualiteti eshte nje menyre aktuale jetese. Por nuk eshte, eshte nje projeksion, qe mendjet tona te zgjuara krijojne ne menyre qe te mashtrojne veten e tyre nga realiteti i vdekjes.
But there is something that can give the self ultimate and infinite connection -- and that thing is oneness, our essence. The self's struggle for authenticity and definition will never end unless it's connected to its creator -- to you and to me. And that can happen with awareness -- awareness of the reality of oneness and the projection of self-hood. For a start, we can think about all the times when we do lose ourselves. It happens when I dance, when I'm acting. I'm earthed in my essence, and my self is suspended. In those moments, I'm connected to everything -- the ground, the air, the sounds, the energy from the audience. All my senses are alert and alive in much the same way as an infant might feel -- that feeling of oneness.
Por aty ka dicka qe mund ti jape vetes lidhjen perfundimtare dhe te pafund dhe pikerisht ky eshte uniteti, thelbi jone. Lufta e vetes per origjinalitet dhe identifikim nuk do te mbaroje kurre pervec nese eshte e lidhur me krijuesin ndermjet meje dhe teje. Dhe kjo mund te ndodhe me vetedije -- me ane te ndergjegjesimit real te unitetit dhe projektimit te vete - individualitetit. Si fillim, ne mund te mendojme rreth gjithe periudhes kur ne e humbim veten tone. Kjo ndodh kur une kercej, kur une jam duke aktruar. Une jam e perqendruar ne thelbin tim dhe uni im eshte ne gjendje te pezulluar. Ne keto momente, une jam e lidhur me cdo gje -- token, ajrin tingujt, energjine qe vjen nga degjuesit. Te gjitha shqisat e mia jane vigjilent dhe te gjalle ne te njejten menyre sesi nje i mitur mund te ndjeje ate ndjenje uniteti.
And when I'm acting a role, I inhabit another self, and I give it life for awhile, because when the self is suspended so is divisiveness and judgment. And I've played everything from a vengeful ghost in the time of slavery to Secretary of State in 2004. And no matter how other these selves might be, they're all related in me. And I honestly believe the key to my success as an actor and my progress as a person has been the very lack of self that used to make me feel so anxious and insecure. I always wondered why I could feel others' pain so deeply, why I could recognize the somebody in the nobody. It's because I didn't have a self to get in the way. I thought I lacked substance, and the fact that I could feel others' meant that I had nothing of myself to feel. The thing that was a source of shame was actually a source of enlightenment.
Dhe kur une jam duke aktruar une jetoj ne nje person tjeter dhe i jap jete per pak caste. Sepse kur uni im eshte i pezulluar ashtu eshte dhe percarja dhe gjykimi. Dhe une kam luajtur gjithcka nga nje fantazme hakmarrese ne kohen e skllaverise deri te Sekretarja e Shtetit ne 2004. Dhe pa marre parasysh sa individualitete te tjera mund te jene, ato jane te gjitha te lidhura me mua. Dhe une sinqerisht besoj qe celesi i sukesit tim si aktore dhe rritja ime si person kane qene nje mungese veteje qe me kane bere te ndihem kaq te shqetesuar dhe te pasigurt. Une gjithmone pyes veten sesi mund te ndjeja dhimbjen e te tjereve aq thelle, pse une mund te njihja dike ne askend. Kjo po me ndodhte sepse une nuk kisha veten per ti dhene nje drejtim. Une mendova se me mungonte nje substance, dhe fakti qe une mund te ndjeja te tjeret' nenkuptonte qe une skisha asgje nga vetja per te ndjere. Ky fakt qe ishte burimi i turpit ishte ne te vertete burim i drites.
And when I realized and really understood that my self is a projection and that it has a function, a funny thing happened. I stopped giving it so much authority. I give it its due. I take it to therapy. I've become very familiar with its dysfunctional behavior. But I'm not ashamed of my self. In fact, I respect my self and its function. And over time and with practice, I've tried to live more and more from my essence. And if you can do that, incredible things happen.
Dhe kur une zbulova dhe me te vertete kuptova qe vetja ime ishte nje projeksion dhe qe ka nje funksion, dicka qesharake ndodhi. Une ndalova se dheni asaj aq shume autoritet. I dhashe kohen qe meritonte. E paraqita ate ne terapi. E familjarizova veten me sjelljen e saj jofunksionale. Por une nuk kam turp per veten time. Ne te vertete, une e respektoj veten time dhe funksionin e saj. Dhe me kalimin e kohes e duke u praktikuar, une kam provuar te jetoje gjithnje e me shume ne baze te thelbit tim. Dhe nese edhe ju mund ta beni, gjera te pabesueshme do te ndodhin.
I was in Congo in February, dancing and celebrating with women who've survived the destruction of their selves in literally unthinkable ways -- destroyed because other brutalized, psychopathic selves all over that beautiful land are fueling our selves' addiction to iPods, Pads, and bling, which further disconnect ourselves from ever feeling their pain, their suffering, their death. Because, hey, if we're all living in ourselves and mistaking it for life, then we're devaluing and desensitizing life. And in that disconnected state, yeah, we can build factory farms with no windows, destroy marine life and use rape as a weapon of war. So here's a note to self: The cracks have started to show in our constructed world, and oceans will continue to surge through the cracks, and oil and blood, rivers of it.
Une isha ne shkurt ne Kongo duke kercyer e festuar me grate qe i kishin mbijetuar shkaterrimit te vetes se tyre ne menyra literale te paimagjinueshme shkaterruar per shkak te njerezve te brutalizuar dhe psikopate perreth gjithe asaj toke te bukur te cilit po nxitin varesite tona drejt iPod-eve, Pad-eve dhe bizhuve "te ndritshme", e qe me tutje shkepusin veten tone nga cdo menyre te te ndjerit te dhembjes se tyre, vuajtjes se tyre, vdekjes se tyre. Sepse, hej nese te gjithe ne jetojme ne veten tone dhe e keqkuptojme ate me jeten atehere ne jemi duke zhvleftesuar dhe duke mos e ndjere jeten. Dhe ne ate gjendje te shkeputur, ne mund te ndertojme fabrika pa dritare, te shkaterrojme jeten detare dhe te perdorim dhunimin si arme lufte. Keshtu qe ketu eshte nje shenim per veten: Percarjet kane filluar te shfaqen ne boten tone te ndertuar, dhe oqeanet do te vazhdojne te rriten tej te carave, dhe nafta dhe gjaku, do te rrjedhin prej tij.
Crucially, we haven't been figuring out how to live in oneness with the Earth and every other living thing. We've just been insanely trying to figure out how to live with each other -- billions of each other. Only we're not living with each other; our crazy selves are living with each other and perpetuating an epidemic of disconnection.
Ceshte me e rendesishmja ne nuk kemi kuptuar sesi te jetojme ne unitet me token dhe me cdo krijese tjeter. Ne vetem kemi qene vazhdimisht ne perpjekje per te kuptuar sesi te jetojme me njeri tjetrin -- me miliarda te tjere. Vetem ne nuk jemi duke jetuar me njeri tjetrin; vetet tona te cmendura jane duke jetuar me njeri tjetrin dhe duke perjetesuar nje epidemi te shkeputjes.
Let's live with each other and take it a breath at a time. If we can get under that heavy self, light a torch of awareness, and find our essence, our connection to the infinite and every other living thing. We knew it from the day we were born. Let's not be freaked out by our bountiful nothingness. It's more a reality than the ones our selves have created. Imagine what kind of existence we can have if we honor inevitable death of self, appreciate the privilege of life and marvel at what comes next. Simple awareness is where it begins.
Le te jetojme me njeri tjetrin dhe te marrim fryme ne nje kohe. Do te mjaftonte te superonim veshtiresite personale te ndeznim pishtarin e vetedijes dhe te gjenim thelbin tone. lidhjen tone me te pafundmen dhe cdo gjeje tjeter te gjalle. Ne e dinimi qe nga dita qe kemi lindur. Le te mos trembemi nga mosqenia jone e ndershme. Kjo eshte me shume nje realitet qe unet tona kane krijuar. Imagjinoni cfare menyre jetese mund te kemi ne qofte se nderojme pavdekshmerine e vetes tone, vleresojme privilegjin e jetes dhe mahnitemi me ate qe vjen me pas. Vetedija e thjeshte, eshte ajo ne te cilen fillojme.
Thank you for listening.
Ju faleminderit qe me degjuat.
(Applause)
(Duartrokitje)