If I told you not to press this big red button, what would you do? For many people, there’s no greater motivation to do something than being told they can’t. So, what is it about being told “no” that triggers this response?
如果告訴你不能按這個紅色大按鈕 你會怎麼做? 對很多人來說 沒什麼比被禁止的事更吸引人了 所以,是什麼引發這樣的反應呢?
One of the most enduring explanations for this behavior is what psychologists call reactance theory. Reactance is a motivational state that occurs when people feel their freedom is being threatened, and it compels them to take actions they see as restoring that freedom. Sometimes this emerges as general frustration or direct argument, but the most straightforward response is to simply do the thing they were told not to. This behavior plays out in public spaces, like when people ignore health campaigns they perceive as overbearing, and in private spaces, like parent-child relationships. However, there are situations where something being forbidden actually makes it less tempting.
其中一個常見的說法是 心理學家稱之為「抗拒說」 當自由受到威脅時 人們會抵抗 他們會為了自由採取行動 常見的反應有沮喪、爭論 但最直接的還是 做別人說不能做的事 這會發生在公共場合 像是無視他們不認同的健康宣導 而在私人領域,則有親子間的問題 但在某些情況下 被禁止的事就沒那麼吸引人了
In 1972, psychologists at the University of Colorado wanted to know if a romantic relationship facing parental disapproval was more likely to strengthen or crumble under the pressure. To answer this question, they surveyed 140 couples, varying widely in measures of happiness, but all fairly serious in terms of commitment. Only some couples reported perceived parental opposition to their relationship over the study’s six-month period. But those that did also reported a steady increase in love for one another.
1972年,美國科羅拉多 大學的心理學家 想知道在愛情中,如果父母反對 情侶會越挫越勇,還是一蹶不振呢? 為了這個問題,他們調查140對情侶 每對的幸福程度都不同 不過他們都很認真看待感情 只有部分情侶表示在研究的6個月中 父母反對他們交往 這些情侶因為父母反對,變得更愛彼此
The researchers named this trend the Romeo and Juliet Effect after literature’s most famous forbidden lovers and concluded that the results were largely motivated by reactance. But in the decades since this publication, most follow-up studies have suggested the opposite is true. In fact, the long-term success of a romantic relationship can be predicted by the perceived approval or disapproval of the couple’s friends and family. This trend is known as the Social Network Effect.
研究人員稱這個現象為 「羅密歐與朱麗葉效應」 以這對文學名著的禁忌戀人命名 他們歸論這個結果 和抗拒心理有很大的關係 但在羅密歐與茱麗葉出版後的這麼多年來 很多新研究發現情況正好相反 事實上,一段成功的感情 能從情侶朋友和家人是否支持 看出蛛絲馬跡 這個現象叫做社交網路效應
So why doesn’t reactance win out over the Social Network Effect? You might think it’s because we value our existing relationships over our potential relationships. But in most cases, disapproving friends and family are just voicing negative opinions or passively not supporting a relationship. It’s rarely a dramatic choice of us or them. And when it comes to parents, most people with good relationships with their parents feel they can ignore their parent’s advice without serious consequences, while people with bad parental relationships often don’t care what they think anyway.
為什麼抗拒心理無法 戰勝社交網路效應呢? 你可能會想,這是因為確實存在的關係 比潛在關係更重要 大多數的情況是,朋友和家人 只是給出不贊同的建議 或消極地反對情侶的感情 戲劇化的情況不常發生 說到父母 多數和爸媽關係好的人 認為可以無視父母的建議 因為他們不必為此付出很大的代價 而那些和爸媽關係很糟的人 根本不在乎爸媽在想什麼
So if disapproved relationships are more likely to fail, does this mean we’re not willing to fight to date who we want? Well, it might vary from person to person. One theory is that there’s actually two types of reactance: defiant reactance, which is impulsively doing the opposite of what we’re told, and independent reactance, which reflects our deeper desire to make our own choices. For example, if you tell someone with high defiant reactance to lower their voice, they’ll probably start shouting. Whereas someone with high independent reactance is more likely to simply ignore the request and do what they believe is appropriate. So when it comes to relationship disapproval, a defiant person might respond by pursuing their romance in secret, but that doesn’t change how the group’s opinion negatively impacts their relationship. Conversely, someone with a particularly independent personality might be capable of ignoring their friends’ concerns and loving whomever they want.
如果不被看好的關係容易失敗收場 難道大家都不想為愛爭取嗎? 這個嘛,因人而異 有個理論說抗拒心理有兩種 第一種是違逆反抗,會衝動地做相反的事 另一種是自立反抗,這反應出 做決定時心靈深處的渴望 舉例來說,如果讓有 違逆反抗心理的人降低音量 他們很有可能會開始大叫 而有自立反抗心理的人 可能會直接無視請求 只做他們覺得正確的事 說到不被看好的關係 有違逆反抗心理的人可能會偷偷談戀愛 但這對改變那些反對的聲音 一點幫助也沒有 相反地,有自立反抗心理的人或許有辦法 無視朋友們的關心 只專注在愛人身上
The idea of defiant and independent reactance is fairly new, and researchers are still working to uncover all the motivations behind the Social Network Effect. But these theories help illuminate the important relationship between reactance and our competing needs for independence and inclusion. How we balance these desires varies across individuals and cultures. But no matter how prone to reactance we may be, our social networks are vital to our sense of identity and well-being. This is especially true in our romantic relationships. Studies have found that support from a few close companions can help buffer against disapproval from others. And most relationships do better once the individuals involved find supportive social networks. This outcome might not seem as romantic as a forbidden love affair, but it’s actually in keeping with the story of Romeo and Juliet, whose embattled relationship couldn't endure the threats of extreme disapproval.
這種違逆和自立反抗的概念非常新 研究人員仍致力於 了解社會網路效應的影響 這些理論幫助我們梳理 抗拒心和追求獨立、歸屬感之間的關係 平衡這些念頭的方法因人和背景而異 不管多容易有反抗的念頭 社會網路對我們的 身分認同和幸福感至關重要 尤其是在愛情方面的影響 研究發現幾個親朋好友的支持 能緩阻反對的聲音 社會網路的支持能讓 任何一種關係變好 這個結果代表愛情不該是禁忌的關係 一段關係很難戰勝一面倒的反對 那可能只存在於羅密歐與茱麗葉的故事中