If I told you not to press this big red button, what would you do? For many people, there’s no greater motivation to do something than being told they can’t. So, what is it about being told “no” that triggers this response?
Ako vam kažem da ne pritisnete ovo veliko crveno dugme, šta biste uradili? Za mnoge ljude nema veće motivacije da urade nešto od toga da im se kaže da to ne mogu. Pa, šta je to kod reči „ne” što izaziva ovakvu reakciju?
One of the most enduring explanations for this behavior is what psychologists call reactance theory. Reactance is a motivational state that occurs when people feel their freedom is being threatened, and it compels them to take actions they see as restoring that freedom. Sometimes this emerges as general frustration or direct argument, but the most straightforward response is to simply do the thing they were told not to. This behavior plays out in public spaces, like when people ignore health campaigns they perceive as overbearing, and in private spaces, like parent-child relationships. However, there are situations where something being forbidden actually makes it less tempting.
Jedno od najdugoročnijih objašnjenja za ovo ponašanje je ono što psiholozi nazivaju teorijom reaktanse. Reaktansa je motivaciono stanje koje se javlja kada ljudi osećaju da njihova sloboda biva ugrožena, što ih navodi da preduzimaju radnje za koje misle da će im tu slobodu vratiti. Ponekad se ovo ispoljava kao opšta frustracija ili direktna rasprava, ali najdirektniji odgovor je rađenje onoga što im je rečeno da ne smeju. Ovo ponašanje se dešava u javnom prostoru, kada ljudi ignorišu zdravstvene kampanje koje vide kao opresivne, i u privatnom prostoru, kao što je odnos roditelj-dete. Međutim, ima situacija kada zabrana neke stvari nju zapravo čini manje privlačnom.
In 1972, psychologists at the University of Colorado wanted to know if a romantic relationship facing parental disapproval was more likely to strengthen or crumble under the pressure. To answer this question, they surveyed 140 couples, varying widely in measures of happiness, but all fairly serious in terms of commitment. Only some couples reported perceived parental opposition to their relationship over the study’s six-month period. But those that did also reported a steady increase in love for one another.
Godine 1972, psiholozi sa univerziteta u Koloradu su želeli da znaju da li romantična veza koja nailazi na osudu roditelja ima veće šanse da ojača ili da se raspadne pod pritiskom. Da bi dali odgovor na ovo pitanje, ispitali su 140 parova, koji su se razlikovali po nivou sreće, ali koji su svi bili prilično ozbiljni po pitanju odanosti. Samo nekoliko parova je zapazilo protivljenje roditelja njihovoj vezi tokom šest meseci trajanja istraživanja. Ali oni koji jesu su takođe prijavili stalni porast međusobne ljubavi.
The researchers named this trend the Romeo and Juliet Effect after literature’s most famous forbidden lovers and concluded that the results were largely motivated by reactance. But in the decades since this publication, most follow-up studies have suggested the opposite is true. In fact, the long-term success of a romantic relationship can be predicted by the perceived approval or disapproval of the couple’s friends and family. This trend is known as the Social Network Effect.
Istraživači su nazvali ovaj trend efekat Romea i Julije po najpoznatijim zabranjenim ljubavnicima u književnosti i zaključili da su rezultati bili u velikoj meri motivisani reaktansom. Međutim, u decenijama nakon ove studije, većina narednih istraživanja je sugerisala da je suprotno zapravo tačno. U stvari, dugotrajni uspeh romantične veze se može predvideti na osnovu zapaženog odobravanja ili neodobravanja od strane prijatelja i porodice tog para. Ovaj trend je poznat kao efekat društvene mreže.
So why doesn’t reactance win out over the Social Network Effect? You might think it’s because we value our existing relationships over our potential relationships. But in most cases, disapproving friends and family are just voicing negative opinions or passively not supporting a relationship. It’s rarely a dramatic choice of us or them. And when it comes to parents, most people with good relationships with their parents feel they can ignore their parent’s advice without serious consequences, while people with bad parental relationships often don’t care what they think anyway.
Pa, zašto onda reaktansa ne pobedi nad efektom društvene mreže? Možete pomisliti da je tako jer cenimo naše postojeće veze više od naših potencijalnih veza. Međutim, u većini slučajeva, negodujući prijatelji i porodica samo izražavaju negativno mišljenje ili pasivno ne podržavaju vezu. Retko je to dramatičan izbor između nas i njih. A kada se radi o roditeljima, većina ljudi sa dobrim odnosima sa svojim roditeljima oseća da mogu da ignorišu savete roditelja bez ozbiljnih posledica, dok ljude sa lošim odnosima sa roditeljima često uopšte i ne zanima šta oni misle.
So if disapproved relationships are more likely to fail, does this mean we’re not willing to fight to date who we want? Well, it might vary from person to person. One theory is that there’s actually two types of reactance: defiant reactance, which is impulsively doing the opposite of what we’re told, and independent reactance, which reflects our deeper desire to make our own choices. For example, if you tell someone with high defiant reactance to lower their voice, they’ll probably start shouting. Whereas someone with high independent reactance is more likely to simply ignore the request and do what they believe is appropriate. So when it comes to relationship disapproval, a defiant person might respond by pursuing their romance in secret, but that doesn’t change how the group’s opinion negatively impacts their relationship. Conversely, someone with a particularly independent personality might be capable of ignoring their friends’ concerns and loving whomever they want.
Ako veze koje nailaze na neodobravanje imaju veće šanse da propadnu, da li ovo znači da nismo voljni da se borimo za onog koga želimo? To se može razlikovati od osobe do osobe. Jedna teorija je da zapravo postoje dva tipa reaktanse: prkosna reaktansa, gde impulsivno radimo suprotno od onog što nam je rečeno, i nezavisna reaktansa, koja oslikava našu dublju želju da sami donosimo odluke. Na primer, ako kažete nekome sa visokom prkosnom reaktansom da govori tiše, verovatno će početi da viče. Dok će neko sa visokom nezavisnom reaktansom verovatno da prosto ignoriše zahtev i uradi ono što veruje da je prikladno. Tako da, kada se radi o neodobravanju veze, prkosna osoba možda odgovori nastavkom svoje romanse u tajnosti, ali to ne menja kako mišljenje grupe negativno utiče na njihovu vezu. Obratno, neko sa naročito nezavisnom ličnošću možda bude sposoban da ignoriše zabrinutost prijatelja i da voli koga god želi.
The idea of defiant and independent reactance is fairly new, and researchers are still working to uncover all the motivations behind the Social Network Effect. But these theories help illuminate the important relationship between reactance and our competing needs for independence and inclusion. How we balance these desires varies across individuals and cultures. But no matter how prone to reactance we may be, our social networks are vital to our sense of identity and well-being. This is especially true in our romantic relationships. Studies have found that support from a few close companions can help buffer against disapproval from others. And most relationships do better once the individuals involved find supportive social networks. This outcome might not seem as romantic as a forbidden love affair, but it’s actually in keeping with the story of Romeo and Juliet, whose embattled relationship couldn't endure the threats of extreme disapproval.
Ideja o prkosnoj i nezavisnoj reaktansi je prilično nova i istraživači još uvek rade na tome da otkriju sve motivacije koje stoje iza efekta društvene mreže. Međutim, ove teorije pomažu da se rasvetli bitna veza između reaktanse i naših potreba za nezavisnošću i inkluzijom. Način na koji balansiramo ove želje zavisi i od pojedinaca i kultura. Međutim, bez obzira na to koliko skloni reaktansi možemo biti, naše društvene mreže su vitalne za naš osećaj identiteta i blagostanja. Ovo je posebno istinito za naše romantične veze. Studije su pokazale da podrška nekoliko bliskih prijatelja može pomoći da se ublaži neodobravanje od strane drugih. Većina veza se poboljša kada pojedinci uključeni u nju nađu društvene mreže koje ih podržavaju. Rezultat možda ne izgleda romantično koliko i zabranjena ljubavna afera, ali zapravo odgovara priči o Romeu i Juliji, čija sukobljena veza nije mogla da izdrži pretnje velikog neodobravanja.