You and your friend need to ace Friday’s exam to avoid summer classes, and after a week of studying, you both feel confident that you pulled it off. But when you get your grades back, they’re much lower than the two of you expected. You’re devastated. However, your friend doesn't seem too bothered, and it's making you wonder why you can't shake this off like they can. But should you really be trying to look on the bright side? And is controlling our emotions even possible in the first place?
Siz va o’rtog’ingiz juma kungi imtihonni yozgi darslarda qatnashmaslik uchun zo’r topshirishingiz kerak va bir hafta tayyor- garlikdan so’ng o’zingizda ishonch sezasiz Ammo baholarni ko’rganingizda, ikkalangiz kutgandan ham ancha past bo’ladi. Siz tushkunlikka tushasiz ammo do’stingiz uncha bezovta bo’lmaydi va bu nega ulardek qo’l siltay olmadim deb o’ylashga majbur qiladi. Ammo siz buning yaxshi tomoniga qarashingiz kerak emasmi? Va his-tuyg’ularingizni boshqarish birinchi o’rinda emasmi?
The answer to the last question is a definitive “yes.” There are numerous strategies for regulating our emotions, and one framework to understand these techniques is called the Process Model. Psychologists use this tool to identify where and how to intervene in the process that forms our emotions. That process has four steps: first, we enter a situation, real or imagined, and that draws our attention. Then we evaluate, or appraise, the situation and whether it helps or hinders our goals. Finally, this appraisal leads to a set of changes in how we feel, think, and behave, known as an emotional response.
Oxirgi savolning javobi “ha”. Tuyg’ularimizni nazorat qilish uchun turli strategiyalar bor, bu texnikalarni tushunib olish Jarayon Modeli deyiladi. Psixologlar, bu qurolni bizning qachon qanday tuyg’ularimiz jarayonning qayerida hosil bo’lishini aniqlash uchun ishlatadilar. Bu jarayon 4 ta qadamdan iborat: birinchi, biz real yoki tasavvuriy olamda e’tiborimizni tortadigan bir holatga tushamiz. Keyin biz vaziyatni baholaymiz va maqsadlarimizga erishish uchun yordam beradimi yoki yo’q Nihoyat, bu baholash bizning his qilishimizga, o’ylashimizga va o’zimizni tutishimizga ta’sir qiladi.
Each step of this process offers an opportunity to consciously intervene and change our emotions, and the Process Model outlines what strategies we might try at each phase. To see this in action, let’s imagine you’ve been invited to the same party as your least-favorite ex and their new partner. Your first strategy could be avoiding the situation altogether by skipping the party. But if you do attend, you could also try modifying the situation by choosing not to interact with your ex. If that’s proving difficult, you might want to shift your attention, maybe by playing a game with your friends rather than focusing on your ex’s new partner. Another option would be to re-evaluate how you think about the situation. After seriously reappraising things, you might realize that you don’t care who your ex dates. If none of these strategies work, you can always try tempering your emotional response after the fact. But this can be tricky. Many of the easiest ways to do this, like hiding your emotions or trying to change them with recreational drugs, generally lead to more negative feelings and health concerns in the long term. More sustainable strategies here include going for a long walk, taking slow, deep breaths, or talking with someone in your support system.
Har bitta qadam bizga o’zimizni himoya qilishga va tuyg’ularimizni o’zartirishga imkoniyat yaratadi va Jarayon Modeli har bir fazada qanday texnika ishlatish kerakligini anglatadi. Buni amalda ko’rish uchun, tasavvur qiling siz eng yoqtirmagan sobiq o’rtog’iz va uning yangi o’rtog’i bilan bir xil bazmga taklif qilindingiz. Sizning birinchi strategiyangiz bu bu bazmni o’tkazib yuborishdir. Agar siz qatnashsangiz ham siz vaziyatni sobiq o’rtog’ingizga gapirmaslik orqali yumshatishingiz mumkin. Agar bu ham qiyin bo’lsa siz diqqatingizni chalg’itish uchun o’rtoqlaringiz bilan raqs tushib unga ahamiyat bermasligingiz mumkin. Yana bitta usuli bu jarayonni qaytadan baholab ko’rishdir. Barcha narsani yaxshilab baholagandan so’ng sobiq o’rtog’ingiz nima qilishi sizga qiziq bo’lmay qoladi. Hech qaysi strategiya ish bermasa, siz o’tganidan so’ng tuzatishga harakat qilishingiz mumkin. Ammo chalg’ituvchi bo’lishi mumkin. Eng oson yo’li undan ham ko’p muddatga olib boruvchi yomon salbiy hissiyotlarga his-tuyg’ularni yashirish yoki o’zgatirish orqali duchor bo’lish. Yanada barqaror strategiyalar uzoq sayrga chiqish, asta,chuqur nafas olish yoki quvvatlovchi kishi bilan gaplashishdir.
While using all these strategies well takes practice, learning to notice your emotions and reflect on where they’re coming from is half the battle. And once you’ve truly internalized that you can regulate your emotions, doing so becomes much easier. But should you use these techniques to constantly maintain a good mood? That answer depends on how you define what makes a mood “good.” It's tempting to think we should always try to avoid sadness and frustration, but no emotion is inherently good or bad— they’re either helpful or unhelpful depending on the situation. For example, if a friend is telling you about the loss of a loved one, feeling and expressing sadness isn’t just appropriate, it can help you empathize and support them. Conversely, while it’s unhealthy to regularly ignore your emotions, forcing a smile to get through a one-time annoyance is perfectly reasonable.
Aytib o’tilgan barcha strategiyalar amaliyot so’rasa ham, o’z hissiyotlarni sezishingiz, qayerdan kelayotganini aniqlash yarim yo’lda ekanligingizdur. Siz hissiyotlaringizni boshqarishni o’rganganingizdan so’ng bu ishlarni qilish ancha yengillashadi. Ammo siz har doim yaxshi kayfiyatda yurishingiz uchun texnika ishlatasizmi? Bu sizning “yaxshi” kayfiyat qanday bo’lishini ta’riflashingizga bog’liq. Biz har doim qo’rquv yoki hayronlikdan qochishga harakat qilishimiz, ammo ichimizda hech qanday tuyg’u bo’lmasa yaxshi yoki yomon- ularga vaziyatga qarab foydali yoki foydasiz bo’ladi. Agar do’stingiz, sevganidan ayrilgani haqida gapirsa, xafa bo’lish nafaqat o’rinli balki ularga kuch quvvat ham bo’ladi. Bunga zid ravishda, o’z hissiyotlaringizni doim mensimaslik nosog’lom bo’lishi, kulish uchun majburlashingiz bu to’liq tushunarli.
We hear a lot of mixed messages about emotions. Some pressure us to stay upbeat while others tell us to simply take our emotions as they come. But in reality, each person has to find their own balance. So if the question is: “should you always try to be happy?” The answer is no. Studies suggest that people fixated on happiness often experience secondary negative emotions, like guilt, or frustration over being upset, and disappointment that they don't feel happier. This doesn't mean you should let sadness or anger take over. But strategies like reappraisal can help you re-evaluate your thoughts about a situation, allowing you to accept that you feel sad and cultivate hope that things will get better.
Biz his-tuyg’ular haqida juda ko’p aralash xabarlar eshitamiz. Ba’zilar optimist bo’lishga chorlasa, qolganlar ular qanday bo’lsa o’shanday qabul qilish kerak deydi. Ammo real hayotda, hamma o’zining muvozanatini topishi kerak. Shunday ekan savol: “Siz har doim xursand bo’lishga harakat qilishingiz kerakmi?” Javobi yo’q. O’rganishlar shuni ko’rsatadiki, doimiy xursand bo’lib yurish ikkilamchi salbiy his tuyg’ular masalan, aybdorlik yoki xafa bo’lishdan qo’rqish va o’zlarini xursand his qilmasalar xafa bo’lish kabilarni boshidan o’tkazadi. Lekin xafagarchilik sizni boshqarishiga yo’l qo’yishiga ruxsat berishingiz kerak degani emas. Ammo qayta baholash kabi strategiyalar vaziyat haqida o’ylashga undaydi va yaxshisi uchun umid qilishga chorlaydi.