You and your friend need to ace Friday’s exam to avoid summer classes, and after a week of studying, you both feel confident that you pulled it off. But when you get your grades back, they’re much lower than the two of you expected. You’re devastated. However, your friend doesn't seem too bothered, and it's making you wonder why you can't shake this off like they can. But should you really be trying to look on the bright side? And is controlling our emotions even possible in the first place?
Vi i vaš prijatelj treba da pokidate test u petak da biste izbegli letnje časove, i nakon nedelju dana učenja, oboje se osećate samouverenim da ste uspeli. Ali kada dobijete ocene nazad, mnogo su niže nego što ste oboje očekivali. Osećate se poraženim. Ipak, vaš drug ne izgleda kao da ga to muči i zbog toga se pitaš zašto ne možeš da prebrodiš ovo kao on. Ali, da li stvarno treba da gledaš ovo s vedrije strane? I da li je kontrolisanje naših emocija uopšte moguće na prvom mestu?
The answer to the last question is a definitive “yes.” There are numerous strategies for regulating our emotions, and one framework to understand these techniques is called the Process Model. Psychologists use this tool to identify where and how to intervene in the process that forms our emotions. That process has four steps: first, we enter a situation, real or imagined, and that draws our attention. Then we evaluate, or appraise, the situation and whether it helps or hinders our goals. Finally, this appraisal leads to a set of changes in how we feel, think, and behave, known as an emotional response.
Odgovor na poslednje pitanje je definitivno “da”. Postoji veliki broj strategija za regulisanje naših emocija, a jedan od okvira za razumevanje ovih tehnika je procesni model. Psiholozi koriste tu alatku da identifikuju gde i kako da intervenišu u procesu koji stvara naše emocije. Taj proces ima četiri koraka: prvi, ulazimo u situaciju, stvarnu ili izmišljenu, a koja privlači našu pažnju. Onda ocenjujemo i procenjujemo situaciju da bismo videli da li pomaže ili ometa naše ciljeve. Konačno, ova procena vodi ka promenama u tome kako se osećamo, mislimo i ponašamo, što je poznatije kao emocionalni odgovor.
Each step of this process offers an opportunity to consciously intervene and change our emotions, and the Process Model outlines what strategies we might try at each phase. To see this in action, let’s imagine you’ve been invited to the same party as your least-favorite ex and their new partner. Your first strategy could be avoiding the situation altogether by skipping the party. But if you do attend, you could also try modifying the situation by choosing not to interact with your ex. If that’s proving difficult, you might want to shift your attention, maybe by playing a game with your friends rather than focusing on your ex’s new partner. Another option would be to re-evaluate how you think about the situation. After seriously reappraising things, you might realize that you don’t care who your ex dates. If none of these strategies work, you can always try tempering your emotional response after the fact. But this can be tricky. Many of the easiest ways to do this, like hiding your emotions or trying to change them with recreational drugs, generally lead to more negative feelings and health concerns in the long term. More sustainable strategies here include going for a long walk, taking slow, deep breaths, or talking with someone in your support system.
Svaki korak u ovom procesu nudi priliku da svesno intervenišemo i promenimo naše emocije, a procesni model skicira strategije koje bismo mogli koristiti u svakoj fazi. Da bismo videli ovo na primeru, hajde da zamislimo da ste pozvani na istu žurku kao i vaš neomiljeni bivši i njegov ili njen novi partner. Vaša prva strategija bi mogla biti izbegavanje cele situacije time što ćete preskočiti zabavu. Ali ako se pojavite, možete takođe probati da izmenite situaciju tako što ćete izabrati da ne interagujete sa bivšim. Ako se to pokaže teškim, možda biste mogli da preusmerite pažnju igranjem društvenih igrica sa prijateljima radije nego da mislite na tog novog partnera. Druga opcija bi bila reevaluacija vašeg razmišljanja o situaciji. Posle ozbiljnog procenjivanja stvari, možda shvatite da vas ne zanima s kim izlazi vaš bivši. Ako ništa od ovog ne upali, uvek možete pokušati da ublažite vašu emocionalnu reakciju naknadno. Međutim, ovo može biti varljivo. Mnogi od lakiših načina da uradite ovo, kao što su sakrivanje emocija ili pokušaj njihove promene rekreativnim drogama, generalno vode ka negativnijim osećajima i zdravstvenim brigama u dužem periodu. Održivije strategije ovde uključuju odlazak u dugu šetnju, duboke i spore uzdahe ili pričanje sa nekim iz vašeg sistema podrške.
While using all these strategies well takes practice, learning to notice your emotions and reflect on where they’re coming from is half the battle. And once you’ve truly internalized that you can regulate your emotions, doing so becomes much easier. But should you use these techniques to constantly maintain a good mood? That answer depends on how you define what makes a mood “good.” It's tempting to think we should always try to avoid sadness and frustration, but no emotion is inherently good or bad— they’re either helpful or unhelpful depending on the situation. For example, if a friend is telling you about the loss of a loved one, feeling and expressing sadness isn’t just appropriate, it can help you empathize and support them. Conversely, while it’s unhealthy to regularly ignore your emotions, forcing a smile to get through a one-time annoyance is perfectly reasonable.
Dok je za upotrebu ovih strategija potrebna vežba, naučiti da primetite vaše emocije i da razmislite o tome odakle dolaze pola je bitke. A jednom kada ste zaista ovladali regulacijom vaših emocija, svaki sledeći put će da vam bude lakše. Ali da li bi trebalo koristiti ove tehnike da stalno zadržimo dobro raspoloženje? Taj odgovor zavisi od toga kako definišete šta čini raspoloženje “dobrim”. Primamljivo je misliti da uvek treba da izbegavamo tugu i frustraciju, ali nijedna emocija nije sama po sebi dobra ili loša, one ili pomažu ili ne, zavisno od situacije. Na primer, ako vam prijatelj priča o gubitku voljene osobe, osećaj i izražavanje tuge nisu samo prikladni, već i pomažu da osetite empatiju i podržite prijatelja. Obrnuto, dok je nezdravo da stalno ignorišete vaše emocije, osmehivanje na silu zbog kratkotrajne neprijatnosti je sasvim razumno.
We hear a lot of mixed messages about emotions. Some pressure us to stay upbeat while others tell us to simply take our emotions as they come. But in reality, each person has to find their own balance. So if the question is: “should you always try to be happy?” The answer is no. Studies suggest that people fixated on happiness often experience secondary negative emotions, like guilt, or frustration over being upset, and disappointment that they don't feel happier. This doesn't mean you should let sadness or anger take over. But strategies like reappraisal can help you re-evaluate your thoughts about a situation, allowing you to accept that you feel sad and cultivate hope that things will get better.
Čujemo puno pomešanih signala o emocijama. Neki nas pritiskaju da budemo optimistični, dok nam drugi govore da prosto pihvatimo emocije kao takve. Ali zapravo, svaka osoba mora da pronađe svoju ravnotežu. Dakle, ako je pitanje: da li uvek treba da se trudite da budete srećni? Odgovor je ne. Studije kažu da ljudi koji su fiksirani na sreću često iskuse sekundarne negativne emocije, kao što je krivica, ili frustracija zbog uznemirenosti i razočaranje što se ne osećaju srećnijima. Ovo ne znači da treba da pustite tugu ili bes da preovladaju. Preispitivanje kao strategija može da pomogne u ponovnom ocenjivanju vaših misli o situaciji, i da vam dozvoli da prihvatite tugu i da negujete nadu da će biti bolje.