How can I speak in 10 minutes about the bonds of women over three generations, about how the astonishing strength of those bonds took hold in the life of a four-year-old girl huddled with her young sister, her mother and her grandmother for five days and nights in a small boat in the China Sea more than 30 years ago. Bonds that took hold in the life of that small girl and never let go -- that small girl now living in San Francisco and speaking to you today. This is not a finished story. It is a jigsaw puzzle still being put together. Let me tell you about some of the pieces.
Kako naj v desetih minutah povem, kaj veže tri generacije žensk, kako je osupljiva moč teh vezi dala oporo življenju štiriletne deklice, ki se je stiskala z mlajšo sestro, mamo in babico pet dni in noči na majhnem čolnu v Kitajskem morju pred več kot tridesetimi leti; vezi, ki so dale oporo deklici in nikoli niso popustile ... deklici, ki zdaj živi v San Franciscu in je danes pred vami? To ni končana zgodba. To je še nedokončana sestavljanka. Dovolite, da vam predstavim nekatere koščke.
Imagine the first piece: a man burning his life's work. He is a poet, a playwright, a man whose whole life had been balanced on the single hope of his country's unity and freedom. Imagine him as the communists enter Saigon -- confronting the fact that his life had been a complete waste. Words, for so long his friends, now mocked him. He retreated into silence. He died broken by history. He is my grandfather. I never knew him in real life. But our lives are much more than our memories. My grandmother never let me forget his life. My duty was not to allow it to have been in vain, and my lesson was to learn that, yes, history tried to crush us, but we endured.
Zamislite si prvi košček: na njem je moški, ki zažiga svoje življensko delo. Pesnik je, dramatik, moški, katerega celo življenje je viselo na upanju, da bo njegova dežela enotna in svobodna. Zamislite si ga, ko so komunisti vkorakali v Saigon, ko se je soočil z dejstvom, da je bilo njegovo življenje zaman. Besede, njegovi dolgoletni prijatelji, so se mu posmehovale. Umaknil se je v molk. Umrl je, zlomila ga je zgodovina. To je moj dedek. Nikoli ga nisem poznala. A naša življenja so veliko več kot spomini. Babica mi ni dovolila pozabiti njegovega življenja. Nisem smela dovoliti, da bi bilo zaman in morala sem se naučiti, da nas je zgodovina skušala streti, a smo vztrajale.
The next piece of the jigsaw is of a boat in the early dawn slipping silently out to sea. My mother, Mai, was 18 when her father died -- already in an arranged marriage, already with two small girls. For her, life had distilled itself into one task: the escape of her family and a new life in Australia. It was inconceivable to her that she would not succeed. So after a four-year saga that defies fiction, a boat slipped out to sea disguised as a fishing vessel. All the adults knew the risks. The greatest fear was of pirates, rape and death. Like most adults on the boat, my mother carried a small bottle of poison. If we were captured, first my sister and I, then she and my grandmother would drink.
Na naslednjem koščku sestavljanke je čoln, ki v ranem jutru tiho drsi na odprto morje. Moji mami Mai je bilo 18 let, ko je dedek umrl. Njena poroka je bila dogovorjena, imela je že dve deklici. Zadala si je le eno nalogo: da bo z družino zbežala in začela novo življenje v Avstraliji. Ni si mogla zamisliti, da ji ne bi uspelo. Po štiriletni sagi, ki presega domišljijo, se je čoln izmuznil na odprto morje pod krinko ribiške ladje. Vsi odrasli so vedeli, kaj tvegajo. Najbolj so se bali piratov, posilstva in smrti. Kot večina odraslih na čolnu je imela moja mati pri sebi stekleničko strupa. Če bi nas ujeli, bi ga spile, najprej sestra in jaz, nato mama in babica.
My first memories are from the boat -- the steady beat of the engine, the bow dipping into each wave, the vast and empty horizon. I don't remember the pirates who came many times, but were bluffed by the bravado of the men on our boat, or the engine dying and failing to start for six hours. But I do remember the lights on the oil rig off the Malaysian coast and the young man who collapsed and died, the journey's end too much for him, and the first apple I tasted, given to me by the men on the rig. No apple has ever tasted the same.
Moji prvi spomini so z ladje - enakomeren ropot motorja, ladijski kljun, ki se potaplja v valove, širno in prazno obzorje. Ne spomnim se piratov, ki so prišli velikokrat, a jih je pregnala drznost moških z naše ladje, ali pokvarjenega motorja, ki se šest ur ni hotel zagnati. Spomnim pa se luči na naftni ploščadi blizu malezijske obale in mladega fanta, ki se je sesedel in umrl, ker je bil cilj zanj predaleč. Prvo jabolko, ki sem ga kdaj poskusila, so mi dali delavci z naftne ploščadi. Nobeno jabolko zatem ni imelo enakega okusa.
After three months in a refugee camp, we landed in Melbourne. And the next piece of the jigsaw is about four women across three generations shaping a new life together. We settled in Footscray, a working-class suburb whose demographic is layers of immigrants. Unlike the settled middle-class suburbs, whose existence I was oblivious of, there was no sense of entitlement in Footscray. The smells from shop doors were from the rest of the world. And the snippets of halting English were exchanged between people who had one thing in common: They were starting again.
Po treh mesecih v begunskem taborišču smo pristale v Melbournu. Na naslednjem koščku sestavljanke so štiri ženske iz treh generacij, ki skupaj oblikujejo novo življenje. Nastanile smo se v Footscrayju, delavskem predmestju, katerega prebivalstvo so plasti priseljencev. V nasprotju s predmestji, kjer živijo srednji sloji, o katerih se mi niti sanjalo ni, nismo imeli občutka, da smo do česa upravičeni. Vonji iz trgovin so bili od drugod. Ljudje so izmenjavali drobce oklevajoče angleščine, ljudje, ki so imeli le eno skupno stvar - začenjali so znova.
My mother worked on farms, then on a car assembly line, working six days, double shifts. Somehow, she found time to study English and gain IT qualifications. We were poor. All the dollars were allocated and extra tuition in English and mathematics was budgeted for regardless of what missed out, which was usually new clothes; they were always secondhand. Two pairs of stockings for school, each to hide the holes in the other. A school uniform down to the ankles, because it had to last for six years. And there were rare but searing chants of "slit-eye" and the occasional graffiti: "Asian, go home." Go home to where? Something stiffened inside me. There was a gathering of resolve and a quiet voice saying, "I will bypass you."
Moja mati je delala na kmetijah, nato na tekočem traku tovarne avtomobilov, delala je 6 dni v dveh izmenah. Nekako je našla čas za učenje angleščine in si pridobila računalniško znanje. Bile smo revne. Poraba denarja je bila točno določena, vedno je moral biti denar za učenje angleščine in matematike, ne glede na to, za kaj ga je zmanjkalo, ponavadi za nova oblačila, ki so bila vedno rabljena. Dva para nogavic za v šolo, ena nogavica je skrivala luknje druge. Šolska uniforma je bila do gležnjev, ker je morala zdržati 6 let. Včasih sem slišala skandiranje: "Poševnooka!" in občasno videla grafite: "Azijci, pojdite domov!" Kam naj grem domov? Nekaj je otrpnilo v meni. Oblikovala se je odločnost in tihi glas je dejal: "Ne bom se zmenila za vas."
My mother, my sister and I slept in the same bed. My mother was exhausted each night, but we told one another about our day and listened to the movements of my grandmother around the house. My mother suffered from nightmares, all about the boat. And my job was to stay awake until her nightmares came so I could wake her. She opened a computer store, then studied to be a beautician and opened another business. And the women came with their stories about men who could not make the transition, angry and inflexible, and troubled children caught between two worlds.
Mati, sestra in jaz smo spale v isti postelji. Mati je bila vsako noč izčrpana, a vseeno smo se pogovarjale in poslušale premikanje babice po hiši. Mati je imela nočne more, predvsem o čolnu. Moje delo je bilo, da ostanem budna, in jo zbudim, ko se more začnejo. Odprla je trgovino z računalniki, nato je šla v kozmetično šolo in odprla še eno podjetje. Prišle so ženske z zgodbami o moških, ki niso zmogli prehoda, jeznih in neprilagodljivih, ter o zbeganih otrocih, ujetih med dvema svetovoma.
Grants and sponsors were sought. Centers were established. I lived in parallel worlds. In one, I was the classic Asian student, relentless in the demands that I made on myself. In the other, I was enmeshed in lives that were precarious, tragically scarred by violence, drug abuse and isolation. But so many over the years were helped. And for that work, when I was a final-year law student, I was chosen as the Young Australian of the Year. And I was catapulted from one piece of the jigsaw to another, and their edges didn't fit.
Iskali smo štipendije in sponzorje. Ustanovili smo centre. Živela sem v vzporednih svetovih. V enem sem bila tipična azijska študentka, neomajna v zahtevah do sebe. V drugem sem bila vpletena v negotova življenja, tragično ožigosana z nasiljem, drogami in osamljenostjo. A tekom let smo pomagali veliko ljudem. Za to delo sem bila v zadnjem letniku študija prava izbrana za mlado Avstralijko leta. To me je katapultiralo z enega koščka sestavljanke na drugega, njuni robovi pa se niso ujemali.
Tan Le, anonymous Footscray resident, was now Tan Le, refugee and social activist, invited to speak in venues she had never heard of and into homes whose existence she could never have imagined. I didn't know the protocols. I didn't know how to use the cutlery. I didn't know how to talk about wine. I didn't know how to talk about anything. I wanted to retreat to the routines and comfort of life in an unsung suburb -- a grandmother, a mother and two daughters ending each day as they had for almost 20 years, telling one another the story of their day and falling asleep, the three of us still in the same bed. I told my mother I couldn't do it. She reminded me that I was now the same age she had been when we boarded the boat. "No" had never been an option. "Just do it," she said, "and don't be what you're not."
Tan Le, anonimna prebivalka Footscrayja, je postala Tan Le, begunka in socialna aktivistka, ki so jo vabili, da govori na prireditvah, o katerih ni nikoli slišala, in v domove, ki si jih niti zamisliti ni mogla. Nisem poznala protokolov. Nisem znala uporabljati pripora. Nisem se znala pogovarjati o vinu. Nisem se znala pogovarjati o ničemer. Želela sem se umakniti v rutino in udobje življenja v neopevanem predmestju - babica, mati in dve hčerki, ki so že dvajset let na enak način zaključile svoj dan, si pripovedovale, kako je potekal, in vse tri še vedno zaspale v isti postelji. Rekla sem mami, da tega ne zmorem. Spomnila me je, da sem stara toliko, ko je bila ona, ko smo se vkrcale na čoln. Beseda "ne" ni bila nikoli na izbiro. "Pojdi," je rekla, "in ne bodi to, kar nisi."
So I spoke out on youth unemployment and education and the neglect of the marginalized and disenfranchised. And the more candidly I spoke, the more I was asked to speak. I met people from all walks of life, so many of them doing the thing they loved, living on the frontiers of possibility. And even though I finished my degree, I realized I could not settle into a career in law. There had to be another piece of the jigsaw. And I realized, at the same time, that it is OK to be an outsider, a recent arrival, new on the scene -- and not just OK, but something to be thankful for, perhaps a gift from the boat. Because being an insider can so easily mean collapsing the horizons, can so easily mean accepting the presumptions of your province. I have stepped outside my comfort zone enough now to know that, yes, the world does fall apart, but not in the way that you fear.
Tako sem govorila o nezaposlenosti mladih in izobraževanju, o zapostavljanju obrobnežev in brezpravnih. Bolj odkrito sem govorila, bolj so me vabili, naj govorim. Spoznala sem ljudi različnih poklicev, veliko jih je delalo to, kar jih veseli, živeli so na meji možnega. Čeprav sem diplomirala, sem spoznala, da pravo ni zame. Nekje je moral biti še en košček sestavljanke. Istočasno sem tudi spoznala, da je v redu, če ne spadaš v družbo, če si prišel pred kratkim, če si nov na sceni. Ne le v redu, ampak nekaj, za kar si lahko hvaležen, morda darilo s čolna. Kajti če spadaš v družbo, to lahko pomeni, da imaš zoženo obzorje, lahko pomeni, da sprejemaš mnenje svoje okolice. Tolikokrat sem se znašla v neugodnem položaju, da vem, da se svet sesuje, ampak ne tako, kot se mi bojimo.
Possibilities that would not have been allowed were outrageously encouraged. There was an energy there, an implacable optimism, a strange mixture of humility and daring. So I followed my hunches. I gathered around me a small team of people for whom the label "It can't be done" was an irresistible challenge. For a year, we were penniless. At the end of each day, I made a huge pot of soup which we all shared. We worked well into each night. Most of our ideas were crazy, but a few were brilliant, and we broke through. I made the decision to move to the US after only one trip. My hunches again. Three months later, I had relocated, and the adventure has continued.
Možnosti, ki ne bi bile dovoljenje, so bile pretirano spodbujane. Obstajala je energija, neizprosen optimizem, čudna mešanica ponižnosti in drznosti. Sledila sem torej svojim občutkom. Okoli sebe sem zbrala skupino ljudi, za katere je bila oznaka "To je nemogoče narediti" izziv, ki se mu niso mogli upreti. Eno leto smo bili brez prebite pare. Ob koncu dneva sem skuhala velik lonec juhe za vse nas. Delali smo pozno v noč. Večina naših idej je bila norih, a nekaj je bilo odličnih in uspelo nam je. Odločila sem se, da se preselim v ZDA, le po enem potovanju. Spet moji občutki. Čez tri mesece sem se preselila in avantura se je nadaljevala.
Before I close, though, let me tell you about my grandmother. She grew up at a time when Confucianism was the social norm and the local mandarin was the person who mattered. Life hadn't changed for centuries. Her father died soon after she was born. Her mother raised her alone. At 17, she became the second wife of a mandarin whose mother beat her. With no support from her husband, she caused a sensation by taking him to court and prosecuting her own case, and a far greater sensation when she won.
Preden zaključim, naj vam povem nekaj o babici. Odrasla je v času ko je bilo konfucijanstvo socialna norma in je bil lokalni mandarin zelo pomemben. Življenje je bilo že stoletja nespremenjeno. Njen oče je umrl kmalu po njenem rojstvu. Mati jo je sama vzgajala. Pri sedemnajstih je postala mandarinova druga žena, njegova mati pa jo je pretepala. Brez moževe podpore je zbudila pozornost, ko ga je zvlekla na sodišče in se sama zastopala, še večjo pozornost pa, ko je dobila pravdo.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
(Applause)
(Aplavz)
"It can't be done" was shown to be wrong.
Izjava "To je nemogoče narediti" je bila dokazano napačna.
I was taking a shower in a hotel room in Sydney the moment she died, 600 miles away, in Melbourne. I looked through the shower screen and saw her standing on the other side. I knew she had come to say goodbye. My mother phoned minutes later. A few days later, we went to a Buddhist temple in Footscray and sat around her casket. We told her stories and assured her that we were still with her. At midnight, the monk came and told us he had to close the casket. My mother asked us to feel her hand. She asked the monk, "Why is it that her hand is so warm and the rest of her is so cold?" "Because you have been holding it since this morning," he said. "You have not let it go."
Tuširala sem se v hotelu v Sydneyju v trenutku, ko je umrla v 960 km oddaljenem Melbournu. Pogledala sem skozi vrata tuša in jo videla na drugi strani. Vedela sem, da se je prišla poslovit. Moja mati je telefonirala nekaj minut zatem. Nekaj dni kasneje smo šle v budistični tempelj v Footscrayju in sedele ob njeni krsti. Pripovedovale smo ji zgodbe in ji zagotovile, da smo še vedno z njo. Ob polnoči je prišel menih in nam dejal, da mora zapreti krsto. Mati nama je rekla, naj potipava njeno roko. Vprašala je meniha: "Zakaj je njena roka tako topla, ostali del telesa pa tako hladen?" "Ker jo držite v rokah že od jutra," je dejal. "Niste je spustile."
If there is a sinew in our family, it runs through the women. Given who we were and how life had shaped us, we can now see that the men that might have come into our lives would have thwarted us. Defeat would have come too easily. Now I would like to have my own children, and I wonder about the boat. Who could ever wish it on their own? Yet I am afraid of privilege, of ease, of entitlement. Can I give them a bow in their lives, dipping bravely into each wave, the unperturbed and steady beat of the engine, the vast horizon that guarantees nothing? I don't know. But if I could give it and still see them safely through, I would.
Moč se v naši družini pretaka skozi ženske. Glede na to, kdo smo bile in kako nas je življenje oblikovalo, zdaj vidimo, da bi nam moški v naših življenjih prekrižali načrte. Prehitro bi bile poražene. Zdaj bi rada imela svoje otroke in razmišljam o čolnu. Kdo bi ga želel svojim lastnim? A vendarle me je strah privilegijev, udobnosti, pravice do nečesa. Jim lahko dam ladijski kljun, ki se bo pogumno potapljal v valove, nemoten in enakomeren ropot motorja, širno obzorje, ki nič ne zagotavlja? Ne vem. A če bi jim ga lahko dala in jih še vedno varno prepeljala, bi to storila.
(Applause)
(Aplavz)
Trevor Neilson: And also, Tan's mother is here today, in the fourth or fifth row.
Z nami je danes tudi Tanina mati nekje v četrti ali peti vrsti.
(Applause)
(Aplavz)