"What I Will"
"What I Will"
I will not dance to your war drum. I will not lend my soul nor my bones to your war drum. I will not dance to that beating. I know that beat. It is lifeless. I know intimately that skin you are hitting. It was alive once, hunted, stolen, stretched. I will not dance to your drummed-up war. I will not pop, spin, break for you. I will not hate for you or even hate you. I will not kill for you. Especially I will not die for you. I will not mourn the dead with murder nor suicide. I will not side with you or dance to bombs because everyone is dancing. Everyone can be wrong. Life is a right, not collateral or casual. I will not forget where I come from. I will craft my own drum. Gather my beloved near, and our chanting will be dancing. Our humming will be drumming. I will not be played. I will not lend my name nor my rhythm to your beat. I will dance and resist and dance and persist and dance. This heartbeat is louder than death. Your war drum ain't louder than this breath. Haaa.
Neću plesati uz vaš ratnički ritam. Neću dati svoju dušu niti kosti vašem ratničkom bubnju. Neću plesati uz taj ritam. Znam ga. Beživotan je. Dobro poznajem kožu koju udarate. Jednom je bila živa, lovljena, ukradena, razvučena. Neću plesati za vaš rat pod zvucima doboša. Neću pevati, igrati, repovati za vas. Neću mrzeti za vas pa ni vas. Neću ubijati za vas. Naročito neću umreti za vas. Neću oplakivati mrtve ubistvom ili samoubistvom. Neću biti uz vas ili plesati uz bombe zato što to svi rade. Svako može pogrešiti. Život je pravo, ne šteta ili žrtva. Neću zaboraviti odakle dolazim. Izradiću sopstveni bubanj. Okupiti svoje bližnje, naše pevanje će biti ples. Naše pevušenje biće muziciranje. Nećete me izigrati. Neću pozajmiti svoje ime niti ritam vašem. Plesaću i odupreću se i plesati i istrajati i plesati. Ovaj otkucaj srca je glasniji od smrti. Vaš ratni bubanj nije glasniji od ovog daha. Haaa.
What's up TED people? Let me hear you make some noise.
Šta ima TED ljudi? Da vas čujem malo.
(Applause)
(aplauz)
A bunch of pacifists. Confused, aspiring pacifists. I understand.
Gomila pacifista. Zbunjenih, željnih pacifista. Razumem.
I've been wrong a lot lately. Like a lot. So I couldn't figure out what to read today. I mean, I've been saying I've been prepping. What that means is prepping my outfit, (Laughter) prepping options, trying to figure out what I'm coming behind and going in front of. Poetry does that. It preps you. It aims you.
Mnogo sam grešila u poslednje vreme. Baš mnogo. Pa sam teško odlučila šta da vam čitam danas. Mislim, govorila sam kako se pripremam. To znači da sam pripremala šta ću obući, (smeh) pripremala opcije, pokušavala da shvatim posle čega dolazim i ispred čega dolazim. Poezija vam to radi. Priprema vas. Usmerava.
So I am going to read a poem that was chosen just now. But I'm going to need you to just sit for like 10 minutes and hold a woman who is not here. Hold her now with you. You don't need to say her name out loud, you can just hold her. Are you holding her?
Pročitaću pesmu koju sam upravo sada odabrala. Ali moraćete da sedite nekih desetak minuta i mislite na ženu koja nije ovde. Zamislite da je ovde. Ne morate reći njeno ime, samo mislite na nju. Uspevate?
This is "Break Clustered."
Ovo je "Break Clustered."
All holy history banned. Unwritten books predicted the future, projected the past. But my head unwraps around what appears limitless, man's creative violence. Whose son shall it be? Which male child will perish a new day? Our boys' deaths galvanize. We cherish corpses. We mourn women, complicated. Bitches get beat daily. Profits made, prophets ignored. War and tooth, enameled salted lemon childhoods. All colors run, none of us solid. Don't look for shadow behind me. I carry it within. I live cycles of light and darkness. Rhythm is half silence. I see now, I never was one and not the other. Sickness, health, tender violence. I think now I never was pure. Before form I was storm, blind, ign'ant -- still am. Human contracted itself blind, malignant. I never was pure. Girl spoiled before ripened. Language can't math me. I experience exponentially. Everything is everything. One woman loses 15, maybe 20, members of her family. One woman loses six. One woman loses her head. One woman searches rubble. One woman feeds on trash. One woman shoots her face. One woman shoots her husband. One woman straps herself. One woman gives birth to a baby. One woman gives birth to borders. One woman no longer believes love will ever find her. One woman never did. Where do refugee hearts go? Broken, dissed, placed where they're not from, don't want to be missed. Faced with absence. We mourn each one or we mean nothing at all. My spine curves spiral. Precipice running to and running from human beings. Cluster bombs left behind. De facto landmines. A smoldering grief. Harvest contaminated tobacco. Harvest bombs. Harvest baby teeth. Harvest palms, smoke. Harvest witness, smoke. Resolutions, smoke. Salvation, smoke. Redemption, smoke. Breathe. Do not fear what has blown up. If you must, fear the unexploded.
Sva sveta istorija zabranjena. Nepisane knjige predviđaše budućnost, projektovaše prošlost. Ali ja shvatam ono što se čini bezgraničnim, čovekovo kreativno nasilje. Čiji sin je sledeći? Koje muško dete će uništiti novi dan? Smrti naših dečaka podstiču. Uzdižemo leševe. Tugujemo za ženama, složeno. Žene tuku svakodnevno. Proroke napravili, proroke ignorisali. Rat i zubna gleđ, slano kiselo detinjstvo. Svih smo boja, niko od nas ispunjen. Ne traži senku iza mene. Nosim je u sebi. Živim u smenama svetlosti i tame. Ritam je pola tišine. Sada shvatam, nikada nisam bila jedno bez drugog. Bolest, zdravlje, blago nasilje. Nikada nisam bila čista, sada znam. Pre oblika, bila sam oluja, slepa, neuka - još uvek sam. Ljudsko biće zaslepljeno, otrovno. Nikad nisam bila čista. Devojka pokvarena pre nego je sazrela. Jezik me ne može sabrati. Doživljavam eksponencijalno. Sve je sve. Žena izgubi 15, možda 20 članova svoje porodice. Jedna žena izgubi šest. Jedna žena gubi svoju glavu. Jedna žena traži po ruševinama. Druga jede smeće. Jedna žena puca sebi u glavu. Druga ubija svog muža. Jedna žena se vezuje. Jedna žena rađa dete. Jedna žena rađa granice. Jedna ne veruje da će je ljubav ikada više pronaći. Jedna žena nikad nije. Gde odlaze srca izbeglica? Slomljena, odbačena, smeštena gde ne pripadaju, ne žele da nedostaju. Suočena sa odsustvom. Žalimo jedni za drugima ili ne značimo ni malo. Moja kičma pravi spiralu. Propast trči prema i od ljudskih bića. Kasetne bombe ostaju. Nagazne mine postaju. Tinjajuća tuga. Žetva zagađenog duvana. Žetva bombi. Pobrani dečiji zubi. Požnjevene palme, dim. Oboreni svedoci, dim. Odluke, dim. Spas, dim. Iskupljenje, dim. Diši. Ne boj se onog što je dignuto u vazduh. Ako moraš, strahuj od neeksplodiranog.
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
(Applause)
(aplauz)