We're going to share a lot of secrets today, you and I, and in doing so, I hope that we can lift some of the shame many of us feel about sex.
今天我将跟大家分享许多秘密, 在这个过程中,我希望我们可以 稍微消除我们对于“性”的羞耻感。
How many here have ever been catcalled by a stranger? Lots of women. For me, the time I remember best is when that stranger was a student of mine. He came up to me after class that night and his words confirmed what I already knew:
在座有多少人 被陌生人吹过口哨? 我看到有很多女士举手了。 令我印象最深的一次, 对方是我后来的一个学生。 那晚下课后,他来找我, 如我所料,他说:
"I am so sorry, professor. If I had known it was you, I would never have said those things."
“真的很对不起,教授。 如果我知道是您, 我绝对不会那么做的。”
(Laughter)
(笑声)
I wasn't a person to him until I was his professor. This concept, called objectification, is the foundation of sexism, and we see it reinforced through every aspect of our lives. We see it in the government that refuses to punish men for raping women. We see it in advertisements. How many of you have seen an advertisement that uses a woman's breast to sell an entirely unrelated product? Or movie after movie after movie that portrays women as only love interests? These examples might seem inconsequential and harmless, but they're insidious, slowly building into a culture that refuses to see women as people. We see this in the school that sends home a 10-year-old girl because her clothes were a distraction to boys trying to learn, or the government that refuses to punish men for raping women over and over, or the woman who is killed because she asked a man to stop grinding on her on the dance floor.
对他而言,在我成为他的教授之前, 我都不能算是一个人。 这种情况我们称之为“物化”, 它是性别歧视的基础, 它存在于生活的方方面面, 我们已经司空见惯。 它存在于政府中间, 政府拒绝惩罚那些 强奸女性的男性。 它存在于广告中。 我们曾多少次看到广告中 利用女性的胸部 去推广一个毫不相关的产品? 又或者, 在一部接一部的电影中 把女性描绘成只想着谈恋爱? 这些例子看起来可能 无足轻重,无伤大雅, 但它们的伤害是隐性的, 慢慢地助长了一种风气: 不把女性当人来看待。 它存在于学校当中, 他们开除了一个10岁的小女孩, 因为她的衣服会 让那些想要学习的男孩分心, 或者,政府让强奸女性的 男性逍遥法外, 一次又一次, 又或者,一个女人被杀害, 因为她在舞池中 警告一名男子不要动手动脚。
Media plays a large role in perpetuating the objectification of women. Let's consider the classic romantic comedy. We're typically introduced to two kinds of women in these movies, two kinds of desirable women, anyway. The first is the sexy bombshell. This is the unbelievably gorgeous woman with the perfect body. Our leading man has no trouble identifying her and even less trouble having sex with her. The second is our leading lady, the beautiful but demure woman our leading man falls in love with despite not noticing her at first or not liking her if he did. The first is the slut. She is to be consumed and forgotten. She is much too available. The second is desirable but modest, and therefore worthy of our leading man's future babies. Marriage material. We're actually told that women have two roles, but these two roles have a difficult time existing within the same woman.
媒体在持续物化 女性方面起了很大作用。 让我们回忆一下经典的浪漫喜剧。 这些电影中通常有两种女性, 两种女性都很有魅力。 第一种是性感的美女。 有着令人难以置信的完美身材。 男主角一眼就能相中她, 并且能毫不费力地与她上床。 第二种是女主角, 美丽而端庄,男主角爱上了她, 尽管可能一开始都没注意到她, 或者注意到了但并不算喜欢。 第一种女性就是荡妇。 就是用来消费和遗忘的。 太容易得手。 第二种女性美丽却又矜持, 所以够资格为男主角生一个宝宝。 完美的结婚对象。 我们被教导:女性有两种角色, 但在同一位女性身上难以共存。
On the rare occasion that I share with a new acquaintance that I study sex, if they don't end the conversation right then, they're usually pretty intrigued.
极少情况下,我会对陌生人介绍说, 我是研究“性”的, 他们通常会立刻转换话题, 否则的话就会表现得及其感兴趣。
"Oh. Tell me more."
“噢。接着说,”
So I do.
于是我说了。
"I'm really interested in studying the sexual behaviors of pregnant and postpartum couples." At this point I get a different kind of response.
“我对孕妇以及刚生完孩子的 女性与他们的丈夫间的 性行为很感兴趣。” 说到这儿,对方的反应就不一样了。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
"Oh. Huh. Do pregnant people even have sex? Have you thought about studying sexual desire or orgasms? That would be interesting, and sexy."
“噢。哇。 怀孕的人也会有性生活吗? 你就没想过要研究性欲 或者性高潮吗? 那会有趣和性感得多。”
Tell me. What are the first words that come to mind when you picture a pregnant woman? I asked this question in a survey of over 500 adults, and most responded with "belly" or "round" and "cute." This didn't surprise me too much. What else do we label as cute? Babies. Puppies. Kittens. The elderly. Right?
告诉我,当你们想到孕妇的时候, 脑海中最先浮现的是哪些词? 我曾经在一次问卷调查中 问过这个问题,超过500人参与, 多数人回答“大肚子”或者“圆嘟嘟”, 或者“可爱的”。 这些并不怎么令我惊奇。 还有什么其他的东西是“可爱的”呢? 小宝宝,小狗狗,小猫咪, 还有老爷爷、老奶奶。对吧?
(Laughter)
(笑声)
When we label an adult as cute, though, we take away a lot of their intelligence, their complexity. We reduce them to childlike qualities. I also asked heterosexual men to imagine a woman that they're partnered with is pregnant, and then asked women to imagine that they are pregnant, and then tell me the first words that come to mind when they imagine having sex. Most of the responses were negative. "Gross." "Awkward." "Not sexy." "Odd." "Uncomfortable." "How?"
然而,当我们给一位 成年人打上“可爱”的标签时, 我们忽略了他们的智力水平, 和性格的复杂性。 把他们当小孩看待。 我也曾要求异性恋男性 想象一下他们的女伴怀孕的样子, 接着让女伴们也同样想象一下, 然后让他们想象一下自己在做爱, 此时脑海中最先想到是哪些词。 大多数人的反应是负面的。 “很恶心。” “令人难堪。” “一点也不性感。” “十分奇怪。” “不舒服。” “这怎么做爱?”
(Laughter)
(笑声)
"Not worth the trouble." "Not worth the risk."
“不值得这么麻烦。” “不值得为此冒险。”
That last one really stuck with me. We might think that because we divorce pregnant women and moms from sexuality, we are removing the constraints of sexual objectification. They experience less sexism. Right? Not exactly. What happens instead is a different kind of objectification. In my efforts to explain this to others, one conversation led to the Venus of Willendorf, a Paleolithic figurine scholars assumed was a goddess of love and beauty, hence the name Venus. This theory was later revised, though, when scholars noted the sculptor's obvious focus on the figurine's reproductive features: large breasts, considered ideal for nursing; a round, possibly pregnant belly; the remnants of red dye, alluding to menstruation or birth. They also assumed that she was meant to be held or placed lying down because her tiny feet don't allow her to be freestanding. She also had no face. For this reason, it was assumed that she was a representation of fertility and not a portrait of a person. She was an object. In the history of her interpretation, she went from object of ideal beauty and love to object of reproduction.
而最后一条令我难以忘怀。 我们或许会认为,将孕妇和(新)妈妈 从性行为中解放出来, 就消除了在性方面的物化现象。 她们受到的性别歧视 就变少了。对吗? 并非如此。 实际上发生的是 另一种类型的的物化。 我在向别人解释这些时, 有一次谈到了“维伦多夫的 维纳斯”(小雕像), 一位研究旧石器时代小雕像的学者认为, 她是象征爱与美的女神, 于是就称她为“维纳斯”。 尽管,这种说法后来被修正, 因为学者们注意到 雕刻家想表现的重点在于 雕像的生殖特征: 丰满的乳房,对于 哺乳而言是非常理想的; 圆圆的,或许怀孕了的大肚子; 残余的红色染料, 暗指月经或者分娩。 学者们还认为她的姿势应该是躺倒的, 无论是拿在手里或者是放置起来, 因为她的脚很小,不能支撑她站立。 她也没有脸部。 因此,她被认为是生育能力的象征, 而不是某一个人的塑像。 她只是一个物品。 在对她进行研究的过程中, 她从象征美与爱的物品, 变成了代表生殖的物品。
I think this transition speaks more about the scholars who have interpreted her purpose than the actual purpose of the figurine herself. When a woman becomes pregnant, she leaves the realm of men's sexual desire and slides into her reproductive and child-rearing role. In doing so, she also becomes the property of the community, considered very important but only because she's pregnant. Right? I've taken to calling this the Willendorf effect, and once again we see it reinforced in many aspects of her life.
这种转变说明了很多问题, 甚至比学者的解释, 比雕像自身存在的意义还要多。 当一位女性怀孕时, 她就不再让男人产生性欲, 而变成了一个生养孩子的角色。 与此同时,她也变成了 社会的资产, 被认为非常重要, 但仅仅是因为她怀孕了,对吗? 我把这种现象叫做“维伦多夫效应”, 同样的,我们在生活中 也经常碰到这种情况。
Has anyone here ever been visibly pregnant?
有没有人曾怀孕过?
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Yeah. Lots of you, right? So how many of you ever had a stranger touch your belly during pregnancy, maybe without even asking your permission first? Or told what you can and cannot eat by somebody who is not your doctor, your medical care provider? Or asked private questions about your birth plan? And then told why those choices are all wrong? Yeah, me too. Or had a server refuse to bring you a glass of wine? This one might give you pause, I know, but stay with me. This is a huge secret. It is actually safe to drink in moderation during pregnancy. Many of us don't know this because doctors don't trust pregnant women with this secret --
对。人还不少,对吧? 你们中又有多少人在怀孕期间 被陌生人摸过肚子, 甚至都没有征求你的同意? 或者被告知该吃什么,不该吃什么, 而这些人根本就不是你的医生? 或者打听你的生育计划, 问一堆涉及隐私的问题, 然后又告诉你,你的计划都是错的? 对,我也遭遇过。 或者有没有遇到过 服务员不愿给你上红酒? 这一点可能难以接受,我明白, 但还是请各位跟上我的思路。 因为这是一个大秘密。 实际上,怀孕期间 适量饮酒是安全的。 我们中很多人并不知道这一点, 因为医生们不敢 把这个秘密告诉孕妇们——
(Laughter)
(笑声)
especially if she's less educated or a woman of color.
尤其当孕妇受教育程度较低, 或者是有色人种时。
What this tells us is, this Willendorf effect, it's also classist and racist. It's present when the government reminds women with every new anti-choice bill that the contents of her uterus are not her own, or when an ob-gyn says, "While it's safe to have sex during pregnancy, sometimes you never know. Better safe than sorry, right?" She's denied basic privacy and bodily autonomy under the guise of "be a good mother." We don't trust her to make her own decisions. She's cute, remember? When we tell women that sexual pleasure -- excuse me.
这说明, “维伦多夫效应”还带有 阶级歧视和种族歧视。 它表现在:政府用新出台的 反自由堕胎法案 来提醒女性们, 她们子宫中的东西 并不属于她们自己; 表现在妇产科医生说, “尽管在怀孕期间 进行性行为是安全的, 但谁知道呢。 不怕一万,只怕万一啊,对吧?” 她以“做一个好妈妈”的 名义,被剥夺了 隐私权和身体自主权。 我们并不放心她自己做出的选择。 她很可爱,还记得吗? 当我们告诉女性, 性快感——不好意思。
When we tell women that sex isn't worth the risk during pregnancy, what we're telling her is that her sexual pleasure doesn't matter. So what we are telling her is that she in fact doesn't matter, even though the needs of her fetus are not at odds with her own needs.
当我们告诉女性,在怀孕期间, 不值得冒险进行性行为的时候, 我们的言下之意是, 她的性快感并不重要。 进而引申为,她实际上也不重要, 即使她自己的需求 跟胎儿的需求一致。
So medical providers, such as the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists have the opportunity to educate about the safety of sex during pregnancy. So what do the experts say? ACOG actually has no public official statement about the safety of sex during pregnancy. Guidance from the Mayo Clinic is generally positive but presented with a caveat: "Although most women can safely have sex throughout pregnancy, sometimes it's best to be cautious."
所以医疗服务提供方, 例如美国妇产科医师协会, 是可以对孕期性行为的 安全性进行解释的。 那么专家们说了什么呢? 实际上,美国妇产科医师协会 没有任何公开的官方声明, 说明孕期性行为是安全的。 梅奥医院发布的指南 总体上是积极的, 但看起来更像是告诫: “尽管大多数女性在怀孕期间 能够安全地进行性行为, 但最好还是保持谨慎。”
Some women don't want to have sex during pregnancy, and that's OK. Some women do want to have sex during pregnancy, and that's OK, too. What needs to stop is society telling women what they can and cannot do with their bodies.
有些女性在孕期不想发生性行为, 这没什么问题。 有些女性的确想在孕期发生性行为, 这也没什么问题。 问题在于,不应该由社会来告诉女性, 对于自己的身体, 什么可以做,什么不可以做。
(Applause)
(掌声)
Pregnant women are not faceless, identity-less vessels of reproduction who can't stand on their own two feet. But the truth is, the real secret is, we tell all women that their sexual pleasure doesn't matter. We refuse to even acknowledge that women who have sex with women or women who don't want children even exist.
孕妇并不是没有自我, 没有身份的生殖容器, 她们能够自强自力。 然而实际情况却是, 我们告诉所有的女性, 她们的性快感无关紧要。 我们甚至拒绝承认女同性恋 以及不想生孩子的女性的存在。
"Oh, it's just a phase ...
“啊,只是暂时这样的啦……
she just needs the right man to come along."
她只是还没有 遇到那个对的男人。”
Every time a woman has sex simply because it feels good, it is revolutionary. She is revolutionary. She is pushing back against society's insistence that she exist simply for men's pleasure or for reproduction. A woman who prioritizes her sexual needs is scary, because a woman who prioritizes her sexual needs prioritizes herself.
当一名女性发生性行为 仅仅是因为那感觉很棒, 那就是革命性的。 她就是革命性的。 她在抗争社会固有观点: 女人的存在只是为了取悦男人, 或者为了生孩子。 一位优先考虑自己 性需求的女性是可怕的, 因为她首先考虑的是自己。
(Applause)
(掌声)
That is a woman demanding that she be treated as an equal. That is a woman who insists that you make room for her at the table of power, and that is the most terrifying of all because we can't make room for her without some of us giving up the extra space we hold.
那是一种要求平等的女性。 那是一种要求在权力的游戏中, 拥有一席之地的女性, 这是最可怕的, 因为要给女性一席之地, 就意味着我们中某些人 要放弃自己的地盘。
(Applause)
(掌声)
I have one last secret for you. I am the mother of two boys and we could use your help. Even though my boys hear me say regularly that it's important for men to recognize women as equals and they see their father modeling this, we need what happens in the world to reinforce what happens in our home. This is not a men's problem or a women's problem. This is everyone's problem, and we all play a role in dismantling systems of inequality. For starters, we have got to stop telling women what they can and cannot do with their bodies.
我还有最后一个秘密要分享。 我是两个男孩的妈妈, 并且我们真的想得到你们的帮助。 尽管我的儿子们经常听我说 要平等对待男性和女性很重要, 他们的爸爸也是这么言传身教的, 但我们希望外面的世界也是如此, 能跟我们家里的氛围产生呼应。 这不仅仅是男人的问题, 或者女人的问题。 而是关系到每个人, 在消灭不平等制度的过程中, 我们都能发挥作用。 首先, 我们必须停止告诉女性们 对于自己的身体, 什么可以做,什么不可以做。
(Applause)
(掌声)
This includes not treating pregnant women like community property. If you don't know her, don't even ask to touch her belly. You wouldn't anybody else. Don't tell her what she can and cannot eat. Don't ask her private details about her medical decisions. This also includes understanding that even if you are personally against abortion, you can still fight for a woman's right to choose. When it comes to women's equality, the two need not oppose one another. If you're somebody who has sex with women, prioritize her pleasure. If you don't know how, ask. If you have children --
这包括:不再把孕妇 当成社会资产来对待。 如果你不认识她, 就不应该要求摸一下她的肚子。 对其他人,你是不会这样做的。 不要告诉她食品宜忌。 不要询问关于她医疗的隐私。 还有一点你要明白, 即使你个人反对堕胎, 你也能为女性争取选择堕胎的权利。 说到女性平等,两性之间 没有必要相互对立。 如果你与女性做爱, 优先考虑她的快乐。 如果不清楚怎么做,就开口问。 如果你有孩子——
(Laughter)
(笑声)
have conversations about sex as early as possible, because kids don't look up s-e-x in the dictionary anymore. They look it up on the internet. And when you're having those conversations about sex, don't center them on reproduction only. People have sex for many reasons, some because they want a baby, but most of us have sex because it feels good. Admit it.
和他们聊聊关于 性的话题,越早越好, 因为孩子们不会再去 字典中查“性”这个词了。 他们会上网去找。 当你们在进行这些关于性的谈话时, 不要仅仅把它局限在 生育后代这件事上。 人们会为了很多原因做爱, 有些人是想要个孩子, 但大多数人还是为了获得快感。 承认吧。
And regardless of whether you have children or not, support comprehensive sex education that doesn't shame our teenagers.
不管你有没有孩子, 支持全面的性教育, 并不会让青少年感到难堪。
(Applause)
(掌声)
Nothing positive comes from shaming teens for their sexual desires, behaviors, other than positive STD and pregnancy tests.
让青少年因为自己的 性欲望和性行为 感到难堪毫无益处 , 又不是性病检测 呈阳性或怀孕测试。
Every single day, we are all given the opportunity to disrupt patterns of inequality. I think we can all agree that it's worth the trouble to do so.
每一天,我们都有机会 去改变不平等的现象。 我相信无论多困难, 都是值得的。
Thank you.
谢谢大家。
(Applause)
(掌声)