We're going to share a lot of secrets today, you and I, and in doing so, I hope that we can lift some of the shame many of us feel about sex.
Hoxe imos compartir moitos segredos, vostedes e mais eu, e no entanto, espero que poidamos disipar parte da vergoña que moitos sentimos acerca do sexo.
How many here have ever been catcalled by a stranger? Lots of women. For me, the time I remember best is when that stranger was a student of mine. He came up to me after class that night and his words confirmed what I already knew:
Cantas de aquí recibiron algunha vez piropos dun estraño? Moitas mulleres. No meu caso, a vez que mellor lembro foi cando ese estraño resultou ser alumno meu. Veu xunta min despois da clase esa noite e as súas palabras confirmáronme o que xa sabía:
"I am so sorry, professor. If I had known it was you, I would never have said those things."
"Síntoo moito, profesora. Se chego a saber que era vostede, nunca lle diría esas cousas."
(Laughter)
(Risas)
I wasn't a person to him until I was his professor. This concept, called objectification, is the foundation of sexism, and we see it reinforced through every aspect of our lives. We see it in the government that refuses to punish men for raping women. We see it in advertisements. How many of you have seen an advertisement that uses a woman's breast to sell an entirely unrelated product? Or movie after movie after movie that portrays women as only love interests? These examples might seem inconsequential and harmless, but they're insidious, slowly building into a culture that refuses to see women as people. We see this in the school that sends home a 10-year-old girl because her clothes were a distraction to boys trying to learn, or the government that refuses to punish men for raping women over and over, or the woman who is killed because she asked a man to stop grinding on her on the dance floor.
Para el, xamais fun unha persoa ata que me convertín na súa profesora. Este concepto, chamado obxectualización, é a base do sexismo, e vémolo reforzado en cada aspecto das nosas vidas. Vémolo no goberno que se nega a castigar aos homes por violaren mulleres. Vémolo nos anuncios. Cantos de vostedes viron un anuncio que emprega un peito de muller para vender un produto que nada ten que ver? Ou películas e películas e películas que retratan mulleres que só se interesan polo amor? Estes exemplos quizais semellen intranscendentes e inofensivos, pero son perniciosos, contribuíndo lentamente a unha cultura que evita ver as mulleres como persoas. Vémolo na escola que manda para a casa a unha nena de 10 anos porque a súa roupa distraía aos rapaces que intentaban aprender, ou no goberno que rexeita castigar a homes por violar mulleres unha e outra vez, ou na muller asasinada por pedirlle a un home que deixara de pegarse a ela nunha pista de baile.
Media plays a large role in perpetuating the objectification of women. Let's consider the classic romantic comedy. We're typically introduced to two kinds of women in these movies, two kinds of desirable women, anyway. The first is the sexy bombshell. This is the unbelievably gorgeous woman with the perfect body. Our leading man has no trouble identifying her and even less trouble having sex with her. The second is our leading lady, the beautiful but demure woman our leading man falls in love with despite not noticing her at first or not liking her if he did. The first is the slut. She is to be consumed and forgotten. She is much too available. The second is desirable but modest, and therefore worthy of our leading man's future babies. Marriage material. We're actually told that women have two roles, but these two roles have a difficult time existing within the same woman.
Os medios xogan un papel relevante para perpetuar a obxectualización feminina Pensemos na clásica comedia romántica. Estas películas adoitan presentarnos dous tipos de muller, dous tipos desexables, en calquera caso. A primeira é a bomba sexy. Unha muller incriblemente fermosa e cun corpo perfecto. O noso protagonista non ten problema para identificala, e menos aínda para ter relacións sexuais con ela. A segunda muller é a nosa protagonista, a muller fermosa pero tímida da que se namora o protagonista masculino aínda que ao principio nin se decataba dela, ou non lle gustaba nadiña. A primeira é a rameira. Serve para ser consumida e esquecida. Está sempre dispoñible. A segunda é desexable mais humilde, e, polo tanto, digna dos futuros bebés do noso protagonista. Material de matrimonio. Dinnos que as mulleres teñen dous roles, mais dificilmente poden existir os dous nunha soa muller.
On the rare occasion that I share with a new acquaintance that I study sex, if they don't end the conversation right then, they're usually pretty intrigued.
Nas contadas ocasións en que lle conto a alguén que acabo de coñecer que estudo sobre sexo, se non corta a conversa nese mesmo intre, normalmente está bastante interesado.
"Oh. Tell me more."
"Oh. Cóntame máis."
So I do.
E fágoo.
"I'm really interested in studying the sexual behaviors of pregnant and postpartum couples." At this point I get a different kind of response.
"Estou moi interesada en estudar o comportamento sexual de parellas embarazadas e en posparto." Neste punto recibo unha resposta distinta.
(Laughter)
(Risas)
"Oh. Huh. Do pregnant people even have sex? Have you thought about studying sexual desire or orgasms? That would be interesting, and sexy."
"Oh. Vaia. As embarazadas practican sexo? Non pensaches en estudar sobre o desexo sexual ou os orgasmos? Iso sería interesante, e sexy."
Tell me. What are the first words that come to mind when you picture a pregnant woman? I asked this question in a survey of over 500 adults, and most responded with "belly" or "round" and "cute." This didn't surprise me too much. What else do we label as cute? Babies. Puppies. Kittens. The elderly. Right?
Dicídeme. Cales son as primeiras palabras que se vos ocorren ao pensardes nunha muller embarazada? Fíxenlle esta pregunta nunha enquisa a máis de 500 adultos, e a maioría responderon "barriga" ou "redonda" e "adorable." Isto non me sorprendeu moito. Que máis catalogamos como adorable? Bebés. Cachorriños. Gatiños. Anciáns, non si?
(Laughter)
(Risas)
When we label an adult as cute, though, we take away a lot of their intelligence, their complexity. We reduce them to childlike qualities. I also asked heterosexual men to imagine a woman that they're partnered with is pregnant, and then asked women to imagine that they are pregnant, and then tell me the first words that come to mind when they imagine having sex. Most of the responses were negative. "Gross." "Awkward." "Not sexy." "Odd." "Uncomfortable." "How?"
Cando catalogamos un adulto como adorable, pola contra, quitámoslle gran parte da súa intelixencia, da súa complexidade. Reducímolo a características infantís. Tamén lles pedín a homes heterosexuais que imaxinasen que a muller coa que estaban era unha embarazada, e logo pedinlles a mulleres que se imaxinasen embarazadas, e despois me dixeran as primeiras palabras que pensaron ao imaxinárense practicando sexo. A maioría das respostas foron negativas. "Noxento." "Difícil." "Nada sexy." "Raro." "Incómodo." "Como?"
(Laughter)
(Risas)
"Not worth the trouble." "Not worth the risk."
"Non paga a pena a molestia." "Non paga a pena o risco."
That last one really stuck with me. We might think that because we divorce pregnant women and moms from sexuality, we are removing the constraints of sexual objectification. They experience less sexism. Right? Not exactly. What happens instead is a different kind of objectification. In my efforts to explain this to others, one conversation led to the Venus of Willendorf, a Paleolithic figurine scholars assumed was a goddess of love and beauty, hence the name Venus. This theory was later revised, though, when scholars noted the sculptor's obvious focus on the figurine's reproductive features: large breasts, considered ideal for nursing; a round, possibly pregnant belly; the remnants of red dye, alluding to menstruation or birth. They also assumed that she was meant to be held or placed lying down because her tiny feet don't allow her to be freestanding. She also had no face. For this reason, it was assumed that she was a representation of fertility and not a portrait of a person. She was an object. In the history of her interpretation, she went from object of ideal beauty and love to object of reproduction.
Isto último marcoume especialmente. Quizais pensemos que porque separamos as embarazadas e as nais da sexualidade, eliminamos as limitacións da obxectualización sexual. Elas sofren menos sexismo. De acordo? Non exactamente. O que sucede no seu lugar é outro tipo de obxectualización. Nos meus intentos de explicarlle isto a outros, unha conversa levounos á Venus de Willendorf, unha figuriña do Paleolítico considerada polos investigadores a deusa do amor e da beleza, de aí o de Venus. Pero esta teoría revisouse máis tarde, cando os investigadores notaron a obvia fixación do escultor nos atributos sexuais da figuriña: grandes peitos, considerados ideais para aleitar; Unha barriga redonda e posiblemente embarazada; os restos de tintura vermella, aludindo á menstruación ou ao parto. Tamén supuxeron que se fixera para ser collida ou depositala deitada xa que os seus pequenos pés non lle permitirían aguantarse de pé. Tampouco tiña face. Por esta razón, supúxose que era a representación da fertilidade e non o retrato dunha persoa. Era un obxecto. Na historia da súa interpretación, pasou de ser un obxecto de beleza e amor ideais a ser un obxecto de reprodución.
I think this transition speaks more about the scholars who have interpreted her purpose than the actual purpose of the figurine herself. When a woman becomes pregnant, she leaves the realm of men's sexual desire and slides into her reproductive and child-rearing role. In doing so, she also becomes the property of the community, considered very important but only because she's pregnant. Right? I've taken to calling this the Willendorf effect, and once again we see it reinforced in many aspects of her life.
Penso que esta transición fala máis dos investigadores que interpretaron o seu propósito ca do propio propósito da figuriña. Cando unha muller queda embarazada, abandona o ámbito do desexo sexual masculino e introdúcese no seu papel reprodutivo e de crianza. E ao facelo, tamén se converte en propiedade da comunidade, considerada moi importante só polo feito de estar embarazada. Si? Chameille a isto o efecto Willendorf, e unha vez máis vémolo reforzado en moitos aspectos da vida da muller.
Has anyone here ever been visibly pregnant?
Algunha persoa aquí estivo visiblemente embarazada?
(Laughter)
(Risas)
Yeah. Lots of you, right? So how many of you ever had a stranger touch your belly during pregnancy, maybe without even asking your permission first? Or told what you can and cannot eat by somebody who is not your doctor, your medical care provider? Or asked private questions about your birth plan? And then told why those choices are all wrong? Yeah, me too. Or had a server refuse to bring you a glass of wine? This one might give you pause, I know, but stay with me. This is a huge secret. It is actually safe to drink in moderation during pregnancy. Many of us don't know this because doctors don't trust pregnant women with this secret --
Xa. Moitas de vós, certo? E cantas tivestes algunha vez un estraño tocándovos a barriga durante o embarazo, incluso sen pedirvos permiso primeiro? Ou cantas veces alguén que non era o voso médico, o profesional médico que vos atende, vos dixo o que podedes comer ou non? Ou vos fixo preguntas privadas sobre o voso plan de plan de parto? E logo vos dixo por que esas decisións están todas mal? Xa, eu tamén. Negouse un camareiro a traervos un vaso de viño? Esta quizais vos dea que pensar, seino, mais escoitade. Este é un gran segredo. Beber con moderación durante o embarazo é, en realidade, seguro. Moitas de nós non o sabemos porque os médicos non queren confiarlles este segredo ás embarazadas,
(Laughter)
(Risas)
especially if she's less educated or a woman of color.
especialmente se teñen un menor nivel educativo ou son mulleres de cor.
What this tells us is, this Willendorf effect, it's also classist and racist. It's present when the government reminds women with every new anti-choice bill that the contents of her uterus are not her own, or when an ob-gyn says, "While it's safe to have sex during pregnancy, sometimes you never know. Better safe than sorry, right?" She's denied basic privacy and bodily autonomy under the guise of "be a good mother." We don't trust her to make her own decisions. She's cute, remember? When we tell women that sexual pleasure -- excuse me.
O que isto quere dicir é que o efecto Willendorf é, ademais, clasista e racista. Está presente cando o goberno lles lembra ás mulleres con cada nova lei antielección que o contido dos seus úteros non é seu, ou cando o xinecólogo lles di, "Aínda que é seguro practicar sexo no embarazo, un nunca sabe. Mellor previr ca curar, non si?" Négaselle a súa privacidade básica e a súa autonomía corporal co argumento de "se unha boa nai." Non confiamos nela para tomar as súas propias decisións. É curriña, Lembrades? Cando lles dicimos ás mulleres que o pracer sexual, perdoade.
When we tell women that sex isn't worth the risk during pregnancy, what we're telling her is that her sexual pleasure doesn't matter. So what we are telling her is that she in fact doesn't matter, even though the needs of her fetus are not at odds with her own needs.
Ao dicirlles ás mulleres que o risco do sexo durante o embarazo non paga a pena o que lles dicimos é que o seu pracer sexual non importa. E, xa que logo, que elas non importan, a pesar de que as necesidades do seu feto non están en conflito coas súas propias.
So medical providers, such as the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists have the opportunity to educate about the safety of sex during pregnancy. So what do the experts say? ACOG actually has no public official statement about the safety of sex during pregnancy. Guidance from the Mayo Clinic is generally positive but presented with a caveat: "Although most women can safely have sex throughout pregnancy, sometimes it's best to be cautious."
Así que os profesionais médicos, como o Colexio Americano de Xinecología e Obstetricia (ACOG) teñen a oportunidade de educar sobre a seguridade do sexo durante o embarazo. E que din os expertos? O ACOG non ten ningunha declaración oficial sobre a seguridade do sexo durante o embarazo. A guía da Clínica Mayo é, en liñas xerais, positiva, pero presenta unha advertencia: "Aínda que a maioría das mulleres pode practicar sexo sen problemas no embarazo, ás veces é mellor ser cauto."
Some women don't want to have sex during pregnancy, and that's OK. Some women do want to have sex during pregnancy, and that's OK, too. What needs to stop is society telling women what they can and cannot do with their bodies.
Algunhas mulleres non queren practicar sexo durante o embarazo, e iso está perfecto. Outras queren practicar sexo durante o embarazo, e iso tamén está perfecto. O que cómpre parar é o feito de que a sociedade lles diga o que poden facer e que non co seu corpo.
(Applause)
(Aplausos)
Pregnant women are not faceless, identity-less vessels of reproduction who can't stand on their own two feet. But the truth is, the real secret is, we tell all women that their sexual pleasure doesn't matter. We refuse to even acknowledge that women who have sex with women or women who don't want children even exist.
As embarazadas non son recipientes de reprodución sen cara nin identidade, que non poden manterse en pé por si soas. Mais a verdade é, o verdadeiro segredo é, que lles dicimos a todas as mulleres que o seu pracer sexual non importa. Ata rexeitamos admitir que as mulleres que practican sexo con outras ou as que non queren ter fillos existen.
"Oh, it's just a phase ...
"Oh, só é unha etapa...
she just needs the right man to come along."
só necesita que apareza o home adecuado."
Every time a woman has sex simply because it feels good, it is revolutionary. She is revolutionary. She is pushing back against society's insistence that she exist simply for men's pleasure or for reproduction. A woman who prioritizes her sexual needs is scary, because a woman who prioritizes her sexual needs prioritizes herself.
Cada vez que unha muller practica sexo simplemente porque se sente ben, é algo revolucionario. Ela é revolucionaria. Vai en contra da sociedade que insiste en que só existe para o pracer masculino ou para a reprodución. A muller que prioriza as súas necesidades sexuais pon medo, porque a muller que prioriza as súas necesidades sexuais priorízase a si mesma.
(Applause)
(Aplauso)
That is a woman demanding that she be treated as an equal. That is a woman who insists that you make room for her at the table of power, and that is the most terrifying of all because we can't make room for her without some of us giving up the extra space we hold.
É unha muller pedindo ser tratada coma unha igual. É unha muller que insiste para que lle fagas sitio na mesa de poder, e iso é o máis aterrador de todo porque non podemos facer un sitio para ela sen que algúns de nós teñamos que ceder o noso espazo extra.
(Applause)
(Aplausos)
I have one last secret for you. I am the mother of two boys and we could use your help. Even though my boys hear me say regularly that it's important for men to recognize women as equals and they see their father modeling this, we need what happens in the world to reinforce what happens in our home. This is not a men's problem or a women's problem. This is everyone's problem, and we all play a role in dismantling systems of inequality. For starters, we have got to stop telling women what they can and cannot do with their bodies.
Teño un último segredo para vostedes. Son nai de dous mozos e serviríanos a súa axuda. Aínda que os meus fillos me escoitan dicir con frecuencia que é importante que os homes recoñezan as mulleres como iguais e teñen en seu pai a un modelo, precisamos que o que sucede no mundo reforce o que pasa na nosa casa. Isto non é un problema de homes ou de mulleres. Isto é problema de todos, e todos temos un papel no desmantelamento dos sistema de desigualdade. Para comezar, debemos deixar de dicirlles ás mulleres o que poden facer cos seus corpos e o que non.
(Applause)
(Aplausos)
This includes not treating pregnant women like community property. If you don't know her, don't even ask to touch her belly. You wouldn't anybody else. Don't tell her what she can and cannot eat. Don't ask her private details about her medical decisions. This also includes understanding that even if you are personally against abortion, you can still fight for a woman's right to choose. When it comes to women's equality, the two need not oppose one another. If you're somebody who has sex with women, prioritize her pleasure. If you don't know how, ask. If you have children --
Isto inclúe non tratar as embarazadas como unha propiedade comunal. Se non a coñecen, non lle pregunten se lle poden tocar a barriga. Non o farían con ninguén máis. Non lle digan o que pode comer ou non. Non lle pregunten por detalles privados das súas decisións médicas. E isto inclúe entender que, incluso se vostede está en contra do aborto, pode seguir loitando polo dereito das mulleres a decidir. Cando se trata da igualdade das mulleres, as dúas non poden entrar en conflito. Se practica sexo con mulleres, priorice o seu pracer. E se non sabe como, pregunte. Se ten fillos ou fillas --
(Laughter)
(Risas)
have conversations about sex as early as possible, because kids don't look up s-e-x in the dictionary anymore. They look it up on the internet. And when you're having those conversations about sex, don't center them on reproduction only. People have sex for many reasons, some because they want a baby, but most of us have sex because it feels good. Admit it.
fale con eles de sexo tan axiña como sexa posible, porque os nenos xa non buscan s-e-x-o no dicionario. Búscano en internet. E cando teñan esas conversas, non se centren só na reprodución. As persoas practican sexo por múltiples razóns, algunhas porque queren un bebé, pero a maioría porque se sente ben. Admítano.
And regardless of whether you have children or not, support comprehensive sex education that doesn't shame our teenagers.
E independentemente de se teñen fillos ou non, apoien unha educación sexual integral que non avergoñe aos nosos adolescentes
(Applause)
(Aplausos)
Nothing positive comes from shaming teens for their sexual desires, behaviors, other than positive STD and pregnancy tests.
Nada positivo se saca de avergoñar a un adolescente polos seus desexos e comportamentos sexuais, máis que tests positivos de embarazo e de enfermidades de transmisión sexual
Every single day, we are all given the opportunity to disrupt patterns of inequality. I think we can all agree that it's worth the trouble to do so.
Cada día, dásenos a oportunidade de racharmos cos patróns de desigualdade. E penso que todos podemos estar de acordo en que paga a pena facelo.
Thank you.
Grazas.
(Applause)
(Aplausos)