Ah, romantic love - beautiful and intoxicating, heartbreaking and soul-crushing, often all at the same time. Why do we choose to put ourselves through its emotional wringer? Does love make our lives meaningful, or is it an escape from our loneliness and suffering? Is love a disguise for our sexual desire, or a trick of biology to make us procreate? Is it all we need? Do we need it at all? If romantic love has a purpose, neither science nor psychology has discovered it yet. But over the course of history, some of our most respected philosophers have put forward some intriguing theories. Love makes us whole, again. The ancient Greek philosopher Plato explored the idea that we love in order to become complete. In his "Symposium", he wrote about a dinner party, at which Aristophanes, a comic playwright, regales the guests with the following story: humans were once creatures with four arms, four legs, and two faces. One day, they angered the gods, and Zeus sliced them all in two. Since then, every person has been missing half of him or herself. Love is the longing to find a soulmate who'll make us feel whole again, or, at least, that's what Plato believed a drunken comedian would say at a party. Love tricks us into having babies. Much, much later, German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer maintained that love based in sexual desire was a voluptuous illusion. He suggested that we love because our desires lead us to believe that another person will make us happy, but we are sorely mistaken. Nature is tricking us into procreating, and the loving fusion we seek is consummated in our children. When our sexual desires are satisfied, we are thrown back into our tormented existences, and we succeed only in maintaining the species and perpetuating the cycle of human drudgery. Sounds like somebody needs a hug. Love is escape from our loneliness. According to the Nobel Prize-winning British philosopher Bertrand Russell, we love in order to quench our physical and psychological desires. Humans are designed to procreate, but without the ecstasy of passionate love, sex is unsatisfying. Our fear of the cold, cruel world tempts us to build hard shells to protect and isolate ourselves. Love's delight, intimacy, and warmth helps us overcome our fear of the world, escape our lonely shells, and engage more abundantly in life. Love enriches our whole being, making it the best thing in life. Love is a misleading affliction. Siddhārtha Gautama, who became known as the Buddha, or the Enlightened One, probably would have had some interesting arguments with Russell. Buddha proposed that we love because we are trying to satisfy our base desires. Yet, our passionate cravings are defects, and attachments, even romantic love, are a great source of suffering. Luckily, Buddha discovered the eight-fold path, a sort of program for extinguishing the fires of desire so that we can reach Nirvana, an enlightened state of peace, clarity, wisdom, and compassion. The novelist Cao Xueqin illustrated this Buddhist sentiment that romantic love is folly in one of China's greatest classical novels, "Dream of the Red Chamber." In a subplot, Jia Rui falls in love with Xi-feng who tricks and humiliates him. Conflicting emotions of love and hate tear him apart, so a Taoist gives him a magic mirror that can cure him as long as he doesn't look at the front of it. But of course, he looks at the front of it. He sees Xi-feng. His soul enters the mirror and he is dragged away in iron chains to die. Not all Buddhists think this way about romantic and erotic love, but the moral of this story is that such attachments spell tragedy, and should, along with magic mirrors, be avoided. Love lets us reach beyond ourselves. Let's end on a slightly more positive note. The French philosopher Simone de Beauvoir proposed that love is the desire to integrate with another and that it infuses our lives with meaning. However, she was less concerned with why we love and more interested in how we can love better. She saw that the problem with traditional romantic love is it can be so captivating, that we are tempted to make it our only reason for being. Yet, dependence on another to justify our existence easily leads to boredom and power games. To avoid this trap, Beauvoir advised loving authentically, which is more like a great friendship. Lovers support each other in discovering themselves, reaching beyond themselves, and enriching their lives and the world together. Though we might never know why we fall in love, we can be certain that it will be an emotional rollercoaster ride. It's scary and exhilarating. It makes us suffer and makes us soar. Maybe we lose ourselves. Maybe we find ourselves. It might be heartbreaking, or it might just be the best thing in life. Will you dare to find out?
Eh, romantik muhabbat, ba'zan maftunkor va sarmast qiluvchi, ba'zan yurakni parchalovchi va jafokash, ko'pincha esa hammasi birda. Nima uchun biz hissiyotlarimizni siqib, suvidan sharbat qilishlariga qo'yib beramiz? Sevgi hayotimizga mazmun kiritadimi yoki yolg'izlik va azob-uqubatlardan qochmoqchi bo'lamizmi? Sevgi ortida jinsiy xohish-istagimiz yashiringanmi yoki bu nasl qoldirishimiz uchun tabiat o'ylab topgan nayrangmi? Bizga faqat shu kerakmi? Umuman uning keragi bormikin? Agar muhabbatdan biror maqsad bo'lsa, na biror olim, na biror psixolog buni kashf eta olgan emas. Ammo uzoq tarixiy davr mobaynida ayrim taniqli faylasuflarimiz ba'zi qiziqarli nazariyalarni ilgari surdi. Sevgi bizni qayta bir butun qiladi. Qadimgi yunon faylasufi Aflotunning fikricha, biz bir butun bo'lish uchun sevamiz. Uning "Bazm" asarida tasvirlanishicha, kechki ziyofat chog'ida komediyanavis Aristofan mehmonlarining vaqtini chog' qilish uchun quyidagi afsonani aytib beradi: bir vaqtlar odamlar to'rt qo'l, to'rt oyoq va ikki yuzli mavjudot edilar. Bir kuni ular xudolarning g'azabini keltirdi va Zevs ularning barchasini ikkiga ayirib tashladi. Shundan beri inson o'zining ikkinchi yarmini qidiradi. Sevgi - birgalikda o'zimizni yana bir butundek his etishimizda kerak bo'lgan insonni topish istagidir, har qalay, Aflotun mast komediyanavis bazmda shunday deyishi mumkinligiga ishongan. Sevgi sabab bolalar dunyoga keladi. Ko'p yillar o'tgach, nemis faylasufi Artur Shopengauer jinsiy istakka asoslangan sevgi hissiy xom xayol ekanini ta'kidlagan. Unga ko'ra, xohishlarimiz bizni birov baxtli qilishiga ishonishga undagani bois sevib qolamiz, ammo biz qattiq yanglishamiz. Tabiat naslimizni davom ettirish uchun mug'ambirlik qiladi va biz izlaydigan ishqiy qovishuv farzand ko’rish bilan yakun topadi. Jinsiy ehtiyojlarimiz qondirilgach, yana uqubatli hayot tarzimizga qaytamiz, odamzot naslini saqlab qolish va zerikarli turmush davomiyligini abadiylashtirishgina qo'limizdan keladi. Naqadar g'amgin o'ylar, kimnidir quchoqlab olging keladi-ya. Sevgi – yolg'izlikdan qochish. Nobel mukofoti sovrindori britaniyalik faylasuf Bertrand Rassellning so'zlariga ko'ra, biz jismoniy va ruhiy istaklarimizni qondirish uchun yaxshi ko'ramiz. Odamlar ko'payish uchun yaratilgan, ammo ehtirosli muhabbat zavqisiz ishqiy munosabatdan qoniqib bo'lmaydi. Sovuq va shafqatsiz dunyodan qo'rqib, himoyalanish va yashirinish uchun qattiq qobiqqa o'ralib olamiz. Sevgi beradigan quvonch, yaqinlik va iliqlik dunyo qarshisidagi qo'rquvimizni yengishga, yolg'izlik qobig'idan xalos bo'lishga va to'laqonli hayot kechirishga yordam beradi. Sevgi butun borlig'imizni boyitadi va dunyodagi eng yoqimli hissiyotga aylanadi. Sevgi aldamchi azobdir. Budda yoxud Nurlangan nomi bilan tanilgan Siddxarta Gautama Rassel bilan munozaraga kirishganida, ehtimol, qiziqarli dalillar keltirgan bo'lardi. Budda asosiy ehtiyojlarimizni qondirish uchun yaxshi ko'ramiz, deb hisoblagan. Ammo ehtirosli xohish-istaklarimiz nuqsonlar bo'lib, yaqinlik tuyg'usi, hatto romantik muhabbat ham cheksiz iztiroblar manbaidir. Yaxshiyamki, Budda Nirvana – tinchlik, ravshanlik, donolik va rahm-shafqatdan iborat oliy saodatga eltuvchi sakkiz bosqichli yo'l, boshqacha qilib aytganda, xohish-istaklar olovini so'ndirish uchun dasturi amal topdi. Yozuvchi Tsao Syuetsin Xitoyning eng mashhur klassik romanlaridan biri "Qizil ko'shkdagi tush" asarida buddistlarning romantik sevgi – bema'nilikdir, degan qarashini ochib beradi. Sujet voqealaridan birida Tzya Rui uni aldab, xo'rlab ketuvchi Sifengga oshiq bo'ladi. Muhabbat va nafratga to'la qarama-qarshi hislar uning qalbini parchalaydi, shu bois daos unga sehrli ko'zgu beradi. Agar Tzya Rui unga qaramasa, dardiga davo topishini aytadi. Ammo u, o'z-o'zidan ravshanki, ko'zguga boqadi. Unda Sifengni ko'radi. Uning ruhi ko'zguga kiradi va oshiq o’lgunicha zanjirband etiladi. Hamma buddistlar ham romantik va oshiqona sevgi haqida bunday fikrda bo'lmagan, ammo qissadan hissa shuki, bunday his-tuyg'ular fojiaga olib keladi va inson sehrli ko'zgu bilan bir qatorda sevgidan ham o'zini chetga olishi kerak. Sevgi o'zligimizni to'laligicha namoyon etishga imkon beradi. Keling, biroz ko'tarinki ruhda so'zimizga yakun yasaymiz. Fransuz faylasufi Simona de Bovuarning fikricha, sevgi - bu boshqa bir inson bilan bir butun bo'lish istagi va u hayotimizga mazmun olib kiradi. Ammo u biz nega sevishimiz haqida emas, balki qanday qilib yaxshiroq sevishimiz mumkinligi haqida ko'proq bosh qotirgan. Bovuarning aytishicha, an'anaviy romantik muhabbatdagi muammo shundaki, u bizni o'ziga qattiq maftun etgani bois biz uni tiriklikning yagona sababchisiga aylantirmoqchi bo'lamiz. Ammo mavjudligimizning mohiyati deb birovga qaram bo'lish tez orada zerikish va manipulyatsiyaga olib keladi. Bunday tuzoqqan tushmaslik uchun Bovuar chinakam do'stlikni eslatuvchi haqiqiy muhabbatni tarbiyalashni maslahat beradi. Sevishganlar o'zlarini kashf etishda, imkoniyatlari doirasini kengaytirishda bir-birlarini qo'llab-quvvatlaydilar, hayotlarini va atrof-borliqni birgalikda boyitadilar. Sevib qolishimiz sababini hech qachon bilmasligimiz mumkin, ammo bu hissiyotlar uchun o'ziga xos «Amerika tepaligi» attraksioni bo'lishiga ishonavering. U qo'rquv ham, shodlik ham ulashadi. Ko'ngilga ozor beradi va uchishga qanot bag'ishlaydi. Ehtimol, o'zligimizni yo'qotarmiz Ehtimol, toparmiz. U qalbimizni parchalashi yoki hayotdagi eng yoqimli tuyg'u bo'lishi mumkin. Balki uni sinab ko'rishga jur'at etarsiz?