Alright, so I want you to imagine that you get a text from a friend, and it reads ... "You will NOT believe what just happened. I'm SO MAD right now!" So you do the dutiful thing as a friend, and you ask for details. And they tell you a story about what happened to them at the gym or at work or on their date last night. And you listen and you try to understand why they're so mad. Maybe even secretly judge whether or not they should be so mad.
請大家想像朋友傳給你的訊息寫: 「你絕對不會相信發生什麼事! 我氣炸了!」 所以你做了朋友該做的事, 問了一些細節。 他們說了事發經過, 可能是在健身房、公司 或是昨晚約會發生的事。 你聽他們說,試圖了解 對方為什麼這麼火大。 也許還暗地裡評論 他們有沒有道理這麼火大。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
And maybe you even offer some suggestions. Now, in that moment, you are doing essentially what I get to do every day, because I'm an anger researcher, and as an anger researcher, I spend a good part of my professional life -- who am I kidding, also my personal life -- studying why people get mad. I study the types of thoughts they have when they get mad, and I even study what they do when they get mad, whether it's getting into fights or breaking things, or even yelling at people in all caps on the internet.
也許你還給了一些建議。 這時你做的事, 基本上就是我每天要做的事, 因為我研究憤怒, 身為憤怒研究員, 我的職涯有大半時間── 其實我私生活也是── 都在研究抓狂的人。 我研究他們抓狂當下的不同想法, 我還研究他們抓狂的時候會做什麼, 有可能是和人打架、摔東西, 或是在網路上用超大字體跟人吵架。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
And as you can imagine, when people hear I'm an anger researcher, they want to talk to me about their anger, they want to share with me their anger stories. And it's not because they need a therapist, though that does sometimes happen, it's really because anger is universal. It's something we all feel and it's something they can relate to. We've been feeling it since the first few months of life, when we didn't get what we wanted in our cries of protests, things like, "What do you mean you won't pick up the rattle, Dad, I want it!"
可想而知, 只要有人聽到我研究憤怒, 就會想要跟我談他們的怒氣, 跟我聊自己火大的故事。 不是因為他們需要心理師, ──雖然偶爾是真的有需要── 主要是因為憤怒普世皆然。 憤怒人人都感受得到, 而且人人都有相同經歷。 我們打從剛出生的頭幾個月 就開始感受憤怒, 我們得不到想要的東西 就用哭來抗議, 像是「你說不撿手搖鈴來 是什麼意思? 爸爸!我現在就要玩!」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
We feel it throughout our teenage years, as my mom can certainly attest to with me. Sorry, Mom. We feel it to the very end. In fact, anger has been with us at some of the worst moments of our lives. It's a natural and expected part of our grief. But it's also been with us in some of the best moments of our lives, with those special occasions like weddings and vacations often marred by these everyday frustrations -- bad weather, travel delays -- that feel horrible in the moment, but then are ultimately forgotten when things go OK.
青少年時期大家都常感到憤怒, 這點我媽可以作證。 抱歉啦,老媽。 我們到臨終前也會感到憤怒。 其實在人生最悲慘的那些時刻, 憤怒也常與我們同在。 這種感覺很自然, 也被視為是悲傷的一部分。 但在人生最美好的一些時刻, 憤怒也與我們同在, 像是婚禮、渡假這些特殊場合, 老是被日常鳥事搞得烏煙障氣, 像是壞天氣、行程延誤這些事, 當下覺得很要命, 但事過境遷又忘得一乾二淨。
I have a lot of conversations with people about their anger and it's through those conversations that I've learned that many people, and I bet many people in this room right now, you see anger as a problem. You see the way it interferes in your life, the way it damages relationships, maybe even the ways it's scary. And while I get all of that, I see anger a little differently, and today, I want to tell you something really important about your anger, and it's this: anger is a powerful and healthy force in your life. It's good that you feel it. You need to feel it.
我和很多人談過他們的憤怒, 透過這些對話我發現很多人── 我敢打賭在座很多人也一樣── 覺得憤怒是個問題, 像是憤怒落到你頭上的方式, 破懷你人際關係的方式, 甚至是憤怒恐怖的模樣。 雖然這些我都了解, 但我看待憤怒的方式有點不同。 今天我想和各位分享 和憤怒有關很重要的一件事: 憤怒是生活中 一股強大而且健康的力量。 感到憤怒是好事。 你需要感覺到憤怒。
But to understand all that, we actually have to back up and talk about why we get mad in the first place. A lot of this goes back to the work of an anger researcher named Dr. Jerry Deffenbacher, who wrote about this back in 1996 in a book chapter on how to deal with problematic anger. Now, for most of us, and I bet most of you, it feels as simple as this: I get mad when I'm provoked. You hear it in the language people use. They say things like, "It makes me so mad when people drive this slow," or, "I got mad because she left the milk out again." Or my favorite, "I don't have an anger problem -- people just need to stop messing with me."
但要了解這些,我們就得退一步, 談談為什麼一開始會發火。 談這點常會追溯到憤怒研究學者 狄分巴契博士的作品, 他在 1996 年寫了一本書, 談到如何處理棘手的怒氣。 對我們大多數人來說,我敢打賭, 原因很簡單: 只要被人激怒,就會發火。 大家言談間會透露出這點。 他們會說: 「前面開車這麼慢 就是會讓我超火大。」 或「我火大是因為 她又忘記把牛奶放冰箱。」 我最愛這句: 「我沒有憤怒這種情緒問題, 其他人不要來搗亂就好。」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Now, in the spirit of better understanding those types of provocations, I ask a lot of people, including my friends and colleagues and even family, "What are the things that really get to you? What makes you mad?" By the way, now is a good time to point out one of the advantages of being an anger researcher is that I've spent more than a decade generating a comprehensive list of all the things that really irritate my colleagues. Just in case I need it.
為了更了解這些不同類型的激怒, 我問過很多人,包括朋友、同事, 連家人我都問了: 「什麼事會惹到你? 什麼事會讓你發火?」 對了,現在正好可以提一下 為什麼身為憤怒研究員這麼吃香, 因為我花了十幾年的時間 列一張非常詳細的清單, 記下所有真的會惹火我同事的事情。 以備不時之需。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
But their answers are fascinating, because they say things like, "when my sports team loses," "people who chew too loudly." That is surprisingly common, by the way. "People who walk too slowly," that one's mine. And of course, "roundabouts." Roundabouts --
不過這些答案真的很有意思, 因為他們說: 「我支持的球隊輸球」、 「有人嚼口香糖太大聲」。 出乎意料之外,很多人都講這些。 「有人走太慢」這我講的。 當然還有「開車碰到圓環」。 「圓環」──
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
I can tell you honestly, there is no rage like roundabout rage.
我老實講,沒有憤怒 可以媲美圓環怒。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Sometimes their answers aren't minor at all. Sometimes they talk about racism and sexism and bullying and environmental destruction -- big, global problems we all face. But sometimes, their answers are very specific, maybe even oddly specific. "That wet line you get across your shirt when you accidentally lean against the counter of a public bathroom."
有時候他們的答案非同小可。 有時候有人會說種族歧視、 性別歧視、霸凌, 環境破壞,那種我們 共同面臨的全球大問題。 但有時候, 他們的答案非常明確, 可能還出奇的明確。 「你的衣服不小心在公廁洗手檯 弄溼的那條線。」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Super gross, right?
超噁吧?
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Or "Flash drives: there's only two ways to plug them in, so why does it always take me three tries?"
或是「隨身碟要嘛正插要嘛反插, 為什麼每次都要我試三次?」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Now whether it's minor or major, whether it's general or specific, we can look at these examples and we can tease out some common themes. We get angry in situations that are unpleasant, that feel unfair, where our goals are blocked, that could have been avoided, and that leave us feeling powerless. This is a recipe for anger. But you can also tell that anger is probably not the only thing we're feeling in these situations. Anger doesn't happen in a vacuum. We can feel angry at the same time that we're scared or sad, or feeling a host of other emotions.
不論事關大小,明確與否, 我們都可以檢視這些例子, 梳理出一些普遍題材。 我們會生氣, 可能是在不愉快的情境下、 覺得不公平、事情不順利、 本來可以避免的情況、 讓我們覺得無力的事。 這是憤怒的配方。 但你也會發現, 憤怒大概不是我們 在這些情境中的唯一感受。 怒氣不會無中生有。 我們生氣的同時也會害怕、傷心, 還會感受到很多不同的情緒。
But here's the thing: these provocations -- they aren't making us mad. At least not on their own, and we know that, because if they were, we'd all get angry over the same things, and we don't. The reasons I get angry are different than the reasons you get angry, so there's got to be something else going on. What is that something else? Well, we know what we're doing and feeling at the moment of that provocation matters. We call this the pre-anger state -- are you hungry, are you tired, are you anxious about something else, are you running late for something? When you're feeling those things, those provocations feel that much worse. But what matters most is not the provocation, it's not the pre-anger state, it's this: it's how we interpret that provocation, it's how we make sense of it in our lives.
但問題在於: 這些激怒我們的事 不是真的讓我們憤怒的事。 至少不只這些事, 我們知道,因為如果只是那些事, 大家對這類的事就都會生氣, 但卻不是這樣。 我生氣的點和你生氣的點不同, 所以問題沒那麼簡單。 那問題是出在哪? 我們知道被激怒的同時 自己在做什麼,感覺怎麼樣。 我們稱這些為生氣前的狀態: 你肚子餓、覺得累、 擔心什麼事或事情做不完嗎? 你感覺那些事的同時, 激怒的感覺也就更深。 但最重要的不是激怒你的事, 不是生氣前的狀態,而是: 我們怎麼解讀那件激怒你的事, 我們賦予它在生命中什麼意義。
When something happens to us, we first decide, is this good or bad? Is it fair or unfair, is it blameworthy, is it punishable? That's primary appraisal, it's when you evaluate the event itself. We decide what it means in the context of our lives and once we've done that, we decide how bad it is. That's secondary appraisal. We say, "Is this the worst thing that's ever happened, or can I cope with this?
我們碰到某件事的時候, 首先會判斷這是好是壞? 公不公平、該不該譴責、被罰? 這是一種初級評估, 你在評估事件本身。 我們決定它在生命中扮演的意義, 一旦做了,我們就決定事情有多糟。 這是次級評估。 我們會自問「這是 這輩子碰過最慘的事嗎? 我能擺平這件事嗎?
Now, to illustrate that, I want you to imagine you are driving somewhere. And before I go any further, I should tell you, if I were an evil genius and I wanted to create a situation that was going to make you mad, that situation would look a lot like driving.
為了說明這點,請大家 想像一下你在開車。 在我繼續之前,先警告大家, 如果我是鬼點子天才, 要打造讓你發火的情境, 那就是讓你感覺像在開車。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
It's true. You are, by definition, on your way somewhere, so everything that happens -- traffic, other drivers, road construction -- it feels like it's blocking your goals. There are all these written and unwritten rules of the road, and those rules are routinely violated right in front of you, usually without consequence. And who's violating those rules? Anonymous others, people you will never see again, making them a very easy target for your wrath.
這是真的。 你在某個地方開車, 車流量、其他用路人、路況 全都一一浮現, 感覺他們都來擋你的路。 你知道有些用路法規和潛規則, 三不五時就有人在你面前違規, 但駕駛都安然渡過。 誰違規? 你不認識、不會再見到的人, 他們就很容易變成你暴怒的箭靶。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
So you're driving somewhere, thus teed up to be angry, and the person in front of you is driving well below the speed limit. And it's frustrating because you can't really see why they're driving so slow. That's primary appraisal. You've looked at this and you've said it's bad and it's blameworthy. But maybe you also decide it's not that big a deal. You're not in a hurry, doesn't matter. That's secondary appraisal -- you don't get angry.
你開著車,怒火一觸即發, 你前面那個人開得比最低速限還慢。 你很煩, 因為你看不出來他為何開這麼慢。 這是初級評估。 這種情況你看了 覺得很糟,覺得該譴責。 但同時你也決定說 這不是什麼大不了的事。 你不趕時間,沒關係。 這是次級評估,你沒有生氣。
But now imagine you're on your way to a job interview. What that person is doing, it hasn't changed, right? So primary appraisal doesn't change; still bad, still blameworthy. But your ability to cope with it sure does. Because all of a sudden, you're going to be late to that job interview. All of a sudden, you are not going to get your dream job, the one that was going to give you piles and piles of money.
但現在想像一下, 你正要去面試工作。 這個人的所作所為沒有變, 所以初級評估不變; 還是很糟,還是該譴責。 但你的應變能力絕對有差, 因為突然之間, 你面試就要遲到。 突然間, 你就會失去夢想中的工作, 這工作可以讓你賺進大把大把鈔票。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Somebody else is going to get your dream job and you're going to be broke. You're going to be destitute. Might as well stop now, turn around, move in with your parents.
其他人會得到你的夢想工作, 你會破產, 你會一貧如洗。 可能要就此搬回老家跟父母住。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Why? "Because of this person in front of me. This is not a person, this is a monster."
為什麼? 「就因為我前面的這個人。 他不是人,他是禽獸。」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
And this monster is here just to ruin your life.
這禽獸來就是為了糟蹋你的人生。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Now that thought process, it's called catastrophizing, the one where we make the worst of things. And it's one of the primary types of thoughts that we know is associated with chronic anger. But there's a couple of others. Misattributing causation. Angry people tend to put blame where it doesn't belong. Not just on people, but actually inanimate objects as well. And if you think that sound ridiculous, think about the last time you lost your car keys and you said, "Where did those car keys go?" Because you know they ran off on their own.
這個思考過程稱為災難化, 就是我們想出最糟情況的過程。 這是我們已知的 一種主要思維模式, 和長期憤怒有關。 但還有其他幾種。 錯誤歸究因果關係。 生氣的人傾向怪錯對象。 不只是怪在別人頭上, 也會怪無生命的事物。 如果你覺得聽起來很荒唐, 想想你上次找不到車鑰匙的時候說: 「那些鑰匙是跑去哪了?」 因為你知道它們自己跑走了。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
They tend to overgeneralize, they use words like "always," "never," "every," "this always happens to me," "I never get what I want" or "I hit every stoplight on the way here today." Demandingness: they put their own needs ahead of the needs of others: "I don't care why this person is driving so slow, they need to speed up or move over so I can get to this job interview." And finally, inflammatory labeling. They call people fools, idiots, monsters, or a whole bunch of things I've been told I'm not allowed to say during this TED Talk.
他們很常過度一言以蔽之, 很常說「老是」、 「絕不」、「每次」、 「老是發生在我頭上」、 「我絕對不會如願以償」、 「我今天來這裡的路上 每個路口都碰到紅燈。」 苛求:他們把自己的需求 看得比別人的還重要: 「我不管這人為何車開這麼慢, 他要嘛就加速,不然就讓開, 這樣我才能趕去面試工作。」 最後一項,貼會惹火人的標籤。 他們叫別人傻子、白痴、禽獸, 還有一大堆用詞,但是有人跟我說, 我在 TEDTalk 臺上不准講。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
So for a long time, psychologists have referred to these as cognitive distortions or even irrational beliefs. And yeah, sometimes they are irrational. Maybe even most of the time. But sometimes, these thoughts are totally rational. There is unfairness in the world. There are cruel, selfish people, and it's not only OK to be angry when we're treated poorly, it's right to be angry when we're treated poorly.
有很長一段時間, 心理學家稱此為認知扭曲, 甚至是非理性信念。 是啊,有時候他們沒那麼理性。 可能大多情況都沒理性。 但有時候,這些想法其實完全理性。 世上有不公。 有殘忍、自私的人, 被惡劣對待而生氣 不是可以接受而已, 被惡劣對待根本就應該要生氣。
If there's one thing I want you to remember from my talk today, it's this: your anger exists in you as an emotion because it offered your ancestors, both human and nonhuman, with an evolutionary advantage. Just as your fear alerts you to danger, your anger alerts you to injustice. It's one of the ways your brain communicates to you that you have had enough. What's more, it energizes you to confront that injustice. Think for a second about the last time you got mad. Your heart rate increased. Your breathing increased, you started to sweat. That's your sympathetic nervous system, otherwise known as your fight-or-flight system, kicking in to offer you the energy you need to respond. And that's just the stuff you noticed. At the same time, your digestive system slowed down so you could conserve energy. That's why your mouth went dry. And your blood vessels dilated to get blood to your extremities. That's why your face went red. It's all part of this complex pattern of physiological experiences that exist today because they helped your ancestors deal with cruel and unforgiving forces of nature.
如果我想讓你在這個演講中 記得一件事,那就是: 你的憤怒以一種情緒存在, 因為憤怒讓你的祖先 ──無論是人或非人類── 有進化優勢。 就像恐懼警告你危險, 憤怒警告你不公。 這是你的腦和你溝通, 告訴你,你受夠了。 更重要的是,他激發你去挑戰不公。 試想一下自己上次發火的情況。 你的心跳加速、 呼吸急促、開始流汗。 那是你的交感神經系統 ──或所謂的戰或逃反應── 發揮作用提供你需要反應的能量。 那就是你注意到的東西。 同時你的消化系統變慢, 你就能儲存能量, 這也就是為什麼你的嘴巴會乾澀。 你的血管擴張讓血液流到末稍, 這也就是為什麼你的臉會變紅。 這都是現存完整 生理變化模式中的一環, 因為它們幫助先人 面對大自然的殘酷與無情。
And the problem is that the thing your ancestors did to deal with their anger, to physically fight, they are no longer reasonable or appropriate. You can't and you shouldn't swing a club every time you're provoked.
問題是,你的先人 用來面對憤怒做的事, 也就是和人打架, 已經不合時宜了。 你被激怒的時候不能也不該 每次都去砸酒吧。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
But here's the good news. You are capable of something your nonhuman ancestors weren't capable of. And that is the capacity to regulate your emotions. Even when you want to lash out, you can stop yourself and you can channel that anger into something more productive. So often when we talk about anger, we talk about how to keep from getting angry. We tell people to calm down or relax. We even tell people to let it go. And all of that assumes that anger is bad and that it's wrong to feel it.
不過有個好消息。 你能做到 非人類祖先無法做到的事, 也就是你有能力控制情緒。 即使你想揍對方一拳, 你可以阻止自己, 引導憤怒到更有生產力的地方。 我們很常談到憤怒的時候, 會討論到要怎麼避免發怒。 我們要人冷靜、放鬆。 我們還叫人要放下。 所有的假設都認定憤怒不好, 有這種感覺不對。
But instead, I like to think of anger as a motivator. The same way your thirst motivates you to get a drink of water, the same way your hunger motivates you to get a bite to eat, your anger can motivate you to respond to injustice. Because we don't have to think too hard to find things we should be mad about. When we go back to the beginning, yeah, some of those things, they're silly and not worth getting angry over.
但相反地,我喜歡把憤怒 視為一種監控器。 就像渴驅使你去喝水、 餓驅使你去吃點東西, 而你的憤怒驅使你去反擊不公。 因為我們不需挖空心思去找尋 自己該為什麼發火。 我們回到事發原點會想, 是啊,有些蠢事確實沒必要生氣。
But racism, sexism, bullying, environmental destruction, those things are real, those things are terrible, and the only way to fix them is to get mad first and then channel that anger into fighting back. And you don't have to fight back with aggression or hostility or violence. There are infinite ways that you can express your anger. You can protest, you can write letters to the editor, you can donate to and volunteer for causes, you can create art, you can create literature, you can create poetry and music, you can create a community that cares for one another and does not allow those atrocities to happen.
但種族歧視、性別歧視、 霸凌、環境破壞, 那些事是真的,那些事都很糟糕。 唯一修補的方式是先發火, 然後引導這鼓怒火反擊。 你不必採取侵犯、仇恨 或暴力的方式來反擊。 有無數種你可以表達憤怒的方式。 你可以抗議、投書到報章雜誌, 你可以捐款或擔任志工支持, 你可以創造藝術、創作文學, 你可以寫詩、創作音樂, 你可以設立社群, 讓關心他人者聚在一起, 避免暴行發生。
So the next time you feel yourself getting angry, instead of trying to turn it off, I hope you'll listen to what that anger is telling you. And then I hope you'll channel it into something positive and productive.
所以下次你感覺 自己快要動怒的時候, 與其試著息怒, 我希望你們聆聽憤怒 所要告訴你們的事。 我也希望你們引導憤怒, 轉化為正向、有生產力的事物。
Thank you.
謝謝。
(Applause)
(掌聲)