I haven't told many people this, but in my head, I've got thousands of secret worlds all going on all at the same time. I am also autistic.
Saya tak beritahu orang tapi di dalam kepala saya ada beribu-ribu dunia rahsia yang wujud pada masa yang sama. Saya juga autistik.
People tend to diagnose autism with really specific check-box descriptions, but in reality, it's a whole variation as to what we're like. For instance, my little brother, he's very severely autistic. He's nonverbal. He can't talk at all. But I love to talk. People often associate autism with liking maths and science and nothing else, but I know so many autistic people who love being creative. But that is a stereotype, and the stereotypes of things are often, if not always, wrong. For instance, a lot of people think autism and think "Rain Man" immediately. That's the common belief, that every single autistic person is Dustin Hoffman, and that's not true.
Selalunya orang mendiagnosis autisme dengan deskripsi kotak tanda yang spesifik tapi realitinya ada banyak variasi. Contohnya, adik lelaki saya mengalami autisme yang teruk. Dia tidak verbal. Langsung tak bercakap. Saya pula suka bercakap. Ramai yang kaitkan autisme dengan menyukai matematik dan sains sahaja tapi saya kenal ramai yang autistik yang suka perkara kreatif. Namun itu hanyalah stereotaip dan stereotaip selalunya, salah. Contohnya, ramai orang fikir autisme dan teringat "Rain Man". Itu kepercayaan yang biasa. Orang autistik seperti Dustin Hoffman. Itu tak benar.
But that's not just with autistic people, either. I've seen it with LGBTQ people, with women, with POC people. People are so afraid of variety that they try to fit everything into a tiny little box with really specific labels. This is something that actually happened to me in real life: I googled "autistic people are ..." and it comes up with suggestions as to what you're going to type. I googled "autistic people are ..." and the top result was "demons." That is the first thing that people think when they think autism. They know. (Laughter)
Bukan yang autistik saja yang alaminya. Saya lihat ia berlaku dengan LGBTQ, wanita, POC. Orang ramai takut pada kepelbagaian. Mereka cuba kelaskan semuanya dengan label yang spesifik. Itulah yang berlaku kepada saya, dalam hidup saya. Saya Google "Orang autistik..." dan ia tunjukkan cadangan yang kita boleh lengkapkan. Saya Google "Orang autistik..." dan cadangan teratas adalah "syaitan". Itu perkara pertama orang fikir apabila fikir tentang autisme. Mereka tahu. (Gelak ketawa)
One of the things I can do because I'm autistic — it's an ability rather than a disability — is I've got a very, very vivid imagination. Let me explain it to you a bit. It's like I'm walking in two worlds most of the time. There's the real world, the world that we all share, and there's the world in my mind, and the world in my mind is often so much more real than the real world. Like, it's very easy for me to let my mind loose because I don't try and fit myself into a tiny little box. That's one of the best things about being autistic. You don't have the urge to do that. You find what you want to do, you find a way to do it, and you get on with it. If I was trying to fit myself into a box, I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't have achieved half the things that I have now. There are problems, though. There are problems with being autistic, and there are problems with having too much imagination. School can be a problem in general, but having also to explain to a teacher on a daily basis that their lesson is inexplicably dull and you are secretly taking refuge in a world inside your head in which you are not in that lesson, that adds to your list of problems. (Laughter) Also, when my imagination takes hold, my body takes on a life of its own. When something very exciting happens in my inner world, I've just got to run. I've got to rock backwards and forwards, or sometimes scream. This gives me so much energy, and I've got to have an outlet for all that energy. But I've done that ever since I was a child, ever since I was a tiny little girl. And my parents thought it was cute, so they didn't bring it up, but when I got into school, they didn't really agree that it was cute. It can be that people don't want to be friends with the girl that starts screaming in an algebra lesson. And this doesn't normally happen in this day and age, but it can be that people don't want to be friends with the autistic girl. It can be that people don't want to associate with anyone who won't or can't fit themselves into a box that's labeled normal. But that's fine with me, because it sorts the wheat from the chaff, and I can find which people are genuine and true and I can pick these people as my friends.
Antara perkara saya boleh buat disebabkan saya ada autisme... ia sebenarnya kelebihan, bukan kekurangan. adalah saya mempunya imaginasi yang jelas. Biar saya terangkan. Ia bagaikan berjalan dalam dua dunia. Ada dunia sebenar yang kita kongsi dan ada dunia di dalam minda saya. Dunia minda saya selalunya lebih nyata berbanding dunia sebenar. Jadi ia mudah untuk biar minda saya bebas kerana saya tak perlu kelaskan diri saya. Itu satu perkara hebat tentang autisme. Tak ada keinginan untuk buat begitu. Cari apa kita nak buat, cari caranya, dan buat saja. Jika saya kelaskan diri saya, saya takkan berada di sini. Saya takkan dapat capai separuh pun pencapaian saya sekarang. Namun masih ada cabaran. Ada cabaran menjadi autistik dan cabaran mempunyai imaginasi tinggi. Sekolah itu satu cabaran secara amnya tapi keperluan untuk terangkan kepada guru setiap hari yang apa mereka ajar membosankan dan kita cari perlindungan rahsia dalam dunia di dalam kepala dan tak beri tumpuan dalam kelas menambah lagi senarai masalah yang ada. (Gelak ketawa) Tambahan lagi, apabila imaginasi mula bertapak tubuh saya hidup dengan sendirinya. Apabila sesuatu menarik berlaku dalam dunia minda saya saya rasa seperti mesti berlari. Saya terpaksa hayunkan badan atau ada kalanya menjerit. Ia berikan saya tenaga yang banyak dan saya perlu keluarkan tenaga itu. Saya lakukannya sejak saya seorang budak, sejak saya kecil lagi. Ibu bapa saya fikir ia comel jadi tak kata apa-apa tetapi apabila saya masuk sekolah mereka tak setuju ia sesuatu yang comel. Ada yang tak mahu berkawan dengan gadis yang menjerit di kelas Algebra. Ia tak selalu berlaku di zaman ini tapi mungkin orang tak mahu berkawan dengan gadis autistik. Mungkin juga mereka tak mahu ada kaitan dengan sesiapa yang tak mahu atau tak boleh kelaskan diri masuk ke dalam kotak berlabel "normal". Tapi saya tak kisah dengan itu semua kerana ia membezakan antah daripada beras dan saya boleh cari mereka yang jujur dan ikhlas dan saya boleh pilih mereka sebagai kawan.
But if you think about it, what is normal? What does it mean? Imagine if that was the best compliment you ever received. "Wow, you are really normal." (Laughter) But compliments are, "you are extraordinary" or "you step outside the box." It's "you're amazing." So if people want to be these things, why are so many people striving to be normal? Why are people pouring their brilliant individual light into a mold? People are so afraid of variety that they try and force everyone, even people who don't want to or can't, to become normal. There are camps for LGBTQ people or autistic people to try and make them this "normal," and that's terrifying that people would do that in this day and age.
Namun bila difikirkan, apa itu normal? Apa maksudnya? Bayang jika itu pujian terbaik yang anda terima. "Wah, awak amat normal." (Gelak ketawa) Tapi pujian adalah "Awak hebat", atau "Awak buat lebih daripada dijangka". Ia juga, "Awak mengagumkan". Jadi, jika orang mahu pujian kenapa ramai yang nak jadi normal? Kerapa ramai curahkan kehebatan mereka dalam acuan? Ramai takut pada kepelbagaian lalu memaksa orang lain termasuk mereka yang tak mahu atau tak boleh jadi normal. Ada kem untuk orang LGBTQ atau mereka yang autistik untuk buat mereka "normal" dan ia sesuatu yang menakutkan apabila ia berlaku pada zaman ini.
All in all, I wouldn't trade my autism and my imagination for the world. Because I am autistic, I've presented documentaries to the BBC, I'm in the midst of writing a book, I'm doing this — this is fantastic — and one of the best things that I've achieved, that I consider to have achieved, is I've found ways of communicating with my little brother and sister, who as I've said are nonverbal. They can't speak. And people would often write off someone who's nonverbal, but that's silly, because my little brother and sister are the best siblings that you could ever hope for. They're just the best, and I love them so much and I care about them more than anything else. I'm going to leave you with one question: If we can't get inside the person's minds, no matter if they're autistic or not, instead of punishing anything that strays from normal, why not celebrate uniqueness and cheer every time someone unleashes their imagination?
Pada keseluruhannya, saya takkan tukar autisme dan imaginasi saya. Disebabkan keadaan saya saya pernah buat dokumentari di BBC, saya sedang menulis buku, saya juga buat ini - ini hebat dan antara pencapaian terbaik saya yang saya rasa saya pernah capai adalah cari jalan untuk berkomunikasi dengan adik lelaki dan perempuan saya yang tidak verbal. Mereka tak bercakap. Ramai yang tak hiraukan orang yang tak verbal tapi itu tindakan bodoh kerana adik-adik saya adalah adik-adik terbaik yang saya boleh harapkan. Mereka terbaik dan saya amat sayangkan mereka dan saya ambil berat tentang mereka melebihi segalanya. Saya nak tinggalkan anda dengan satu persoalan. Jika kita tak dapat masuk ke dalam minda seseorang tak kisahlah mereka autistik atau tidak cuba jangan hukum sesuatu yang tak normal, sebaliknya apa kata raikan keunikan mereka dan bersorak setiap kali seseorang keluarkan imaginasi mereka?
Thank you.
Terima kasih.
(Applause)
(Tepukan)