What keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life? If you were going to invest now in your future best self, where would you put your time and your energy? There was a recent survey of millennials asking them what their most important life goals were, and over 80 percent said that a major life goal for them was to get rich. And another 50 percent of those same young adults said that another major life goal was to become famous.
Butun hayotimiz davomida bizni nima sog’lom va xursand qiladi? O’ylab ko’ringchi, yoruq kelajakingiz uchun o’z kuch va vaqtingizni nimalagra sarflagan bo’lar edingiz? Yaqinda bo’lib o’tgan so’rovlar natijasiga qarasak, Millenium avlodining 80 foizi hayotlaridagi eng asosiy maqsad, bu hayotlarida boylikkar ega bo’lishdir. Qolgan yoshlarning 50%i uchun esa, hayotdagi eng asosiy maqsad, bu mashxur bo’lish ekan.
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder and achieve more. We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after in order to have a good life. Pictures of entire lives, of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them, those pictures are almost impossible to get. Most of what we know about human life we know from asking people to remember the past, and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20. We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life, and sometimes memory is downright creative.
Bizga har doim ko’proq ishlash, tirishish va katta etishuvlavga harakat qilish kerakligi haqida ta'kidlashadi. Bizda shunga harakat qilsak, yaxshiroq hayot kechiramiz, degan taassurot tu’giladi. Hayotning to’la rasmi inson qilgan qarorlari va ular qilgan qarorlarning oqibatlari taassurotiga esa, amalda yetib ham bo’lmaydi. Insoniyat hayoti to’g’risidagi aksariyat bilimlar, inson o’tmishi haqidagi xotirasiga bog’langan. Lekin xotiraga 100% ishonish mumkin emasligini hammamiz bilamiz. Biz o’tmishda bo’lgan ko’p narsalarni esdan chiqazamiz va ba’zan xotiralar boshqacha bo'lib qolishlari mumkin.
But what if we could watch entire lives as they unfold through time? What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers all the way into old age to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?
Agarda bizda, hayotni butunlay qanday o’tyapganini ko’rishga imkoniyatimiz bo’lgandachi? Insonlarning o’smirlikdan boshlab, to qariylik chog’igacha kuzatish imkoniyatimiz bo’lgandachi, ularni nima rostdan ham sog’lom va baxtli qilishini ko’ra olsakchi?
We did that. The Harvard Study of Adult Development may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done. For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men, year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health, and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories were going to turn out.
Biz buni qila oldik. Garvardning Kattalar Rivojlanishi bo’yicha o’tkazgan tadqiqotni, eng uzoq muddatli tadqiqot sifatida ko’rib chiqish mumkin. 75 yil davomida biz, 724 erkak kishining hayotini kuzatdik. Yildan yilga ularga ish to’g’risida, shaxsiy hayot va so’gliqlari haqida savollar berdik, lekin ularning hayoti qanday shakllanishini bilmas edik.
Studies like this are exceedingly rare. Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade because too many people drop out of the study, or funding for the research dries up, or the researchers get distracted, or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field. But through a combination of luck and the persistence of several generations of researchers, this study has survived. About 60 of our original 724 men are still alive, still participating in the study, most of them in their 90s. And we are now beginning to study the more than 2,000 children of these men. And I'm the fourth director of the study.
Bunday tadqiqotlar juda kam bo’ladi. Deyarli barcha, shunga o’xshash loyihalar o’n yil ham davom etmaydi, chunki, ishtirokchilarning ko’pchligi ketganligi tufayli, yoki mablag’ bilan ta’minlashning tugashi tufayli, yoki ishtirokchilar qiziqishi o'zgaradi, yoki o’limlari tufayli, izdoshlari yo’qligi paytida tugaydi. Lekin baxtli tasodiflar va tadqiqotchilarning bir nechta avlodi tirishqoqligi tufayli, bu loyiha oxirgacha ish yuritdi. Bizning 724 erkak kishidan 60 tasi haligacha tirik va loyihada qatnashishni davom etishyapti. Ko’pchiligi 90 yoshdan oshgan. Endi esa biz, shu insonlarning 2000 dan ortiq bolalari orqasidan, kuzatishni boshlayapmiz. Men shu loyihaning 4-rahbariman.
Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men. The first group started in the study when they were sophomores at Harvard College. They all finished college during World War II, and then most went off to serve in the war. And the second group that we've followed was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods, boys who were chosen for the study specifically because they were from some of the most troubled and disadvantaged families in the Boston of the 1930s. Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.
1938 yildan boshlab, 2 guruhga bo’lingan, erkak kishilarning hayotini kuzatmoqdamiz. Birinchi guruh ishtirokchilari, loyiha boshida, Garvardning 2 kurs talabalari edilar. Ular o’qishni, Ikkinchi Jahon Urushi paytida bitirishgan va ularning ko’pchiligi urushda qatnashishgan. Ikkinchi guruh ishtirokchilari esa, Bostonning eng kambag’al tumanlarida tug'ilib-o'sishgan. O'rganish uchun tanlangan bolalar asosan Bostonning 1930-yillardagi eng noxush va e’tibordan chetda qolgan oilalarga mansub ekanligi sababli tanlanishgan. Ularning aksariyati suvsiz bo’lgan ijaraga olingan xonadonda yashar edilar.
When they entered the study, all of these teenagers were interviewed. They were given medical exams. We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents. And then these teenagers grew up into adults who entered all walks of life. They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors, one President of the United States. Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia. Some climbed the social ladder from the bottom all the way to the very top, and some made that journey in the opposite direction.
Loyihani boshlashdan oldin, barcha yigitlar bilan suhbat o’tkazildi. Barcha yigitlar tibbiy ko'rikdan o’tishdi. Biz ularning uyiga kelib, ota-onalari bilan suhbatlashdik. Keyin esa bu yigitlar ulg’ayishdi, o’zining xilma-xil taqdirlari bilan. Ular zavod xodimlari, huquqshunoslar, shifokorlar va quruvchilar bo’lishdi, bittasi hatto AQSH Prezidenti bo’ldi! Kimdir alkogolik bo’ldi. Ba’zilari esa shizofreniya bilan kasal. Ba’zilari ijtimoiy o’sish bo’yicha pastdan eng tepaga harakat qilishdi, ba’zilari esa qarama-qarshi yo’nalishda harakat qilishdi.
The founders of this study would never in their wildest dreams have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later, telling you that the study still continues. Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff calls up our men and asks them if we can send them yet one more set of questions about their lives.
Loyihaning asoschilari hatto eng sirli orzularida ham, men bugun 75 yil o'tib, shu yerda turib, loyiha hali ham ish yuritmoqdaligini haqida aytib berishimni, tasavvur ham qilisha olishmagan. Har ikki yil, bizning sabrli va o’z ishiga sodig bo’lgan xodimlarimiz, bizning ishtirokchilarimizga telefon qilib, hayotlari haqida anketa yuborsak bo'ladimi deb so'rashadi.
Many of the inner city Boston men ask us, "Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn't that interesting." The Harvard men never ask that question.
Boston markazida yashuvchi yigitlarning ko’pchiligi so'rashadi: Nima uchun meni kuzatishni davom etyapsiz? Hayotimda qiziqarli hech narsa yo’q. Garvad bitiruvchilari bu kabi savolni berishmaydi.
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
To get the clearest picture of these lives, we don't just send them questionnaires. We interview them in their living rooms. We get their medical records from their doctors. We draw their blood, we scan their brains, we talk to their children. We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns. And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives if they would join us as members of the study, many of the women said, "You know, it's about time."
Ularning hayotlari haqida aniqlik kiritish uchun, biz nafaqat ularga anketa yuboramiz. Biz ular bilan ularning uylarida suhbatlashamiz. Shifokorlardan bemorning tibbiy kitobchalarini olamiz. Ular qon topshirishadi, ularning miyasini tekshiramiz bolalari bilan suhbat qilamiz. Biz ular xotinlari bilan, eng chuqur tashvishlari suhbatini videoga yozamiz. Nihoyat, o’n yil oldin biz, ularning xotinlariga, loyihada ishtirok etishni taklif qilganimizda, ularning ko’pchiligi “Nihoyat taklif qildila!” deyishdi.
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
So what have we learned? What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages of information that we've generated on these lives? Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder. The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.
Demak, biz nimani o’rgandik? Ularning hayoti to’g’risidagi, minglab sahifalarda yig’ilgan axborotlardan qanday natijalarga biz ega bo’ldik? Demak, bu natijalar boylik yoki shuhrat va ko’proq ishlash kerak ekanligida emas. Balki 75 yillik tadqiqotlardan so’ng, bizga ma'lum bo'lgan eng yorqin fikr bu: yaxshi munosabatlar bizni sog’lomroq va baxtliroq qilishadi. Bo’ldi.
We've learned three big lessons about relationships. The first is that social connections are really good for us, and that loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well connected. And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic. People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely. And the sad fact is that at any given time, more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.
Biz munosabatlar haqida uchta asosiy saboqni o’rganib oldik. Birinchidan – odamlar bilan munosabatlar biz uchun juda foydali, yolg’izlik esa o’ldiradi. Shunisi ma’lum bo’ldiki, oilasi, do’stlari va jamiyat bilan aloqasi kuchli bo’lgan insonlar, yolg’izlikni tanlagan insonlardan, baxtliroq, jismonan sog’lom va uzoqroq umr ko’rishar ekan. Yolg’izlik o’zi esa, insonni zaharlashi mumkinligi aniqlandi. O’zining niyatisiz boshqa insonlardan, ko’proq ajralgan odamlar, yolg’iz emas insonlarga ko’ra, o’zini baxtsizroq his qilishadi, yosh paytlarida salomatligi tezroq yomonlashadi, miya harakati sekinlashi boshlanadi va hayoti qisqaroq bo’lishi kuzatildi. Eng achinarli narsa shundaki, qachon so’rashingizdan qat’iy nazar, beshtadan kamida bitta amerikalik sizga, men yolg’izman deb javob beradi.
And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd and you can be lonely in a marriage, so the second big lesson that we learned is that it's not just the number of friends you have, and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship, but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters. It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health. High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced. And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.
Biz bilamizki, insonlar olomonda ham, turmush hayotda ham yolg’iz bo'lishadi, shunday qilib, biz bilib olgan 2 saboq: bu do'stlaringiz qanchaligida emas, yoki doimiy juftungiz borligi haqida emas, balki yaqinlaringiz bilan orangizdagi munosabatlaringiz sifatidadir. Mojaro holatida yashas, bizning sog’ligimizga juda zararli ekan. Masalan, sevgi va muhabbat yetishmaydigan ixtilofli oilalar, insonning sog’ligiga juda zararlidir, balki ajralishdan ham ta’siri kattaroq. Yaxshi ruhiy muhitdagi hayot esa, biz uchun himoya hisoblanadi.
Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s, we wanted to look back at them at midlife and to see if we could predict who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian and who wasn't. And when we gathered together everything we knew about them at age 50, it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. And good, close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the slings and arrows of getting old. Our most happily partnered men and women reported, in their 80s, that on the days when they had more physical pain, their mood stayed just as happy. But the people who were in unhappy relationships, on the days when they reported more physical pain, it was magnified by more emotional pain.
Bizning ishtirokchilarimizning yoshi 80 dan oshgandan so’ng, biz orqaga nazar tashlashga qaror qildik, kim baxtli va sog’lom 80 yasharlik kishi bo’ladi va kim bo’la osmasligini, bashorat qila olarmidik degan savol tug’ildi. Biz ishtirokchilarimizning 50 yashar paytlaridagi barcha ma’lumotlarni yig’ib, ular keksayib qanday bo’lishlari, ularning u yoshdagi xolesterin darajasi bog’liq emas. Balki ularning munosabatlari qanday rivojlanishiga bog’liq. 50 yoshda munosabatlari bilan mamnun bo’lgan insonlar, 80 yoshda sog’lomroq bo’lishar ekan. Yaxshi va yaqin munosabatlar, bizni taqdir zarbalari va keksalikdan himoya qiluvchi qalqon kabi bo’lar ekan. 80 yoshdan oshgan eng baxtli juftliklar, bizga shunday deyishgan, hatto eng qattiq jismoniy og’riqlar paytlarida ham, ular yaxshi kayfiyatda qolishar ekan. Lekin, baxtsiz munosabatda bo'lgan insonlar esa, jismoniy og’riqlar paytida, hissiy og’riq ularga qo’shilib, ularning azobi kuchayar ekan.
And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies, they protect our brains. It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship to another person in your 80s is protective, that the people who are in relationships where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need, those people's memories stay sharper longer. And the people in relationships where they feel they really can't count on the other one, those are the people who experience earlier memory decline. And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time. Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other day in and day out, but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other when the going got tough, those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.
Biz munosabatlar va sog’liq haqidagi o’zlashtirib olgan 3-saboqimiz, yaxshi munosabatlar nafaqat tanamizni himoyalaydi, balki miyamizni ham himoyalaydi Shu narsa aniqlandiki, 80 yoshdan so’ng, mustahkam va ishonchli munosabatlarda bo'lish, siz uchun himoya bo'ladi, boshqa insonga qiyin paytlarda tayana oladigan munosabatlarda bo'lgan insonlarning xotirasi yaxshiroq saqlanib qolinishi ma'lum bo'ldi. Va boshqa insonga qiyin paytlarda tayana olmaydigan munosabatlarda bo'lgan insonlarda xotira bilan muammolar ancha oldin sodir bo’ladi. Shu bilan birga, yaxshi munosabatlar, har doim beg’uborlik degani emas. 80 yoshdan oshgan ba’zi juftliklarimizda, kecha va kunduz janjal davom etishi mumkin, lekin, modomiki ular, bir-birlarini qo’llab-quvvatlashni davom etishsa, bunday janjallar ularning xotirasiga, katta zarar yetkazib bera olmasligi ma'lum bo'ldi.
So this message, that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being, this is wisdom that's as old as the hills. Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore? Well, we're human. What we'd really like is a quick fix, something we can get that'll make our lives good and keep them that way. Relationships are messy and they're complicated and the hard work of tending to family and friends, it's not sexy or glamorous. It's also lifelong. It never ends. The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates. Just like the millennials in that recent survey, many of our men when they were starting out as young adults really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement were what they needed to go after to have a good life. But over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships, with family, with friends, with community.
Asosiy fikr shundaki, yaxshi va yaqin munosabatlar, salomatlik va yaxshi kayfiyat garovidir, ha, bu donolik dunyo kabi eskidir. Nima uchun buni o’zlashtirish qiyin, e’tiborsiz qoldirish esa oson? Chunki biz oddiy odammiz. Biz hayotimizni yaxshilaydigan va uni shunday qoldiradigan qisqa va tez muddatli echimlarni afzal ko’ramiz. Lekin munosabatlarda hech qanday kafolat yo’q, ular juda murakkab va sizdan har doim oila va do’stlaringiz uchun harakatni talab qilashadi. Bu butun umr ishidir. Va buning oxiri yo’q. Bizning 75 yillik tadqiqotimizda, o’z hamkasblarini do'st qilgan ishtirokchilarimiz, nafaqaga chiqqan eng baxtli insondirlar. Huddi Millenium avlodi orasida o’tkazilgan so’rovlarga kabi, ishtirokchilarimizning yoshlik paytida ko’pchiligi, ulg’aygan paytlarida, boylik, shuhrat va ulkan muvaffaqiyatlar, ularga baxtli hayot uchun eng kerakli narsa deb, chin dildan ishonishar edi. Lekin 75 yil davomida o’tkazilgan tadqiqotlar natijasida, do’stlari, oilasi va yaqin insonlari bilan mustahkam munosabatlar qurish yaxshiroq ekanligi, bizga qayta-qayta isbot bo’ldi.
So what about you? Let's say you're 25, or you're 40, or you're 60. What might leaning in to relationships even look like?
Siz nima deb o’ylaysiz? Aytaylik, hozir siz 25, 40 yoki 60 yoshdasiz. Siz uchun munosabatlarga kuch sarflamoq nimani anglatadi?
Well, the possibilities are practically endless. It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together, long walks or date nights, or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years, because those all-too-common family feuds take a terrible toll on the people who hold the grudges.
Imkoniyatlar esa deyarli cheksiz. Bu ekran yonida o’tirishning o’rniga, boshqa insonlar bilan vaqt o’tkazish, yoki munosabatlarni yangilash uchun qiziq fikrlar o’ylab topish: ko’chada aylanish yoki kechki uchrashuvdir, yoki uzoq vaqtdan beri gaplashmagan qarindoshga telefon qilish, chunki hammamizga ma’lumki, bunday narsalar, ko’pincha oilalardagi kelishmovchiliklar sababi bilan bo’ladi.
I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain. More than a century ago, he was looking back on his life, and he wrote this: "There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that."
Men Mark Tvenning so’zlari bilan yakunlamoqchiman. Bir asrdan oldin, u o’z o’tgan hayotiga qarab, shunday yozgan edi: “Vaqt yo’q – umr juda qisqa, fitnalikka, avf etishga, safro va javobga da’vad qilishga. Sevish uchun faqat vaqt bor, lekin, shunga ham bir zum bor”.
The good life is built with good relationships.
Yaxshi hayot faqat yaxshi munosabatlar orqali quriladi.
Thank you.
Rahmat.
(Applause)
(Qarsaklar).