What keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life? If you were going to invest now in your future best self, where would you put your time and your energy? There was a recent survey of millennials asking them what their most important life goals were, and over 80 percent said that a major life goal for them was to get rich. And another 50 percent of those same young adults said that another major life goal was to become famous.
Kaj nas ohranja zdrave in srečne ko gremo skozi življenje? Če bi ta trenutek investirali v najboljšega sebe v prihodnosti, kam bi vložili svoj čas in energijo? Nedavno so anketirali generacijo Y z vprašanjem, kaj so njihovi najbolj pomembni cilji v življenju, in več kot 80-odstotkov jih je reklo, da je njihov glavni življenjski cilj to, da postanejo bogati. Prav tako je 50-odstotkov teh mladih odraslih reklo, da je drug pomemben življenjski cilj to, da postanejo slavni.
(Laughter)
(smeh)
And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder and achieve more. We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after in order to have a good life. Pictures of entire lives, of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them, those pictures are almost impossible to get. Most of what we know about human life we know from asking people to remember the past, and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20. We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life, and sometimes memory is downright creative.
Nenehno nam govorijo, da moramo še bolj delati, se še bolj gnati in še več doseči. Dobivamo vtis, da so to tiste stvari, za katerimi moramo iti, da bomo imeli dobro življenje. Slike celotnih življenj, odločitev, ki jih ljudje sprejemajo in kako se jim te odločitve obrestujejo, te slike je skoraj nemogoče dobiti. Večino, kar vemo o človeškem življenju, vemo iz tega, ko prosimo ljudi, da se spomnijo preteklosti. in, kot vemo, pogled nazaj še zdaleč ni 20/20. Pozabimo ogromno, kar se nam je zgodilo v življenju, včasih pa je spomin tudi naravnost kreativen.
But what if we could watch entire lives as they unfold through time? What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers all the way into old age to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?
Ampak, kaj če bi lahko gledali celotna življenja, medtem, ko se odvijajo skozi čas? Kaj če bi lahko preučevali ljudi od časa, ko so bili najstniki, vse do starih let, da bi lahko videli, kaj v resnici dela ljudi srečne in zdrave?
We did that. The Harvard Study of Adult Development may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done. For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men, year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health, and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories were going to turn out.
To smo naredili. Harvardska raziskava odraslega razvoja je morda najdaljša študija odraslega življenja, ki je bila kdajkoli narejena. Že 75 let sledimo življenju 724 moških in jih leto za letom sprašujemo o njihovem delu, življenju doma in zdravju. Seveda v vsem tem času nismo vedeli, kako se bodo njihove življenjske zgodbe obrnile.
Studies like this are exceedingly rare. Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade because too many people drop out of the study, or funding for the research dries up, or the researchers get distracted, or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field. But through a combination of luck and the persistence of several generations of researchers, this study has survived. About 60 of our original 724 men are still alive, still participating in the study, most of them in their 90s. And we are now beginning to study the more than 2,000 children of these men. And I'm the fourth director of the study.
Raziskave, kot je ta, so izjemno redke. Skoraj vsi projekti te vrste propadejo v enem desetletju, ker preveč ljudi izstopi iz raziskave, ali se preneha financiranje raziskave, ali raziskovalci študijo opustijo, ali umrejo in raziskave nihče ne nadaljuje. Vendar je s kombinacijo sreče in vztrajnosti več generacij raziskovalcev ta raziskava preživela. Okrog 60 od prvotnih 724 moških je še vedno živih in še vedno sodelujejo v raziskavi, in večina jih je v 90. letu starosti. Sedaj začenjamo raziskovati več kot 2000 otrok teh moških. Jaz sem četrti direktor te raziskave.
Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men. The first group started in the study when they were sophomores at Harvard College. They all finished college during World War II, and then most went off to serve in the war. And the second group that we've followed was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods, boys who were chosen for the study specifically because they were from some of the most troubled and disadvantaged families in the Boston of the 1930s. Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.
Od leta 1938 smo sledili življenju dveh skupin moških. Prva skupina je začela z raziskavo ko so bili študenti na Univerzi Harvard. Med 2. svetovno vojno so vsi dokočali študij in večina jih je šla v vojno. Druga skupina, ki smo ji sledili, je bila skupina fantov iz najrevnejših predelov Bostona, fantov, ki so bili za raziskavo izbrani posebej zato, ker so bili iz nekaterih najbolj težavnih in zapostavljenih družin v Bostonu v 1930-tih. Večina jih je živela v najemu, mnogi brez tekoče tople in hladne vode.
When they entered the study, all of these teenagers were interviewed. They were given medical exams. We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents. And then these teenagers grew up into adults who entered all walks of life. They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors, one President of the United States. Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia. Some climbed the social ladder from the bottom all the way to the very top, and some made that journey in the opposite direction.
Ko so vstopili v raziskavo, si bili vsi ti najstniki intervjuvani. Opravili so zdravniške preglede. Šli smo k njim domov in intervjuvali njihove starše. Potem so ti najstniki zrasli v odrasle ljudi, ki so vstopi v vse družbene sloje. Postali so tovarniški delavci, odvetniki, zidarji, zdravniki in eden predsednik Združenih držav. Nekateri so postali alkoholiki. Nekaj jih je razvilo shizofrenijo. Nekateri so se povzpeli na socialni lestvi od dna, vse do samega vrha in nekateri so to pot opravili v nasprotni smeri.
The founders of this study would never in their wildest dreams have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later, telling you that the study still continues. Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff calls up our men and asks them if we can send them yet one more set of questions about their lives.
Ustanovitelji te raziskave si niti v najbolj divjih sanjah niso predstavljali, da bom jaz danes stal tu, 75 let pozneje, in vam pripovedoval, da raziskava še vedno poteka. Vsaki dve leti naši potrpežljivi in predani raziskovalci pokličejo te moške in jih vprašajo, če jim lahko pošljemo še eno polo vprašanj o njihovih življenjih.
Many of the inner city Boston men ask us, "Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn't that interesting." The Harvard men never ask that question.
Veliko moških iz Bostona nas vpraša: "Zakaj me še vedno preučujete? Moje življenje sploh ni tako zanimivo." Moški iz Harvarda tega nikoli ne vprašajo.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
To get the clearest picture of these lives, we don't just send them questionnaires. We interview them in their living rooms. We get their medical records from their doctors. We draw their blood, we scan their brains, we talk to their children. We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns. And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives if they would join us as members of the study, many of the women said, "You know, it's about time."
Da bi lahko dobili najbolj jasno sliko njihovih življenj, jim ne pošljemo samo vprašalnikov. Intervjujamo jih v njihovih dnevnih sobah. Pridobimo njihove zdravniške kartoteke. Vzamemo jim kri, skeniramo jim možgane in govorimo z njihovimi otroci. Snemamo jih, ko se s soprogami pogovarjajo o svojih najglobljih skrbeh. Ko smo pred desetletjem končno vprašali njihove žene, če bi se nam pridružile v raziskavi, jih je veliko reklo: "Veste, bi bil že skrajni čas."
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
So what have we learned? What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages of information that we've generated on these lives? Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder. The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.
Kaj smo se torej naučili? Kaj so lekcije, ki izhajajo iz več deset tisoč strani informacij, ki smo jih zbrali o teh življenjih? Torej, lekcije niso o bogastvu ali slavi ali garanju več in bolj. Najbolj jasno sporočilo, ki ga dobimo iz te 75 letne raziskave je to: Dobri odnosi nas ohranjajo srečne in zdrave. Pika.
We've learned three big lessons about relationships. The first is that social connections are really good for us, and that loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well connected. And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic. People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely. And the sad fact is that at any given time, more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.
Naučili smo se tri velike lekcije o odnosih. Prva je, da so družbene vezi za nas resnično dobre in da osamljenost ubija. Izkazalo se je, da so ljudje, ki so bolj povezani z družino, prijatelji in skupnostjo, bolj srečni, bolj fizično zdravi in živijo dlje, kot ljudje, ki niso tako povezani. Doživljanje samote se je izkazalo za strupeno. Ljudje, ki so od drugih bolj izolirani, kot si želijo, so manj srečni, njihovo zdravje upade prej, prej upade delovanje možganov in živijo krajša življenja kot ljudje, ki niso osamljeni. Žalostno dejstvo je, da se v vsakem trenutku več kot eden izmed petih Američanov počuti osamljenega.
And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd and you can be lonely in a marriage, so the second big lesson that we learned is that it's not just the number of friends you have, and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship, but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters. It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health. High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced. And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.
In vemo, da si lahko osamljen tudi v množici in da si lahko osamljen v zakonu, zato je druga velika naučena lekcija ta, da ni pomembno samo to, koliko prijateljev imamo in to ali smo ali nismo v partnerskem odnosu, ampak je kvaliteta naših bližnjih odnosov tista, ki šteje. Izkaže se, da je živeti v konfliktu resnično slabo za naše zdravje. Zelo konfliktne zakonske zveze, ki so brez naklonjenosti, so zelo slabe za naše zdravje, mogoče še slabše, kot ločitev. Živeti v dobrem, toplem partnerskem odnosu je varovalno.
Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s, we wanted to look back at them at midlife and to see if we could predict who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian and who wasn't. And when we gathered together everything we knew about them at age 50, it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. And good, close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the slings and arrows of getting old. Our most happily partnered men and women reported, in their 80s, that on the days when they had more physical pain, their mood stayed just as happy. But the people who were in unhappy relationships, on the days when they reported more physical pain, it was magnified by more emotional pain.
Ko smo sledili našim moškim vse v njihova 80-ta smo pogledali nazaj v njihova srednja leta, da bi videli, če lahko napovemo, kdo bo odrasel v srečnega in zdravega osemdesetletnika in kdo ne bo. Ko smo zbrali skupaj vse, kar smo vedeli o njih pri njihovih 50-tih, ni bila raven holesterola tista, ki je predvidela, kako bodo ostareli. Bilo je to, kako zadovoljni so v svojih odnosih. Ljudje, ki so bili najbolj zadovoljni v svojih odnosih pri 50-tih, so bili najbolj zdravi pri 80-tih. Kaže, da nas dobri in tesni odnosi varujejo pred nekaterimi tegobami staranja. Moški in ženske v najbolj srečnih partnerskih odnosih so v svojih 80-tih poročali, da je bilo v dnevih, ko so imeli več fizičnih bolečin, njihovo razpoloženje enako srečno. Ljudje, ki pa so bili v nesrečnih odnosih, so v dnevih, ko so poročali o večji fizični bolečini, je bila ta še povečana z večjo čustveno bolečino.
And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies, they protect our brains. It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship to another person in your 80s is protective, that the people who are in relationships where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need, those people's memories stay sharper longer. And the people in relationships where they feel they really can't count on the other one, those are the people who experience earlier memory decline. And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time. Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other day in and day out, but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other when the going got tough, those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.
Tretja velika lekcija, ki smo se jo naučili o naših odnosih in zdravju, je ta, da dobri odnosi ne ščitijo samo naših teles, ščitijo tudi naše možgane. Izkaže se, da varen povezan partnerski odnos deluje zaščitno za osebi, ki sta v tem odnosu, kjer resnično čutita, da se v stiski lahko zaneseta drug na drugega. Spomini teh ljudi ostanejo ostri dlje časa. Ljudje v partnerskih odnosih, ki čutijo, da se ne morejo zanesti na drugega, izkusijo zgodnejši upad spomina. Ni potrebno, da so dobri partnerski odnosi ves čas gladki. Nekateri naši 80-letni pari so se lahko pričkali dan za dnem, vendar, če so čutili, da se lahko res zanesejo na drugega, ko pridejo težki časi, ta prerekanja niso terjala davka na njihove spomine.
So this message, that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being, this is wisdom that's as old as the hills. Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore? Well, we're human. What we'd really like is a quick fix, something we can get that'll make our lives good and keep them that way. Relationships are messy and they're complicated and the hard work of tending to family and friends, it's not sexy or glamorous. It's also lifelong. It never ends. The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates. Just like the millennials in that recent survey, many of our men when they were starting out as young adults really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement were what they needed to go after to have a good life. But over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships, with family, with friends, with community.
Torej je to sporočilo, da so dobri in tesni odnosi dobri za naše zdravje in dobro počutje, modrost, ki je tako stara, kot svet. Zakaj je to tako težko dojeti in tako zlahka spregledati? No, smo pač ljudje. Hočemo hitre rešitve, nekaj, kar lahko dobimo, kar bo naredilo naša življenja dobra in jih taka ohranila. Odnosi so neurejeni in komplicirani in težko delo negovanja družinskih in prijateljskih vezi, ni seksi ali glamurozno. Je tudi vseživljenjsko. Nikoli se ne konča. Ljudje v naši 75-letni študiji, ki so bili v upokojitvi najsrečnejši, so bili ljudje, ki so si poiskali zamenjavo za sodelavce. Kot generacija Y v tisti nedavni raziskavi, so številni naši moški v začetku odraslega življenja resnično verjeli, da so slava, bogastvo in visoki dosežki, tisto, za čimer morajo iti, da bodo imeli dobro življenje. Vendar je znova in znova v teh 75-letih naša raziskava pokazala, da so ljudje, ki so se odrezali najbolje tisti, ki so se nagibali k odnosom z družino, prijatelji in skupnostjo.
So what about you? Let's say you're 25, or you're 40, or you're 60. What might leaning in to relationships even look like?
Torej, kaj pa vi? Recimo, da ste stari 25, 40 ali 60 let. Kako naj bi nagibanje k odnosom sploh izgledalo?
Well, the possibilities are practically endless. It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together, long walks or date nights, or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years, because those all-too-common family feuds take a terrible toll on the people who hold the grudges.
Možnost so skoraj neskončne. Lahko je tako preprosto kot zamenjati čas pred TV-jem z druženjem ali poživitev zastalega odnosa, s tem, da skupaj naredite nekaj novega, dolgi sprehodi ali večerni zmenki, ali kontaktirati družinskega člana, s katerim niste spregovorili že leta, zaradi teh vse preveč običajnih družinskih razprtij, ki terjajo strašen davek od ljudi, ki se oklepajo zamer.
I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain. More than a century ago, he was looking back on his life, and he wrote this: "There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that."
Rad bi zaključil s citatom Marka Twaina. Pred več kot stoletjem je gledal nazaj na svoje življenje in zapisal naslednje: "Ni časa, tako kratko je življenje, za prerekanja, opravičevanja, zgago, zagovarjanja. Je samo čas za ljubezen, in samo trenutek, takorekoč, za to."
The good life is built with good relationships.
Dobro življenje je zgrajeno z dobrimi odnosi.
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
(Applause)
(Aplavz)