What keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life? If you were going to invest now in your future best self, where would you put your time and your energy? There was a recent survey of millennials asking them what their most important life goals were, and over 80 percent said that a major life goal for them was to get rich. And another 50 percent of those same young adults said that another major life goal was to become famous.
Što nas čini zdravima i sretnima dok prolazimo kroz život? Da sada ulažete u svoju buduću bolju verziju, u što biste uložili svoje vrijeme i energiju? U nedavnom istraživanju generacije Y ispitanike su pitali što su im najvažniji životni ciljevi i preko 80% ispitanika izjavilo je da je jedan od njihovih najvećih životnih ciljeva obogatiti se. Drugih 50% tih istih mladih odraslih osoba tvrdi da im je jedan od najvećih životnih ciljeva postati poznat/a.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder and achieve more. We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after in order to have a good life. Pictures of entire lives, of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them, those pictures are almost impossible to get. Most of what we know about human life we know from asking people to remember the past, and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20. We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life, and sometimes memory is downright creative.
Stalno nam govore da se bacimo na posao, da se više trudimo kako bismo više postigli. Stekli smo dojam da su to stvari kojima moramo težiti kako bismo živjeli dobrim životima. Slike cjelokupnih života, izbora na koje se ljudi odluče i kakvima se ti izbori za njih pokažu gotovo je nemoguće dobiti. Većinu toga što nam je poznato o ljudskom životu saznali smo tražeći od ljudi da se prisjete prošlosti i, kao što već znamo, sjećanja nisu pretjerano pouzadana. Puno toga što nam se dogodi tijekom života jednostavno zaboravimo, a nekada naša sjećanja postanu strašno kreativna.
But what if we could watch entire lives as they unfold through time? What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers all the way into old age to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?
Ali što kad bismo mogli gledati cijele naše živote kako se postepeno razvijaju? Što kad bismo mogli proučavati ljude od tinejdžerske dobi sve do starosti kako bismo vidjeli što ljude uistinu čini sretnima i zdravima?
We did that. The Harvard Study of Adult Development may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done. For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men, year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health, and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories were going to turn out.
Mi smo to i učinili. Harvardsko istraživanje o razvoju mladih možda je i najduže istraživanje o odraslosti ikada provedeno. Punih 75 godina pratili smo živote 724 muškarca, godinu za godinu ispitivali smo ih o karijeri, obiteljskom životu, zdravlju, i to smo ih ispitivali cijelo vrijeme ne znajući kako će njihove životne priče završiti.
Studies like this are exceedingly rare. Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade because too many people drop out of the study, or funding for the research dries up, or the researchers get distracted, or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field. But through a combination of luck and the persistence of several generations of researchers, this study has survived. About 60 of our original 724 men are still alive, still participating in the study, most of them in their 90s. And we are now beginning to study the more than 2,000 children of these men. And I'm the fourth director of the study.
Istraživanja poput ovoga iznimno su rijetka. Gotovo svi projekti ove vrste raspadnu se unutar deset godina jer previše ispitanika odustane od sudjelovanja u istraživanju, ili izvori financiranja istraživanja presuše, ili si istraživači nađu drugu zanimaciju ili umru i nitko ne nastavi njihov posao. No, kombinacijom sreće i upornosti nekoliko generacija istraživača ovo je istraživanje preživjelo. Otprilike 60 od naša originalna 724 muškarca još je uvijek živo, još uvijek sudjeluju u istraživanju, a većina njih u devedesetim je godinama. Sada počinjemo istraživati više od 2 000 djece ovih muškaraca. Ja sam četvrti voditelj ovog istraživanja.
Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men. The first group started in the study when they were sophomores at Harvard College. They all finished college during World War II, and then most went off to serve in the war. And the second group that we've followed was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods, boys who were chosen for the study specifically because they were from some of the most troubled and disadvantaged families in the Boston of the 1930s. Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.
Od 1938. pratili smo živote dviju skupina muškaraca. Prva se skupina uključila u istraživanje kada su bili na drugoj godini studija na Harvardu. Svi su završili fakultet tijekom Drugog svjetskog rata, a zatim je većina otišla sudjelovati u ratu. Druga skupina čije smo živote pratili bila je skupina dječaka iz najsiromašnijih dijelova Bostona. Bili su to dječaci koji su namjerno izabrani za istraživanje jer su dolazili iz najproblematičnijih i najuskraćenijih obitelji u Bostonu 1930-ih godina. Većina je živjela kao podstanari, a mnogi bez tople i hladne vode.
When they entered the study, all of these teenagers were interviewed. They were given medical exams. We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents. And then these teenagers grew up into adults who entered all walks of life. They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors, one President of the United States. Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia. Some climbed the social ladder from the bottom all the way to the very top, and some made that journey in the opposite direction.
Kada su se uključili u istraživanje, svi su tinejdžeri prošli intervju, medicinske preglede, obišli smo im kuće i intervjuirali im roditelje, a onda su ti tinejdžeri izrasli u odrasle ljude koji su bavili svim mogućim zanimanjima; postali su tvornički radnici, odvjetnici, zidari i doktori, a jedan je postao i predsjednik SAD-a. Neki su postali alkoholičari, neki su oboljeli od šizofrenije, neki su popravili svoj društveni status, pa su se tako s dna uzdigli na sam vrh, a neki su ga pak potpuno pokvarili.
The founders of this study would never in their wildest dreams have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later, telling you that the study still continues. Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff calls up our men and asks them if we can send them yet one more set of questions about their lives.
Osnivači ovog istraživanja nikada ne bi ni pomislili da ću ja ovdje stajati nakon 75 godina i govoriti vam o tome kako ovo istraživanje i dalje traje. Svake dvije godine naše strpljivo i predano istraživačko osoblje zove naše ispitanike i pita ih možemo li im poslati još jedan upitnik o njihovim životima.
Many of the inner city Boston men ask us, "Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn't that interesting." The Harvard men never ask that question.
Mnogo ispitanika iz središta Bostona pita nas: "Zašto me još uvijek želite istraživati? Moj život uopće nije toliko zanimljiv." Ispitanici s Harvarda nas to nikad ne pitaju.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
To get the clearest picture of these lives, we don't just send them questionnaires. We interview them in their living rooms. We get their medical records from their doctors. We draw their blood, we scan their brains, we talk to their children. We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns. And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives if they would join us as members of the study, many of the women said, "You know, it's about time."
Kako bismo dobili što jasniju sliku o njihovim životima, ne pošaljemo im samo upitnik. Intervjuiramo ih u njihovom dnevnom boravku, od njihovih liječnika tražimo povijest bolesti, šaljemo ih na vađenje krvi i skeniranje mozga. Razgovaramo s njihovom djecom, snimamo ih dok sa suprugama razgovaraju o najdubljim strahovima. Kada smo prije desetak godina konačno i njihove supruge pitali žele li i one biti ispitanice u istraživanju, mnoge su rekle: "Bilo je i vrijeme da me to pitate."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
So what have we learned? What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages of information that we've generated on these lives? Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder. The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.
Što smo naučili? Što smo naučili iz desetaka tisuća stranica podataka koje smo prikupili o ovim životima? Nismo ništa naučili o bogatstvu, slavi i napornom radu. Najjasnija poruka koju smo izvukli iz ovog 75-ogodišnjeg istraživanja jest: Dobri odnosi čine nas sretnijima i zdravijima. Točka.
We've learned three big lessons about relationships. The first is that social connections are really good for us, and that loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well connected. And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic. People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely. And the sad fact is that at any given time, more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.
Naučili smo tri velike stvari o odnosima. Prva - društvene veze uistinu su dobre za nas, a usamljenost nas ubija. Ljudi koji su društveno povezaniji s obitelji, prijateljima i zajednicom sretniji su, fizički zdraviji i duže žive od ljudi koju su manje dobro povezani. Usamljenost je toksična. Ljudi koji su izoliraniji nego što bi htjeli biti manje su sretni, kvaliteta zdravlja opada im ranije tijekom srednjih godina, funkcije mozga ranije opadaju te žive kraće nego ljudi koji nisu usamljeni. Rastužuje činjenica da svaki peti Amerikanac tvrdi da je usamljen.
And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd and you can be lonely in a marriage, so the second big lesson that we learned is that it's not just the number of friends you have, and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship, but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters. It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health. High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced. And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.
Znamo da možemo biti usamljeni i u gomili ljudi, a možemo biti usamljeni i u braku. Stoga je druga velika stvar koju smo naučili ta da nije bitan samo broj prijatelja koje imamo, a ni to jeste li u ozbiljnoj vezi, već je bitna kvaliteta tih bliskih odnosa. Život u središtu konflikta loš je po zdravlje. Npr. visokokonfliktni brakovi bez previše ljubavi jako su loši po naše zdravlje, možda čak i gori od razvoda. Život u dobrim, toplim odnosima služi kao zaštitni faktor.
Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s, we wanted to look back at them at midlife and to see if we could predict who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian and who wasn't. And when we gathered together everything we knew about them at age 50, it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. And good, close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the slings and arrows of getting old. Our most happily partnered men and women reported, in their 80s, that on the days when they had more physical pain, their mood stayed just as happy. But the people who were in unhappy relationships, on the days when they reported more physical pain, it was magnified by more emotional pain.
Kad smo naše ispitanike dopratili sve do njihovih 80-ih godina, odlučili smo prisjetiti se njihove srednje dobi da vidimo možemo li predvidjeti tko će izrasti u sretnog, zdravog osamdesetogodišnjaka, a tko neće. Kad smo skupili sve što smo znali o njima u 50. godini, nije njihova razina kolesterola u toj dobi bila ta koja nam je pomogla predvidjeti kako će ostariti, već njihovo zadovoljstvo odnosima koje imaju. Oni koji su bili najzadovoljniji svojim vezama u 50. godini bili su najzdraviji s 80 godina. Dobre, bliske veze štite nas od nekih teškoća koje uzrokuje starenje. Najsretniji parovi u svojim 80-im godinama tvrdili su da su i onim danima kad su iskusili više fizičke boli bili jednako dobro raspoloženi, ali nesretni parovi tvrdili da je tim danima njihova duševna bol bila još veća.
And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies, they protect our brains. It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship to another person in your 80s is protective, that the people who are in relationships where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need, those people's memories stay sharper longer. And the people in relationships where they feel they really can't count on the other one, those are the people who experience earlier memory decline. And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time. Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other day in and day out, but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other when the going got tough, those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.
Treća velika stvar koju smo naučili o odnosima i zdravlju jest: dobri odnosi ne štite samo naša tijela već i naše umove. Veza u kojoj vlada sigurna privrženost drugoj osobi u osamdesetim godinama djeluje kao zaštitni faktor. Osobama koje su u vezama u kojima znaju da mogu računati na drugu osobu u teškoćama pamćenje duže ostaje netaknuto. Osobe u vezama u kojima se osjećaju kao da ne mogu računati na drugu osobu pate od ranijeg gubitka pamćenja. Te dobre veze ne moraju uvijek biti takve. Neki od 80-ogodišnjih parova svađali su se iz dana u dan, ali sve dok su imali osjećaj da zaista mogu računati jedno na drugo kad zagusti, te svađe nisu negativno utjecale na njihovo pamćenje.
So this message, that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being, this is wisdom that's as old as the hills. Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore? Well, we're human. What we'd really like is a quick fix, something we can get that'll make our lives good and keep them that way. Relationships are messy and they're complicated and the hard work of tending to family and friends, it's not sexy or glamorous. It's also lifelong. It never ends. The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates. Just like the millennials in that recent survey, many of our men when they were starting out as young adults really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement were what they needed to go after to have a good life. But over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships, with family, with friends, with community.
Ova poruka da su dobre bliske veze dobre za naše zdravlje i blagostanje mudrost je stara kao i sam svijet. Zašto je to tako teško postići, a tako lako ignorirati? Mi smo samo ljudi. Htjeli bismo brzo rješenje, nešto što će naše živote poboljšati i pomoći nam da takvi i ostanu. Veze su burne i komplicirane, a sav trud koji ulažemo u brigu za obitelj i prijatelje nije ni seksi, a ni glamurozan. Cjeloživotan je, nema mu kraja. Naši ispitanici koji su bili najsretniji kad su otišli u mirovinu bili su oni koji su radili na tome da kolege zamijene novim prijateljima. Baš poput generacije Y u tom nedavnom istraživanju mnogi naši ispitanici su kao mladi ljudi zaista vjerovali da je slava, bogatstvo i veliki uspjeh to što im je potrebno za dobar život, ali tijekom ovih 75 godina naše je istraživanje pokazalo da su najbolje prošli upravo oni koji su najviše ulagali u odnose s obitelji, prijateljima i zajednicom.
So what about you? Let's say you're 25, or you're 40, or you're 60. What might leaning in to relationships even look like?
Što to znači za vas? Recimo da vam je sad 25 g., ili 40 ili 60. Kako bi ulaganje u odnose uopće trebalo izgledati?
Well, the possibilities are practically endless. It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together, long walks or date nights, or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years, because those all-too-common family feuds take a terrible toll on the people who hold the grudges.
Mogućnosti su neograničene. Možete učiniti nešto jednostavno kao npr. odmaknuti se od ekrana i približiti ljudima ili oživjeti dosadnu vezu nekom novom aktivnosti, dugim šetnjama ili spojevima. Ili javiti se nekom članu obitelji s kojim niste razgovarali godinama jer te česte obiteljske svađe ostavljaju trag na zlopamtilima.
I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain. More than a century ago, he was looking back on his life, and he wrote this: "There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that."
Završit ću citatom Marka Twaina koji se prije više od stotinjak godina osvrtao na svoj život i napisao ovo: "Vremena nema, prekratak je život, za svađe, isprike, srcobolje, pozivanja na red. Vremena ima jedino za ljubav, a i za nju, takoreći, imamo tek časak."
The good life is built with good relationships.
Dobar život satkan je od dobrih veza.
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)