Hvad gør os sunde og glade gennem hele livet? Hvis du lige nu skulle investere i den bedste fremtidige udgave af dig selv hvad ville du så bruge din tid og energi på? Der var fornyligt en undersøgelse af årgang 00'er som blev spurgt, hvad deres vigtigste mål i livet var, og over 80 procent svarede at et vigtigt mål for dem var at blive rige. Og 50% af disse unge voksne svarede at et andet vigtigt mål var at blive berømt.
What keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life? If you were going to invest now in your future best self, where would you put your time and your energy? There was a recent survey of millennials asking them what their most important life goals were, and over 80 percent said that a major life goal for them was to get rich. And another 50 percent of those same young adults said that another major life goal was to become famous.
(Latter)
(Laughter)
Og vi bliver konstant fortalt at vi skal arbejde hårdt, være ambitiøse og opnå mere. Vi har fået det indtryk, at det er hvad vi skal opnå for at få et godt liv. Billeder af et helt liv, af de valg folk tager og hvordan disse valg udarter sig for dem, de billeder er næsten umulige af få. Det meste vi ved om menneskers liv ved vi, fordi vi har spurgt til folks erindringer, og som vi ved: bagklogskab er sjældent nøjagtig. Vi glemmer en stor del af hvad der er sket og nogle gange er hukommelsen ligefrem kreativ.
And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder and achieve more. We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after in order to have a good life. Pictures of entire lives, of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them, those pictures are almost impossible to get. Most of what we know about human life we know from asking people to remember the past, and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20. We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life, and sometimes memory is downright creative.
Men tænk hvis vi kunne iagttage komplette liv mens de udfolder sig? Hvis vi kunne studere folk fra tiden hvor de var teenagere hele vejen til alderdom for at se hvad der virkelig holder folk glade og raske?
But what if we could watch entire lives as they unfold through time? What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers all the way into old age to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?
Det gjorde vi. Harvard Undersøgelse af Voksen Udvikling er måske den længste undersøgelse af voksenlivet, som nogensinde er lavet. I 75 år fulgte vi 724 mænd, år efter år, spurgte vi ind til job, hjemmeliv og deres helbred og spurgte naturligvis dem alle løbende uden at vide hvordan deres livshistorie ville udarte sig.
We did that. The Harvard Study of Adult Development may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done. For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men, year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health, and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories were going to turn out.
Undersøgelser som denne er overordentligt sjældne. Næsten alle projekter af den type falder fra hinanden inden 10 år fordi alt for mange mennesker dropper ud af undersøgelsen, eller finansieringen stopper, eller forskerne bliver distraheret, eller de dør, og ingen giver bolden videre. Men med en kombination af held og udholdenhed hos flere generationers forskere har undersøgelsen overlevet. Cirka 60 af vores oprindelige 724 mænd er stadig i live, deltager stadig i undersøgelsen, de fleste er i 90'erne. Og vi begynder nu at forske i de mere end 2000 børn af disse mænd. Jeg er den fjerde direktør af undersøgelsen.
Studies like this are exceedingly rare. Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade because too many people drop out of the study, or funding for the research dries up, or the researchers get distracted, or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field. But through a combination of luck and the persistence of several generations of researchers, this study has survived. About 60 of our original 724 men are still alive, still participating in the study, most of them in their 90s. And we are now beginning to study the more than 2,000 children of these men. And I'm the fourth director of the study.
Siden 1938 har vi fulgt livet af to grupper med mænd. Den første gruppe startede i undersøgelsen da de var på andet år, på Harvard Universitet. Alle afsluttede Universitetet i løbet af 2. verdenskrig, og de fleste tog afsted for at deltage i krigen. Den anden gruppe som vi fulgte var en gruppe af drenge fra Bostons fattigste kvarter, drenge som var udvalgt til undersøgelsen, specifikt, fordi de kom fra nogen af de mest socialt udsatte familier i Boston i 1930'erne. De fleste boede i lejeboliger, mange uden rindende vand.
Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men. The first group started in the study when they were sophomores at Harvard College. They all finished college during World War II, and then most went off to serve in the war. And the second group that we've followed was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods, boys who were chosen for the study specifically because they were from some of the most troubled and disadvantaged families in the Boston of the 1930s. Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.
Da de som teenagere startede i undersøgelsen blev de alle interviewet. De undergik helbredstjek. Vi besøgte dem og interviewede deres forældre. Og disse teenagere voksede op og landede i alle samfundslag. De blev fabriksarbejdere, advokater, brolæggere og læger, en blev præsident i USA. Nogle blev alkoholikere. Få udviklede skizofreni. Nogle steg op ad den sociale rangstige fra bunden hele vejen til den absolutte top, og nogle tog rejsen i den modsatte retning.
When they entered the study, all of these teenagers were interviewed. They were given medical exams. We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents. And then these teenagers grew up into adults who entered all walks of life. They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors, one President of the United States. Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia. Some climbed the social ladder from the bottom all the way to the very top, and some made that journey in the opposite direction.
Grundlæggerne af denne undersøgelse ville aldrig i deres vildeste fantasi have drømt om at jeg ville stå her idag, 75 år senere, og fortæller Jer at forskningen stadig består. Hvert andet år, ringer vores tålmodige og dedikerede forskerhold til vores mænd og spørger om vi må sende dem endnu et sæt spørgsmål vedrørende deres liv.
The founders of this study would never in their wildest dreams have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later, telling you that the study still continues. Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff calls up our men and asks them if we can send them yet one more set of questions about their lives.
Mange fra Bostons centrum spørger: "Hvorfor vil I fortsat studere mig? Mit liv er ikke så interessant." Mændene fra Harvard stiller aldrig det spørgsmål.
Many of the inner city Boston men ask us, "Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn't that interesting." The Harvard men never ask that question.
(Latter)
(Laughter)
For at få det klareste billede af deres liv, sender vi dem ikke kun spørgeskemaer. Vi interviewer dem hjemme hos dem selv. Vi får journaler fra deres læger. Vi tager blodprøver, vi scanner deres hjerner, vi taler med deres børn. Vi filmer dem, mens de taler om deres dybeste bekymringer med ægtefællen. Og da vi for ca. 10 år siden, endelig spurgte deres ægtefæller om de også ville deltage i undersøgelsen svarede mange af kvinderne: "Det var på tide."
To get the clearest picture of these lives, we don't just send them questionnaires. We interview them in their living rooms. We get their medical records from their doctors. We draw their blood, we scan their brains, we talk to their children. We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns. And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives if they would join us as members of the study, many of the women said, "You know, it's about time."
(Latter)
(Laughter)
Så hvad har vi lært? Hvad har vi lært fra disse tusindvis af siders information vi har samlet om disse liv? Det handler ikke om rigdom, berømmelse eller hårdt arbejde. Det der står lysende klart efter 75 års undersøgelse er: Gode relationer gør os gladere og raskere. Punktum.
So what have we learned? What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages of information that we've generated on these lives? Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder. The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.
Vi har lært tre vigtige ting om relationer. For det første, at sociale relationer er gode for os, og at ensomhed dræber. Det viser sig at folk som er mere socialt forbundet til familier, venner, fælleskaber, er gladere, fysisk sundere og lever længere end folk som har mindre gode netværk. Og oplevelsen af ensomhed viser sig at være giftig. De som er mere isoleret fra andre end de egentlig ønsker oplever at de er mindre glade, deres helbred svækkes tidligere i livet, hjernefunktioner nedsættes tidligere og de lever kortere liv end folk som ikke er ensomme. Og det sørgelige faktum er, at uanset tidspunktet, vil flere end én ud af fem amerikanere berette at de er ensomme.
We've learned three big lessons about relationships. The first is that social connections are really good for us, and that loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well connected. And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic. People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely. And the sad fact is that at any given time, more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.
Vi ved at man kan være ensom i en flok og man kan være ensom i et ægteskab, så den anden klare erfaring er, at det ikke bare handler om antal venner, eller hvorvidt du har et fast forhold, det er kvaliteten af de nære relationer der betyder noget. Det viser sig, at et konfliktfyldt liv er rigtig dårligt for helbredet. Ægteskaber med mange konflikter og uden megen kærlighed, viser sig at være dårlig for helbredet og måske endda værre end skilsmisse. Og lever man i et godt og varmt forhold, virker det beskyttende.
And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd and you can be lonely in a marriage, so the second big lesson that we learned is that it's not just the number of friends you have, and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship, but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters. It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health. High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced. And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.
Da vi havde fulgt mændene til de var i deres 80'ere, kiggede vi tilbage på midten af livet for at se om vi kunne forudse hvem der ville blive en lykkelig og sund firsårig og hvem der ikke ville. Og da vi samlede alt hvad vi vidste om dem ved en alder på 50, var det ikke midtlivets kolesteroltal der viste hvordan de ville blive gamle. Det var, hvor tilfredse de var i deres forhold. De der var mest tilfredse med deres forhold som 50 årige var de sundeste 80 årige. Gode og tætte relationer synes at beskytte os mod nogle af de ulemper der er ved at blive gammel. Vores gladeste samlevende mænd og kvinder meddelte, som 80 årige, at på de dage hvor de havde mere fysisk smerte, var de ikke mindre glade. Men de som ikke var i lykkelige forhold på dage hvor de havde mere fysisk smerte blev smerten forstærket af yderligere følelsesmæssig smerte.
Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s, we wanted to look back at them at midlife and to see if we could predict who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian and who wasn't. And when we gathered together everything we knew about them at age 50, it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. And good, close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the slings and arrows of getting old. Our most happily partnered men and women reported, in their 80s, that on the days when they had more physical pain, their mood stayed just as happy. But the people who were in unhappy relationships, on the days when they reported more physical pain, it was magnified by more emotional pain.
Og den tredie vigtige lektie vi lærte om sociale relationer og helbred er at gode relationer, ikke bare beskytter vores kroppe men også vores hjerner. Det viser sig, at er man som 80 årig i et trygt forhold med en anden person, virker det beskyttende, og personer med livspartnere de virkelig kan regne med når det brænder på, har bedre og skarpere hukommelse i længere tid. Og dem i forhold der ikke føler de kan regne med den anden, oplever tidligere hukommelsestab. Men de gode forhold behøver ikke være lykkelige hele tiden. Nogle af vores 80 årige par kunne småskændes med hinanden dag ud og dag ind, når bare de følte at de kunne regne med den anden når det virkelig gjaldt, havde skænderierne ingen indflydelse på hukommelsen.
And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies, they protect our brains. It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship to another person in your 80s is protective, that the people who are in relationships where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need, those people's memories stay sharper longer. And the people in relationships where they feel they really can't count on the other one, those are the people who experience earlier memory decline. And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time. Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other day in and day out, but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other when the going got tough, those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.
Så budskabet, at gode, tætte forhold er godt for vores helbred og trivsel, det er viden, så gammel som bjergene. Hvorfor er det så svært at forstå og så let at glemme? Vi er kun mennesker. Det vi godt kan lide er et hurtigt fix, noget vi kan få som vil gøre vores liv godt og sikre det forbliver sådan. Forhold er rodet og komplicerede og det hårde arbejde med at vedligeholde familieliv og venner er hverken sexet eller glamourøst. Det er også livsvarigt. Det slutter aldrig. Deltagerne der efter 75 år var de lykkeligste pensionister var folk som aktivt havde udskiftet kollegaer med legekammerater. Lige som årgang 00'erne i den nye undersøgelse, troede også mange af de ældre mænd, da de startede som unge voksne, at berømmelse og rigdom ville hjælpe i jagten på det gode liv Men igen og igen, i løbet af de 75 år, har vores undersøgelse vist at de der klarede sig bedst, var dem der hengav sig til relationer, med familien, venner og fællesskaber.
So this message, that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being, this is wisdom that's as old as the hills. Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore? Well, we're human. What we'd really like is a quick fix, something we can get that'll make our lives good and keep them that way. Relationships are messy and they're complicated and the hard work of tending to family and friends, it's not sexy or glamorous. It's also lifelong. It never ends. The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates. Just like the millennials in that recent survey, many of our men when they were starting out as young adults really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement were what they needed to go after to have a good life. But over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships, with family, with friends, with community.
Så, hvad med dig? Lad os sige du er 25, 40 eller 60 år. Hvordan betyder det at give sig hen til relationer?
So what about you? Let's say you're 25, or you're 40, or you're 60. What might leaning in to relationships even look like?
Mulighederne er praktisk talt uendelige. Det kunne være noget så simpelt, som at udskifte TV-tid med mennesker eller genoplive et forslidt forhold ved at lave noget nyt sammen, lange gåture eller stævnemøder, eller nå ud til det familiemedlem du ikke har talt med i årevis, fordi de familierfejder vi alle kender til er opslidende på de der bærer nag.
Well, the possibilities are practically endless. It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together, long walks or date nights, or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years, because those all-too-common family feuds take a terrible toll on the people who hold the grudges.
Jeg vil gerne afslutte med et citat af Mark Twain. Mere end et århundrede siden, kiggede han tilbage på sit liv og skrev dette: "Der er ikke tid, så kort er livet, til skænderier, undskyldninger og hjertesorg at bære. Der er kun tid til kærlighed, og endda til det, kun et øjeblik."
I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain. More than a century ago, he was looking back on his life, and he wrote this: "There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that."
Det gode liv er bygget på gode relationer.
The good life is built with good relationships.
Tak
Thank you.
(Bifald)
(Applause)