I wrote this poem after hearing a pretty well known actress tell a very well known interviewer on television, "I'm really getting into the Internet lately. I just wish it were more organized." So ... (Laughter) If I controlled the Internet, you could auction your broken heart on eBay. Take the money; go to Amazon; buy a phonebook for a country you've never been to -- call folks at random until you find someone who flirts really well in a foreign language.
我寫下這首詩是在我聽到一個十分知名的女演員 在電視上告訴一個家瑜戶曉的主持人 「最近我迷上了網路 不過我希望它能更加有規律。」 所以 (笑聲) 如果由我來掌控網路的話 你可以在eBay拍賣你破碎的心 拿著錢,聯結到亞馬遜網上(網路書店) 買一本你從未去過的國家的電話簿,打給不認識的人 打不停,直到你找到很會用外文調情的人為止
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
If I were in charge of the Internet, you could Mapquest your lover's mood swings. Hang left at cranky, right at preoccupied, U-turn on silent treatment, all the way back to tongue kissing and good lovin'. You could navigate and understand every emotional intersection. Some days, I'm as shallow as a baking pan, but I still stretch miles in all directions. If I owned the Internet, Napster, Monster and Friendster.com would be one big website. That way you could listen to cool music while you pretend to look for a job and you're really just chattin' with your pals.
如果由我掌管網際網路 你可以查詢你情人的心情動態地圖。 暴躁時左轉,沒時間時右轉 冷戰時來個迴轉, 一路回到舌吻和美好的戀愛 每一個情緒路口你都可以導航和理解。 有時候我膚淺的跟平底鍋一樣, 但我仍朝各個方向延伸好幾哩。 如果網際網路歸我所有,Napster, Monster and Friendster.com 會整合成為一個大網站。 這樣你就可以邊聽酷酷的音樂 然後一邊假裝找工作 但是你其實上是在和朋友聊天。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Heck, if I ran the Web, you could email dead people.
為什不行呢~如果我管網路,你可以寄電子郵件給死人
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
They would not email you back (Laughter) -- but you'd get an automated reply.
雖然他們無法回信給你 (笑聲) 但你會得到一封自動回覆。
(Laughter) Their name in your inbox (Laughter) -- it's all you wanted anyway. And a message saying, "Hey, it's me. I miss you.
(笑聲) 他們的名字在你的收件夾匣出現- (笑聲) 反正你要的不過也是如此。 內容寫著:「喂,是我。我想你。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Listen, you'll see being dead is dandy. Now you go back to raising kids and waging peace and craving candy." If I designed the Internet, childhood.com would be a loop of a boy in an orchard, with a ski pole for a sword, trashcan lid for a shield, shouting, "I am the emperor of oranges. I am the emperor of oranges. I am the emperor of oranges." Now follow me, OK?
告訴你,你以後就會知道死亡有多讚。 你現在繼續去養孩子、鼓吹和平和渴望糖果吧。」 如果網際網路是我設計的,童年網會是有關 一個在果樹園裡的男孩,以滑雪桿為劍, 垃圾桶蓋為盾,一直喊著:「我是橘子之王。 我是橘子之王。我是橘子之王。」 跟著我的思考方式一起,好嗎?
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Grandma.com would be a recipe for biscuits and spit-bath instructions. One, two, three. That links with hotdiggitydog.com. That is my grandfather. They take you to gruff-ex-cop-on-his-fourth-marriage.dad. He forms an attachment to kind-of-ditzy-but-still-sends-ginger-snaps-for-Christmas.mom, who downloads the boy in the orchard, the emperor of oranges, who grows up to be me -- the guy who usually goes too far. So if I were emperor of the Internet, I guess I'd still be mortal, huh? But at that point, I would probably already have the lowest possible mortgage and the most enlarged possible penis (Laughter) -- so I would outlaw spam on my first day in office. I wouldn't need it. I'd be like some kind of Internet genius, and me, I'd like to upgrade to deity and maybe just like that -- pop! -- I'd go wireless.
祖母網,會是餅乾食譜和如何用口水幫孫子清理的教學。 一、二、三(用口水梳小孩的頭髮)。 這帶入了hotdiggitydog.com。 他是我祖父。 他們倆連結你到「臭臉-退休警察-和他的第四次婚姻的爸爸」。 隨帶著的連結是 「有點愚蠢-但聖誕節仍然送薑餅的母親」, 她下載了在果園裡的男孩,橘子之王, 長大了之後就是我- 一個總是扯太遠的人。 所以如果我是網路之王 我猜我應該還是凡人吧? 但到時候,我可能 已經有低到不能再低的房貸 及大到不能再大的”大老二” (笑聲) 那麼我會在上班第一天宣布垃圾郵件不需要過濾了。 因為我不會需要它。 我會是個網路天才,而我, 我希望升級為神人,而或許我就會- 碰-我變無線了。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Huh? Maybe Google would hire this. I could zip through your servers and firewalls like a virus until the World Wide Web is as wise, as wild and as organized as I think a modern-day miracle/oracle can get, but, ooh-eee, you want to bet just how whack and un-PC your Mac or PC is going to be when I'm rocking hot-shit-hot-shot-god.net? I guess it's just like life. It is not a question of if you can -- it's: do ya? We can interfere with the interface. We can make "You've got Hallelujah" the national anthem of cyberspace every lucky time we log on. You don't say a prayer. You don't write a psalm. You don't chant an "om." You send one blessed email to whomever you're thinking of at dah-da-la-dat-da-dah-da-la-dat.com. Thank you, TED.
啥?搞不好谷歌會用我這個主意。 我能快速穿梭於你的伺服器和防火牆,就像病毒 直到全球資訊網,如此狂野又有規律 一如我覺得現今奇蹟/預言之所能及,但,哎呀, 你們要不要賭賭看你們的電腦會 變得多不電腦化,一旦我掌控了 熱門神人的網站? 我想這就像人生。 問題不在於你是否可以。 而是,你要嗎? 我們可以干涉任何的介面。 我們可以立「你有哈雷路亞」為虛擬空間的國歌 在每一次我們登入的幸運時間 不用念祈禱文。 不用寫讚美詩。 不用唱頌翁。 只要發送一封祈福過的電郵給你想到的任何人 在答答啦答答答答啦搭.com。 謝謝,TED。
(Applause)
(掌聲)