I wrote this poem after hearing a pretty well known actress tell a very well known interviewer on television, "I'm really getting into the Internet lately. I just wish it were more organized." So ... (Laughter) If I controlled the Internet, you could auction your broken heart on eBay. Take the money; go to Amazon; buy a phonebook for a country you've never been to -- call folks at random until you find someone who flirts really well in a foreign language.
Napisao sam ovu pesmu nakon što sam čuo vrlo poznatu glumicu kako govori vrlo poznatom tv voditelju. "Zaista me zanima internet u poslednje vreme. Samo bih volela da je organizovaniji." Dakle - (smeh) da ja kontrolišem internet, mogli biste svoje slomljeno srce da prodate na "eBay"-u, uzmete novac, odete na "Amazon", kupite telefonski imenik zemlje u kojoj nikada niste bili, nasumično zovete ljude dok ne nađete nekog ko zaista dobro flertuje na stranom jeziku.
(Laughter)
(smeh)
If I were in charge of the Internet, you could Mapquest your lover's mood swings. Hang left at cranky, right at preoccupied, U-turn on silent treatment, all the way back to tongue kissing and good lovin'. You could navigate and understand every emotional intersection. Some days, I'm as shallow as a baking pan, but I still stretch miles in all directions. If I owned the Internet, Napster, Monster and Friendster.com would be one big website. That way you could listen to cool music while you pretend to look for a job and you're really just chattin' with your pals.
Da sam ja zadužen za interenet, imali biste mape za promene raspoloženja svog ljubavnika. Skreni levo za džangrizavo, desno za zauzeto, polukružno za tretman ćutanjem, skroz nazad za francuski poljubac i dobru ljubav, i mogli biste da upravljate i razumete svaku emocionalnu raskrsnicu. Nekim danima plitak sam kao pleh, ali još uvek se protežem miljama u svim pravcima. Da ja posedujem internet, "Napster", "Monster" i "Frendster.com" bili bi jedan veliki sajt. Tako biste mogli slušati super muziku dok se pretvarate da tražite posao a ustvari ćaskate sa svojim ortacima.
(Laughter)
(smeh)
Heck, if I ran the Web, you could email dead people.
Dođavola, da ja vodim internet, mogli biste da šaljete mejlove mrtvim ljudima.
(Laughter)
(smeh)
They would not email you back (Laughter) -- but you'd get an automated reply.
Ne bi vam odgovorili - (smeh) ali dobili biste automatski odgovor.
(Laughter) Their name in your inbox (Laughter) -- it's all you wanted anyway. And a message saying, "Hey, it's me. I miss you.
(smeh) Njihovo ime u vašem inboxu (smeh) je ionako sve što ste uopšte želeli. I poruku koja kaže, "Hej, ja sam. Nedostaješ mi.
(Laughter)
(smeh)
Listen, you'll see being dead is dandy. Now you go back to raising kids and waging peace and craving candy." If I designed the Internet, childhood.com would be a loop of a boy in an orchard, with a ski pole for a sword, trashcan lid for a shield, shouting, "I am the emperor of oranges. I am the emperor of oranges. I am the emperor of oranges." Now follow me, OK?
Čuj, videćeš da je kicoški mrtav biti ali nastavi decu odgajati, za mir se zalagati i za kolačima čeznuti." Da ja dizajniram internet, "detinjstvo.com" bio bi krug od dečaka u voćnjaku sa ski štapom umesto mača, poklopcem od kante umesto štita, koji viče "Ja sam car pomorandži. Ja sam car pomorandži. Ja sam car pomorandži." Pratite me sad, OK?
(Laughter)
(smeh)
Grandma.com would be a recipe for biscuits and spit-bath instructions. One, two, three. That links with hotdiggitydog.com. That is my grandfather. They take you to gruff-ex-cop-on-his-fourth-marriage.dad. He forms an attachment to kind-of-ditzy-but-still-sends-ginger-snaps-for-Christmas.mom, who downloads the boy in the orchard, the emperor of oranges, who grows up to be me -- the guy who usually goes too far. So if I were emperor of the Internet, I guess I'd still be mortal, huh? But at that point, I would probably already have the lowest possible mortgage and the most enlarged possible penis (Laughter) -- so I would outlaw spam on my first day in office. I wouldn't need it. I'd be like some kind of Internet genius, and me, I'd like to upgrade to deity and maybe just like that -- pop! -- I'd go wireless.
"Baka.com" bio bi recept za keks i instrukcije za umivanje pljuvačkom. Jedan, dva, tri. To se povezuje sa hotdiggitydog.com. To je moj deda. On vas vodi do krupnog-bivšeg-policajca-u-svom-četvrtom-braku.tate. On stvara vezu sa pomalo-rasejanom-ali-ipak-šalje-kolačiće-za-božiš.mamom, koja "skida" dečaka iz voćnjaka, cara pomorandži, koji odrasta u mene - momka koji obično pretera. Dakle, da sam ja vladar interneta, mislim da bih i dalje bio smrtan, ha? Ali tada bih verovatno već imao najnižu moguću hipoteku i najviše uvećan penis - (smeh) i zabranio bih spamove svog prvog dana na poslu. Ne bi mi trebali. Bio bih kao neki internet genije, a ja, ja bih voleo da se unapredim u božanstvo i možda tek tako - puf - postao bih bežičan.
(Laughter)
(smeh)
Huh? Maybe Google would hire this. I could zip through your servers and firewalls like a virus until the World Wide Web is as wise, as wild and as organized as I think a modern-day miracle/oracle can get, but, ooh-eee, you want to bet just how whack and un-PC your Mac or PC is going to be when I'm rocking hot-shit-hot-shot-god.net? I guess it's just like life. It is not a question of if you can -- it's: do ya? We can interfere with the interface. We can make "You've got Hallelujah" the national anthem of cyberspace every lucky time we log on. You don't say a prayer. You don't write a psalm. You don't chant an "om." You send one blessed email to whomever you're thinking of at dah-da-la-dat-da-dah-da-la-dat.com. Thank you, TED.
Ha? Možda će Google da unajmi ovo. Mogao bih da se provučem kroz vaše servere i fajervole poput virusa sve dok Svetska mreža ne postane mudra, divlja i organizovana onako kako mislim da savremeno čudo/proročanstvo može da bude, ali eee, želite da se kladite koliko će lud i ne-PC vaš Mek ili PC biti kada zavladam ja, najveća faca bog.net? Pretpostavljam da je to kao život. Nije pitanje da li možeš. Već hoćeš li? Možemo da se mešamo sa interfejsom. Možemo od "Imate Aleluja" napraviti himnu sajbersvemira svaki put kad se ulogujemo. Ne molite se. Ne pišete psalm. Ne pevate om. Pošaljete jedan imejl sa blagoslovom svima kojih setite na dah da la dat da dah da la dat dot com. Hvala ti, TED.
(Applause)
(aplauz)