I wrote this poem after hearing a pretty well known actress tell a very well known interviewer on television, "I'm really getting into the Internet lately. I just wish it were more organized." So ... (Laughter) If I controlled the Internet, you could auction your broken heart on eBay. Take the money; go to Amazon; buy a phonebook for a country you've never been to -- call folks at random until you find someone who flirts really well in a foreign language.
To pesem sem napisal potem, ko sem slišal precej znano igralko povedati zelo znanemu televizijskemu voditelju: "V zadnjem času sem se resnično začela navduševati nad internetom. Želim si samo, da bi bil bolj organiziran." Torej ... (smeh) Če bi jaz nadziral internet, bi lahko na eBay-u prodal svoje strto srce, vzel denar, šel na Amazon in kupil telefonski imenik države, kjer še nisi bil, naključno klical ljudi, dokler ne bi našel nekoga, ki odlično flirta v tujem jeziku.
(Laughter)
(smeh)
If I were in charge of the Internet, you could Mapquest your lover's mood swings. Hang left at cranky, right at preoccupied, U-turn on silent treatment, all the way back to tongue kissing and good lovin'. You could navigate and understand every emotional intersection. Some days, I'm as shallow as a baking pan, but I still stretch miles in all directions. If I owned the Internet, Napster, Monster and Friendster.com would be one big website. That way you could listen to cool music while you pretend to look for a job and you're really just chattin' with your pals.
Če bi bil jaz zadolžen za internet, bi lahko Mapquest-al razpoloženjska nihanja svojih ljubimcev. Ob razdražljivosti se drži leve, desne ob prezaposlenosti, ostro zavij ob tihih dnevih, nazaj do strastnih poljubov in vročega ljubljenja. Lahko bi navigirali in razumeli vsako čustveno križišče. Kakšen dan sem plitev kot ponev, a se vseeno raztezam kilometre v vse smeri. Če bi bil lastnik interneta, bi bili Napster, Monster in Friendster.com ena sama velika spletna stran. Tako bi lahko poslušali super glasbo medtem, ko bi se pretvarjali, da iščete službo, v resnici pa bi samo klepetali s prijatelji.
(Laughter)
(smeh)
Heck, if I ran the Web, you could email dead people.
Hudiča, če bi jaz upravljal internet, bi lahko poslali email mrtvim.
(Laughter)
(smeh)
They would not email you back (Laughter) -- but you'd get an automated reply.
Ne bi vam odgovorili ... (smeh) ... a dobili bi samodejni odgovor.
(Laughter) Their name in your inbox (Laughter) -- it's all you wanted anyway. And a message saying, "Hey, it's me. I miss you.
(smeh) Njihova imena med vašo prejeto pošto ... (smeh) ... saj to je itak vse, kar ste si želeli. In sporočilo: "Hej, jaz sem. Pogrešam te.
(Laughter)
(smeh)
Listen, you'll see being dead is dandy. Now you go back to raising kids and waging peace and craving candy." If I designed the Internet, childhood.com would be a loop of a boy in an orchard, with a ski pole for a sword, trashcan lid for a shield, shouting, "I am the emperor of oranges. I am the emperor of oranges. I am the emperor of oranges." Now follow me, OK?
Boš videl, biti mrtev je super. Zdaj pa se vrni k vzgoji otrok, mirovnim prizadevanjem in hrepenenju po sladkarijah. Če bi jaz oblikoval internet, bi bilo otroštvo.com zanka dečka v sadovnjaku, s smučarsko palico namesto meča, pokrovom smetnjaka namesto ščita, vpijočega: "Jaz sem vladar pomaranč! Jaz sem vladar pomaranč! Jaz sem vladar pomaranč!" Sledite mi, OK?
(Laughter)
(smeh)
Grandma.com would be a recipe for biscuits and spit-bath instructions. One, two, three. That links with hotdiggitydog.com. That is my grandfather. They take you to gruff-ex-cop-on-his-fourth-marriage.dad. He forms an attachment to kind-of-ditzy-but-still-sends-ginger-snaps-for-Christmas.mom, who downloads the boy in the orchard, the emperor of oranges, who grows up to be me -- the guy who usually goes too far. So if I were emperor of the Internet, I guess I'd still be mortal, huh? But at that point, I would probably already have the lowest possible mortgage and the most enlarged possible penis (Laughter) -- so I would outlaw spam on my first day in office. I wouldn't need it. I'd be like some kind of Internet genius, and me, I'd like to upgrade to deity and maybe just like that -- pop! -- I'd go wireless.
Babica.com bi bil recept za piškote in inštrukcije friziranja s slino. Ena, dva, tri. Ta stran bi bila povezana na krščen-matiček.com. To je moj dedek. S povezavo na četrtič-poročen-zadirčen-bivši-kifeljc.oče, ki se navezuje na malce-prismojena-a-za-Božič-še-vedno-pošilja-ingverjeve-piškote.mami, ki presnemava dečka v sadovnjaku, vladarja pomaranč, ki zraste in postane jaz, tip, ki gre običajno predaleč. Torej, če bi bil bil vladar interneta, bi bil verjetno vseeno umrljiv, ne? A takrat bi verjetno že imel najnižjo možno hipoteko in najbolj povečan penis, kar je možno ... (smeh) zato bi že prvi dan v pisarni prepovedal spam. Ne bi ga potreboval. Bil bi nekakšen internetni genij, in jaz ... ... rad bi se nadgradil v božanstvo in mogoče bi - takole pop - postal brezžičen.
(Laughter)
(smeh)
Huh? Maybe Google would hire this. I could zip through your servers and firewalls like a virus until the World Wide Web is as wise, as wild and as organized as I think a modern-day miracle/oracle can get, but, ooh-eee, you want to bet just how whack and un-PC your Mac or PC is going to be when I'm rocking hot-shit-hot-shot-god.net? I guess it's just like life. It is not a question of if you can -- it's: do ya? We can interfere with the interface. We can make "You've got Hallelujah" the national anthem of cyberspace every lucky time we log on. You don't say a prayer. You don't write a psalm. You don't chant an "om." You send one blessed email to whomever you're thinking of at dah-da-la-dat-da-dah-da-la-dat.com. Thank you, TED.
Mogoče bi me najel Google. Kot virus bi lahko švigal skozi vaše strežnike in požarne zide, dokler WWW ne bi bil tako pameten, tako divji in tako organiziran kot je po moje lahko sodoben čudež/prerok, ampak, ooooooo, bi radi stavili, kako zdelan in ne-PC bo vaš Mac ali PC, ko bom glavni blazno-blazen-pomembnež-bog.net? Po moje je tako, kot v življenju. Ni vprašanje ali zmoreš, pač pa: Ali že? Posegamo lahko v uporabniški vmesnik. "You've got Hallelujah" lahko proglasimo za državno himno kiberprostora vsakič, ko se srečno prijavimo. Ne moliš. Ne napišeš psalma. Ne mrmraš oooommmmm. Pač pa pošlješ blagodejen email komurkoli o katerem razmišljaš @ da da la dat da da da la dat.com. Hvala, TED.
(Applause)
(aplavz)