So, when I was in art school, I developed a shake in my hand, and this was the straightest line I could draw. Now in hindsight, it was actually good for some things, like mixing a can of paint or shaking a Polaroid, but at the time this was really doomsday. This was the destruction of my dream of becoming an artist.
Kada sam bio u umetničkoj školi, počela je da mi podrhtava ruka, i ovako je izgledala najbolja prava linija koju sam umeo da nacrtam. Kada se osvrnem na taj period, moja ruka bila je za neke stvari korisna. Na primer, za mućkanje kantice sa farbom ili sušenje polaroid slike. Ali u isto vreme bila je i mana koja je sprečavala da postanem umetnik.
The shake developed out of, really, a single-minded pursuit of pointillism, just years of making tiny, tiny dots. And eventually these dots went from being perfectly round to looking more like tadpoles, because of the shake. So to compensate, I'd hold the pen tighter, and this progressively made the shake worse, so I'd hold the pen tighter still. And this became a vicious cycle that ended up causing so much pain and joint issues, I had trouble holding anything. And after spending all my life wanting to do art, I left art school, and then I left art completely.
Podrhtavanje ruke nastalo je iz moje želje da što bolje razumem posebnu slikarsku tehniku - pointilizam, iz godina crtanja vrlo malih tačaka. Vremenom ove moje tačke zbog podrhtavanja ruke izgledale su više kao mrlje. Da bih to ispravio, počeo sam jako da stiskam olovku, zbog čega mi je ruka sve više drhtala i zbog čega sam ja nastavio još vise da stiskam olovku. Ovaj proces se vrteo u krug, ruka me je bolela i imao sam problem sa tetivama. Nisam skoro ništa mogao da držim. Nakon moje silne želje da postanem slikar, napustio sam umetničku školu i potom u potpunosti i samo slikanje.
But after a few years, I just couldn't stay away from art, and I decided to go to a neurologist about the shake and discovered I had permanent nerve damage. And he actually took one look at my squiggly line, and said, "Well, why don't you just embrace the shake?"
Nakon nekoliko godina, nisam mogao više da izdržim bez umetnosti. Obratio sam se neurologu koji mi je rekao da sam u potpunosti oštetio živac u ruci. Potom je video jednu od krivih linija koju sam nacrtao i rekao: "Zašto ne bi prihvatio sebe takvim kakav jesi?"
So I did. I went home, I grabbed a pencil, and I just started letting my hand shake and shake. I was making all these scribble pictures. And even though it wasn't the kind of art that I was ultimately passionate about, it felt great. And more importantly, once I embraced the shake, I realized I could still make art. I just had to find a different approach to making the art that I wanted.
Poslušao sam ga. Otišao sam kući, uzeo olovku i dopustio mojoj ruci da se trese. Nacrtao sam nekoliko skica drhtavom rukom. Iako moje skice nisu bile nalik slikama kojima sam se divio, osećao sam se odlično. Što je još važnije, kada sam prihvatio sebe u potpunosti, shvatio sam da mogu da nastavim da slikam. Trebalo je samo da nađem drukčiji pristup kako bih mogao da slikam onako kako sam ja to želeo.
Now, I still enjoyed the fragmentation of pointillism, seeing these little tiny dots come together to make this unified whole. So I began experimenting with other ways to fragment images where the shake wouldn't affect the work, like dipping my feet in paint and walking on a canvas, or, in a 3D structure consisting of two-by-fours, creating a 2D image by burning it with a blowtorch. I discovered that, if I worked on a larger scale and with bigger materials, my hand really wouldn't hurt, and after having gone from a single approach to art, I ended up having an approach to creativity that completely changed my artistic horizons. This was the first time I'd encountered this idea that embracing a limitation could actually drive creativity.
Jos uvek uživam u pointilizmu gledajući kako se te male tačke grupišu u veće, a potom i u jednu celinu. Potom sam počeo da eksperimentišem sa drugim načinima slikanja kod kojih podrhtaj ruke ne bi uticao na kvalitet slike. Kao, na primer, slikanje pomoću stopala ili slikanje trodimenzionog objekta koji bi postao dvodimenzioni koristeći posebnu tehniku paljenja. Shvatio sam da ako budem radio sa većim materijalima, ruka me neće boleti. Nakon mog jednosmernog shvatanja umetnosti, razvio sam neki potpuno drugi oblik kreativnosti koji je promenio moj pogled na umetnost. Tada sam prvi put video da ako prihvatim svoju manu mogu da postanem kreativniji.
At the time, I was finishing up school, and I was so excited to get a real job and finally afford new art supplies. I had this horrible little set of tools, and I felt like I could do so much more with the supplies I thought an artist was supposed to have. I actually didn't even have a regular pair of scissors. I was using these metal shears until I stole a pair from the office that I worked at.
U tom periodu je trebalo da završim umetničku školu i bio sam uzbuđen jer ću se zaposliti i moći da kupim slikarski pribor. Do tada sam imao samo skroman pribor i osećao sam da bih uz pomoć pravog pribora, koji bi svaki umetnik trebalo da ima, mogao postići znatno više. Nisam čak imao ni prave makaze. Koristio sam neke neprilagođene sve dok jedne nisam ukrao iz kancelarije u kojoj sam radio.
So I got out of school, I got a job, I got a paycheck, I got myself to the art store, and I just went nuts buying supplies. And then when I got home, I sat down and I set myself to task to really try to create something just completely outside of the box. But I sat there for hours, and nothing came to mind. The same thing the next day, and then the next, quickly slipping into a creative slump. And I was in a dark place for a long time, unable to create. And it didn't make any sense, because I was finally able to support my art, and yet I was creatively blank.
Završio sam školu, dobio sam posao, a sa njim i prvi ček i hitro sam otišao do radnje gde sam kupio mnogo toga za slikanje. Kada sam došao kući, zadao sam sebi zadatak da nacrtam nešto zaista neobično. Uzaludno sam satima sedeo. Isto se ponovilo i sutradan i dan nakon toga, a ja sam počeo da gubim veru u sebe. Dugo je trajao ovaj osećaj. Nije imalo smisla, jer napokon sam mogao da se izdržavam ali je to bilo nebitno. Nisam bio kreativan.
But as I searched around in the darkness, I realized I was actually paralyzed by all of the choices that I never had before. And it was then that I thought back to my jittery hands. Embrace the shake. And I realized, if I ever wanted my creativity back, I had to quit trying so hard to think outside of the box and get back into it.
Kada sam počeo da analiziram svoj osećaj, shvatio sam da me je mučio silan broj mogućnosti koje ranije nisam imao. Tada sam se setio mog drhtanja i poruke ''Prihvati sebe''. Shvatio sam da ako želim da povratim moju kreativnost, treba da prestanem sebe da silim u želji da nacrtam nešto neobično. Treba samo da počnem sa običnim.
I wondered, could you become more creative, then, by looking for limitations? What if I could only create with a dollar's worth of supplies? At this point, I was spending a lot of my evenings in -- well, I guess I still spend a lot of my evenings in Starbucks — but I know you can ask for an extra cup if you want one, so I decided to ask for 50. Surprisingly, they just handed them right over, and then with some pencils I already had, I made this project for only 80 cents. It really became a moment of clarification for me that we need to first be limited in order to become limitless.
Razmišljao sam da li čovek postaje kreativan ako traga za svojim manama. Šta recimo ako imam mogućnost da slikam koristeći samo vrlo jeftin pribor? U tom periodu često sam večeri provodio u kafiću Starbaks gde idem i dan danas. Ako vam treba, možete uzeti dodatnu čašu pa sam naručio 50. Iznenađujuće, svih 50 su mi dali. Potom sam uz pomoć olovaka nacrtao nešto uz pomoć pribora koji me je koštao samo 80 centi. Postalo mi je jasno da čoveku nešto prvo treba da bude oduzeto kako bi shvatio da ga to oduzeto ne može sprečiti da se ostvari.
I took this approach of thinking inside the box to my canvas, and wondered what if, instead of painting on a canvas, I could only paint on my chest? So I painted 30 images, one layer at a time, one on top of another, with each picture representing an influence in my life. Or what if, instead of painting with a brush, I could only paint with karate chops? (Laughter) So I'd dip my hands in paint, and I just attacked the canvas, and I actually hit so hard that I bruised a joint in my pinkie and it was stuck straight for a couple of weeks.
Potom sam počeo da razmišljam šta ako nacrtam nešto obično, ali ne na platnu već na svojim grudima. Pa sam nacrtao 30 skica, sloj po sloj, jedna na drugu. Svaka je predstavljala neki događaj u mom životu. Ili recimo, šta ako umesto četkice, počnem da slikam koristeći pokrete kao u karateu? (Smeh) Umočio sam ruke u farbu i napao sam platno toliko da sam dobio masnice na malom prstu i nisam mogao da ga pomerim nekoliko nedelja.
(Laughter) (Applause)
(Smeh) (Aplauz)
Or, what if instead of relying on myself, I had to rely on other people to create the content for the art? So for six days, I lived in front of a webcam. I slept on the floor and I ate takeout, and I asked people to call me and share a story with me about a life-changing moment. Their stories became the art as I wrote them onto the revolving canvas.
Ili recimo, šta ako se umesto na sebe, oslonim na druge kako bi mi pomogli da dobijem nove ideje? Šest dana sam sedeo ispred laptop kamere, spavao sam na podu i neredovno jeo, i tražio od ljudi da sa mnom podele priču koja im je promenila život. Njihove priče postale su umetnost jer sam njihove reči ispisivao na platno koje se okreće.
(Applause) Or what if instead of making art to display, I had to destroy it? This seemed like the ultimate limitation, being an artist without art. This destruction idea turned into a yearlong project that I called Goodbye Art, where each and every piece of art had to be destroyed after its creation. In the beginning of Goodbye Art, I focused on forced destruction, like this image of Jimi Hendrix, made with over 7,000 matches. (Laughter) Then I opened it up to creating art that was destroyed naturally. I looked for temporary materials, like spitting out food -- (Laughter) — sidewalk chalk and even frozen wine.
(Aplauz) Šta recimo da umesto izlaganja umetničkih dela ja odlučim da ih uništim kada ih nacrtam? Za mene je to izgledalo vrlo interesantno, biti umetnik bez svog dela. Ova ideja pratila me je godinu dana. Pretvorila se u projekat koji sam zvao "Zbogom umetnosti". Svako delo uništavao bih nakon njegove izrade. U početku ovog projekta nastojao sam da na silu uništim dela kao recimo ovog Džimija Hendriksa koji je napravljen od 7000 šibica. (Smeh) Potom sam pravio dela koja bi se prirodnim putem uništila. Tragao sam za kratkotrajnim materijalima, kao recimo pljuvanje hrane - (Smeh) kreda sa trotoara ili čak zamrznuto vino.
The last iteration of destruction was to try to produce something that didn't actually exist in the first place. So I organized candles on a table, I lit them, and then blew them out, then repeated this process over and over with the same set of candles, then assembled the videos into the larger image. So the end image was never visible as a physical whole. It was destroyed before it ever existed.
Poslednji deo projekta bio je da napravim nešto što uopšte nikada nije ni postojalo. Postavio sam sveće na sto, zapalio ih, a potom i ugasio. Potom sam isto to ponovio sa istim brojem sveća, a zatim od toga napravio veću sliku. Ona nije sama po sebi nikada postojala. Bila je uništena pre nego što je i nastala.
In the course of this Goodbye Art series, I created 23 different pieces with nothing left to physically display. What I thought would be the ultimate limitation actually turned out to be the ultimate liberation, as each time I created, the destruction brought me back to a neutral place where I felt refreshed and ready to start the next project. It did not happen overnight. There were times when my projects failed to get off the ground, or, even worse, after spending tons of time on them the end image was kind of embarrassing. But having committed to the process, I continued on,
Tokom mog projekta "Zbogom umetnosti", napravio sam 23 različita dela, a ništa iza njih nije ostalo. Ono što sam smatrao za ograničenost postalo je sloboda. Svaki put kada bih nešto stvorio, proces uništenja me je doveo na neutralno mesto gde sam se osećao spremnim da započnem novo delo. Naravno, nije sve ovo išlo sa lakoćom. Bilo je momenata kada nisam bio motivisan da radim ili još gore, kada sam određeno vreme proveo radeći ali je krajnji rezultat bio mizeran. Ali, pošto sam sebi zadao cilj, nastavio sam
and something really surprising came out of this. As I destroyed each project, I was learning to let go, let go of outcomes, let go of failures, and let go of imperfections. And in return, I found a process of creating art that's perpetual and unencumbered by results. I found myself in a state of constant creation, thinking only of what's next and coming up with more ideas than ever.
i nešto iznenađujuće je proizašlo iz svega ovoga. Kako sam uništavao dela, učio sam da se odvojim od stvari od krajnjeg cilja, neuspeha i mana. Za uzvrat našao sam proces stvaranja umetnosti koji je neograničen i na koji ne utiče krajnji rezultat Postao sam motivisan i stalno razmišljao šta ću sledeće da nacrtam i stvorim. Imao sam napokon silne ideje.
When I think back to my three years away from art, away from my dream, just going through the motions, instead of trying to find a different way to continue that dream, I just quit, I gave up. And what if I didn't embrace the shake? Because embracing the shake for me wasn't just about art and having art skills. It turned out to be about life, and having life skills. Because ultimately, most of what we do takes place here, inside the box, with limited resources. Learning to be creative within the confines of our limitations is the best hope we have to transform ourselves and, collectively, transform our world.
Kada počnem da mislim o moje tri godine tokom kojih nisam stvarao, tokom kojih sam bio daleko od mog sna radeći sve automatski umesto da sam pokušao da nađem drukčiji pristup da svoj san ostvarim ja sam jednostavno odustao. A šta da sebe nisam prihvatio u potpunosti? Jer, za mene, prihvatanje sebe nije bilo samo u vidu umetnosti. Počelo je to prihvatanje da znači prihvatanje života takvim kakav on jeste. Na kraju krajeva, ono što radimo dešava se ovde, sa ograničenim sredstvima. Kada čovek nauči da iskoristi svoje mane i uprkos njima bude kreativan, na pravom je putu da se promeni i da promeni ljude oko sebe.
Looking at limitations as a source of creativity changed the course of my life. Now, when I run into a barrier or I find myself creatively stumped, I sometimes still struggle, but I continue to show up for the process and try to remind myself of the possibilities, like using hundreds of real, live worms to make an image, using a pushpin to tattoo a banana, or painting a picture with hamburger grease.
Gledajući na moje mane kao izvor kreativnosti promenio sam svoj život. Sada, kada naiđem na prepreku i izgubim motivaciju naravno da se mučim ali nastavljam da se borim i da sebe podsećam da postoji bezbroj mogućnosti kao recimo, kada koristim stotine crva da napravim skicu ili kada putem spajalice crtam na banani ili kada slikam, koristeći mast koja je ostala od hamburgera.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
One of my most recent endeavors is to try to translate the habits of creativity that I've learned into something others can replicate.
U poslednje vreme trudim se da to što sam naučio u vezi sa kreativnošću prenesem na druge kako bi i oni mogli moje znanje da iskoriste.
Limitations may be the most unlikely of places to harness creativity, but perhaps one of the best ways to get ourselves out of ruts, rethink categories and challenge accepted norms. And instead of telling each other to seize the day, maybe we can remind ourselves every day to seize the limitation.
Znam da izgleda kao da mane nisu izvor kreativnosti ali moguće je da je jedan od najboljih načina da sebe izbavimo iz krize ako počnemo drukčije da razmišljamo. Umesto da jedni drugima dajemo savet da uživamo u svakom trenutku možda bi trebalo da se podsetimo da prihvatimo ograničenja koje nam život nameće.
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)