So when I was eight years old, a new girl came to join the class, and she was so impressive, as the new girl always seems to be. She had vast quantities of very shiny hair and a cute little pencil case, super strong on state capitals, just a great speller. And I just curdled with jealousy that year, until I hatched my devious plan. So one day I stayed a little late after school, a little too late, and I lurked in the girls' bathroom. When the coast was clear, I emerged, crept into the classroom, and took from my teacher's desk the grade book. And then I did it. I fiddled with my rival's grades, just a little, just demoted some of those A's. All of those A's. (Laughter) And I got ready to return the book to the drawer, when hang on, some of my other classmates had appallingly good grades too. So, in a frenzy, I corrected everybody's marks, not imaginatively. I gave everybody a row of D's and I gave myself a row of A's, just because I was there, you know, might as well.
當我八歲的時候, 班裡來了位新的女同學, 她是那麼令人印象深刻, 好像新來的女生應該就是那樣的。 她的秀髮豐盈且有光澤, 她有一個小巧玲瓏的文具盒, 家境豐厚, 出色的拼寫能力。 那年我心中一直嫉妒氣得發抖, 直至我策劃了一個陰謀。 有一天,我放學後在學校留了一陣子, 確實有點兒晚,而我躲藏在女廁所, 當學校沒有人之後,我就溜了出來, 悄悄地潛入教室, 從老師桌子上拿到了成績紀錄簿, 我真的這樣做了, 我竄改了競爭對手的成績, 只是改了一點點,把一些 A 降級, 其實是所有的 A 。(笑聲) 當我準備要把那本紀錄簿放回抽屜時, 等等,同班的其他同學 也有令人震驚的好成績。 於是,在狂亂中, 我改了每個人的分數 不是假想的。 我給每個人一整行 D , 之後給自己一整行 A , 只是因為我在那裡, 你知道啦,你也會這樣做的。
And I am still baffled by my behavior. I don't understand where the idea came from. I don't understand why I felt so great doing it. I felt great. I don't understand why I was never caught. I mean, it should have been so blatantly obvious. I was never caught. But most of all, I am baffled by, why did it bother me so much that this little girl, this tiny little girl, was so good at spelling? Jealousy baffles me. It's so mysterious, and it's so pervasive. We know babies suffer from jealousy. We know primates do. Bluebirds are actually very prone. We know that jealousy is the number one cause of spousal murder in the United States. And yet, I have never read a study that can parse to me its loneliness or its longevity or its grim thrill. For that, we have to go to fiction, because the novel is the lab that has studied jealousy in every possible configuration. In fact, I don't know if it's an exaggeration to say that if we didn't have jealousy, would we even have literature? Well no faithless Helen, no "Odyssey." No jealous king, no "Arabian Nights." No Shakespeare. There goes high school reading lists, because we're losing "Sound and the Fury," we're losing "Gatsby," "Sun Also Rises," we're losing "Madame Bovary," "Anna K." No jealousy, no Proust. And now, I mean, I know it's fashionable to say that Proust has the answers to everything, but in the case of jealousy, he kind of does. This year is the centennial of his masterpiece, "In Search of Lost Time," and it's the most exhaustive study of sexual jealousy and just regular competitiveness, my brand, that we can hope to have. (Laughter) And we think about Proust, we think about the sentimental bits, right? We think about a little boy trying to get to sleep. We think about a madeleine moistened in lavender tea. We forget how harsh his vision was. We forget how pitiless he is. I mean, these are books that Virginia Woolf said were tough as cat gut. I don't know what cat gut is, but let's assume it's formidable.
我現在仍然對自己的行為感到不解。 我不知道這樣的意念是從哪兒來的。 我不知道為什麼這樣做會感到爽快。 我感覺很棒。 我不知道為什麼從來沒被抓到。 我是說,這應該是顯而易見吧。 我一直沒被抓到。 但最重要的,讓我覺得難解的是, 為什麼這位個子小小的女孩, 如此擅長於拼寫, 會讓我覺得十分困擾? 嫉妒令我感到困惑。 它是如此神秘,又是如此無孔不入。 我們知道嬰兒們會嫉妒。 我們知道靈長類動物也會。 藍色知更鳥事實上也非常易妒。 我們知道在美國嫉妒是 配偶謀殺案之頭號原因。 然而,我從沒讀過一項研究 可以解析它的孤寂 它的期限,或者它的嚴峻挑戰。 就是因為這點,我們必須看小說, 因為小說是個 在每一個合理的佈局下 來研究嫉妒的實驗室。 事實上,我不知道這樣說是否太誇張, 如果我們沒有嫉妒心, 那還會有文學嗎? 沒有不貞的海倫, 就沒有《奧德賽》。 沒有易妒的國王,就沒有《天方夜譚》, 也沒有莎士比亞。 讓我們看看高中的閱讀書目, 因為我們錯失了《喧嘩與騷動》, 我們錯失了《大享小傳》、《太陽照常升起》 《包法利夫人》、《安娜.卡列妮娜》 沒有嫉妒,就沒有普魯斯特。我的意思是, (註:普魯斯特是法國小說家) 說「普魯斯特的小說包含所有的答案」 是一個時尚的說法, 但是就忌妒這方面來說, 他又好似有解析。 今年是他的代表作《追憶似水年華》一百週年, 這是有關由愛生妒最詳盡的研究, 和我們希望擁有的 正規競爭、舉止。(笑聲) 當我們想到普魯斯特,我們想到 有關多愁善感的細節,對嗎? 我們想到一個正嘗試進入夢鄉的小男孩。 一塊蘸著薰衣草茶的瑪德蓮蛋糕。 我們忘記他的願景是如此的惡劣, 忘記他是多麼的冷酷無情。 我的意思是,這些書,正如維吉尼亞.吳爾芙所說的, (註:維吉尼亞.吳爾芙是英國小說家) 如羊腸線般一樣堅韌。 我不知道什麼是羊腸線, 但讓我們假設它是難以對付的。
Let's look at why they go so well together, the novel and jealousy, jealousy and Proust. Is it something as obvious as that jealousy, which boils down into person, desire, impediment, is such a solid narrative foundation? I don't know. I think it cuts very close to the bone, because let's think about what happens when we feel jealous. When we feel jealous, we tell ourselves a story. We tell ourselves a story about other people's lives, and these stories make us feel terrible because they're designed to make us feel terrible. As the teller of the tale and the audience, we know just what details to include, to dig that knife in. Right? Jealousy makes us all amateur novelists, and this is something Proust understood.
讓我們看看他們能走在一起的原因, 小說和嫉妒、嫉妒和普魯斯特, 是否某些東西像那個嫉妒一樣明顯, 這歸結為人、 欲望、 障礙, 是如此實在的敘事基礎嗎? 我不知道。我想這已經非常接近事實。 因為,讓我們想想 當我們感到嫉妒時會發生的事情。 當我們感到嫉妒時,我們會告訴自己一個故事。 我們告訴自己一個有關其他人生活的故事, 這些故事會使我們覺得可怕 因為它們設計到使我們感到可怕。 作為敘事者以及聽眾, 我們知道包括哪些細節, 要掏那把刀,對吧? 嫉妒讓所有人成為業餘小說家, 而這是普魯斯特理解的東西。
In the first volume, Swann's Way, the series of books, Swann, one of the main characters, is thinking very fondly of his mistress and how great she is in bed, and suddenly, in the course of a few sentences, and these are Proustian sentences, so they're long as rivers, but in the course of a few sentences, he suddenly recoils and he realizes, "Hang on, everything I love about this woman, somebody else would love about this woman. Everything that she does that gives me pleasure could be giving somebody else pleasure, maybe right about now." And this is the story he starts to tell himself, and from then on, Proust writes that every fresh charm Swann detects in his mistress, he adds to his "collection of instruments in his private torture chamber."
在第一卷「在斯萬家那邊」, (註:《追憶似水年華》的第一卷) 這系列的書籍, 斯萬是其中一個主角, 常常十分深情地想著情婦, 和她在床上是多麼的棒, 突然間,在幾個句子中, 而這些都是普魯斯特的句子, 所以它們像河流一樣長, 但在幾個句子中, 他突然往後跳回並意識到, 「等會兒,我對這個女人所愛的一切 別人都會喜歡。 她所做的的一切使我快樂, 也都有可能使別人快樂, 也許就是現在。」 這是他開始告訴自己的故事, 從那時起,普魯斯特寫道, 任何一個斯萬發現他情婦身上的鮮活魅力, 他都會把這些加到他的 「私人折磨寢室裡的工具收藏間」。
Now Swann and Proust, we have to admit, were notoriously jealous. You know, Proust's boyfriends would have to leave the country if they wanted to break up with him. But you don't have to be that jealous to concede that it's hard work. Right? Jealousy is exhausting. It's a hungry emotion. It must be fed.
現在我們不得不承認,斯萬和普魯斯特 是臭名遠揚地嫉妒著。 如果普魯斯特的男朋友們要和他分手 他們就會出國去。 但你不一定要那麼嫉妒 去承認它是艱苦的工作,對吧? 嫉妒令人太累了。 它是個飢餓的情緒。它必須被填滿。
And what does jealousy like? Jealousy likes information. Jealousy likes details. Jealousy likes the vast quantities of shiny hair, the cute little pencil case. Jealousy likes photos. That's why Instagram is such a hit. (Laughter) Proust actually links the language of scholarship and jealousy. When Swann is in his jealous throes, and suddenly he's listening at doorways and bribing his mistress' servants, he defends these behaviors. He says, "You know, look, I know you think this is repugnant, but it is no different from interpreting an ancient text or looking at a monument." He says, "They are scientific investigations with real intellectual value." Proust is trying to show us that jealousy feels intolerable and makes us look absurd, but it is, at its crux, a quest for knowledge, a quest for truth, painful truth, and actually, where Proust is concerned, the more painful the truth, the better. Grief, humiliation, loss: These were the avenues to wisdom for Proust. He says, "A woman whom we need, who makes us suffer, elicits from us a gamut of feelings far more profound and vital than a man of genius who interests us." Is he telling us to just go and find cruel women? No. I think he's trying to say that jealousy reveals us to ourselves. And does any other emotion crack us open in this particular way? Does any other emotion reveal to us our aggression and our hideous ambition and our entitlement? Does any other emotion teach us to look with such peculiar intensity?
而嫉妒是像什麼樣的呢? 嫉妒就好像資訊。 嫉妒就好像細節。 嫉妒就好像那些濃密閃亮的頭髮, 那個可愛的小小鉛筆盒。 嫉妒就好像照片。 這就是 Instagram 如此受歡迎的原因。(笑聲) (註:Instagram 是手機上著名的照相app) 事實上,普魯斯特把 學術上的語言和嫉妒連結起來。 當斯萬在他的嫉妒中陣痛時, 突然之間他會在門口偷聽 和賄賂他情婦的服務生, 而他為這些行為進行辯護。 他說:「你看看,我知道你會覺得這是令人厭惡, 但這和解讀古代文字比較 或注目看著一座紀念碑 並沒有什麼不同。」 他說:「他們是真正有理智能力的 科學探索。」 普魯斯特想要告訴我們 嫉妒是不能容忍的,以及令我們顯得很可笑, 但是,在其癥結所在中,它是一個對知識的追求, 一個對真相的尋求,對痛苦真相的尋求, 實際上,普魯斯特所關注的是 越痛苦的真相越好。 悲傷,羞辱,遺失: 對普魯斯特來說, 這些都是往智慧之門的途徑。 他說:「那個我們需要的女人 那個讓我們痛苦的女人,所誘發的情感 比一位我們感興趣的天才所激發的 來得更深遠和更重要。」 他是否告訴我們 只是去找的那些殘酷的女人嗎? 不,我想他想說的是 嫉妒向我們揭示了我們自己。 是否有其它情感用這種特定的方式 剖開我們? 是否其他情感透露了給我們有關 我們的攻擊性,我們醜陋的雄心 和我們的權位? 是否其他情感教了我們 以那種奇特的強度去看世界?
Freud would write about this later. One day, Freud was visited by this very anxious young man who was consumed with the thought of his wife cheating on him. And Freud says, it's something strange about this guy, because he's not looking at what his wife is doing. Because she's blameless; everybody knows it. The poor creature is just under suspicion for no cause. But he's looking for things that his wife is doing without noticing, unintentional behaviors. Is she smiling too brightly here, or did she accidentally brush up against a man there? [Freud] says that the man is becoming the custodian of his wife's unconscious.
後來,弗洛伊德對此下筆。 有一天, 一位很著急的年輕人拜訪弗洛伊德 他滿腦子認為他妻子背叛他。 弗洛伊德說,這傢伙有點奇怪, 因為他不是看著他的妻子在做什麼。 因為大家都知道她是清白的 。 那個可憐的生物只是 沒由來地懷疑。 而他在觀察他的妻子 沒有留心的無意識行為。 是否她在這裡微笑得太開懷, 或者是否她巧恰地在某個男人前掃地? [弗洛伊德] 說這位男子正變成 他妻子之無意識的守護人。
The novel is very good on this point. The novel is very good at describing how jealousy trains us to look with intensity but not accuracy. In fact, the more intensely jealous we are, the more we become residents of fantasy. And this is why, I think, jealousy doesn't just provoke us to do violent things or illegal things. Jealousy prompts us to behave in ways that are wildly inventive. Now I'm thinking of myself at eight, I concede, but I'm also thinking of this story I heard on the news. A 52-year-old Michigan woman was caught creating a fake Facebook account from which she sent vile, hideous messages to herself for a year. For a year. A year. And she was trying to frame her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend, and I have to confess when I heard this, I just reacted with admiration. (Laughter) Because, I mean, let's be real. What immense, if misplaced, creativity. Right? This is something from a novel. This is something from a Patricia Highsmith novel.
小說在這點上很棒。 這本小說很正點地描述了嫉妒是如何 鍛鍊我們強有力但不準確的去看待事情。 事實上,我們嫉妒得越強, 我們越成為幻想的居民。 其原因是,我認為,嫉妒不單是 挑起我們做暴力的事 或違法的事, 嫉妒還促使我們 狂野般的創新行為。 現在我回想八歲的自己,我承認, 但我也同時想著我在新聞聽到的故事, 一個 52 歲密西根州女子被抓 她開了個假的 Facebook 帳戶 給她自己發送 醜陋可怕的訊息長達一年, 一年,整整一年。 她試著誣陷 她前男友的新女友, 而我必須坦白,當我聽見這, 我敬佩有加。 (笑聲) 因為,我的意思是,說真的, 如此巨大的,如果放錯了地方,其創造力,對吧? 這是源自小說中的一些東西, 這是源自派翠西亞.海史密斯小說中的東西, (註:派翠西亞.海史密斯是美國犯罪小說家)
Now Highsmith is a particular favorite of mine. She is the very brilliant and bizarre woman of American letters. She's the author of "Strangers on a Train" and "The Talented Mr. Ripley," books that are all about how jealousy, it muddles our minds, and once we're in the sphere, in that realm of jealousy, the membrane between what is and what could be can be pierced in an instant. Take Tom Ripley, her most famous character. Now, Tom Ripley goes from wanting you or wanting what you have to being you and having what you once had, and you're under the floorboards, he's answering to your name, he's wearing your rings, emptying your bank account. That's one way to go.
現在海史密斯是我特別喜歡的作家之一。 她非常聰明,而且是美國文學上的奇異女人。 她是《火車怪客》 和 《天才雷普利》的作者, 這些書都是關於嫉妒是如何 使我們的頭腦變胡塗, 一旦我們進入了那個嫉妒的領域中, 這是什麼和可能是什麼之間的界線 可以在瞬間被打破。 以湯姆.雷普利為例,她最著名的角色。 現在,湯姆.雷普利從想要你 或想要你擁有的東西 到成為你和擁有你曾有過的東西, 而你躺在地板下, 他回應你的名字, 他戴著你的戒指, 清空你的銀行帳戶。 這是一條不歸路。
But what do we do? We can't go the Tom Ripley route. I can't give the world D's, as much as I would really like to, some days. And it's a pity, because we live in envious times. We live in jealous times. I mean, we're all good citizens of social media, aren't we, where the currency is envy?
但我們要做些什麼呢? 我們不能去走湯姆.雷普利的路。 我不能給世界一個 D (迪克) (註:指雷普利小說裡的角色 Dickie ) 就像我真的很想在某幾天中可以做到。 而這很可惜,因為我們生活在嫉妒的時代。 我們生活在嫉妒的時代。 我是說,我們所有是社交媒體的良好公民, 我們不是哪裡有貨幣哪裡有嫉妒嗎?
Does the novel show us a way out? I'm not sure. So let's do what characters always do when they're not sure, when they are in possession of a mystery. Let's go to 221B Baker Street and ask for Sherlock Holmes. When people think of Holmes, they think of his nemesis being Professor Moriarty, right, this criminal mastermind. But I've always preferred [Inspector] Lestrade, who is the rat-faced head of Scotland Yard who needs Holmes desperately, needs Holmes' genius, but resents him. Oh, it's so familiar to me. So Lestrade needs his help, resents him, and sort of seethes with bitterness over the course of the mysteries. But as they work together, something starts to change, and finally in "The Adventure of the Six Napoleons," once Holmes comes in, dazzles everybody with his solution, Lestrade turns to Holmes and he says, "We're not jealous of you, Mr. Holmes. We're proud of you." And he says that there's not a man at Scotland Yard who wouldn't want to shake Sherlock Holmes' hand.
這本小說是否顯示我們一條出路嗎?我不確定。 所以讓我們做那些角色在他們不確定時 或當他們迷惘時會做的事。 讓我們去到貝克街 221B 號 找夏洛克.福爾摩斯。 當人們想到福爾摩斯 他們想到他的對手莫里亞蒂教授, 是的,他是犯罪集團的主腦。 但我一直很欣賞雷斯垂德 [探長] 那個在蘇格蘭場的鼠臉人物 急切著需要福爾摩斯, 需要福爾摩斯的天才,但又怨恨他。 哦,這個我好熟悉啊。 雷斯垂德需要他的幫助,但怨恨他, 在謎團中的辛酸內翻騰。 但在當他們一起工作,事情開始改變, 而最後的「六座拿破崙」 中, 福爾摩斯進來,他的解答令每個人讚歎, 雷斯垂德轉過身對福爾摩斯說: 「我們不是嫉妒你,福爾摩斯先生。 我們為你感到驕傲。」 他說在蘇格蘭場那裡 沒有人不想和夏洛克.福爾摩斯握手。
It's one of the few times we see Holmes moved in the mysteries, and I find it very moving, this little scene, but it's also mysterious, right? It seems to treat jealousy as a problem of geometry, not emotion. You know, one minute Holmes is on the other side from Lestrade. The next minute they're on the same side. Suddenly, Lestrade is letting himself admire this mind that he's resented. Could it be so simple though? What if jealousy really is a matter of geometry, just a matter of where we allow ourselves to stand in relation to another? Well, maybe then we wouldn't have to resent somebody's excellence. We could align ourselves with it.
這是我們少數幾次看到福爾摩斯 被謎團感動,我也覺得它很令人感動, 這個小小的場景,但它也是個謎團,對吧? 它似乎把嫉妒視為 幾何的問題,而不是感情的問題。 你知道,一分鐘前福爾摩斯 並沒有和雷斯垂德站在同一邊。 下一分鐘他們站在同一邊。 突然間,雷斯垂德讓他自己 佩服那位他憤恨的人。 這會如此簡單不過吧? 如果嫉妒真的只是幾何問題, 那只是讓我們自己站在 另一位站的相對位置? 也許我們不一定會 怨恨某人的卓越。 我們可以將自己與它對齊。
But I like contingency plans. So while we wait for that to happen, let us remember that we have fiction for consolation. Fiction alone demystifies jealousy. Fiction alone domesticates it, invites it to the table. And look who it gathers: sweet Lestrade, terrifying Tom Ripley, crazy Swann, Marcel Proust himself. We are in excellent company. Thank you. (Applause)
但我喜歡應變計畫, 所以當我們等待這種情況發生時, 讓我們記住我們有小說來做安慰的。 小說揭除嫉妒的神秘面紗。 小說也馴化了它, 邀請它到桌上, 看看它收集了誰: 甜美的雷斯垂德,可怕的湯姆.雷普利 瘋狂的斯萬,也就是馬塞爾.普魯斯特本人。 我們在優秀的人群中。 謝謝。 (掌聲)