Okay, now I don't want to alarm anybody in this room, but it's just come to my attention that the person to your right is a liar.
Xo'sh, mening bu zaldagilarni qo'rqitish niyatim yo'q, lekin e'tiboringizni shunga qaratmoqchimanki,
(Laughter)
o'ng tomoningizdagi inson — yolg'onchi.
Also, the person to your left is a liar. Also the person sitting in your very seats is a liar. We're all liars. What I'm going to do today is I'm going to show you what the research says about why we're all liars, how you can become a liespotter and why you might want to go the extra mile and go from liespotting to truth seeking, and ultimately to trust building.
(Kulgu) Va chap tomoningizdagi inson ham. Xattoki, siz o'tirgan o'rindiqda o'tirgan inson ham — yolg'onchi. Biz hammamiz yolg'onchimiz. Va men bugun sizlarga tadqiqotlar bizni nega aldashimiz haqida nima deyishini, qanday qilib yolg'onni aniqlash ustasi bo'lishingiz va aslida yaxshisi oldinga intilib, yolg'onni aniqlashdan ko'ra haqiqatni qidirish ekanligi, va nihoyat, ishonch atmosferasini yaratish madaniyati haqda so'zlab beraman.
Now, speaking of trust, ever since I wrote this book, "Liespotting," no one wants to meet me in person anymore, no, no, no, no, no. They say, "It's okay, we'll email you."
Aytancha, ishonch haqida gapirsak. "Yolg'onni fosh etish" kitobini yozganimdan beri, hech kim men bilan yuzma-yuz uchrashgisi kelmaydi, yo'q, yo'q, yo'q... Ular deyishadi: "Yaxshi, siz bilan e-mail orqali bog'lanamiz".
(Laughter)
(Kulgu)
I can't even get a coffee date at Starbucks. My husband's like, "Honey, deception? Maybe you could have focused on cooking. How about French cooking?"
Men xattoki hech kimni Starbaksga qahva ichishga taklif qilolmayman. Xatto erim ham: "Azizam, qanday yolg'on? Balki kulinariya bilan qiziqarsan? Fransuz oshxonasi, masalan."
So before I get started, what I'm going to do is I'm going to clarify my goal for you, which is not to teach a game of Gotcha. Liespotters aren't those nitpicky kids, those kids in the back of the room that are shouting, "Gotcha! Gotcha! Your eyebrow twitched. You flared your nostril. I watch that TV show 'Lie To Me.' I know you're lying." No, liespotters are armed with scientific knowledge of how to spot deception. They use it to get to the truth, and they do what mature leaders do everyday; they have difficult conversations with difficult people, sometimes during very difficult times. And they start up that path by accepting a core proposition, and that proposition is the following: Lying is a cooperative act. Think about it, a lie has no power whatsoever by its mere utterance. Its power emerges when someone else agrees to believe the lie.
Boshlashdan oldin men sizlarga aniq maqsadimni aytishim kerakki, men sizlarga "mushuk-sichqon" o'yinini o'rgatish niyatim yo'q. Yolg'onni biluvchilar — yosh bola emas, ular "tutdimmi, fosh etdimmi!" deb baqirishmaydi. Qovog'ingiz uchadi, burningizni "ishirasiz". TVda "Meni alda" degan shou bor. Sevib tomosha qilaman. Yolg'on biluvchilar yolg'onni aniqlash borasidagi kerakli bilimlar bilan qurollangan. Ular bu bilimni haqiqatni bilish uchun qo'llashadi. Ular xuddi tajribali boshliqlar qiladigan ishni qilishadi: murakkab insonlar bilan muzokaralar qilishadi. Va ba'zida bu juda qiyin kechadi. Ular bu yo'lni asosiy ma'lumotni qabul qilishdan boshlashadi, u esa quyidagicha jaranglaydi: Yolg'on — birgalikda bajariladigan harakat. O'ylab ko'ring, o'z-o'zidan yolg'on hech qanday kuchga ega emas, deyarli bo'sh gap. Va u faqatgina unga kimdir ishonishga rozi bo'lgandagina kuchga ega bo'ladi.
So I know it may sound like tough love, but look, if at some point you got lied to, it's because you agreed to get lied to. Truth number one about lying: Lying's a cooperative act. Now not all lies are harmful. Sometimes we're willing participants in deception for the sake of social dignity, maybe to keep a secret that should be kept secret, secret. We say, "Nice song." "Honey, you don't look fat in that, no." Or we say, favorite of the digiratti, "You know, I just fished that email out of my Spam folder. So sorry."
Bilaman, bu shafqatsizlik yaxshilikdan degandek eshitiladi. Lekin o'ylab ko'ring, qaysidir vaziyatda sizni aldashlari siz aldanishga rozi bo'lganingizdek gap. Yolg'on haqida birinchi haqiqat: "Yolg'on bu birgalikda harakat" Va hamma yolg'on ham zararli emas. Ba'zida biz o'zimiz yolg'onda ishtirok etamiz, insoniy qadr-qimmatni his etish yoki saqlab qolish uchun. Ba'zan esa sir qolishi kerak bo'lgan narsani yashirish uchun. Biz aytamiz: "Yaxshi qo'shiq". "Azizam, yo'q, bu seni semiz qilib ko'rsatayotgani yo'q". Yoki biz internet-elitaga taqlid qilib: "Bilasanmi, bu xabarni men hozirgina men spamda ko'rib qoldim. Uzr so'rayman".
But there are times when we are unwilling participants in deception. And that can have dramatic costs for us. Last year saw 997 billion dollars in corporate fraud alone in the United States. That's an eyelash under a trillion dollars. That's seven percent of revenues. Deception can cost billions. Think Enron, Madoff, the mortgage crisis. Or in the case of double agents and traitors, like Robert Hanssen or Aldrich Ames, lies can betray our country, they can compromise our security, they can undermine democracy, they can cause the deaths of those that defend us.
Ba'zida o'zlarimiz istamay, yolg'onda ishtirok etamiz. Va bu bizga qimmatga tushishi mumkin. O'tgan yili korporativ qalloblik natijasida birgina AQSHning o'zi 997 milliard dollar yo'qotdi. Bu deyarli butun boshli trillion dollar. Bu davlat daromadining 7%i. Yolg'on milliardlar turishi mumkin. "Enron", Meddof, ipoteka inqirozlarini eslang. Yoki Robert Hansen, Oldrich Eyms kabi ikkiyoqlama agent va sotqinlar bilan bog'liq voqealarni eslang. Yolg'on orqali vatanga xiyonat qilish ham mumkin, u bizni xavfga qo'yishi, tinchimizni buzishi va bizni himoyalayotgan barcha narsani yemirishi mumkin.
Deception is actually serious business. This con man, Henry Oberlander, he was such an effective con man, British authorities say he could have undermined the entire banking system of the Western world. And you can't find this guy on Google; you can't find him anywhere. He was interviewed once, and he said the following. He said, "Look, I've got one rule." And this was Henry's rule, he said, "Look, everyone is willing to give you something. They're ready to give you something for whatever it is they're hungry for." And that's the crux of it. If you don't want to be deceived, you have to know, what is it that you're hungry for?
Yolg'on aslida jiddiy biznes ko'rinishiga ega. Genri Oberlender ismli firibgar, shunday usta yolg'onchi ediki, Britaniya rasmiylari fikricha, u butun G'arb bank sistemasini buzib yuborishi mumkin edi. Va siz uni Google orqali topa olmaysiz, siz uni hech qayerdan topa olmaysiz. Undan intervyu olinganida shunday degan: "Bilasizmi, menda faqat bitta qoida bor". Genrining fikricha bu qoida shunday: "Qarang, har kim sizga nimadir berishga tayyor. Insonlar sizga nima bo'lsayam berishga tayyor, o'zlari olishni xohlayotgan narsa evaziga". Savolning mazmuni shunda. Agar siz aldanib qolishni xohlamasangiz, tushunishingiz kerakki: siz aynan nimani
And we all kind of hate to admit it. We wish we were better husbands, better wives, smarter, more powerful, taller, richer -- the list goes on. Lying is an attempt to bridge that gap, to connect our wishes and our fantasies about who we wish we were, how we wish we could be, with what we're really like. And boy are we willing to fill in those gaps in our lives with lies.
ko'proq xohlaysiz. Va bizga buni tan olish umuman yoqmaydi. Biz eng yaxshi erkak, eng yaxshi ayol bo'lishni xohlaymiz, aqlliroq bo'lishni, kuchlroq bo'lishni, baland bo'yli, boy bo'lishni — va bu ro'yxat cheksiz. Yolg'on — bu faqat shu probellarni to'ldirishga, kim bo'lishni xohlashimiz bilan bog'liq xohish-istaklarimiz va fantaziyalarimizni reallik bilan birlashtirishga urinish. Afsuski, biz hayotimizdagi shunday probellarni yolg'on bilan to'ldirishga
On a given day, studies show that you may be lied to anywhere from 10 to 200 times. Now granted, many of those are white lies. But in another study, it showed that strangers lied three times within the first 10 minutes of meeting each other.
tayyormiz. Bir kun davomida, tadqiqotlarga ko'ra, sizga 10 dan 200 martagacha yolg'on gapirishadi. Aniqlanishicha, ularning ko'p qismi "oq" yolg'on. Boshqa tadqiqotlar ko'rsatadiki, notanish insonlar suhbatning ilk 10 daqiqasida bir-biriga uch marta yolg'on gapirishgan.
(Laughter)
(Kulgu)
Now when we first hear this data, we recoil. We can't believe how prevalent lying is. We're essentially against lying. But if you look more closely, the plot actually thickens. We lie more to strangers than we lie to coworkers. Extroverts lie more than introverts. Men lie eight times more about themselves than they do other people. Women lie more to protect other people. If you're an average married couple, you're going to lie to your spouse in one out of every 10 interactions. Now, you may think that's bad. If you're unmarried, that number drops to three.
Va hozir, biz bu haqda eshitayotib daxshatga tushamiz. Yolg'on buncha ko'p uchrashiga ishona olmaymiz. Tabiatan biz yolg'on gapirishga qarshimiz. Lekin e'tibor bersak, hammasi yanada nozik. Notanishlarga biz hamkasblarimizga nisbatan ko'proq yolg'on gapiramiz. Ekstravertlar introvertlarga qaraganda ko'proq aldashadi. Erkaklar o'zi haqda boshqalar haqda aldagandan sakkiz marta ko'proq aldaydi. Ayollar esa ko'proq kimnidir himoya qilish uchun aldaydi. Agar siz o'rtahol oilaviy juftlik bo'lsangiz, siz bir-biringizga 1/10 miqdorda yolg'on gapirasizlar. Siz bu yomon deb o'ylashingiz mumkin. Agar xali turmush qurmagan bo'lsangizlar,
Lying's complex. It's woven into the fabric of our daily and our business lives. We're deeply ambivalent about the truth. We parse it out on an as-needed basis, sometimes for very good reasons, other times just because we don't understand the gaps in our lives. That's truth number two about lying. We're against lying, but we're covertly for it in ways that our society has sanctioned for centuries and centuries and centuries. It's as old as breathing. It's part of our culture, it's part of our history. Think Dante, Shakespeare, the Bible, News of the World.
bu ko'rsatkich 3/10. Yolg'on — murakkab. U bizning kundalik hayotimiz va ishimiz bilan uzviy bog'liq. Bu borada biz qarama-qarshilikka duch kelamiz. Biz uni muhim bo'lgandagina ishlatamiz. Ezgu amallar bahonasi bilan. Ba'zida esa hayotimizdagi probellarni anglamayotganda. Va bu yolg'on haqidagi ikkinchi haqiqat. Biz yolg'onga qarshimiz, lekin qalbimiz tub-tubida biz u tomondamiz, azaldan beri shunday bo'lib kelmoqda, va hozir ham. Yolg'on dunyo kabi qadimiydir. U bizning tariximiz va madaniyatimizning bir qismiga aylangan. Dante, Shekspir, Bibliya va
(Laughter)
dunyo yangiliklarini esalang.
Lying has evolutionary value to us as a species.
(Kulgu)
Researchers have long known that the more intelligent the species, the larger the neocortex, the more likely it is to be deceptive. Now you might remember Koko. Does anybody remember Koko the gorilla who was taught sign language? Koko was taught to communicate via sign language. Here's Koko with her kitten. It's her cute little, fluffy pet kitten. Koko once blamed her pet kitten for ripping a sink out of the wall.
Yolg'on biz uchun tur sifatida evolyutsion ahamiyatga ega. Olimlar allaqachon bilishadiki, tur qanchalik aqlli bo'lsa, u turning miyasi shunchalik rivojlangan va yolg'onga shu darajada moyil bo'ladi. Kokoni eslang. Kimdir Kokoni eslaydimi? Imo-ishoralarga o'rgatilgan gorillani. Kokoni imo-ishoralar orqali muloqot qilishga o'rgatishadi. Bu yerda esa biz Kokoni mushukcha bilan ko'ryapmiz. Bu uning kichkinagina, sevimli mushukchasi. Koko bir kuni o'zini aybini mushukchaga
(Laughter)
to'nkaydi, devordan uzilgan rakovina uchun.
We're hardwired to become leaders of the pack. It's starts really, really early. How early? Well babies will fake a cry, pause, wait to see who's coming and then go right back to crying. One-year-olds learn concealment.
(Kulgu) Tabiat bizga liderlik xususiyatini bergan. Va bu juda juda erta boshlangan. Qanchalik erta? Go'dak ba'zida yolg'ondan yig'lay oladi, kim kelayotganini bilish uchun bir to'xtab oladi va yana yig'lashda davom etishadi. Bir yoshdagi bolalar haqiqatni yashirishni
(Laughter)
o'rganishadi. (Kulgu)
Two-year-olds bluff. Five-year-olds lie outright. They manipulate via flattery. Nine-year-olds, masters of the cover-up. By the time you enter college, you're going to lie to your mom in one out of every five interactions. By the time we enter this work world and we're breadwinners, we enter a world that is just cluttered with Spam, fake digital friends, partisan media, ingenious identity thieves, world-class Ponzi schemers, a deception epidemic -- in short, what one author calls a post-truth society. It's been very confusing for a long time now.
Ikki yoshli go'dak esa aldashga urinadi. Besh yoshli esa qiynalmay yolg'on gapiradi. Atrofdagilarni maqtov bilan manipulyatsiya qiladi, 9 yoshda esa niqoblanish ustalariga aylanishadi. Kollejga kiradigan yoshga yetib esa siz onangizga 1/5 holatda aldashga tayyorsiz. Katta bo'lib, o'zimizni ta'minlash uchun ish dunyosiga kirgach, biz spamlarga to'la, soxta internet- o'rtoqlarga, ig'vochi matbuotga, ayyor shaxsiy ma'lumot o'g'rilariga, dunyo darajasidagi moliyaviy piramida quruvchilariga to'la, va yolg'on epidemiyasiga duchor bo'lgan, bir gap bilan aytganda, bitta muallif ataganidek "post-haqiqat jamiyati"ga duch keladi. Bu azaldan beri bizni tushkunlikka soladi, va bu hozirgacha davom etmoqda.
What do you do? Well, there are steps we can take to navigate our way through the morass. Trained liespotters get to the truth 90 percent of the time. The rest of us, we're only 54 percent accurate. Why is it so easy to learn? There are good liars and bad liars. There are no real original liars. We all make the same mistakes. We all use the same techniques. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to show you two patterns of deception. And then we're going to look at the hot spots and see if we can find them ourselves. We're going to start with speech.
Xo'sh, biz nima qilishimiz kerak? Bu loyqa yo'l orqali o'zimizga yo'l qurish oldini olishi kerak bo'lgan qadamlar bor. Yolg'on sezuvchi insonlar haqiqatga 90% holatda yetib boradi. Boshqalari haqda aytadigan bo'lsak, ular 54% holatdagina aniq. Nega buni o'rganish shunchalik oson? Yaxshi va yomon yolg'onchilar bor. Asl yolg'onchilar bo'lmaydi. Hammamiz bir xil xatolar qilamiz va bir xil texnikaga egamiz. Hozir men sizlarga yolg'onning ikkita belgisini ko'rsataman. Keyin "issiq nuqtalarini" ko'rib chiqamiz, mustaqil ravishda ularni topa olamizmi. Va biz mana bu nutqdan dan boshlaymiz. (Video) Bill Klinton: Men sizlar meni
(Video) Bill Clinton: I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again. I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time, never. And these allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.
tinglashingizni xohlayman. Men yana bir bor aytaman. Menda u ayol, miss Levinski bilan jinsiy aloqa bo'lmagan. Men hech qachon hech kimni yolg'on gapirishga majburlamaganman, biror marta ham, hech qachon. Va bu isibotsiz ayblovlar adolatsizdir. Va men ishga qaytishim kerak, barcha amerikaliklar uchun. Rahmat.
(Applause)
Pamela Meyer: Okay, what were the telltale signs? Well first we heard what's known as a non-contracted denial. Studies show that people who are overdetermined in their denial will resort to formal rather than informal language. We also heard distancing language: "that woman." We know that liars will unconsciously distance themselves from their subject, using language as their tool. Now if Bill Clinton had said, "Well, to tell you the truth ..." or Richard Nixon's favorite, "In all candor ..." he would have been a dead giveaway for any liespotter that knows that qualifying language, as it's called, qualifying language like that, further discredits the subject. Now if he had repeated the question in its entirety, or if he had peppered his account with a little too much detail -- and we're all really glad he didn't do that -- he would have further discredited himself.
Pamela Meyer: Yaxshi, qayerda yolg'on belgilari bor? Birinchi navbatda biz mutlaqo inkorni eshitdik. Tadqiqotlar ko'rsatadiki, inkor etish bilan band insonlar norasmiyga qaraganda ko'proq rasmiy tilda gapirishadi. Biz shuningdek, uzoqlashish tiliga guvoh bo'ldik: "u ayol". Biz bilamizki, yolg'onchilar ongsiz holda o'zlarini obyektdan ma'lum bir masofaga olishadi, buni qurol sifatida ishlatishga urinib. Agar Bill Klinton nutqini: "Xo'sh, to'g'risini aytganda..." yoki Niksonning iborasi: "Butun samimiyat bilan" deb boshlaganda, bu so'zlar aldov sezuvchi har bir inson uchun rad etib bo'lmaydigan dalil bo'lgan bo'lar edi. Bu kabi kvalifikatsion til, yanada ko'proq shubha uyg'otadi. Agar u savolini takrorlaganida, to'liq holida, yoki nutqini tafsilotlar bilan bo'yaganida, u bu ishni qilmaganidan xursandmizki, u o'zini yanada obro'sizlantirgan bo'lar edi.
Freud had it right. Freud said, look, there's much more to it than speech: "No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips." And we all do it no matter how powerful you are. We all chatter with our fingertips. I'm going to show you Dominique Strauss-Kahn with Obama who's chattering with his fingertips.
Freyd haq edi. Freyd haqiqatdan ham muhimroq gapni aytgan: "Birorta ham shunday jonzot yo'qki, sirlarni saqlay oladigan. Xattoki til gapirmasa ham, lablar qimirlamasa ham, barmoq uchlari gapiradi". Biz qanchalik o'zimizni boshqara olishimizdan qat'iy nazar hammamizda shunday. Biz aslida barmoq uchlari bilan gapiramiz. Hozir men sizga Dominik Strauss-Kanni ko'rsataman, Barak Obama bilan, ularning barmoq uchlari bilan gaplashayotganini.
(Laughter)
(Kulgu)
Now this brings us to our next pattern, which is body language. With body language, here's what you've got to do. You've really got to just throw your assumptions out the door. Let the science temper your knowledge a little bit. Because we think liars fidget all the time. Well guess what, they're known to freeze their upper bodies when they're lying. We think liars won't look you in the eyes. Well guess what, they look you in the eyes a little too much just to compensate for that myth. We think warmth and smiles convey honesty, sincerity. But a trained liespotter can spot a fake smile a mile away. Can you all spot the fake smile here? You can consciously contract the muscles in your cheeks. But the real smile's in the eyes, the crow's feet of the eyes. They cannot be consciously contracted, especially if you overdid the Botox. Don't overdo the Botox; nobody will think you're honest.
Xo'sh, bu bizni keyingi belgiga olib keladi, u tana tili deyiladi. Bunga to'xtalsak, mana siz uni qanday ishlatishingiz kerak. Kallangizdagi barcha tahminlarni chiqarib tashlashingiz kerak bo'ladi. Ilm-fanga yuzlanib bilimlarimizni kuchaytirib olamiz. Chunki bizning fikrimizcha, yolg'onchilar doim asabiylashadi. Aslida ular aldaganda tashqi belgilarni muzlatishni bilishadi. O'ylaymizki, ular ko'zga tik qaramaslikni afzal bilishadi. Ular aldayotib ko'zingizga tik qarashadi, odatdagidan ham uzoqroq, ishontirish uchun. Biz o'ylaymizki, suhbatdoshning samimiyligi va tabassumi to'g'rilik va samimiyatni anglatadi deb. Lekin yolg'on aniqlashga usta inson bir mil' naridagi yolg'on tabassumni ko'ra oladi. Bu yerda soxta tabassumni aniqlay oladiganlar bormi? Siz keragicha yanoq mushaklarini qisqartirishingiz mumkin. Lekin chin tabassum ko'zlarda va atrofidagi ajinlardan bilinadi. Undagi mushaklarni xohlagancha qisqartirib bo'lmaydi, ayniqsa sizda boteks bo'lsa.
Now we're going to look at the hot spots. Can you tell what's happening in a conversation? Can you start to find the hot spots to see the discrepancies between someone's words and someone's actions? Now, I know it seems really obvious, but when you're having a conversation with someone you suspect of deception, attitude is by far the most overlooked but telling of indicators.
Boteksga unchalik berilmang, aks holda sizga hech kim ishonmay qo'yadi. Endi esa issiq nuqtalarga o'tamiz. Bu suhbatda nima bo'layotganini aytib bera olasizmi? So'zlar va harakatlar bir-biri bilan to'g'ri kelmaydigan holatlarni qidirgan holda issiq nuqtalarni qidira olasizmi? Bilaman, bu oddiy ko'rinadi, lekin siz yolg'onda shubha qilayotgan inson bilan o'zingiz gaplashayotganingizda sizning u insonga munosabatingiz yolg'on-rost aniqlashini og'irlashtiradi.
An honest person is going to be cooperative. They're going to show they're on your side. They're going to be enthusiastic. They're going to be willing and helpful to getting you to the truth. They're going to be willing to brainstorm, name suspects, provide details. They're going to say, "Hey, maybe it was those guys in payroll that forged those checks." They're going to be infuriated if they sense they're wrongly accused throughout the entire course of the interview, not just in flashes; they'll be infuriated throughout the entire course of the interview. And if you ask someone honest what should happen to whomever did forge those checks, an honest person is much more likely to recommend strict rather than lenient punishment.
Rostgo'y inson hamkorlik qiladi. U siz tomoningizda ekanini ko'rsatishga harakat qiladi. Shijoatga to'la bo'ladi. Haqiqatni qidirishda yordam berishga tayyorligini bildiradi. Muammoni yechishda aloqada bo'lishga, shubhalari bilan ulashishga tayyor bo'ladi. U deydi: "Qara, cheklarni ishchilar shtatidagi yigitlar sohtalashtirgan bo'lishi ham mumkin". Undan sababsiz shubha qilinayotganini bilganda, jahli chiqadi, butun intervyu davomida, har onda bir emas. U butun intervyu davomida g'azabda bo'ladi. Va agar siz kimdandir pullarni soxtalashtirgan insonlarni qanday jazolash haqda fikrini so'rasangiz, rostgo'y inson katta ehtimol bilan, eng qattiqqo'l jazoni aytadi, yengilidan ko'ra. Endi keling faraz qilaylik,
Now let's say you're having that exact same conversation with someone deceptive. That person may be withdrawn, look down, lower their voice, pause, be kind of herky-jerky. Ask a deceptive person to tell their story, they're going to pepper it with way too much detail in all kinds of irrelevant places. And then they're going to tell their story in strict chronological order. And what a trained interrogator does is they come in and in very subtle ways over the course of several hours, they will ask that person to tell that story backwards, and then they'll watch them squirm, and track which questions produce the highest volume of deceptive tells.
yolg'onchi inson bilan aniq bir narsa haqida gaplashayapsiz. Bu inson yopilib qolishi mumkin, oyog'i ostiga qarashi, pichirlab gapirishi, to'xtab qolishi, taktsiz bo'lishi mumkin. Yolg'onchidan o'zining tarixini so'zlab berishni so'rang, va u hikoyasini keraksiz, aloqador bo'lmagan detallarga to'ldirib tashlaydi. Undan tashqari, u hikoyasini aniq xronologik tartibda aytib beradi. Tajribali tergovchilar bir necha soatlab vaqt davomida shoshmasdan tafsilotlarga chuqur kirib borishadi. Keyin esa tergov qilinuvchidan shu hikoyani teskari tartibda aytib berishni so'rashadi. Va qanday asabiylashayotganining guvohi bo'lishadi, shu tarzda aynan qaysi savollar uni aldashga majbur qilganini
Why do they do that? Well, we all do the same thing. We rehearse our words, but we rarely rehearse our gestures. We say "yes," we shake our heads "no." We tell very convincing stories, we slightly shrug our shoulders. We commit terrible crimes, and we smile at the delight in getting away with it. Now, that smile is known in the trade as "duping delight."
bilib olishadi. Ular nega shunday qiladi? Menimcha hammamiz bir xilmiz. Biz nutqimizni mashq qilamiz lekin imo-ishoralarimizni deyarli mashq qilmaymiz. Biz "xa" deymiz, lekin boshimiz "yo'q" deb ishora qiladi. Biz juda ishonarli hikoylarni aytamiz va ozgina yelkamizni qisib qo'yamiz. Biz og'ir jinoyat qilib qo'yamizda, keyin jilmayamiz, suvdan quruq chiqishni o'ylab. Savdoda bunaqa tabassum "ahmoq qildim"
And we're going to see that in several videos moving forward, but we're going to start -- for those of you who don't know him, this is presidential candidate John Edwards who shocked America by fathering a child out of wedlock. We're going to see him talk about getting a paternity test. See now if you can spot him saying, "yes" while shaking his head "no," slightly shrugging his shoulders.
deb nomlanadi. Hozir biz bu videoda shuning guvohi bo'lamiz. Boshladik, bu insonni bilmaydiganlar uchun — AQSH prezidentligiga nomzod Jon Edvards, nikohsiz farzandning otasi bo'lib butun Amerikani hayron qoldirgan. Biz hozir uning otalik genetik analizi o'tkazish haqidagi suhbatini kuzatamiz. Kuzating, siz uni fosh eta olasizmi? Xa deyayotib, u boshi bilan "yo'q" deyapti, yelkalarini ozgina qisib qo'ygan holda.
(Video) John Edwards: I'd be happy to participate in one. I know that it's not possible that this child could be mine, because of the timing of events. So I know it's not possible. Happy to take a paternity test, and would love to see it happen.
Jon Edvards: Men bunda qatnashishdan mamnun bo'lgan bo'lar edim. Men bilamanki, bu go'dak meniki bo'lishi mumkin emas, agar muddatini hisobga olsak. Men aniq bilaman, buning iloji yo'q. Men bu testdan o'tishdan baxtiyor bo'lar edim va
Interviewer: Are you going to do that soon? Is there somebody --
uning natijasini ko'rib hursand bo'lardim. Jurnalist: Va siz buni tez orada qilasizmi? Kimdir...
JE: Well, I'm only one side. I'm only one side of the test. But I'm happy to participate in one.
Jon Edvards: Bilasizmi, men bu testning bir tomoniman xolos. Lekin men bunda qatnashishdan hursand bo'lgan bo'lar edim.
PM: Okay, those head shakes are much easier to spot once you know to look for them. There are going to be times when someone makes one expression while masking another that just kind of leaks through in a flash. Murderers are known to leak sadness. Your new joint venture partner might shake your hand, celebrate, go out to dinner with you and then leak an expression of anger. And we're not all going to become facial expression experts overnight here, but there's one I can teach you that's very dangerous and it's easy to learn, and that's the expression of contempt. Now with anger, you've got two people on an even playing field. It's still somewhat of a healthy relationship. But when anger turns to contempt, you've been dismissed. It's associated with moral superiority. And for that reason, it's very, very hard to recover from. Here's what it looks like. It's marked by one lip corner pulled up and in. It's the only asymmetrical expression. And in the presence of contempt, whether or not deception follows -- and it doesn't always follow -- look the other way, go the other direction, reconsider the deal, say, "No thank you. I'm not coming up for just one more nightcap. Thank you."
Pamela: Agar siz bu yerda nima izlashni bilsangiz, aynan bosh harakatlaridan bilish osonligini bilasiz. Vaqti-vaqti bilan insonning yuzi bir xil ifoda ko'rsatadi, aslida boshqa ifodani niqoblagan va onda-sonda ko'ringan holda. Ma'lumki, qotillarni qayg'u fosh etadi. Yangi biznes-sherigingiz siz bilan qo'l tashlashi mumkin, siz bilan ovqatlanishi, va birdan g'azab belgilarini sezib qolishi mumkin. Biz bir kechada yuz ifodalari bo'yicha ekspert bo'lib qolmasmiz, lekin bir narsa borki, men sizga buni oson o'rgata olaman. Bu nafrat ifodasi. Gap g'azab haqda ketganda, biz buni bir xil sharoyitda turgan ikkita insonning ishi deymiz. Bu sog'lom munosabatlarga o'xshaydi. Lekin agar g'azab nafratga aylansa, siz hisobdan o'chirilasiz. Nafrat axloqiy ustunlik bilan bog'liqdir. Va shu sabab undan qutulish juda ham qiyin. Mana u nimaga o'xshaydi. Nafratda shunday lab burchaklari bo'ladi, sal ko'tarilgan va orqaga tortilgan. Bu assimetrik yuz ifodasi xolos. Agar nafrat mavjud bo'lsa va uning ortida yolg'on yashiringan bo'lishiga qaramay, odatda ular nafratli munosabatlarda yonma-yon kelmaydi, belgilarni boshqa tomondan qidiring, bitimni ko'rib chiqing, shunday deng: "Yo'q, rahmat. Menimcha shu joyida to'xtaymiz. Rahmat".
Science has surfaced many, many more indicators. We know, for example, we know liars will shift their blink rate, point their feet towards an exit. They will take barrier objects and put them between themselves and the person that is interviewing them. They'll alter their vocal tone, often making their vocal tone much lower.
Fan tomonidan juda ko'p indikatorlar aniqlangan. Masalan, biz bilamizki, aldayotgan insonda ko'z ochib-yumish chastotasi o'zgaradi, oyoqlari esa chiqish tomonga qarab turadi. Ular turli metodlarni qo'llashadi, to'siq sifatida ularni o'zi va suhbatdoshi orasiga qo'yadi. Ular ovoz tonini o'zgartirishadi, odatda, uni sal tushirgan holda.
Now here's the deal. These behaviors are just behaviors. They're not proof of deception. They're red flags. We're human beings. We make deceptive flailing gestures all over the place all day long. They don't mean anything in and of themselves. But when you see clusters of them, that's your signal. Look, listen, probe, ask some hard questions, get out of that very comfortable mode of knowing, walk into curiosity mode, ask more questions, have a little dignity, treat the person you're talking to with rapport. Don't try to be like those folks on "Law & Order" and those other TV shows that pummel their subjects into submission. Don't be too aggressive, it doesn't work.
Endi esa — eng muhimi. Bunday harakat — oddiy bir harakat xolos. Uni yolg'onning isboti deyish mumkin emas. Bu qizil bayroqchalar. Hammamiz insonmiz. Kun davomida hammamiz yolg'on haqida xabar beruvchi turliv ishoralar qilamiz. Yakka holda ular ko'p narsa anglatmaydi. Lekin siz bunday belgilarning juda ko'pini bir vaqtda ko'rsangiz, bu sizga signal bo'lishi kerak. Kuzating, yaxshilab tinglang, qiyin savollar bering va oson o'rganish rejimini tark eting, qiziquvchanlik rejimiga o'ting, ko'proq savollar bering, shaxsiy qadr-qimmatingizni saqlab qoling, suhbatdosh bilan o'zaro tushinishga erishing. O'z o'ljasini tan olishga majburlaydigan "Qonun va tartib" kabi TV-shoulardagilardek bo'lishga intilmang. Haddan ortiq agressiv bo'lmang, bu ishlamaydi.
Now, we've talked a little bit about how to talk to someone who's lying and how to spot a lie. And as I promised, we're now going to look at what the truth looks like. But I'm going to show you two videos, two mothers -- one is lying, one is telling the truth. And these were surfaced by researcher David Matsumoto in California. And I think they're an excellent example of what the truth looks like.
Demak, biz yolg'onchi bilan qanday muloqot qilish kerakligi va qanday uni fosh etish mumkinligi haqda biroz gaplashib oldik. Va'da qilganimdek, endi rost nimaga o'xshashini ko'rib chiqamiz. Sizga ikki videoni ko'rsatishni xohlayman, biri rost, biri yolg'on gapirayotgan ikkita onani. Bu roliklar Kaliforniyalik tadqiqotchi Devid Matsumoto tomonidan o'rganilgan. Va menimcha, ular haqiqat nimaga o'xshash
This mother, Diane Downs, shot her kids at close range, drove them to the hospital while they bled all over the car, claimed a scraggy-haired stranger did it. And you'll see when you see the video, she can't even pretend to be an agonizing mother. What you want to look for here is an incredible discrepancy between horrific events that she describes and her very, very cool demeanor. And if you look closely, you'll see duping delight throughout this video.
ekanligining yorqin misoli bo'la oladi. Bu ona Dian Dauns, u o'z bolalarini masofadan otib tashlagan, ularni shifoxonaga olib borgan, ular mashinada qonga botib yotgan bir paytda buni notanish kal odam qildi deb ko'rsatma bergan. Videoni ko'rib, bolalari uchun kuyinayotgan onaga umuman o'xshamasligini tushunasiz. Bunda siz topishingiz mumkin bo'lgan jihat, u aytib berayotgan daxshatli voqealar bilan uning sovuq, ehtiyotkor o'zini tutishi o'rtasida aqlbovar qilmas nomuvofiqlikdir. Butun video davomida "ahmoq qildim" ifodasini ko'rish mumkin.
(Video) Diane Downs: At night when I close my eyes, I can see Christie reaching her hand out to me while I'm driving, and the blood just kept coming out of her mouth. And that -- maybe it'll fade too with time -- but I don't think so. That bothers me the most.
Diana Dauns: Tunda ko'zimni yumganimda, men mashinadan menga qo'lini uzatayotgan Kristini ko'raman, va uning og'zidan qon kelishda davom etayotgan bo'ladi. Balki, vaqt o'tib bu o'tib ketar, lekin men unday o'ylamayman. Mana meni nima ko'proq xavotirlantiradi.
PM: Now I'm going to show you a video
Pamela Meyer: Hozir esa men sizlarga
of an actual grieving mother, Erin Runnion, confronting her daughter's murderer and torturer in court. Here you're going to see no false emotion, just the authentic expression of a mother's agony.
haqiqiy ona qayg'usini, Erin Runnion, qizining qotiliga qarshi suddagi nutqini ko'rsataman. Siz bunda soxta emotsiyalarni ko'rmaysiz, faqat onaning chuqur qayg'usi.
(Video) Erin Runnion: I wrote this statement on the third anniversary of the night you took my baby, and you hurt her, and you crushed her, you terrified her until her heart stopped. And she fought, and I know she fought you. But I know she looked at you with those amazing brown eyes, and you still wanted to kill her. And I don't understand it, and I never will.
Erin Runnion: Men bu arizani sen qizimni o'g'irlab ketganingdan uch kun o'tib yozdim va sen uni qiynading, sen uni yo'q qilding, sen uni yuragi to'xtab qolgunicha qo'rqitding. U kurashgan, men bilaman, u sen bilan kurashgan. Men bilaman, u senga ajoyib jigarrang ko'zlari bilan qaragan, sen esa shundayam uni o'ldirishni xohlagansan. Va men buni tushunmayman, hech qachon tushuna olmayman.
PM: Okay, there's no doubting the veracity of those emotions.
Pamela Meyer: Xo'sh, bu hissiyotlarning haqiqiy ekaniga hech qanday shubha yo'q.
Now the technology around what the truth looks like is progressing on, the science of it. We know, for example, that we now have specialized eye trackers and infrared brain scans, MRI's that can decode the signals that our bodies send out when we're trying to be deceptive. And these technologies are going to be marketed to all of us as panaceas for deceit, and they will prove incredibly useful some day. But you've got to ask yourself in the meantime: Who do you want on your side of the meeting, someone who's trained in getting to the truth or some guy who's going to drag a 400-pound electroencephalogram through the door?
Bugungi kunda haqiqatni aniqlovchi texnologiya ilm-fan yutuqlari bilan borgan sari rivojlanmoqda. Masalan, bizga ma'lumki, hozirda ko'z harakatlari trekeri va infraqizil miya skanerlari, rezonans magnitli tomograflar bor va ular biz aldashga urinayotganimizda bu haqda signallar beradi. Va bu texnologiyalar tez orada hammamizga taklif qilinadi, yolg'ondan qutilishning yo'li sifatida. Qachondir ular o'zining foydasini isbotlashadi. Lekin shunday vaqtda siz o'zingizdan so'rashingiz kerak: Kim bilan siz barrikadaning bir tarafida bo'lishni xoxlardingiz, haqiqatni aniqlay oladigan inson bilanmi yoki 200 kg elektroensefalografni joyidan siljitishga intilayotgan inson bilanmi?
Liespotters rely on human tools. They know, as someone once said, "Character's who you are in the dark." And what's kind of interesting is that today, we have so little darkness. Our world is lit up 24 hours a day. It's transparent with blogs and social networks broadcasting the buzz of a whole new generation of people that have made a choice to live their lives in public. It's a much more noisy world. So one challenge we have is to remember, oversharing, that's not honesty. Our manic tweeting and texting can blind us to the fact that the subtleties of human decency -- character integrity -- that's still what matters, that's always what's going to matter. So in this much noisier world, it might make sense for us to be just a little bit more explicit about our moral code.
Yolg'onni ko'ra oluvchilar ko'proq insoniy emotsiyalar mavjudligiga qarashadi. Bir paytlar kimdir ushbu gapni aytgan: "Xarakter bu sening qorong'ulikda kim ekanligingdir". Va eng qizig'i shuki, bugun shu qorong'ulik juda kam. Bizning dunyoda sutkasiga 24 soat chiroqlar yoniq. U shaffof, ijtimoiy hayotni tanlagan butun yangi avlodning mish-mishlarini keng yoyadigan bloglar va ijtimoiy tarmoqlar hisobiga. Hozirgi dunyo ancha shovqinli. Shuning uchun ham bizning vazifamiz qiyin: haddan tashqari ochiqlik — rostgo'ylik emasligini unutmaslik. Bizning daxshatli darajada Twitterda muloqot qilishga va xabarlar almashishga tashnaligimiz qadr-qimmatga ega bo'lib kelgan insoniyat xulqining nozik jihatlari, xarakter butunligi kabi faktorlarni soyada qoldirishi mumkin. Shuning uchun hozirgidek shovqinli dunyoda axloqiy me'yorlarimiz bilan bog'liq bo'lgan jihatlarga yanada jiddiyroq
When you combine the science of recognizing deception
yondashish alohida o'rin tutadi.
with the art of looking, listening, you exempt yourself from collaborating in a lie. You start up that path of being just a little bit more explicit, because you signal to everyone around you, you say, "Hey, my world, our world, it's going to be an honest one. My world is going to be one where truth is strengthened and falsehood is recognized and marginalized." And when you do that, the ground around you starts to shift just a little bit.
Siz yolg'onni fosh etishni o'rganish bilan diqqat bilan eshitish va kuzatishni birlashtirsangiz o'zingizni yolg'onlardan asragan bo'lasiz. Atrofingizdagilarga: "Mening dunyoyim, bizning dunyo rost dunyo bo'ladi. Mening dunyoyimda rost hamma narsaga qodir va yolg'onni fosh etib, unga e'tibor bermaydilar" deyotgandan holda, siz ushbu katta aniqlikka qarab yo'l boshlaysiz. Va siz buni uddalaganingizda atrofingizdagi dunyo asta-sekin o'zgarishni boshlaydi.
And that's the truth. Thank you.
Va bu chin haqiqat. Rahmat.
(Applause)
(Qarsaklar)