Okay, now I don't want to alarm anybody in this room, but it's just come to my attention that the person to your right is a liar.
Ok, sa per fillim nuk dua qe asnjeri nga ju ketu ne salle te filloje panikun por ja qe me ka shkuar neper mendje ideja
(Laughter)
qe personi ne te djathten tuaj eshte thjesht nje genjeshtar.
Also, the person to your left is a liar. Also the person sitting in your very seats is a liar. We're all liars. What I'm going to do today is I'm going to show you what the research says about why we're all liars, how you can become a liespotter and why you might want to go the extra mile and go from liespotting to truth seeking, and ultimately to trust building.
(Qeshje) Gjithashtu, edhe ai ne te majten tuaj eshte nje genjeshtar. Edhe ai qe eshte ulur ne karrigen tuaj mban nje epitet te tille. Ne te gjithe jemi genjeshtare. Ajo cka une do te bej sot eshte se do t`ju tregoj se pse studimet e fundit na bejne te gjitheve genjeshtare si mund te shnderrohesh ne nje kapes genjeshtrash dhe pse ndoshta do ta kerkosh edhe me shume te verteten duke kaluar nga nje kapes i genjeshtrave ne nje kerkues te vetem te te vertetes dhe ne fund te krijosh ate qe quhet besim.
Now, speaking of trust, ever since I wrote this book, "Liespotting," no one wants to meet me in person anymore, no, no, no, no, no. They say, "It's okay, we'll email you."
Dhe per te folur rreth besimit, qekur e kam shkruar librin "Liespotting," askush sdeshiron te me takoje me personalisht, jo jo jo jo,jo. Ata thone "Pa problem, ta dergojme me e-mail".
(Laughter)
(Qeshje)
I can't even get a coffee date at Starbucks. My husband's like, "Honey, deception? Maybe you could have focused on cooking. How about French cooking?"
Madje nuk mund as te pij nje kafe ne Starbuck. Burri im me thote "He zemer, ndonje mashtrim? Ndoshta me mire do kish qene te fokusoheshe tek gatimi. Si mendon rreth gatimit te ushqimit francez?"
So before I get started, what I'm going to do is I'm going to clarify my goal for you, which is not to teach a game of Gotcha. Liespotters aren't those nitpicky kids, those kids in the back of the room that are shouting, "Gotcha! Gotcha! Your eyebrow twitched. You flared your nostril. I watch that TV show 'Lie To Me.' I know you're lying." No, liespotters are armed with scientific knowledge of how to spot deception. They use it to get to the truth, and they do what mature leaders do everyday; they have difficult conversations with difficult people, sometimes during very difficult times. And they start up that path by accepting a core proposition, and that proposition is the following: Lying is a cooperative act. Think about it, a lie has no power whatsoever by its mere utterance. Its power emerges when someone else agrees to believe the lie.
Keshtu qe para se te filloj, ajo cfare do te bej eshte se do te bej te qarte synimin tim qe nuk eshte rreth te mesuarit te ndonje loje. Mashtruesit nuk jane vetem ata femijet e llastuar, qe ne fund te dhomes bertasin "Gotcha,Gotcha" Vetulla jote menjere ngrihet. Je prekur aty ku nuk duhet. Une e shikoj ate TV show "Me genje mua" ose "E di qe po me genjen". Jo, mashtruesit jane te armatosur me nje dije shkencerisht te madhe si ta qendisin me se miri mashtrimin Ata e perdorin mashtrimin per te arritur shpejt tek e verteta dhe bejne pikerisht ate qe bejne cdo dite lideret boterore; ata kane biseda te veshtira me njerez te veshtire shpesh edhe ne kohera te veshtira. Dhe kshtu ata e fillojne kete udhetim duke e pranuar nje propozim te rendesishem i cili eshte: Genjeshtra eshte nje akt bashkepunimi. Mendoje pak, genjeshtra ska asnjehere fuqi, cfaredo qofte menyra e te shprehurit dhe e te folurit. "Fuqia" e saj zbarkon vetem kur dikush tjeter pranon per ta besuar genjeshtren.
So I know it may sound like tough love, but look, if at some point you got lied to, it's because you agreed to get lied to. Truth number one about lying: Lying's a cooperative act. Now not all lies are harmful. Sometimes we're willing participants in deception for the sake of social dignity, maybe to keep a secret that should be kept secret, secret. We say, "Nice song." "Honey, you don't look fat in that, no." Or we say, favorite of the digiratti, "You know, I just fished that email out of my Spam folder. So sorry."
E di qe mund te tingelloj si nje dashuri e veshtire, por, nese ndonjehere edhe ju keni qene pala e genjyer ka ndodhur sepse keni pranuar te jeni e tille. Rregulla e pare per genjeshtren: Genjeshtra eshte veprim bashkepunimi. Tani, jo te gjitha genjeshtrat jane te demshme. Ndonjehere, pa vetedije, ne jemi te gatshem te marrim pjese tek mashtrimi per interesin e dinjitetit social, vetem per arsyen qe ta ruajme sekretin, si sekret. Ne themi, " Kenge e mire." "Zemer, nuk e dukesh e shendosh nen te, jo" Ose themi, kjo eshte e preferuara, "E dini cfare, sapo e fshiva ate e-mail nga folderi spam. Me vjen keq."
But there are times when we are unwilling participants in deception. And that can have dramatic costs for us. Last year saw 997 billion dollars in corporate fraud alone in the United States. That's an eyelash under a trillion dollars. That's seven percent of revenues. Deception can cost billions. Think Enron, Madoff, the mortgage crisis. Or in the case of double agents and traitors, like Robert Hanssen or Aldrich Ames, lies can betray our country, they can compromise our security, they can undermine democracy, they can cause the deaths of those that defend us.
Por ka edhe raste, kur ne sduam te jemi pjese ne mashtrim. Dhe kjo mund te na kushtoje ne menyre drastike. Vitin e kaluar u regjistruan 991 bilione dollare deme vetem nga mashtrimet e korporatave ne Amerike. Kjo eshte vetem nje pjesez e vogel nen nje trilion dollar. Kjo i bie te jete gati shtate perqind e totalit te te ardhurave. Ky eshte shembulli kur mashtrimi mund te kushtoje biliona. Mendoni rastin Enron, Madoff, krizen e hipotekave. Ose ne rastin e agjenteve te dyfishte dhe tradhtare, si rastet e Robert Hanssen ose Aldrich Ames, kur genjeshtra mund edhe ta tradhtoje shtetin tone mund ta kompromentoje sigurine dhe mund ta minoje zhvillimin e demokracise, ato mund te shkaktojne vdekjen e atyre qe na mbrojne
Deception is actually serious business. This con man, Henry Oberlander, he was such an effective con man, British authorities say he could have undermined the entire banking system of the Western world. And you can't find this guy on Google; you can't find him anywhere. He was interviewed once, and he said the following. He said, "Look, I've got one rule." And this was Henry's rule, he said, "Look, everyone is willing to give you something. They're ready to give you something for whatever it is they're hungry for." And that's the crux of it. If you don't want to be deceived, you have to know, what is it that you're hungry for?
Mashtrimi realisht eshte nje teme serioze Ky njeri batakçi, Henry Oberlander, ishte nje mashtrues efektiv me diplome. Autoritetet britaneze thone se ai mund te jete njeriu i cili ka demtuar gjith sistemin bankar te botes perendimore. Dhe ju nuk mund ta gjeni kete njeri ne Google, nuk mund ta gjeni ne asnje vend. Ate e kishin intervistuar njehere, dhe kishte thene: "Shikoni, une e kam nje rregull." Dhe ky ishte rregulli i Henrit, ai tha, "Shikoni, cdokush eshte i gatshem t'ju jape juve dicka. Ata jane te gatshem per t'ju dhene juve dicka per cfaredolloj gjeje qe ju jeni te etur per ta patur." Dhe ky eshte thelbi. Nese nuk doni te jeni te mashtruar, duhet te dini se per cfare ju jeni te etur?
And we all kind of hate to admit it. We wish we were better husbands, better wives, smarter, more powerful, taller, richer -- the list goes on. Lying is an attempt to bridge that gap, to connect our wishes and our fantasies about who we wish we were, how we wish we could be, with what we're really like. And boy are we willing to fill in those gaps in our lives with lies.
Ky eshte fakti qe na vjen inat ta pranojme. Ne do te donim te ishim bashkeshort me te mire, gra me te mira, me te mencur, me me shume fuqi, me te gjate, me te pasur dhe lista vazhdon pafundesisht. Genjeshtra eshte nje perpjekje per ta mbushur kete zbrazetire nje menyre per ti lidhur deshirat dhe fantazite tona per ate cfare do te deshironim te ishim, dhe si do te deshironim te ishim, me ate qe ne jemi ne te vertete. Dhe eshte absurde nese keto zbrazetira duam ti mbushim me shtirje e genjeshtra
On a given day, studies show that you may be lied to anywhere from 10 to 200 times. Now granted, many of those are white lies. But in another study, it showed that strangers lied three times within the first 10 minutes of meeting each other.
Ketyre diteve, disa studime konkluduan se ju mund te genjeheni ne cdo vend e kohe, nga 10 deri ne 200 here. E keni te sigurt, qe shumica prej ketyre jane genjeshtra te bardha. Por ne nje studimin tjeter, thuhet se te huajt genjejne mbi tre here ne 10 minuteshin e pare te takimit te tyre.
(Laughter)
(Qeshje)
Now when we first hear this data, we recoil. We can't believe how prevalent lying is. We're essentially against lying. But if you look more closely, the plot actually thickens. We lie more to strangers than we lie to coworkers. Extroverts lie more than introverts. Men lie eight times more about themselves than they do other people. Women lie more to protect other people. If you're an average married couple, you're going to lie to your spouse in one out of every 10 interactions. Now, you may think that's bad. If you're unmarried, that number drops to three.
Dhe kur i degjojme per here te pare keto te dhena, ne terhiqemi. Ne smund te besojme se sa mbizoteron kudo genjeshtra. Ne esence te gjithe jemi kunder saj. Por nese shikon pak me thelle komploti vetem sa shkon e trashet. Ne genjejme me shume te huajt sesa koleget tane. Njerezit me te gjalle genjejne me shume se ata qe jane me pak te socializuar. Meshkujt genjejne tete here me shume per veten e tyre sesa per te tjeret. Ndersa femrat genjejne me shume per te mbrojtur te tjeret. Nese ju jeni nje cift i martuar me jete mesatare, do ta genjeni partnerin ne nje nga 10 raste te ndryshme. Tani ju mund ta mendoni se kjo eshte dicka e gabuar. E ndersa jeni i pamartuar, numri shkon ne tre.
Lying's complex. It's woven into the fabric of our daily and our business lives. We're deeply ambivalent about the truth. We parse it out on an as-needed basis, sometimes for very good reasons, other times just because we don't understand the gaps in our lives. That's truth number two about lying. We're against lying, but we're covertly for it in ways that our society has sanctioned for centuries and centuries and centuries. It's as old as breathing. It's part of our culture, it's part of our history. Think Dante, Shakespeare, the Bible, News of the World.
Genjeshtra eshte e kompleksuar. Ajo eshte e fabrikuar ne fabriken e perditshmerise sone, jetes private e personale. Ne jemi thellesit te irrituar nga ky realitet. Genjeshtren madje e kemi futur si nje baze te nevojshme ditore, ndonjehere per arsye te mira, e ndonjehere vetem sepse nuk i kuptojme hapesirat e jetes tone. Kjo eshte e verteta e dyte e hidhur mbi genjeshtren. Ne jemi kunder te genjyerit, por ne menyre te fshehte jemi pro saj ne menyrat te cilat shoqeria jone i ka denuar per shekuj e shekuj e shekuj me rradhe. Genjeshtra eshte aq e vjeter sa edhe frymemarrja e njerezimit. Eshte pjese e kultures sone, e historise sone. Mendoni Danten, Shekspirin,
(Laughter)
Biblen, Te rejat e Botes.
Lying has evolutionary value to us as a species.
(Qeshje)
Researchers have long known that the more intelligent the species, the larger the neocortex, the more likely it is to be deceptive. Now you might remember Koko. Does anybody remember Koko the gorilla who was taught sign language? Koko was taught to communicate via sign language. Here's Koko with her kitten. It's her cute little, fluffy pet kitten. Koko once blamed her pet kitten for ripping a sink out of the wall.
Genjeshtra ka nje vlere shume perparimtare per ne si qenie njerezore. Kerkuesit kane njohuri te medha se sa me inteligjente te jene speciet, aq me tru te zhvilluar kane, aq me te prirur per te mashtruar e genjyer jane. Tani ju mund te kujtoni Kokon. A ka ndonjeri qe kujton Kokon, Kokoja, gorilles qe iu mesua gjuha e shenjave? Koko ishte trajnuar per te komunikuar me gjuhen e shenjave. Ketu eshte Koko me kotelen e saj. Eshte kotelja e saj simpatike, plot gezof. Koko njehere ka fajesuar kotelen e saj
(Laughter)
per problemet me shkelqimin e lavamanit nga muri i saj.
We're hardwired to become leaders of the pack. It's starts really, really early. How early? Well babies will fake a cry, pause, wait to see who's coming and then go right back to crying. One-year-olds learn concealment.
(Qeshje) Ne jemi te ster-trajnuar per te qene lideret e nje pakete. Dhe kjo fillon shume shume heret ne kohe Sa heret? Foshnjet do te shtiren kur qajne, do te pauzojne, te shohin se kush po shfaqet dhe me pas do te kthehen e te qajne perseri. Nje vjecaret i mesojne keto fshehje mistrece.
(Laughter)
(Qeshje)
Two-year-olds bluff. Five-year-olds lie outright. They manipulate via flattery. Nine-year-olds, masters of the cover-up. By the time you enter college, you're going to lie to your mom in one out of every five interactions. By the time we enter this work world and we're breadwinners, we enter a world that is just cluttered with Spam, fake digital friends, partisan media, ingenious identity thieves, world-class Ponzi schemers, a deception epidemic -- in short, what one author calls a post-truth society. It's been very confusing for a long time now.
Dy vjecaret bejne blof. Pese vjecaret genjejne keshtu, plotesisht troç. Ata manipulojne me ane te shakave. Nente vjecaret jane eksperte per ti fshehur pasojat e veprimeve. Ne kohen kur futesh ne shkolle te mesme do ta genjesh nenen nje nga nenete rastet e mundshme. Ndersa ne momentin qe ne i futemi punes se te qenurit mbajtes te familjes ne futemi ne botera te ndryshme te shperndara me miq te shtirur dixhital, media te animeve partiake, hajdute te zgjuar te identitetit, deshtime bankare si ajo Ponzi Schemers, nje mashtrim epidemik -- shkurtimisht, siç nje autor e quan nje shoqeri e post-realitetit. Ka qene shume konfuze per nje kohe te gjate.
What do you do? Well, there are steps we can take to navigate our way through the morass. Trained liespotters get to the truth 90 percent of the time. The rest of us, we're only 54 percent accurate. Why is it so easy to learn? There are good liars and bad liars. There are no real original liars. We all make the same mistakes. We all use the same techniques. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to show you two patterns of deception. And then we're going to look at the hot spots and see if we can find them ourselves. We're going to start with speech.
Cfare ben ti? Epo, jane disa masa qe mund ti marrim per te ndricuar rrugen tone. Detektivet e genjeshtareve jane te trajnuar dhe arrijne tek e verteta ne 90 perqind te rasteve. Pjesa tjeter e jona, jemi veten 54 perqind te sakte. Pse eshte kaq e lehte per te mesuar? Ekzistojne genjeshtare te mire, dhe te keqinj. Por nuk ekzistojne genjeshtare origjinale. Ne te gjithe bejme te njejtat gabime. Ne te gjithe perdorim te njejtat teknika. Pra, ajo cka une do te bej eshte se do tju tregoj dy modele te mashtrimit. Dhe me pas do ti shikojme dhe analizojme ato, dhe ti gjejme vete tiparet. Le te fillojme me fjalimin. (Video) Bill Clinton: Dua qe ju te gjithe te me degjoni.
(Video) Bill Clinton: I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again. I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time, never. And these allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.
Dhe do ta them perseri Une nuk kam pasur marredhenie seksuale me ate gruan, Zonjen Lewinsky. Asnjehere si kam thene dikujt qe te genjej, asnjehere te vetme, kurre. Dhe keto akuza jane te gjitha te rreme Mua me duhet ti kthehem punes per popullin amerikan Faleminderit.
(Applause)
Pamela Meyer: Okay, what were the telltale signs? Well first we heard what's known as a non-contracted denial. Studies show that people who are overdetermined in their denial will resort to formal rather than informal language. We also heard distancing language: "that woman." We know that liars will unconsciously distance themselves from their subject, using language as their tool. Now if Bill Clinton had said, "Well, to tell you the truth ..." or Richard Nixon's favorite, "In all candor ..." he would have been a dead giveaway for any liespotter that knows that qualifying language, as it's called, qualifying language like that, further discredits the subject. Now if he had repeated the question in its entirety, or if he had peppered his account with a little too much detail -- and we're all really glad he didn't do that -- he would have further discredited himself.
Pamela Meyer: Ne rregull, cilat ishin shenjat prej llafazani? Epo se pari degjuam se cka do te thote mohim jo-protokolar. Studimet tregojne se njerezit qe jane shume parashikues ne mohimet e tyre do te perdorin me shume gjuhen zyrtare sesa informale. Gjithashtu degjuam pak edhe nga fraza distanciale " ajo grua". Ne e dime se genjeshtaret ne menyre jo te pergjegjshme distancojne veten nga subjekti i tyre duke perdorur gjuhen si nje arme te forte. Tashme, nese Bill Clinton kishte thene " Epo, me ju thene te drejten..." ose te famshmit e Richard Nixon, "Me tere sinqeritetin...." ai do te ishte nje anashkalues i vdekur per çdo genjeshtar qe di se gjuha e kualifikuar, siç quhet, nese kualifikohet ne ate menyre e diskretiton me tutje temen. Tani ne qoftese ai e kishte perseritur ne teresi pyetjen, ose ne qoftese ai e kishte mbushur llogarine e tij me nje detaj te vogel -- dhe ne jemi te gjithe te kenaqur qe ai nuk e beri -- ai do ta kishte fshehur veten edhe me tutje.
Freud had it right. Freud said, look, there's much more to it than speech: "No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips." And we all do it no matter how powerful you are. We all chatter with our fingertips. I'm going to show you Dominique Strauss-Kahn with Obama who's chattering with his fingertips.
Frojdi kishte te drejtat e tij. Frojdi ka thene, shiko, ketu ka me shume se nje fjalim: "Asnje njeri i vdekshem smund te mbaje nje sekret. Nese buzet nuk i flasin, ai flet me ane te gishtave." Dhe ne te gjithe e bejme kete, pa marre parasysh fuqine. Ne te gjithe merremi vesh me ane te shenjave te gishtave Une do tju tregoj Dominique Strauss Kahn me Obamen te cilet po merren vesh me ane te shenjave te gishtave.
(Laughter)
(Qeshje)
Now this brings us to our next pattern, which is body language. With body language, here's what you've got to do. You've really got to just throw your assumptions out the door. Let the science temper your knowledge a little bit. Because we think liars fidget all the time. Well guess what, they're known to freeze their upper bodies when they're lying. We think liars won't look you in the eyes. Well guess what, they look you in the eyes a little too much just to compensate for that myth. We think warmth and smiles convey honesty, sincerity. But a trained liespotter can spot a fake smile a mile away. Can you all spot the fake smile here? You can consciously contract the muscles in your cheeks. But the real smile's in the eyes, the crow's feet of the eyes. They cannot be consciously contracted, especially if you overdid the Botox. Don't overdo the Botox; nobody will think you're honest.
Tani kjo na con ne nje model tjeter, qe eshte gjuha e trupit. Me gjuhen e trupit, ja cfare duhet te bejme. You vetem duhet te hidhni supozimet tuaj nga dera. Lere shkencen qe te kete durim pak me njohurite tuaj. Sepse ne mendojme qe genjeshtaret luajne gjate gjithe kohes. Epo degjojeni kete, ata jane te njohur qe te ngrijne trupat e tyre te siperm kur jane duke genjyer. Ne mendojme se genjeshtaret nuk na shikojne ne sy. Epo degjoni kete, ata ju shikojne ne sy me shume sec duhet vetem per ta kompensuar per ate mit. Ne gjithmone mendojme se ngrohtesia dhe buzeqeshja pecjellin sinqeritet dhe besnikeri Por nje zbulues i trajnuar genjeshtrash mund ta dalloje nje buzeqeshje te shtirur me kilometra. A mundeni ju te gjithe ta identifikoni buzeqeshjen e shtirur? Ju me vetedije mund ti kontrolloni muskujt ne faqen tuaj. Por buzeqeshja e vertete eshte tek syte, qendron tek syte. Ata nuk mund te kontrollohen me vetedije, sidomos nese ke mbiperdorur Botoks.
Now we're going to look at the hot spots. Can you tell what's happening in a conversation? Can you start to find the hot spots to see the discrepancies between someone's words and someone's actions? Now, I know it seems really obvious, but when you're having a conversation with someone you suspect of deception, attitude is by far the most overlooked but telling of indicators.
Mos e mbi-perdor Botoksin, askush sdo te mendoj se je i sinqerte. Tani do te shikojme disa spote. A mund te tregoni cfare po ndodh ne bisede? A mund te filloni ti shihni genjeshtrat mosperputhjet midis veprimeve dhe fjaleve te njerezve? Tani e di se eshte me te vertete e dukshme por kur je buke bere bisede me dike per te cilin dyshon se po te mashtron, sjellja, deri me sot eshte indikatori me i madh i se vertetes.
An honest person is going to be cooperative. They're going to show they're on your side. They're going to be enthusiastic. They're going to be willing and helpful to getting you to the truth. They're going to be willing to brainstorm, name suspects, provide details. They're going to say, "Hey, maybe it was those guys in payroll that forged those checks." They're going to be infuriated if they sense they're wrongly accused throughout the entire course of the interview, not just in flashes; they'll be infuriated throughout the entire course of the interview. And if you ask someone honest what should happen to whomever did forge those checks, an honest person is much more likely to recommend strict rather than lenient punishment.
Nje person i ndershem do te jete bashkepunues. Ata do tju tregojne qe jane ne anen tuaj. Ata do te jene entuziaste. Ata do te shprehin gatishmeri dhe ndihme per te mberritur tek e verteta. Ata do te jene te gatshem per ide, emra te dyshimte, dhe te sigurojne detaje. Ata do te thone,"Hej, ndoshta ishin ata djemte e listave te pagave qe kane harruar cekun." Ata do te zemerohen nese e ndjejne se po akuzohen padrejtesisht pergjate tere intervistes, jo vetem ne fleshe te ndara; ata do te jene te irrituar gjate tere intervistes. Nese pyet dike me sinqeritet cfare duhet te bejme me ata djemte e cekut, nje person i sinqerte ka shume mundesi te rekomandoje nje denim strikt, sesa nje te bute
Now let's say you're having that exact same conversation with someone deceptive. That person may be withdrawn, look down, lower their voice, pause, be kind of herky-jerky. Ask a deceptive person to tell their story, they're going to pepper it with way too much detail in all kinds of irrelevant places. And then they're going to tell their story in strict chronological order. And what a trained interrogator does is they come in and in very subtle ways over the course of several hours, they will ask that person to tell that story backwards, and then they'll watch them squirm, and track which questions produce the highest volume of deceptive tells.
Le te themi se ju e keni po ate bisede me nje mashtrues. Ky person mund te terhiqet, te shikoje posht, ta ul zerin te pushoje, te sillet si herky-jerky. Pyet nje mashtrues ta tregoje historine e tyre, ata do ta mbushin ate me plot detaje ne disa vende te panevojshme. Dhe pastaj do ta ri-tregojne historine ne nje renditje kronologjike. Dhe ajo cfare ben nje hetues i trajnuar eshte se futen ne disa skuta dhe menyra te holla per disa ore te tera, dhe do ta pyesin ate person per ta treguar historine edhe njehere dhe do te shikojne ato pershperitjet, belbezimet, dhe do ti bejne disa pyetje nga te cilat del perfundimi se ky eshte mashtrim.
Why do they do that? Well, we all do the same thing. We rehearse our words, but we rarely rehearse our gestures. We say "yes," we shake our heads "no." We tell very convincing stories, we slightly shrug our shoulders. We commit terrible crimes, and we smile at the delight in getting away with it. Now, that smile is known in the trade as "duping delight."
Pse e bejne ata kete gje? Epo ne te gjithe e bejme te njejten gje. Ne i ushtrojme fjalet tona, por rralle i ushtrojme edhe gjestet. Ne themi "Po", ne i shtrengojme duart, "Jo" Ne tregojme histori shume te bindshme, dhe i levizim krahet tane. Ne pranojme fajin per krime te renda, dhe buzeqeshim me kenaqesi kur largohemi prej tyre. Dhe kjo buzeqeshje quhet "kenaqesi hajvanesh".
And we're going to see that in several videos moving forward, but we're going to start -- for those of you who don't know him, this is presidential candidate John Edwards who shocked America by fathering a child out of wedlock. We're going to see him talk about getting a paternity test. See now if you can spot him saying, "yes" while shaking his head "no," slightly shrugging his shoulders.
Dhe ne do te shohim te tilla ne disa sekuenca te videove, por ne do te fillojme - per ju te cilet nuk e njihni ate, ky eshte kanditati per president, John Edwards i cili shokoi Ameriken, kur pranoi nje femije jashte martesor. Ne do ta shohim ate duke folur per testin e atesise. Shikojeni tani nese mund ta vereni ai thote "Po" , ndersa e shkund koken per "Jo" duke lekundur pak edhe krahet.
(Video) John Edwards: I'd be happy to participate in one. I know that it's not possible that this child could be mine, because of the timing of events. So I know it's not possible. Happy to take a paternity test, and would love to see it happen.
(Video) John Edwards: Do te isha i lumtur te merrja pjese. E di qe eshte e pamundur qe ky femije te jete i imi per shkak te kohes se ngjarjeve qe kane ndodhur Keshtu qe, e di qe eshte e pamundur. Jam i lumtur per te bere testin e atesise,
Interviewer: Are you going to do that soon? Is there somebody --
dhe ta shohe ate duke ndodhur. Intervistuesi: A do ta beni ate se shpejti? E eshte dikush --
JE: Well, I'm only one side. I'm only one side of the test. But I'm happy to participate in one.
JE: Epo, Une jam vetem njeri, vetem njeri qe eshte pjese e ketij testi. Por jam i lumtur te marr pjese ne nje.
PM: Okay, those head shakes are much easier to spot once you know to look for them. There are going to be times when someone makes one expression while masking another that just kind of leaks through in a flash. Murderers are known to leak sadness. Your new joint venture partner might shake your hand, celebrate, go out to dinner with you and then leak an expression of anger. And we're not all going to become facial expression experts overnight here, but there's one I can teach you that's very dangerous and it's easy to learn, and that's the expression of contempt. Now with anger, you've got two people on an even playing field. It's still somewhat of a healthy relationship. But when anger turns to contempt, you've been dismissed. It's associated with moral superiority. And for that reason, it's very, very hard to recover from. Here's what it looks like. It's marked by one lip corner pulled up and in. It's the only asymmetrical expression. And in the presence of contempt, whether or not deception follows -- and it doesn't always follow -- look the other way, go the other direction, reconsider the deal, say, "No thank you. I'm not coming up for just one more nightcap. Thank you."
PM: Ne rregull, keto levizje te kokes jane me te lehta per ti kapur nese vetem njehere i shikon me kujdes. Do te jene disa kur dikush ben nje shprehje duke e fshehur tjetren qe rrjedh shpejt si nje blic Vrasesit jane te njohur per shkaktimin e pikellimit. Partneri juaj i ri mund t`ju shtrengoje doren te festoje, te shkoje ne dreke me ju dhe pastaj te shfaqe nje ndjenje te zemerimit. Asnjeri prej nesh nuk do te shnderrohet ne nje ekspert te dallimit te fytyrave, brenda nates por mund tju mesoj dicka qe eshte vertet e rrezikshme, dhe eshte e lehte per tu mesuar dhe kjo eshte shprehja e perbuzjes. Me zemerimin, keni marre dy njerez ne te njejten fusheloje. Ende kjo eshte nje marredhenie e shendetshme. Por kur zemerimi kthehet ne perbuzje, ju jeni te mboshtur. Eshte e lidhur me superioritetin moral. Dhe per kete arsye, eshte shume, shume i veshtire sherimi. Ja se si duket. Eshte e shenuar nga nje qoshe e terhequr brenda dhe jashte. Eshte e vetmja shprehje asimetrike. Dhe ne pranine e perbuzjes, edhe nese mashtrimi bie poshte -- dhe kjo nuk ndodh shpesh -- shikojeni anen tjeter, shkoni ne tjetrin drejtim rishqyrtojeni marreveshjen, thoni "Jo faleminderit. Nuk do te vij vetem per nje endje te vogel. Faleminderit"
Science has surfaced many, many more indicators. We know, for example, we know liars will shift their blink rate, point their feet towards an exit. They will take barrier objects and put them between themselves and the person that is interviewing them. They'll alter their vocal tone, often making their vocal tone much lower.
Shkenca ka nxjerr ne pah shume, shume indikatore. Ne e dime, pershembull qe genjeshtaret shpesh e nderrojne normen e injorimit dhe kembet i cojne per tek dalja. Ata do te marrin objekte penguese duke i futur ato mes vetes dhe personit me te cilin po bejne interviste Ata do te ndryshojne edhe tonin e tyre shpesh duke e zvogeluar volumin.
Now here's the deal. These behaviors are just behaviors. They're not proof of deception. They're red flags. We're human beings. We make deceptive flailing gestures all over the place all day long. They don't mean anything in and of themselves. But when you see clusters of them, that's your signal. Look, listen, probe, ask some hard questions, get out of that very comfortable mode of knowing, walk into curiosity mode, ask more questions, have a little dignity, treat the person you're talking to with rapport. Don't try to be like those folks on "Law & Order" and those other TV shows that pummel their subjects into submission. Don't be too aggressive, it doesn't work.
Kjo eshte marreveshja. Keto sjellje jane vetem sjellje. Ato nuk jane prova te nje mashtrimi. Ato jane vetem flamur te kuq. Ne jemi qenie njerezore Ne bejme shpesh xheste mashtruese ne shume vende, tere diten. Dhe keto xheste nuk kane nje domethenie te madhe. Por kur i sheh se ata po grupohen, atehere kjo eshte shenja. Shiko, degjo, heto, bej disa pyetje te veshtira, dil pak prej asaj pozites komode te te njohurit, por dil ne ate rrugen e kuriozitetit, bej ende pyetje, ki me shume dinjitet, dhe trajtoje personin me te cilin bisedon me nje raport. Mos u mundo te behesh si ata tek "Ligji & Rregulli" ose si ata te programeve tjera qe rrahin me grushta mendimet e tyre subjektive. Mos u bej fort agresiv, sepse nuk funksionon.
Now, we've talked a little bit about how to talk to someone who's lying and how to spot a lie. And as I promised, we're now going to look at what the truth looks like. But I'm going to show you two videos, two mothers -- one is lying, one is telling the truth. And these were surfaced by researcher David Matsumoto in California. And I think they're an excellent example of what the truth looks like.
Dhe ja biseduam pak se si te komunikosh me dike qe genjen dhe si te zbulosh nje genjeshter. Dhe sic kam premtuar, tashme do te shohim se si duket e verteta. Por une do tju tregoj dy video, dy nena - njera po genjen, njera thote te verteten. Dhe te dyja kane dale ne siperfaqe nga studiusi David Matsumoto nga Kalifornia. Dhe mendoj se ato jane nje shembull brilant
This mother, Diane Downs, shot her kids at close range, drove them to the hospital while they bled all over the car, claimed a scraggy-haired stranger did it. And you'll see when you see the video, she can't even pretend to be an agonizing mother. What you want to look for here is an incredible discrepancy between horrific events that she describes and her very, very cool demeanor. And if you look closely, you'll see duping delight throughout this video.
se si ne realitet zbulohet e verteta. Kjo nene, Diane Downs i qelloi femijet e saj nga disance te afert, i dergoi ata per ne spital derisa ata po gjakosnin gjate gjithe rruges, duke thene se nje njeri i huaj ua kishte bere kete femijeve te saj. Dhe ju do ta shihni edhe ne video se ajo as nuk mund te shtiret si nje nene e pikelluar. Cfare ju deshironi te shikoni ketu eshte nje mosperputhje e pabesueshme midis ngjarjeve te tmerrshme qe ajo pershkruan dhe sjelljes se saj shume te ftohte. Dhe nese shikoni me afer, do te shihni edhe nje kenaqesi dopio ne kete video
(Video) Diane Downs: At night when I close my eyes, I can see Christie reaching her hand out to me while I'm driving, and the blood just kept coming out of her mouth. And that -- maybe it'll fade too with time -- but I don't think so. That bothers me the most.
(Video) Diane Downs: Naten kur i mbylla syte, une pash Christin duke e zgjatur doren nderkohe qe une po i jepja makines, dhe gjaku po fillonte ti dilte nga goja. Dhe kjo -- ndoshta do te zhduket me kohen -- por une nuk e besoj. Kjo me pengon mua me se shumti.
PM: Now I'm going to show you a video
PM: Tani do tju tregoj nje video
of an actual grieving mother, Erin Runnion, confronting her daughter's murderer and torturer in court. Here you're going to see no false emotion, just the authentic expression of a mother's agony.
te nje nene aktualisht te brengosur, Erin Runnion, duke u perballur me vrasesit e vajzes se saj ne gjykate. Ketu ju nuk do te shihni emocione te shtirura, por vetem nje shprehje normale te nje nene ne agoni.
(Video) Erin Runnion: I wrote this statement on the third anniversary of the night you took my baby, and you hurt her, and you crushed her, you terrified her until her heart stopped. And she fought, and I know she fought you. But I know she looked at you with those amazing brown eyes, and you still wanted to kill her. And I don't understand it, and I never will.
(Video) Erin Runnion: E kam shkruar kete deklarate ne pervjetorin e trete te asaj nate qe ti ma more femijen, dhe e lendove ate, e copetove ate, e tmerrove deri ne momentin kur zemra e saj ndaloi. Dhe ajo ka luftuar, e di qe ajo ka luftuar kunder teje. Por e di se ajo te ka shikuar me syte e saj te kafte dhe te mrekullueshem, dhe ti prape ke dashur ta vrasesh. Dhe une nuk e kuptoj dhe skam per ta kuptuar kurre.
PM: Okay, there's no doubting the veracity of those emotions.
PM: Ne rregull, s`ka asnje pike dyshimi ne vertetesine e ketyre emocioneve.
Now the technology around what the truth looks like is progressing on, the science of it. We know, for example, that we now have specialized eye trackers and infrared brain scans, MRI's that can decode the signals that our bodies send out when we're trying to be deceptive. And these technologies are going to be marketed to all of us as panaceas for deceit, and they will prove incredibly useful some day. But you've got to ask yourself in the meantime: Who do you want on your side of the meeting, someone who's trained in getting to the truth or some guy who's going to drag a 400-pound electroencephalogram through the door?
Tani teknologjia rreth te vertetes sesi duket eshte duke perparuar, sikurse edhe shkenca. Ne e dime, per shembull se kemi edhe gjurmues te specialuar per sy apo skanera te rrezeve infrared, MRI` qe mund te dekodojne sinjalet qe nxjerr trupi yne kur ne deshirojme te mashtrojme. Dhe keto teknologji do ti serviren secilit prej nesh sikur zgjidhje per mashtrim, dhe nje dite do te dalin me rezultate shume interesante. Por gjithashtu ne te njejten kohe ju duhet te pyesni veten: Ke do te deshironi ne anen tuaj gjate takimit dike qe eshte trajnuar ta gjeje te verteten apo ndonje person qe do te terheq nje elektroencefalograme 400 kileshe pergjate deres ?
Liespotters rely on human tools. They know, as someone once said, "Character's who you are in the dark." And what's kind of interesting is that today, we have so little darkness. Our world is lit up 24 hours a day. It's transparent with blogs and social networks broadcasting the buzz of a whole new generation of people that have made a choice to live their lives in public. It's a much more noisy world. So one challenge we have is to remember, oversharing, that's not honesty. Our manic tweeting and texting can blind us to the fact that the subtleties of human decency -- character integrity -- that's still what matters, that's always what's going to matter. So in this much noisier world, it might make sense for us to be just a little bit more explicit about our moral code.
Zbuluesit e genjeshtrave mbeshteten ne mjetet e njeriut. Ata e dine, sic dikush ka thene, "Karakteri qe ju jeni ne erresire". Dhe cfare eshte shume interesante eshte se diteve te sotme ne kemi shume pak erresire. Bota jone ndricohet 24 ore pa pushim. Eshte transparente me blogje dhe rrjete sociale duke transmetuar levizjet e gjenerates se re te njerezve qe kane bere zgjidhje te jetojne jeten e tyre ne publik. Eshte nje bote me e zhurmshme. Dhe, nje sfide qe ne e kemi eshte qe te kujtojme shperndarjen, qe nuk eshte ndershmeri. Mania jone per te twittuar apo shkruar mund te na verboje ne faktin se hollesite e sjelles njerezore, integritetit dhe karakterit kane shume rendesi, dhe eshte ajo qe do te kete gjithmone rendesi. Pra, ne nje bote te tille te zhurmshme, me siguri do te kete kuptim per ne qe te jemi pak me shume te qarte
When you combine the science of recognizing deception
rreth kodit tone moral.
with the art of looking, listening, you exempt yourself from collaborating in a lie. You start up that path of being just a little bit more explicit, because you signal to everyone around you, you say, "Hey, my world, our world, it's going to be an honest one. My world is going to be one where truth is strengthened and falsehood is recognized and marginalized." And when you do that, the ground around you starts to shift just a little bit.
Kur e kombinon shkencen e te zbuluarit te mashtrimit me artin e shikimit, degjimit, ti e largon veten nga bashkepunimi ne nje genjeshter. Ju e nisni kete rruge duke qene pak me te qarte, sepse sinalizon te gjithe njerezit rreth teje, dhe thua, "Hej, bota ime, bota jone, duhet te jete e sinqerte. Bota ime do te jete ajo ku do te kete shum fuqi ku genjeshtra njihet dhe margjinalizohet." Dhe kur ju do ta beni kete, terreni perreth vetes suaj do te zhvendoset pak.
And that's the truth. Thank you.
Dhe kjo eshte e verteta. Faleminderit
(Applause)
)Duartrokitje)