My inbox is full of hate mails and personal abuse and has been for years. In 2010, I started answering those mails and suggesting to the writer that we might meet for coffee and a chat. I have had hundreds of encounters. They have taught me something important that I want to share with you.
Peti masuk saya penuh dengan e-mel benci dan penghinaan bersifat peribadi selama bertahun-tahun. Pada 2010, saya mula membalas e-mel tersebut dan mengajak penulisnya berjumpa untuk minum kopi dan berbual. Saya telah mengadakan ratusan pertemuan. Pertemuan ini mengajar perkara penting yang ingin saya kongsikan.
I was born in Turkey from Kurdish parents and we moved to Denmark when I was a young child. In 2007, I ran for a seat in the Danish parliament as one of the first women with a minority background. I was elected, but I soon found out that not everyone was happy about it as I had to quickly get used to finding hate messages in my inbox. Those emails would begin with something like this: "What's a raghead like you doing in our parliament?" I never answered. I'd just delete the emails. I just thought that the senders and I had nothing in common. They didn't understand me, and I didn't understand them. Then one day, one of my colleagues in the parliament said that I should save the hate mails. "When something happens to you, it will give the police a lead."
Saya dilahirkan di Turki oleh ibu bapa berbangsa Kurdi, dan kami berpindah ke Denmark semasa saya masih kecil. Pada 2007, saya bertanding untuk kerusi parlimen Denmark sebagai salah seorang wanita daripada golongan minoriti. Saya terpilih, tetapi saya dapati bahawa tidak semua orang gembira, kerana saya perlu membiasakan diri menerima mesej benci dalam peti masuk saya E-mel tersebut dimulakan dengan ayat seperti ini: "Apa 'raghead' seperti kamu buat dalam parlimen kami? Saya tak pernah jawab. Saya padamkan saja e-mel tersebut. Saya hanya menganggap bahawa kami tiada persamaan. Mereka tidak memahami saya, dan saya tidak memahami mereka. Satu hari, seorang rakan parlimen berkata bahawa saya harus menyimpan e-mel benci tersebut. "Apabila sesuatu berlaku, ia akan memberi polis petunjuk."
(Laughter)
(Gelak tawa)
I noticed that she said, "When something happens" and not "if."
Saya perasan yang dia kata,
(Laughter)
"Apabila sesuatu berlaku", dan bukan "jika".
(Gelak tawa)
Sometimes hateful letters were also sent to my home address. The more I became involved in public debate, the more hate mail and threats I received. After a while, I got a secret address and I had to take extra precautions to protect my family. Then in 2010, a Nazi began to harass me. It was a man who had attacked Muslim women on the street. Over time, it became much worse. I was at the zoo with my children, and the phone was ringing constantly. It was the Nazi. I had the impression that he was close. We headed home. When we got back, my son asked, "Why does he hate you so much, Mom, when he doesn't even know you?" "Some people are just stupid," I said. And at the time, I actually thought that was a pretty clever answer. And I suspect that that is the answer most of us would give. The others -- they are stupid, brainwashed, ignorant. We are the good guys and they are the bad guys, period.
Kadang-kala, surat benci juga dihantar ke alamat rumah saya. Semakin banyak saya terlibat dalam debat awam, semakin banyak surat benci dan ugutan saya terima. Akhirnya, saya mendapatkan alamat rahsia dan mengambil langkah keselamatan untuk melindungi keluarga saya. Pada 2010, seorang Nazi mula mengganggu saya. Dia seorang lelaki yang menyerang wanita Muslim di jalan. Semakin lama, gangguan itu semakin teruk. Saya berada di zoo dengan anak-anak saya, dan telefon tidak henti-henti berdering. Nazi itu yang menelefon. Saya rasa seperti dia ada berdekatan. Kami balik ke rumah. Apabila tiba di rumah, anak lelaki saya bertanya, "Kenapa dia benci sangat dengan Ibu sedangkan dia tak kenal pun Ibu?" "Sesetengah orang memang bodoh," saya jawab. Pada masa itu, saya ingat itu jawapan yang agak bijak. Dan saya rasa itu jawapan yang kebanyakan daripada kita berikan. Orang lain -- mereka bodoh, otak telah dibasuh, tidak tahu apa-apa. Kita orang baik dan mereka orang jahat, noktah.
Several weeks later I was at a friend's house, and I was very upset and angry about all the hate and racism I had met. It was he who suggested that I should call them up and visit them. "They will kill me," I said. "They would never attack a member of the Danish Parliament," he said. "And anyway, if they killed you, you would become a martyr."
Beberapa minggu kemudian, saya di rumah rakan, dan saya sangat sedih dan marah tentang semua kebencian dan sentimen perkauman yang saya jumpa. Dia yang mencadangkan agar saya menelefon mereka dan melawat mereka. "Mereka akan bunuh saya," saya kata. "Mereka tidak akan menyerang seorang ahli Parlimen Denmark," dia kata. "Lagipun, jika mereka bunuh kamu, kamu akan mati syahid."
(Laughter)
(Gelak tawa)
"So it's pure win-win situation for you."
"Ini situasi menang-menang untuk kamu."
(Laughter)
(Gelak tawa)
His advice was so unexpected, when I got home, I turned on my computer and opened the folder where I had saved all the hate mail. There were literally hundreds of them. Emails that started with words like "terrorist," "raghead," "rat," "whore." I decided to contact the one who had sent me the most. His name was Ingolf. I decided to contact him just once so I could say at least I had tried. To my surprise and shock, he answered the phone. I blurted out, "Hello, my name is Özlem. You have sent me so many hate mails. You don't know me, I don't know you. I was wondering if I could come around and we can drink a coffee together and talk about it?"
Nasihatnya amat tidak diduga. Apabila tiba di rumah, saya buka komputer dan buka fail yang saya simpan semua e-mel benci. Terdapat beratus-ratus e-mel. E-mel yang bermula dengan perkataan seperti "pengganas", "raghead", "tikus", "pelacur". Saya memutuskan untuk menghubungi orang yang menghantar paling banyak e-mel. Namanya, Ingolf. Saya bercadang menelefon dia sekali sahaja agar saya boleh cakap saya telah cuba. Di luar jangkaan saya dan saya terkejut, dia jawab telefon. Saya berkata laju, "Hello, saya Ozlem. Kamu hantar banyak e-mel kepada saya. Kita saling tidak mengenali. Bolehkah saya ke rumah kamu dan minum kopi bersama-sama dan berbincang?
(Laughter)
(Gelak tawa)
There was silence on the line. And then he said, "I have to ask my wife."
Senyap di hujung talian. Kemudian, dia berkata, "Saya perlu tanya isteri saya."
(Laughter)
(Gelak tawa)
What? The racist has a wife?
Apa? Rasis ini ada isteri?
(Laughter)
(Gelak tawa)
A couple of days later, we met at his house. I will never forget when he opened his front door and reached out to shake my hand. I felt so disappointed.
Beberapa hari kemudian, kami bertemu di rumahnya. Saya tak akan lupa apabila dia membuka pintu dan menghulurkan tangan untuk bersalaman dengan saya. Saya rasa amat kecewa.
(Laughter)
(Gelak tawa)
because he looked nothing like I'd imagined. I had expected a horrible person -- dirty, messy house. It was not. His house smelled of coffee which was served from a coffee set identical to the one my parents used. I ended up staying for two and a half hours. And we had so many things in common. Even our prejudices were alike.
Kerana dia tidak kelihatan seperti yang saya bayangkan. Saya jangkakan orang yang teruk -- rumah kotor, bersepah. Tetapi tidak. Rumahnya berbau kopi yang dihidangkan dalam set kopi sama seperti ibu bapa saya gunakan. Akhirnya, saya duduk selama dua jam setengah. Dan kami mempunyai banyak persamaan. Malah, prejudis kami juga sama.
(Laughter)
(Gelak tawa)
Ingolf told me that when he waits for the bus and the bus stops 10 meters away from him, it was because the driver was a "raghead." I recognized that feeling. When I was young and I waited for the bus and it stopped 10 meters away from me, I was sure that the driver was a racist.
Ingolf memberitahu saya bahawa apabila dia menunggu bas dan bas berhenti 10 meter dari dia, itu kerana pemandu seorang "raghead". Saya tahu perasaan itu. Semasa saya muda dan menunggu bas dan bas berhenti 10 meter dari saya, Saya yakin pemandu itu rasis.
When I got home, I was very ambivalent about my experience. On the one hand, I really liked Ingolf. He was easy and pleasant to talk to, but on the other hand, I couldn't stand the idea of having so much in common with someone who had such clearly racist views. Gradually, and painfully, I came to realize that I had been just as judgmental of those who had sent me hate mails as they had been of me.
Apabila tiba di rumah, perasaan saya bercampur-baur tentang pengalaman saya. Dari satu sudut, saya suka Ingolf. Dia seorang yang mudah dan senang diajak berbual, tetapi dari sudut lain, saya tidak tahan dengan idea yang saya mempunyai banyak persamaan dengan orang yang jelas mempunyai pandangan rasis. Sedikit demi sedikit, dan dengan peritnya, saya sedar bahawa saya juga menghakimi mereka yang menghantar saya e-mel benci seperti mereka menghakimi saya.
This was the beginning of what I call #dialoguecoffee. Basically, I sit down for coffee with people who have said the most terrible things to me to try to understand why they hate people like me when they don't even know me. I have been doing this the last eight years. The vast majority of people I approach agree to meet me. Most of them are men, but I have also met women. I have made it a rule to always meet them in their house to convey from the outset that I trust them. I always bring food because when we eat together, it is easier to find what we have in common and make peace together.
Ini merupakan permulaan kepada apa yang saya panggil #dialoguecoffee. Pada dasarnya, saya duduk minum kopi dengan orang yang mengatakan perkara paling teruk kepada saya untuk memahami kenapa mereka membenci orang seperti saya sedangkan mereka tidak kenal saya. Saya telah mengadakan sesi ini sejak lapan tahun lalu. Kebanyakan orang yang saya hubungi bersetuju untuk bertemu dengan saya. Kebanyakannya lelaki, tetapi saya juga pernah bertemu wanita. Saya telah membuat peraturan untuk sentiasa bertemu di rumah mereka untuk menunjukkan dari awal lagi bahawa saya mempercayai mereka. Saya selalu bawa makanan kerana apabila kita makan bersama-sama, lebih mudah untuk mencari persamaan dan berdamai.
Along the way, I have learned some valuable lessons. The people who sent hate mails are workers, husbands, wives, parents like you and me. I'm not saying that their behavior is acceptable, but I have learned to distance myself from the hateful views without distancing myself from the person who's expressing those views. And I have discovered that the people I visit are just as afraid of people they don't know as I was afraid of them before I started inviting myself for coffee.
Sepanjang perjalanan ini, saya belajar beberapa pelajaran berharga. Mereka yang menghantar e-mel benci adalah pekerja, suami, isteri, ibu bapa seperti kamu dan saya. Saya bukan mengatakan bahawa kelakuan mereka boleh diterima, tetapi saya telah belajar untuk menjarakkan diri daripada pandangan benci tanpa menjauhkan diri daripada orang yang menzahirkan pandangan tersebut. Dan saya telah menemui bahawa orang yang saya lawat takut kepada orang yang mereka tidak kenal seperti saya takut kepada mereka sebelum saya mengajak mereka minum kopi.
During these meetings, a specific theme keeps coming up. It shows up regardless whether I'm talking to a humanist or a racist, a man, a woman, a Muslim or an atheist. They all seem to think that other people are to blame for the hate and for the generalization of groups. They all believe that other people have to stop demonizing. They point at politicians, the media, their neighbor or the bus driver who stops 10 meters away. But when I asked, "What about you? What can you do?", the reply is usually, "What can I do? I have no influence. I have no power." I know that feeling. For a large part of my life, I also thought that I didn't have any power or influence -- even when I was a member of the Danish parliament. But today I know the reality is different. We all have power and influence where we are, so we must never, never underestimate our own potential.
Semasa pertemuan ini, tema khusus sering timbul. Ia timbul tidak kira sama ada saya bercakap dengan humanis atau rasis, lelaki, wanita, Muslim atau ateis. Mereka semua berpandangan bahawa orang lain patut dipersalahkan untuk kebencian dan untuk generalisasi kumpulan. Mereka percaya bahawa orang lain perlu berhenti mengeji orang. Mereka menuding kepada ahli politik, media, jiran mereka atau pemandu bas yang berhenti 10 meter dari mereka. Tetapi apabila ditanya, "Bagaimana dengan kamu? Apa yang kamu boleh buat?", Jawapannya selalunya, "Apa yang boleh saya buat? Saya tiada pengaruh. Saya tiada kuasa." Saya tahu perasaan itu. Untuk sebahagian besar hidup saya, saya juga ingat bahawa saya tiada kuasa atau pengaruh -- walaupun semasa saya seorang ahli parlimen Denmark. Kini, saya tahu realiti adalah sebaliknya. Kita mempunyai kuasa dan pengaruh di mana saja kita berada, jadi, jangan sesekali, jangan memandang rendah potensi kita sendiri.
The #dialoguecoffee meetings have taught me that people of all political convictions can be caught demonizing the others with different views. I know what I'm talking about. As a young child, I hated different population groups. And at the time, my religious views were very extreme. But my friendship with Turks, with Danes, with Jews and with racists has vaccinated me against my own prejudices. I grew up in a working-class family, and on my journey I have met many people who have insisted on speaking to me. They have changed my views. They have formed me as a democratic citizen and a bridge builder. If you want to prevent hate and violence, we have to talk to as many people as possible for as long as possible while being as open as possible. That can only be achieved through debate, critical conversation and insisting on dialogue that doesn't demonize people.
Pertemuan #dialoguecoffee mengajar saya bahawa manusia tanpa mengira fahaman politik, ada yang mengeji orang lain yang mempunyai pandangan berbeza. Saya tahu apa yang saya katakan ini. Semasa kecil, saya benci kumpulan populasi yang berlainan. Pada masa itu, pandangan agama saya sangat ekstrim. Tetapi persahabatan dengan orang Turki, Denmark, Yahudi dan rasis telah mengimunkan saya daripada prejudis saya sendiri. Saya membesar dalam keluarga kelas pekerja dan sepanjang perjalanan saya, saya bertemu dengan ramai orang yang telah mendesak untuk bercakap dengan saya. Mereka telah mengubah pandangan saya. Mereka telah membentuk saya menjadi rakyat demokratik dan pembina jambatan. Jika anda ingin menghalang kebencian dan keganasan, kita perlu bercakap dengan seramai orang mungkin, selama yang mungkin, sementara bersikap terbuka mungkin. Ini hanya boleh dicapai melalui perdebatan, perbualan kritikal dan mendesak untuk dialog yang tidak mengeji orang.
I'm going to ask you a question. I invite you to think about it when you get home and in the coming days, but you have to be honest with yourself. It should be easy, no one else will know it. The question is this ... who do you demonize? Do you think supporters of American President Trump are deplorables? Or that those who voted for Turkish President Erdoğan are crazy Islamists? Or that those who voted for Le Pen in France are stupid fascists? Or perhaps you think that Americans who voted for Bernie Sanders are immature hippies.
Saya akan bertanya kepada anda satu soalan. Saya menjemput anda untuk berfikir tentangnya semasa di rumah dan hari-hari berikutnya. Tetapi anda perlu jujur dengan diri sendiri. Mudah sahaja, orang lain tidak akan tahu. Soalannya ialah... Siapa yang anda keji? Adakah anda anggap penyokong Presiden Amerika, Trump, teruk? Atau mereka yang mengundi Presiden Turki, Erdogan, Islamis gila? Atau mereka yang mengundi untuk Le Pen di Perancis, fasis bodoh? Atau mungkin anda anggap rakyat Amerika yang mengundi Bernie Sanders hipi yang tidak matang.
(Laughter)
(Gelak tawa)
All those words have been used to vilify those groups. Maybe at this point, do you think I am an idealist?
Semua perkataan itu telah digunakan untuk mencerca kumpulan tersebut. Mungkin pada ketika ini, anda anggap saya seorang idealis?
I want to give you a challenge. Before the end of this year, I challenge you to invite someone who you demonize -- someone who you disagree with politically and/or culturally and don't think you have anything in common with. I challenge you to invite someone like this to #dialoguecoffee. Remember Ingolf? Basically, I'm asking you to find an Ingolf in your life, contact him or her and suggest that you can meet for #dialoguecofee.
Saya ingin mencabar anda. Sebelum penghujung tahun ini, Saya cabar anda untuk menjemput seseorang yang anda keji -- seseorang yang anda tidak bersetuju secara politik dan/atau budaya dan rasakan anda tiada persamaan. Saya cabar anda untuk menjemput orang seperti ini ke #dialoguecoffee. Ingat Ingolf? Secara mudahnya, saya meminta anda mencari seorang Ingolf dalam hidup anda, hubungi dia dan ajak dia berjumpa untuk #dialoguecoffee
When you start at #dialoguecoffee, you have to remember this: first, don't give up if the person refuses at first. Sometimes it's taken me nearly one year to arrange a #dialoguecoffee meeting. Two: acknowledge the other person's courage. It isn't just you who's brave. The one who's inviting you into their home is just as brave. Three: don't judge during the conversation. Make sure that most of the conversation focuses on what you have in common. As I said, bring food. And finally, remember to finish the conversation in a positive way because you are going to meet again. A bridge can't be built in one day.
Jika anda memulakan #dialoguecoffee, ingat ini: Pertama, jangan berputus asa jika orang tersebut menolak pada mulanya. Kadang-kala, saya ambil masa setahun untuk aturkan pertemuan #dialoguecoffee. Kedua, akui keberanian orang tersebut. Bukan anda sahaja yang berani. Orang yang menjemput anda masuk ke rumahnya juga berani. Ketiga, jangan menghakimi semasa perbualan. Pastikan sebahagian besar perbualan tertumpu pada persamaaan anda. Seperti yang saya kata, bawa makanan. Akhirnya, akhiri perbualan secara positif kerana anda akan bertemu lagi. Jambatan tidak dibina dalam satu hari.
We are living in a world where many people hold definitive and often extreme opinions about the others without knowing much about them. We notice of course the prejudices on the other side than in our own bases. And we ban them from our lives. We delete the hate mails. We hang out only with people who think like us and talk about the others in a category of disdain. We unfriend people on Facebook, and when we meet people who are discriminating or dehumanizing people or groups, we don't insist on speaking with them to challenge their opinions. That's how healthy democratic societies break down -- when we don't check the personal responsibility for the democracy. We take the democracy for granted. It is not. Conversation is the most difficult thing in a democracy and also the most important.
Di dunia ini, ramai orang hanya berpegang pada satu pandangan yang selalunya ekstrim tentang orang lain tanpa mengenali mereka. Kita nampak prejudis orang lain berbanding prejudis kita. Dan kita melarang mereka daripada hidup kita. Kita padamkan e-mel benci. Kita hanya keluar dengan orang yang berfikiran sama dengan kita dan bercakap tentang orang lain dengan hina. Kita 'nyah kawan' orang di Facebook. Dan apabila kita bertemu dengan orang yang mendiskriminasi atau menyahinsanikan orang atau kumpulan, kita tidak mendesak bercakap dengan mereka untuk mencabar pendapat mereka. Begitulah cara masyarakat demokratik yang sihat berpecah-belah -- apabila kita tidak melihat tanggungjawab peribadi dalam demokrasi. Kita mengambil mudah demokrasi. Demokrasi tidak mudah. Perbualan ialah perkara paling sukar dalam demokrasi dan juga yang paling penting.
So here's my challenge. Find your Ingolf.
Jadi, ini cabaran saya. Cari Ingolf anda.
(Laughter)
(Gelak tawa)
Start a conversation. Trenches have been dug between people, yes, but we all have the ability to build the bridges that cross the trenches.
Mulakan perbualan. Jurang telah digali, ya... tetapi kita berupaya membina jambatan yang merentasi jurang tersebut.
And let me end by quoting my friend, Sergeot Uzan, who lost his son, Dan Uzan, in a terror attack on a Jewish synagogue in Copenhagen, 2015. Sergio rejected any suggestion of revenge and instead said this ... "Evil can only be defeated by kindness between people. Kindness demands courage." Dear friends, let's be courageous.
Dan saya ingin memetik kata-kata kawan saya, Sergeot Uzan, yang kehilangan anak lelakinya, Dan Uzan, dalam serangan keganasan ke atas saumaah Yahudi di Copenhagen, 2015. Sergeot menolak sebarang cadangan untuk membalas dendam dan sebaliknya berkata, "Kejahatan hanya boleh ditewaskan dengan kebaikan antara manusia. Kebaikan memerlukan keberanian." Wahai rakan-rakan, mari menjadi berani.
Thank you.
Terima kasih.
(Applause)
(Tepukan)