What I thought I would do is I would start with a simple request. I'd like all of you to pause for a moment, you wretched weaklings, and take stock of your miserable existence. (Laughter)
Mendoj qe te filloj me nje kerkese te vogel. Do te doja qe te gjithe ju te pushoni per një moment, ju te dobesuar nga lodhja, dhe te vini re eksistencen tuaj te mjeruar. (Qeshje)
Now that was the advice that St. Benedict gave his rather startled followers in the fifth century. It was the advice that I decided to follow myself when I turned 40. Up until that moment, I had been that classic corporate warrior -- I was eating too much, I was drinking too much, I was working too hard and I was neglecting the family. And I decided that I would try and turn my life around. In particular, I decided I would try to address the thorny issue of work-life balance. So I stepped back from the workforce, and I spent a year at home with my wife and four young children. But all I learned about work-life balance from that year was that I found it quite easy to balance work and life when I didn't have any work. (Laughter) Not a very useful skill, especially when the money runs out.
Kjo ishte keshilla qe St. Benedikt i dha ndjekesve te tij ne shekullin e peste. Ishte keshilla qe vendosa te ndiqja dhe vete kur u bera 40 vjec. Deri ne ate moment, kisha qene ai luftetari zyrtar klasik --- Haja shume, pija shume, punoja shume, dhe nuk po kaloja kohe me familjen. Dhe vendosa qe te provoja ta rregulloja jeten time. Vecanerisht, vendosa qe te shikoja ceshtjen me te veshtire te ekulibrit te punes dhe jetes. Keshtuqe dola nga puna dhe kalova nje vit ne shtepi me gruan dhe 4 femije te vegjel. Por ato qe mesova per ekuilibrin pune-jete nga ai vit ishte qe, eshte shume e lehte te ekulibrosh punen dhe jeten kur nuk kisha asnjë pune. (Qeshje) Jo dicka qe mund te perdoresh, sidomos kur mbarojne leket.
So I went back to work, and I've spent these seven years since struggling with, studying and writing about work-life balance. And I have four observations I'd like to share with you today. The first is: if society's to make any progress on this issue, we need an honest debate. But the trouble is so many people talk so much rubbish about work-life balance. All the discussions about flexi-time or dress-down Fridays or paternity leave only serve to mask the core issue, which is that certain job and career choices are fundamentally incompatible with being meaningfully engaged on a day-to-day basis with a young family. Now the first step in solving any problem is acknowledging the reality of the situation you're in. And the reality of the society that we're in is there are thousands and thousands of people out there leading lives of quiet, screaming desperation, where they work long, hard hours at jobs they hate to enable them to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like. (Laughter) (Applause) It's my contention that going to work on Friday in jeans and [a] T-shirt isn't really getting to the nub of the issue.
Keshtu qe ju ktheva punes, dhe kam kaluar shtate vjet qe atehere duke u perpjekur, studjuar dhe duke shkruajtur per ekuilibrin pune-jete. Dhe kam kater vezhgime qe dua t'i ndaj me ju sot. E para eshte qe neqoftese shoqeria do te beje progress ne kete ceshtje, na duhet nje debatim i sinqerte. Por problemi eshte se shume njerez flasin budalleqe per ekuilibrin pune-jete. Te gjitha keto diskutime per kohe te vetmenaxhueshme ne pune ose te veshjes-sport te Premteve ose lejes se kujdesit atesor vetem se fshehin ceshtjen me te thelle qe eshte qe disa pune te caktuara dhe zgjedhje te karrierave ne thelb nuk perputhen me te qenit i angazhuar me tere kuptimin ne menyre te perditshme me nje familje te re. Tani hapi i pare per te zgjidhur cdo problem eshte pranimi i realitetit te situates qe ndodhemi. Dhe realiteti i shoqerise ne te cilen jemi eshte qe jane mijra dhe mijra njerez ne bote qe jetojne me thirrje te pazeshme deshperimi, qe punojne me ore te gjata dhe te renda ne pune qe i urrejne vetem qe te kene mundesine te blejne gjera qe nuk i duhen per ti bere pershtypje njerezve qe nuk i kan qejf. (Qeshje) (Duartrokitje) Po pohoj qe puna te Premteve thjesht ne xhinse dhe bluza nuk futet ne thelbin e ceshtjes.
(Laughter)
(Qeshje)
The second observation I'd like to make is we need to face the truth that governments and corporations aren't going to solve this issue for us. We should stop looking outside. It's up to us as individuals to take control and responsibility for the type of lives that we want to lead. If you don't design your life, someone else will design it for you, and you may just not like their idea of balance. It's particularly important -- this isn't on the World Wide Web, is it? I'm about to get fired -- it's particularly important that you never put the quality of your life in the hands of a commercial corporation. Now I'm not talking here just about the bad companies -- the "abattoirs of the human soul," as I call them. (Laughter) I'm talking about all companies. Because commercial companies are inherently designed to get as much out of you [as] they can get away with. It's in their nature; it's in their DNA; it's what they do -- even the good, well-intentioned companies. On the one hand, putting childcare facilities in the workplace is wonderful and enlightened. On the other hand, it's a nightmare -- it just means you spend more time at the bloody office. We have to be responsible for setting and enforcing the boundaries that we want in our life.
Vëzhgimi i dyte qe dua te bej eshte qe na duhet te shikojme te verteten qe qeverite dhe korporatat nuk do ta zgjidhin kete problem per ne. Duhet te ndalim se pari jashte; varet nga ne si individe ta marrim kontrollin dhe pergjegjesine per jeten qe duam te jetojme. Neqoftese nuk e nderton jeten tende, dikush tjeter do ta beje per ty, dhe mbase nuk do tju pelqeje idea e tyre e ekuilibrit. Eshte ne vecanti e rendesishme -- kjo nuk do jete ne internet apo jo, ndryshe do me heqin nga puna --- eshte ne vecanti e rendesishme qe asnjehere mos ta vesh cilesine e jetes tende ne duart e korporates tregtare. Tani nuk po flas thjesht per ato kompani te keqija -- thertoret e shpirtit te njeriut sic i therras une. (Qeshje) Po flas per te gjitha kompanite. Sepse kompanite tregtare në thelb jane te ndertuara qe te marrin sa me shume qe mund te marrin nga ty. Eshte ne natyren e tyre, ne ADN, eshte ajo që ata bejne --- edhe ato kompani me qellime te mira. Ne nje ane, vene kopshte femijesh ne vendet e punes qe eshte e bukur dhe e menduar mire. Ne anen tjeter, eshte nje ender e keqe; thjesht do te thote qe kalon me shume kohe ne zyre. Duhet te jemi pergjegjes per venien dhe zbatimin e kufive qe duam ne jeten tone.
The third observation is we have to be careful with the time frame that we choose upon which to judge our balance. Before I went back to work after my year at home, I sat down and I wrote out a detailed, step-by-step description of the ideal balanced day that I aspired to. And it went like this: wake up well rested after a good night's sleep. Have sex. Walk the dog. Have breakfast with my wife and children. Have sex again. (Laughter) Drive the kids to school on the way to the office. Do three hours' work. Play a sport with a friend at lunchtime. Do another three hours' work. Meet some mates in the pub for an early evening drink. Drive home for dinner with my wife and kids. Meditate for half an hour. Have sex. Walk the dog. Have sex again. Go to bed. (Applause) How often do you think I have that day? (Laughter) We need to be realistic. You can't do it all in one day. We need to elongate the time frame upon which we judge the balance in our life, but we need to elongate it without falling into the trap of the "I'll have a life when I retire, when my kids have left home, when my wife has divorced me, my health is failing, I've got no mates or interests left." (Laughter) A day is too short; "after I retire" is too long. There's got to be a middle way.
Vezhgimi i trete eshte qe duhet te kemi kujdes me kohen qe zgjedhim mbi te cilen gjykojme balancen qe punon per ne. Perpara se ti kthehesha punes pas vitit tim ne shtepi, u ula dhe shkrujata nje pershkrim te detajuar ne cdo hap te nje dite ideale te ekuilibruar drejt se ciles do punoja. Dhe fillonte keshtu: Te zgjohem i clodhur pas nje nate te mire gjumi. Bej seks. Te eci me qenin. Te ha mengjes me gruan dhe femijet. Te bej seks prape. (Qeshje) Te coj femijet ne shkolle rruges per ne zyre. Punoj per tre ore. Te luaj nje sport me shoqeri gjate drekes. Punoj prape per 3 ore. Te takohem e te pi nje gote me shoket ne bar. Te kthehem ne shtepi per darke me gruan dhe femijet. Te meditoj per nje gjysem ore. Te bej seks. Te eci me qenin. Bej seks prape. Te fle. (Duartrokitje) Tani sa shpesh mendoni qe e bej kete dite? (Qeshje) Duhet te jemi realiste. Nuk mund ti besh dot te gjitha ne nje dite. Na duhet te zgjasim kohen ne te cilen te gjykojme balancen e jetes tone, por na duhet ta zgjasim pa rene ne kurthin e "oh do kem jete kur te dal ne pension, kur femijet kane ikur nga shtepia, kur jam divorcuar me gruan, shendeti eshte keq, nuk me kane me ngelur shoke ose interesa." (Qeshje) Nje dite eshte shume e shkurter, kurse pas pensionit eshte shume e gjate. Duhet te jete një rrugë e mesme.
A fourth observation: We need to approach balance in a balanced way. A friend came to see me last year -- and she doesn't mind me telling this story -- a friend came to see me last year and said, "Nigel, I've read your book. And I realize that my life is completely out of balance. It's totally dominated by work. I work 10 hours a day; I commute two hours a day. All of my relationships have failed. There's nothing in my life apart from my work. So I've decided to get a grip and sort it out. So I joined a gym." (Laughter) Now I don't mean to mock, but being a fit 10-hour-a-day office rat isn't more balanced; it's more fit. (Laughter) Lovely though physical exercise may be, there are other parts to life -- there's the intellectual side; there's the emotional side; there's the spiritual side. And to be balanced, I believe we have to attend to all of those areas -- not just do 50 stomach crunches.
Vezhgimi i katert: Duhet te arrijme nje ekuiliber ne menyre te balancuar. Vitin e kaluar erdhi nje shoqe per vizite -- dhe ajo s'e ka problem te them historine e saj -- nje shoqe erdhi vitin e kaluar dhe tha "Nigel, e kam lexuar librin tend. Dhe e kuptoj qe jeta ime eshte komplet e pa ekuilibruar. Eshte e dominuar komplet nga puna. Punoj 10 ore ne dite, dhe 2 ore te tjera shkoj e vij. Te gjitha marredheniet e mia kane deshtuar. Nuk kam asgje ne kete jete pervecse punes time. Keshtuqe kam vendosur ti rregulloj gjerat. Dhe u registrova ne palester." (Qeshje) Tani nuk dua te tallem, por te qenit nje zyrtar 10-oresh i shendetshem nuk eshte me i ekuilibruar, eshte thjesht me i shendetshem. (Qeshje) Megjithese fiskultura eshte gje e mire, ka gjera te tjera ne kete jete. Eshte ana intelektuale, ana emocionale, ana shpirterore. Dhe qe te jesh i balancuar, besoj se duhet ti bejme kujdes te gjithe ketyre aneve --- jo thjesht per te bere 50 pompa.
Now that can be daunting. Because people say, "Bloody hell mate, I haven't got time to get fit. You want me to go to church and call my mother." And I understand. I truly understand how that can be daunting. But an incident that happened a couple of years ago gave me a new perspective. My wife, who is somewhere in the audience today, called me up at the office and said, "Nigel, you need to pick our youngest son" -- Harry -- "up from school." Because she had to be somewhere else with the other three children for that evening. So I left work an hour early that afternoon and picked Harry up at the school gates. We walked down to the local park, messed around on the swings, played some silly games. I then walked him up the hill to the local cafe, and we shared a pizza for two, then walked down the hill to our home, and I gave him his bath and put him in his Batman pajamas. I then read him a chapter of Roald Dahl's "James and the Giant Peach." I then put him to bed, tucked him in, gave him a kiss on his forehead and said, "Goodnight, mate," and walked out of his bedroom. As I was walking out of his bedroom, he said, "Dad?" I went, "Yes, mate?" He went, "Dad, this has been the best day of my life, ever." I hadn't done anything, hadn't taken him to Disney World or bought him a Playstation.
Tani mund te jete e veshtire. Se njerezit thone "me te vertete e ke, nuk kam kohe per fiskulture; ti do qe une te shkoj ne kishe dhe te marr ne telefon mamane." Dhe une e kuptoj. Me te vertete e kuptoj sa e veshtire qe mund te jete. Por dicka qe ndodhi disa vite me pare me dha nje perspektive te re. Gruaja ime, qe eshte diku ne audience sot, me mori ne telefon ne zyre dhe tha "Nigel, duhet te shkosh te marresh cunin tone te vogel, " Harry "nga shkolla." Sepse asaj i duhej te ishte diku tjeter me tre femijet e tjere ate nate. Keshtu qe ika nga zyra nje ore me perpara ate pasdite dhe e mora Harrin nga shkolla. Ecem deri tek parku i lagjes, u hallakatem ne shilarese dhe lojra te tjera. Pastaj ecem se bashku perpjete tek nje kafene, dhe ndame nje pica se bashku, pastaj ecem tatepjete tek shtepia jone, dhe e lava dhe e vesha me pizhamat me Batman Pastaj i lexova nje kapitull te Roald Dahl's "James dhe Pjeshka e Madhe." pastaj e vura ne krevat, e mbulova, dhe e putha ne balle dhe thashe 'Naten e mire, o shok," dhe dola nga dhoma e tij. Duke ikur nga dhoma e tij, ai tha "Ba?" dhe une "Po, o shok?" Ai tha, "Ba, kjo ka qene dita me e lumtur e jetes sime ndonjehere." Une nuk kisha bere asnje gje, nuk e kisha cuar ne Disney World apo blere nje Playstation.
Now my point is the small things matter. Being more balanced doesn't mean dramatic upheaval in your life. With the smallest investment in the right places, you can radically transform the quality of your relationships and the quality of your life. Moreover, I think, it can transform society. Because if enough people do it, we can change society's definition of success away from the moronically simplistic notion that the person with the most money when he dies wins, to a more thoughtful and balanced definition of what a life well lived looks like. And that, I think, is an idea worth spreading.
Tani thelbi eshte qe gjerat e vogla kane rendesi. Te jesh ne ekuiliber nuk do te thote te kesh ndryshime dramatike ne jete. Me investimin me te vogel ne vendet e duhura, mund te ndryshosh shume cilesine e marredhenjeve te tua dhe cilesine e jetes suaj. Per me teper, mendoj, qe mund te transformohet shoqeria. Sepse, nese e bejne mjaft njerez, ne mund te ndryshojme percaktimin e suksesit ne shoqeri larg nga ideja e thjeshtuar e budallepsur qe personi me me shume leke kur vdes fiton, drejt nje percaktimi me te matur dhe te ekuilibruar se c'eshte nje jete e balancuar mire. Dhe kjo, mendoj, eshte nje ide qe ia vlen te perhapet.
(Applause)
(Duartrokitje)