What I thought I would do is I would start with a simple request. I'd like all of you to pause for a moment, you wretched weaklings, and take stock of your miserable existence. (Laughter)
Mislio sam početi tako da od vas zatražim jednostavnu stvar. Volio bih da svi za trenutak zastanete, vi nesretni jadnici, i analizirate svoje bijedno postojanje. (Smijeh)
Now that was the advice that St. Benedict gave his rather startled followers in the fifth century. It was the advice that I decided to follow myself when I turned 40. Up until that moment, I had been that classic corporate warrior -- I was eating too much, I was drinking too much, I was working too hard and I was neglecting the family. And I decided that I would try and turn my life around. In particular, I decided I would try to address the thorny issue of work-life balance. So I stepped back from the workforce, and I spent a year at home with my wife and four young children. But all I learned about work-life balance from that year was that I found it quite easy to balance work and life when I didn't have any work. (Laughter) Not a very useful skill, especially when the money runs out.
To je bio savjet koji je sv. Benedikt dao svojim prilično iznenađenim sljedbenicima u petom stoljeću. Taj sam savjet odlučio i sam prihvatiti kad sam napunio 40 godina. Do toga trenutka bio sam klasični korporativni ratnik -- jeo sam previše, pio sam previše, radio sam previše, i zanemarivao sam obitelj. Pa sam odlučio pokušati preokrenuti svoj život. Konkretno, odlučio sam pokušati riješiti trnovit problem ravnoteže između posla i života. Pa sam se povukao iz radne snage, i proveo godinu dana kod kuće sa ženom i četvero male djece. Ali sve što sam naučio o ravnoteži posao-život u tih godinu dana bilo je to da je prilično lako balansirati posao i život kada nemate posla. (Smijeh) I nije neka korisna vještina, posebno kad vam ponestane novca.
So I went back to work, and I've spent these seven years since struggling with, studying and writing about work-life balance. And I have four observations I'd like to share with you today. The first is: if society's to make any progress on this issue, we need an honest debate. But the trouble is so many people talk so much rubbish about work-life balance. All the discussions about flexi-time or dress-down Fridays or paternity leave only serve to mask the core issue, which is that certain job and career choices are fundamentally incompatible with being meaningfully engaged on a day-to-day basis with a young family. Now the first step in solving any problem is acknowledging the reality of the situation you're in. And the reality of the society that we're in is there are thousands and thousands of people out there leading lives of quiet, screaming desperation, where they work long, hard hours at jobs they hate to enable them to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like. (Laughter) (Applause) It's my contention that going to work on Friday in jeans and [a] T-shirt isn't really getting to the nub of the issue.
Pa sam se vratio na posao, i od tada sam proveo sedam godina u borbi, proučavanju i pisanju o ravnoteži između posla i života. I imam četiri otkrića koja bih volio danas podijeliti s vama. Prvo je, ako će društvo postići ikakav napredak po tom pitanju, potrebna nam je iskrena debata. Ali nevolja je u tome što mnogo ljudi priča toliko gluposti o ravnoteži između posla i života. Sve rasprave o fleksibilnom radnom vremenu ili dopuštenoj ležernoj odjeći petkom ili porodiljnom dopustu za očeve služe samo tome da prikriju središnji problem, a on je da su određeni odabrani poslovi i karijere fundamentalno nekompatibilni s posvećivanjem pune pažnje na svakodnevnoj osnovi vašoj mladoj obitelji. Prvi korak u rješavanju bilo kojeg problema je priznavanje realnosti situacije u kojoj se nalazite. A realnost društva u kojem mi živimo je ta da postoje tisuće i tisuće ljudi oko nas koji žive živote tihog, vrištećeg očajanja, u kojima rade duge, teške radne sate na poslovima koje mrze koji im omogućavaju da kupe stvari koje ne trebaju da bi impresionirali ljude koje ne vole. (Smijeh) (Pljesak) Moje je mišljenje da odlazak na posao petkom u trapericama i majici kratkih rukava ne dopire stvarno do srži problema.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
The second observation I'd like to make is we need to face the truth that governments and corporations aren't going to solve this issue for us. We should stop looking outside. It's up to us as individuals to take control and responsibility for the type of lives that we want to lead. If you don't design your life, someone else will design it for you, and you may just not like their idea of balance. It's particularly important -- this isn't on the World Wide Web, is it? I'm about to get fired -- it's particularly important that you never put the quality of your life in the hands of a commercial corporation. Now I'm not talking here just about the bad companies -- the "abattoirs of the human soul," as I call them. (Laughter) I'm talking about all companies. Because commercial companies are inherently designed to get as much out of you [as] they can get away with. It's in their nature; it's in their DNA; it's what they do -- even the good, well-intentioned companies. On the one hand, putting childcare facilities in the workplace is wonderful and enlightened. On the other hand, it's a nightmare -- it just means you spend more time at the bloody office. We have to be responsible for setting and enforcing the boundaries that we want in our life.
Drugo otkriće koje želim reći je da se moramo suočiti s istinom da vlade i korporacije neće taj problem riješiti za nas. Trebamo prestati gledati van; na nama kao pojedincima je da preuzmemo kontrolu i odgovornost za onakav život kakav želimo živjeti. Ako ne oblikujete svoj život, netko drugi će ga oblikovati za vas, i možda vam se neće sviđati njihov pogled na ravnotežu. Posebno je važno -- ovo nije na Internetu, zar ne, dobit ću otkaz -- posebno je važno da nikada ne prepustite kvalitetu svog života u ruke komercijalne korporacije. Ne govorim ovdje samo o lošim kompanijama -- klaonicama ljudske duše, kako ih nazivam. (Smijeh) Govorim o svim kompanijama. Jer su komercijalne kompanije inherentno oblikovane tako da uzmu od vas onoliko puno koliko to uspiju. To im je u naravi, to je njihova DNK, to je ono što one rade -- čak i dobre kompanije s dobrim namjerama. U jednu ruku, otvoriti vrtiće u sklopu tvrtke je divno i prosvijetljeno. U drugu ruku, to je košmar; znači samo to da ćete još više vremena provoditi u prokletom uredu. Moramo biti odgovorni za postavljanje i branjenje granica koje želimo imati u životu.
The third observation is we have to be careful with the time frame that we choose upon which to judge our balance. Before I went back to work after my year at home, I sat down and I wrote out a detailed, step-by-step description of the ideal balanced day that I aspired to. And it went like this: wake up well rested after a good night's sleep. Have sex. Walk the dog. Have breakfast with my wife and children. Have sex again. (Laughter) Drive the kids to school on the way to the office. Do three hours' work. Play a sport with a friend at lunchtime. Do another three hours' work. Meet some mates in the pub for an early evening drink. Drive home for dinner with my wife and kids. Meditate for half an hour. Have sex. Walk the dog. Have sex again. Go to bed. (Applause) How often do you think I have that day? (Laughter) We need to be realistic. You can't do it all in one day. We need to elongate the time frame upon which we judge the balance in our life, but we need to elongate it without falling into the trap of the "I'll have a life when I retire, when my kids have left home, when my wife has divorced me, my health is failing, I've got no mates or interests left." (Laughter) A day is too short; "after I retire" is too long. There's got to be a middle way.
Treće otriće je da moramo biti pažljivi s vremenskim intervalom koji odabiremo a na temelju kojeg ocjenjujemo našu ravnotežu. Prije nego što sam se vratio na posao nakon godine provedene kod kuće, sjeo sam i napisao detaljan opis, korak po korak, idealno uravnoteženog dana kakvom sam težio. Izgledao je ovako: Ustati odmoran nakon dobro prospavane noći. Seksati se. Prošetati psa. Doručkovati sa ženom i djecom. Opet se seksati. (Smijeh) Odvesti djecu u školu na putu za ured. Raditi tri sata. Baviti se sportom s prijateljem u vrijeme ručka. Raditi još tri sata. Naći se s prijateljima u pubu na ranovečernjem piću. Odvesti se kući na večeru sa ženom i djecom. Meditirati pola sata. Seksati se. Prošetati psa. Opet se seksati. Otići u krevet. (Pljesak) Što mislite, koliko često imam takav dan? (Smijeh) Moramo biti realistični. Ne možemo sve učiniti u jednom danu. Morao produžiti naš vremenski okvir unutar kojega ćemo ocjenjivati ravnotežu u našim životima, ali ga moramo produžiti bez upadanja u zamku onoga: "Živjet ću život kad odem u mirovinu, kad mi djeca odsele, kad se žena razvede od mene, kad mi zdravlje popusti, kad izgubim prijatelje ili zanimacije." (Smijeh) Dan je prekratak, no u mirovini je predugačak. Mora postojati srednji put.
A fourth observation: We need to approach balance in a balanced way. A friend came to see me last year -- and she doesn't mind me telling this story -- a friend came to see me last year and said, "Nigel, I've read your book. And I realize that my life is completely out of balance. It's totally dominated by work. I work 10 hours a day; I commute two hours a day. All of my relationships have failed. There's nothing in my life apart from my work. So I've decided to get a grip and sort it out. So I joined a gym." (Laughter) Now I don't mean to mock, but being a fit 10-hour-a-day office rat isn't more balanced; it's more fit. (Laughter) Lovely though physical exercise may be, there are other parts to life -- there's the intellectual side; there's the emotional side; there's the spiritual side. And to be balanced, I believe we have to attend to all of those areas -- not just do 50 stomach crunches.
Četvrto otkriće: Toj ravnoteži moramo pristupiti na uravnotežen način. Prijateljica mi je došla u posjet lani -- i ne smeta joj da ovo pričam – prijateljica me posjetila lani i rekla, „Nigel, pročitala sam tvoju knjigu. I shvatila sam da mi je život u potpunoj neravnoteži. Posao totalno dominira mojim životom. Radim 10 sati dnevno, putujem dva sata dnevno. Sve moje veze su propale. U mojem životu nema ničega osim posla. Pa sam se odlučila srediti i posložiti stvari. I učlanila sam se u teretanu." (Smijeh) No, ne želim zadirkivati, ali biti 10-satni uredski štakor u kondiciji ne znači biti uravnotežen, znači biti u boljoj kondiciji. (Smijeh) Koliko god tjelovježba bila divna, u životu postoje i druge stvari. Intelektualna strana, emocionalna strana, a tu je i duhovna strana. Da bismo postigli ravnotežu, vjerujem da se moramo posvetiti svim tim područjima -- a ne samo raditi 50 trbušnjaka.
Now that can be daunting. Because people say, "Bloody hell mate, I haven't got time to get fit. You want me to go to church and call my mother." And I understand. I truly understand how that can be daunting. But an incident that happened a couple of years ago gave me a new perspective. My wife, who is somewhere in the audience today, called me up at the office and said, "Nigel, you need to pick our youngest son" -- Harry -- "up from school." Because she had to be somewhere else with the other three children for that evening. So I left work an hour early that afternoon and picked Harry up at the school gates. We walked down to the local park, messed around on the swings, played some silly games. I then walked him up the hill to the local cafe, and we shared a pizza for two, then walked down the hill to our home, and I gave him his bath and put him in his Batman pajamas. I then read him a chapter of Roald Dahl's "James and the Giant Peach." I then put him to bed, tucked him in, gave him a kiss on his forehead and said, "Goodnight, mate," and walked out of his bedroom. As I was walking out of his bedroom, he said, "Dad?" I went, "Yes, mate?" He went, "Dad, this has been the best day of my life, ever." I hadn't done anything, hadn't taken him to Disney World or bought him a Playstation.
To može biti teško. Zato što ljudi vele, „Dovraga, kompa, nemam vremena za vježbanje; ti bi htio da idem u crkvu i javim se majci." Razumijem to. Zaista razumijem koliko to može biti teško. Ali nešto što mi se dogodilo prije koju godinu dalo mi je novu perspektivu. Moja supruga, koja je danas tu negdje u publici, nazvala me u ured i rekla, „Nigele, moraš pokupiti našeg najmlađeg sina," Harryja iz škole." Jer je ona morala biti drugdje s drugo troje djece te večeri. Pa sam tog popodneva otišao s posla sat ranije i pokupio Harryja na školskoj kapiji. Prošetali smo do lokalnog parka, zezali se na ljuljačkama, igrali šašave igrice. Zatim smo otišli uzbrdo do lokalnog kafića, i podijelili pizzu i čaj, zatim smo se spustili nizbrdo kući, pa sam ga okupao i obukao mu njegovu Batman pidžamu. Zatim sam mu pročitao poglavlje iz knjige Roald Dahla "Ivo i divovska kruška." Zatim sam ga stavio u krevet, ušuškao ga, poljubio da u čelo i rekao, „Laku noć, kompa," i izišao iz njegove sobe. Dok sam izlazio od njega, rekao je, „Tata?“ i ja sam pitao, „Da, kompa?" Rekao je, „Tata, ovo je bio najbolji dan u mom životu, ikad." Nisam učinio ništa, nisam ga odveo u Disney World ili mu kupio Playstation.
Now my point is the small things matter. Being more balanced doesn't mean dramatic upheaval in your life. With the smallest investment in the right places, you can radically transform the quality of your relationships and the quality of your life. Moreover, I think, it can transform society. Because if enough people do it, we can change society's definition of success away from the moronically simplistic notion that the person with the most money when he dies wins, to a more thoughtful and balanced definition of what a life well lived looks like. And that, I think, is an idea worth spreading.
Moja poanta je da su male stvari važne. Više ravnoteže ne znači dramatične preokrete u vašem životu. S najmanjim ulaganjem na pravo mjesto, možete radikalno promijeniti kvalitetu vaših odnosa i kvalitetu vašeg života. Još više, mislim, možemo promijeniti društvo. Jer ako dovoljno ljudi bude postupalo tako, možemo promijeniti društvenu definiciju uspjeha od ovoga kretenski pojednostavljenog poimanja da je pobjednik onaj tko u trenutku smrti ima najviše novca, u promišljeniju i uravnoteženiju definiciju onoga kako izgleda dobro proživljen život. I to je, mislim, ideja koju vrijedi širiti.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)