When I was young, I prided myself as a nonconformist in the conservative U.S. state I live in, Kansas. I didn't follow along with the crowd. I wasn't afraid to try weird clothing trends or hairstyles. I was outspoken and extremely social. Even these pictures and postcards of my London semester abroad 16 years ago show that I obviously didn't care if I was perceived as weird or different. (Laughter)
Kad sam bila mlada, ponosila sam se svojim nekonformizmom dok sam živjela u konzervativnoj američkoj državi,Kansasu. Nisam slijedila gomilu. Nisam se ustručavala isprobati čudne modne trendove i frizure. Bila sam otvorena i iznimno društvena. Čak i ove slike i razglednice s razmjene u Londonu prije 16 godina pokazuju da me očito nije bilo briga što su svi na mene gledali kao na čudakinju. (Smijeh)
But that same year I was in London, 16 years ago, I realized something about myself that actually was somewhat unique, and that changed everything. I became the opposite of who I thought I once was. I stayed in my room instead of socializing. I stopped engaging in clubs and leadership activities. I didn't want to stand out in the crowd anymore. I told myself it was because I was growing up and maturing, not that I was suddenly looking for acceptance. I had always assumed I was immune to needing acceptance. After all, I was a bit unconventional. But I realize now that the moment I realized something was different about me was the exact same moment that I began conforming and hiding.
Ali te iste godine kad sam bila u Londonu, prije 16 godina, shvatila sam nešto o sebi što je bilo jedinstveno, i to je promijenilo sve. Postala sam svoja suprotnost. Zatvorila sam se u sobu umjesto da sam se družila s ljudima. Prestala sam ići u noćne klubove i biti vođa u aktivnostima. Nisam se više htjela isticati. Rekla sam si da je to zato što odrastam i sazrijevam, a ne zato što sam iznenada tražila prihvaćanje. Uvijek sam mislila da mi ne treba tuđe prihvaćanje. Ipak sam bila nekonvencionalna. Ali sada shvaćam da sam u istom onom trenutku u kojem sam shvatila da se nešto na meni promijenilo počela bježati u konformizam i skrivati se.
Hiding is a progressive habit, and once you start hiding, it becomes harder and harder to step forward and speak out. In fact, even now, when I was talking to people about what this talk was about, I made up a cover story and I even hid the truth about my TED Talk. So it is fitting and scary that I have returned to this city 16 years later and I have chosen this stage to finally stop hiding. What have I been hiding for 16 years? I am a lesbian.
Skrivanje je progresivna navika i kad je jednom počnete prakticirati, sve je teže i teže ustati iz gomile i progovoriti. Zapravo, čak i sad kad sam ljudima govorila o tome o čemu ću pričati u ovom govoru, izmislila sam priču i čak sam skriila istinu o svom TED-govoru. Stoga je zastrašujuće da sam se vratila u ovaj grad nakon 16 godina i izabrala ovu pozornicu da se konačno prestanem skrivati. Što sam skrivala 16 godina? Ja sam lezbijka.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
I've struggled to say those words, because I didn't want to be defined by them. Every time I would think about coming out in the past, I would think to myself, but I just want to be known as Morgana, uniquely Morgana, but not "my lesbian friend Morgana," or "my gay coworker Morgana." Just Morgana.
Mučila sam se tim riječima jer nisam htjela da me definiraju. U prošlosti, svaki put kad bih razmišljala o deklariranju, pomislila bih, ali ja samo želim biti Morgana, samo Morgana, a ne "moja prijateljica lezbijka Morgana", ili "moja gay-kolegica Morgana". Samo Morgana.
For those of you from large metropolitan areas, this may not seem like a big deal to you. It may seem strange that I have suppressed the truth and hidden this for so long. But I was paralyzed by my fear of not being accepted. And I'm not alone, of course. A 2013 Deloitte study found that a surprisingly large number of people hide aspects of their identity. Of all the employees they surveyed, 61 percent reported changing an aspect of their behavior or their appearance in order to fit in at work. Of all the gay, lesbian and bisexual employees, 83 percent admitted to changing some aspects of themselves so they would not appear at work "too gay." The study found that even in companies with diversity policies and inclusion programs, employees struggle to be themselves at work because they believe conformity is critical to their long-term career advancement. And while I was surprised that so many people just like me waste so much energy trying to hide themselves, I was scared when I discovered that my silence has life-or-death consequences and long-term social repercussions.
Za vas iz velegradskih područja ovo se možda ne čini kao velika stvar. Može vam biti čudno da sam potiskivala istinu i ovoliko je dugo skrivala. Ali strah od neprihvaćanja me paralizirao. Naravno, nisam jedina. Deloitte istraživanje iz 2013. otkrilo je da iznenađujuće velik broj ljudi skriva određene aspekte svoje osobnosti. Od svih zaposlenika koje su ispitali 61 % izjavio je da mijenja neki aspekt ponašanja ili izgleda kako bi se uklopio na radno mjesto. Od svih homoseksualnih, lezbijskih i biseksualnih zaposlenika 83 % priznalo je da mijenja određene aspekte svoje ličnosti kako se na poslu ne bi doimali "previše gay". Istraživanje je otkrilo da čak i u tvrtkama s politikom raznolikosti i programima inkluzije zaposlenici teško mogu biti ono što jesu na poslu jer vjeruju da je konformizam ključan za njihov dugoročan napredak u karijeri. Iako me iznenadilo da toliko ljudi, poput mene, bespotrebno troši energiju pokušavajući skriti sebe, uplašila sam se kada sam otkrila da moja šutnja ima posljedice po pitanju života ili smrti i dugoročne socijalne odjeke.
Twelve years: the length by which life expectancy is shortened for gay, lesbian and bisexual people in highly anti-gay communities compared to accepting communities. Twelve years reduced life expectancy. When I read that in The Advocate magazine this year, I realized I could no longer afford to keep silent. The effects of personal stress and social stigmas are a deadly combination. The study found that gays in anti-gay communities had higher rates of heart disease, violence and suicide. What I once thought was simply a personal matter I realized had a ripple effect that went into the workplace and out into the community for every story just like mine. My choice to hide and not share who I really am may have inadvertently contributed to this exact same environment and atmosphere of discrimination.
Dvanaest godina: toliko je skraćen očekivani životni vijek homoseksualaca, lezbijki ili biseksualaca u visoko homofobnim zajednicama u usporedbi s onim nehomofobnim. Dvanaest godina manje. Kada sam to ove godine pročitala u časopisu "The Advocate", shvatila sam da si više ne mogu priuštiti šutnju. Efekti osobnog stresa i društvene stigme ubojita su kombinacija. Istraživanje je otkrilo da homoseksualci u homofobnim zajednicama imaju više stope oboljenja od bolesti srca, za nasilje i samoubojstvo. Shvatila sam da ono za što sam mislila da je osobna stvar ima domino-učinak koji se proteže od radnog mjesta do društvene zajednice za svaku priču nalik mojoj. Moj izbor za skrivanjem i nedjeljenjem dijela sebe možda su nehotice doprinijeli ovoj okolini i atmosferi diskriminacije.
I'd always told myself there's no reason to share that I was gay, but the idea that my silence has social consequences was really driven home this year when I missed an opportunity to change the atmosphere of discrimination in my own home state of Kansas.
Uvijek sam si govorila da nema razloga da pričam okolo da sam gay, ali pomisao da moja šutnja ima društvene posljedice stvarno mi je sjela u glavu ove godine kada sam propustila priliku da promijenim tu atmosferu diskriminacije u mojoj rodnoj državi, Kansasu.
In February, the Kansas House of Representatives brought up a bill for vote that would have essentially allowed businesses to use religious freedom as a reason to deny gays services. A former coworker and friend of mine has a father who serves in the Kansas House of Representatives. He voted in favor of the bill, in favor of a law that would allow businesses to not serve me.
U veljači Predstavnički dom kongresa Kansasa predložio je zakon koji bi dozvolio trgovinama da koriste religijsku slobodu kao razlog za uskraćivanje usluga homoseksualcima. Bivša kolegica i prijateljica ima oca koji sjedi u tom predstavničkom domu. On je glasao ZA taj prijedlog, ZA zakon koji bi trgovinama dozvolio da me ne usluže.
How does my friend feel about lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning people? How does her father feel? I don't know, because I was never honest with them about who I am. And that shakes me to the core. What if I had told her my story years ago? Could she have told her father my experience? Could I have ultimately helped change his vote? I will never know, and that made me realize I had done nothing to try to make a difference.
Što moja prijateljica misli o lezbijkama, homoseksualcima, biseksualcima, transeksualcima, transtrodnima i onima koji se još traže? Što njen otac misli? Ne znam jer im nikad nisam rekla tko sam ja. I to me duboko potresa. Što bi bilo da sam joj davno ispričala svoju priču? Možda bi ona rekla svome ocu o mojim iskustvima? Možda sam ja mogla pomoći promijeniti njegov glas? Nikad neću znati i to mi je pomoglo da shvatim da nisam napravila baš ništa da pokušam nešto promijeniti.
How ironic that I work in human resources, a profession that works to welcome, connect and encourage the development of employees, a profession that advocates that the diversity of society should be reflected in the workplace, and yet I have done nothing to advocate for diversity. When I came to this company one year ago, I thought to myself, this company has anti-discrimination policies that protect gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Their commitment to diversity is evident through their global inclusion programs. When I walk through the doors of this company, I will finally come out. But I didn't. Instead of taking advantage of the opportunity, I did nothing.
Ironično je da radim u odjelu ljudskih resursa, profesija kojoj je cilj dočekati, povezati i ohrabriti razvoj zaposlenika, profesija koja se zalaže za vidljivost različitost društva na radnom mjestu, a ja nisam učinila ništa kako bih se zalagala za različitost. Kada sam prošle godine došla u ovu tvrtku, pomislila sam, ova tvrtka ima politiku nediskriminacije koja štiti homoseksualce, lezbijke, biseksualce i transrodne pojedince. Njihova predanost različitosti vidljiva je kroz programe globalne inkluzije. Kad uđem kroz vrata ove kompanije, napokon ću izaći iz ormara. Ali nisam. Umjesto da sam iskoristila priliku, nisam učinila ništa.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
When I was looking through my London journal and scrapbook from my London semester abroad 16 years ago, I came across this modified quote from Toni Morrison's book, "Paradise." "There are more scary things inside than outside." And then I wrote a note to myself at the bottom: "Remember this." I'm sure I was trying to encourage myself to get out and explore London, but the message I missed was the need to start exploring and embracing myself. What I didn't realize until all these years later is that the biggest obstacles I will ever have to overcome are my own fears and insecurities. I believe that by facing my fears inside, I will be able to change reality outside. I made a choice today to reveal a part of myself that I have hidden for too long. I hope that this means I will never hide again, and I hope that by coming out today, I can do something to change the data and also to help others who feel different be more themselves and more fulfilled in both their professional and personal lives. Thank you. (Applause)
Dok sam gledala svoj londonski dnevnik i album iz semestra s razmjene u Londonu prije 16 godina, naišla sam na izmijenjeni citat iz Morrisonine knjige "Raj". "Strašnije se stvari skrivaju unutra nego vani." A ispod sam si napisala bilješku: "Zapamti ovo." Vjerojatno sam se pokušavala ohrabriti da izađem i istražim London, ali promakla mi je poruka za potrebom istraživanja i prihvaćanja mene. Sve donedavno nisam shvaćala da su najveće prepreke koje trebam svladati vlastiti strahovi i nesigurnosti. Vjerujem da ću suočavajući se sa strahovima iznutra moći promijeniti vanjsku stvarnost. Danas sam odlučila otkriti dio sebe koji sam toliko dugo skrivala. Nadam se da to znači da se više nikada neću skrivati i nadam se da današnjom deklaracijom mogu promijeniti statistiku i pomoći drugima koji se osjećaju drukčije da budu više svoji i zadovoljniji i u profesionalnim i u privatnim životima. Hvala vam. (Pljesak)