Som ung var jeg stolt af at være individualist
When I was young, I prided myself as a nonconformist
i den konservative stat i U.S.A. hvor jeg bor - Kansas. Jeg gik mine egne veje. Var ikke bange for at prøve anderledes tøj eller frisurer Jeg sagde min mening og var ekstremt social. Selv billederne og postkortene fra mit semester i London, for 16 år siden, viser at jeg tydeligvis var ligeglad med at blive opfattet som underlig eller anderledes. (Publikum ler)
in the conservative U.S. state I live in, Kansas. I didn't follow along with the crowd. I wasn't afraid to try weird clothing trends or hairstyles. I was outspoken and extremely social. Even these pictures and postcards of my London semester abroad 16 years ago show that I obviously didn't care if I was perceived as weird or different. (Laughter)
Men samme år som jeg var i London, for 16 år siden, opdagede jeg noget om mig selv som faktisk var unikt på en måde, og det forandrede alt. Jeg blev til den modsatte af den, jeg engang troede, jeg var. Jeg holdt mig på mit værelse istedet for at være social. Jeg droppede klubber og lederskabsaktiviteter. Jeg ville ikke længere skille mig ud fra de andre. Jeg sagde til mig selv, at det var fordi jeg var ved at blive voksen og mere moden, ikke at jeg pludselig søgte andres accept. Jeg havde altid forudsat at jeg ikke havde brug for andres accept. Når det kom til stykket, var jeg jo lidt ukonventionel Men nu ser jeg at det øjeblik jeg indså jeg var anderledes var samme øjeblik hvor jeg begyndte at tilpasse og gemme mig.
But that same year I was in London, 16 years ago, I realized something about myself that actually was somewhat unique, and that changed everything. I became the opposite of who I thought I once was. I stayed in my room instead of socializing. I stopped engaging in clubs and leadership activities. I didn't want to stand out in the crowd anymore. I told myself it was because I was growing up and maturing, not that I was suddenly looking for acceptance. I had always assumed I was immune to needing acceptance. After all, I was a bit unconventional. But I realize now that the moment I realized something was different about me was the exact same moment that I began conforming and hiding.
At gemme sig er en langsomt voksende vane, ligeså snart du begynder at gemme dig bliver det sværere og sværere, at træde frem og sige din mening. Selv nu, da jeg talte med folk om mit oplæg fandt jeg på en dækhistorie og skjulte sandheden om mit TED-oplæg. Så det er passende og skræmmende at jeg efter 16 år er vendt tilbage til denne by og at jeg har valgt netop denne scene, til endelig at holde op med at gemme mig. Hvad er det så jeg har skjult i 16 år? Jeg er lesbisk.
Hiding is a progressive habit, and once you start hiding, it becomes harder and harder to step forward and speak out. In fact, even now, when I was talking to people about what this talk was about, I made up a cover story and I even hid the truth about my TED Talk. So it is fitting and scary that I have returned to this city 16 years later and I have chosen this stage to finally stop hiding. What have I been hiding for 16 years? I am a lesbian.
(Publikum klapper)
(Applause)
Tak.
Thank you.
Jeg har kæmpet for at kunne sige de ord, fordi jeg ikke ville defineres af dem. Førhen når jeg tænkte på at springe ud, sagde jeg til mig selv, "Jeg vil jo bare være kendt som Morgana", kun Morgana, ikke som "min lesbiske ven Morgana", eller "min homoseksuelle kollega Morgana". Bare Morgana.
I've struggled to say those words, because I didn't want to be defined by them. Every time I would think about coming out in the past, I would think to myself, but I just want to be known as Morgana, uniquely Morgana, but not "my lesbian friend Morgana," or "my gay coworker Morgana." Just Morgana.
For de af jer der bor i storbyområder, virker det måske som en detalje. Det virker måske mærkeligt at jeg har skjult sandheden, og holdt det hemmeligt i så lang tid. Men jeg var lammet af angsten for ikke at blive accepteret. Og det er jeg selvfølgelig ikke ene om. En undersøgelse lavet af Deloitte i 2013, viste at et overraskende stort antal mennesker skjuler dele af deres identitet. Af alle de ansatte de spurgte, svarede 61 procent at de ændrede dele af deres opførsel eller udseende for at passe ind på jobbet. Af de homo- eller biseksuelle ansatte, indrømmede 83 procent at de ændrede dele af sig selv så de ikke fremstod "for homoseksuelle". Undersøgelsen påpegede at selv i firmaer med politikker for forskellighed og programmer for inklusion, kæmpede ansatte med at være sig selv på jobbet fordi de mener at ensartethed er nøglen til muligheden for at fremme deres karriere. Selvom det kom bag på mig at så mange præcis som mig spilder så meget energi på at gemme sig selv, så skræmte det mig da jeg opdagede at min tavshed har livstidskonsekvenser og sociale følgevirkninger på langt sigt.
For those of you from large metropolitan areas, this may not seem like a big deal to you. It may seem strange that I have suppressed the truth and hidden this for so long. But I was paralyzed by my fear of not being accepted. And I'm not alone, of course. A 2013 Deloitte study found that a surprisingly large number of people hide aspects of their identity. Of all the employees they surveyed, 61 percent reported changing an aspect of their behavior or their appearance in order to fit in at work. Of all the gay, lesbian and bisexual employees, 83 percent admitted to changing some aspects of themselves so they would not appear at work "too gay." The study found that even in companies with diversity policies and inclusion programs, employees struggle to be themselves at work because they believe conformity is critical to their long-term career advancement. And while I was surprised that so many people just like me waste so much energy trying to hide themselves, I was scared when I discovered that my silence has life-or-death consequences and long-term social repercussions.
Tolv år: Det antal år, som den forventede levealder forkortes for homo- og biseksuelle personer, i stærkt anti-homo og biseksuelle samfund sammenlignet med accepterende samfund. Tolv års forkortet levetid. Da jeg læste det i magasinet The Advocate i år, indså jeg at jeg ikke længere havde råd til at være tavs. Effekterne af personlig stress og social stigmatisering er en dødelig blanding. Undersøgelsen viste at homoseksuelle i homoseksuelt-fjentlige samfund oftere var udsat for hjertesygdomme, vold og selvmord. Det jeg engang troede kun var en personlig sag indså jeg var langt mere vidtrækkende med betydning for arbejdspladser og for samfundet for hver historie som min. At jeg valgte at skjule og ikke vise hvem jeg virkelig er kan uforvarende have bidraget til præcis dette miljø til en diskriminerende atmosfære.
Twelve years: the length by which life expectancy is shortened for gay, lesbian and bisexual people in highly anti-gay communities compared to accepting communities. Twelve years reduced life expectancy. When I read that in The Advocate magazine this year, I realized I could no longer afford to keep silent. The effects of personal stress and social stigmas are a deadly combination. The study found that gays in anti-gay communities had higher rates of heart disease, violence and suicide. What I once thought was simply a personal matter I realized had a ripple effect that went into the workplace and out into the community for every story just like mine. My choice to hide and not share who I really am may have inadvertently contributed to this exact same environment and atmosphere of discrimination.
Jeg sagde altid til mig selv, at der ikke var grund til at dele at jeg var lesbisk, men at min tavshed kan have sociale konsekvenser blev tydeligt i år da jeg missede en mulighed for at ændre på den diskriminerende atmosfære i min hjemstat Kansas.
I'd always told myself there's no reason to share that I was gay, but the idea that my silence has social consequences was really driven home this year when I missed an opportunity to change the atmosphere of discrimination in my own home state of Kansas.
I februar, fremlagde Repræsentanternes Hus i Kansas et lovforslag til afstemning som i bund og grund ville tillade firmaer at nægte homoseksuelle tjenester på basis af retten til religiøs frihed En tidligere kollega og ven har en far der sidder i Repræsentanternes Hus i Kansas. Han stemte for vedtagelse af loven, til fordel for en lov der ville tillade virksomheder ikke at yde mig tjenester.
In February, the Kansas House of Representatives brought up a bill for vote that would have essentially allowed businesses to use religious freedom as a reason to deny gays services. A former coworker and friend of mine has a father who serves in the Kansas House of Representatives. He voted in favor of the bill, in favor of a law that would allow businesses to not serve me.
Hvilken mening har min ven om lesbiske, bøsser, biseksuelle og transkønnede, queer og spørgende personer? Og hvad mener hendes far? Det ved jeg ikke, for jeg var aldrig åben overfor dem om hvem jeg er. Og det ryster mig i min grundvold. Hvad hvis jeg for længe siden havde fortalt hende min historie? Kunne hun så havde fortalt sin far om mine oplevelser? Kunne jeg derved havde været med til at ændre hans stemme? Det finde jeg aldrig ud af, og det fik mig til at indse, at jeg intet havde gjort for at prøve at gøre en forskel.
How does my friend feel about lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning people? How does her father feel? I don't know, because I was never honest with them about who I am. And that shakes me to the core. What if I had told her my story years ago? Could she have told her father my experience? Could I have ultimately helped change his vote? I will never know, and that made me realize I had done nothing to try to make a difference.
Det er dybt ironisk: Jeg arbejder med HR en profession med fokus på at byde velkommen, forbinde og opmuntre de ansattes udvikling, en profession der arbejder for at mangfoldigheden i samfundet reflekteres på arbejdspladsen, og alligevel har jeg intet gjort for at fremme mangfoldighed. Da jeg startede i dette firma, for et år siden, tænkte jeg, at dette firma har anti-diskriminations politikker som beskytter bøsser, lesbiske, biseksuelle og trans-seksuelle personer. Deres forpligtelse til mangfoldighed er tydelig i deres globale inklusionsprogrammer. Når jeg går gennem indgangen til dette firma vil jeg endelig stå frem. Men det gjorde jeg ikke. Istedet for at udnytte muligheden, gjorde jeg ingenting.
How ironic that I work in human resources, a profession that works to welcome, connect and encourage the development of employees, a profession that advocates that the diversity of society should be reflected in the workplace, and yet I have done nothing to advocate for diversity. When I came to this company one year ago, I thought to myself, this company has anti-discrimination policies that protect gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Their commitment to diversity is evident through their global inclusion programs. When I walk through the doors of this company, I will finally come out. But I didn't. Instead of taking advantage of the opportunity, I did nothing.
(Publikum klapper)
(Applause)
Da jeg kiggede igennem min dagbog og scrapbog fra London fra mit semester udenlands i London, for 16 år siden, fandt jeg dette modificerede citat fra Tony Morrisons bog "Paradis". "Der er flere skræmmende ting indenfor end udenfor". Og så havde jeg skrevet en note til mig selv nederst: "Husk det". Det var sikkert et forsøg på at opmuntre mig selv til at komme ud og opdage London, men beskeden jeg havde overset var behovet for at begynde at udforske og acceptere mig selv. Hvad jeg først indså så mange år senere er at de største forhindringer jeg nogensinde kommer til at møde er min egen frygt og usikkerhed. Jeg tror på, at ved at møde min indre frygt, vil jeg kunne ændre virkeligheden udenfor. Jeg traf et valg i dag, at afsløre en del af mig selv som har været skjult alt for længe. jeg håber det betyder at jeg aldrig behøver gemme mig igen, og jeg håber, at ved at stå frem i dag, at jeg kan bidrage til at ændre på tallene og hjælpe andre der føler sig anderledes til at være mere dem selv og mere tilfredse både i deres arbejds- og privatliv. Tak skal I have. (Publikum klapper)
When I was looking through my London journal and scrapbook from my London semester abroad 16 years ago, I came across this modified quote from Toni Morrison's book, "Paradise." "There are more scary things inside than outside." And then I wrote a note to myself at the bottom: "Remember this." I'm sure I was trying to encourage myself to get out and explore London, but the message I missed was the need to start exploring and embracing myself. What I didn't realize until all these years later is that the biggest obstacles I will ever have to overcome are my own fears and insecurities. I believe that by facing my fears inside, I will be able to change reality outside. I made a choice today to reveal a part of myself that I have hidden for too long. I hope that this means I will never hide again, and I hope that by coming out today, I can do something to change the data and also to help others who feel different be more themselves and more fulfilled in both their professional and personal lives. Thank you. (Applause)