Bigger welcome! Hello, San Francisco! TEDx – oh my God, blinding light! Hi, everybody! How are you? (Audience cheering) Fine?! Oh my gosh! Okay, so... My name is Mel Robbins, and for the last seventeen years, I have done nothing but help people get everything that they want. Within reason! My husband's here. So, I've done it in the courtroom, in the boardroom, in the bedroom, in people's living room, whatever room you want to be in, if I'm there, I will help you get whatever you want by any means necessary. For the last three years – I host a syndicated radio show. Five days a week, I go live in forty cities and I talk to men and women across America who feel stuck. Do you know that a third of Americans feel dissatisfied with their lives right now? That is a hundred million people! That's insane! And I've come face to face with it in this new show that I'm doing, which is also insane, it's called "In-laws". I move in with families across America – (Laughter) You guessed it! – who are at war with their in-laws. We move them into the same house, I verbally assassinate everybody, we open up Pandora's box, and I get people to stop arguing about the donuts and who is hosting Thanksgiving dinner, and talk about the real stuff. And that's what I want to talk to you about. I'm here for you. I'm going to tell you everything I know in less than eighteen minutes about how to get what you want. So I want you to take a millisecond right now and think about what you want. You! And I want you to be selfish. Screw Simon and the "We" thing. This is about me, right now! (Laughter) (Applause) Sorry, Simon. What do you want? And here's the deal. I don't want it to sound good to other people. Being healthy will not get your ass on a treadmill. Losing your manboobs, so you can hook up with somebody, now that's motivation. (Laughter) So, I want to know: What do you want? Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to triple your income? Do you want to start a nonprofit? Do you want to find love? What is it? Get it, right here. You know what it is, don't analyze it to death, just pick something. That's part of the problem. You won't pick. So, we're going to be talking about how you get what you want. And frankly, getting what you want is simple. But notice I didn't say it was easy. It's very simple. In fact, if you think about it, we live in the most amazing moment in time. So that thing that you have up here, whatever it may be, you want to use healthy eating to cure your diabetes, you want to figure out how to take care of the elders and start a new hospice center, you want to move to Africa and build a school... Guess what? You can walk into a book store – right now! – and buy at least ten books written by credentialed experts on how the hell you do it. You could Google it. And you could probably find at least, I don't know - a thousand blogs documenting the step, by step, by step transformation that somebody else is already doing. You can find anybody online and cyber-stalk them! (Laughter) You can just walk in their footsteps – just use the science of drafting. Follow what everyone else has done, because somebody is already doing it! So why don't you have what you want, when you have all the information that you need, you have the contacts that you need, there are probably free tools online that allow you to start a business, or join a group, or do whatever the heck you want!? It all comes down to one word: F*©#. Shut the front door, you know what I'm talking about? The f-bomb. It's everywhere! You hear it all the time! I honestly don't understand what the appeal is of the word. I mean, you don't sound smart when you say it. And it's really not expressing how you really feel. It's sort of a cheap shot to take. And of course you know I'm talking about the word "fine". "How you doing?" "Oh, I'm fine." Oh, really? You are? Dragging around those extra forty pounds, you're fine? Feeling like roommates with your spouse, and you're fine? You haven't had sex in four months, you're fine? Really?! I don't think so! But see, here's the deal with saying that you're fine: It's actually genius. Because if you're fine, you don't have to do anything about it. But when you think about this word "fine", it just makes me so angry. Here we are at a conference about being alive and you're going to describe the experience of being alive as "fine"?! What a flimsy and feeble word! If you're crappy, say you're crappy! If you're amazing say you're amazing! Tell the truth! And this not only goes for the social construct: "Oh, I don't want to burden you with the fact that I hate my life", or: "Hey, I'm amazing! But that would make you feel terrible." The bigger issue – The bigger issue with "fine" is that you say it to yourself. That thing that you want, I guarantee you, you've convinced yourself that you're fine not having it. That's why you're not pushing yourself. It's the areas in your life where you've given up. Where you've said, "Oh, I'm fine. My mom's never going to change, so I just can't have that conversation." "I'm fine. We've got to wait until the kids graduate, before we get divorced, so we'll just sleep in separate bedrooms." "I'm fine. I lost my job, I can barely pay my bills, but whatever – It's hard to get a job." One of the reasons why this word also just annoys me so much is, scientists have calculated – Oh yeah, I'm coming down! (Laughter) Scientists have calculated the odds of you being born. That's right. They've crunched the numbers. I see you up there. They've crunched the numbers on you – Yeah, you guys standing up, you want to sit down for this. They've crunched the numbers on you being born. And they took into account all of the wars, and the natural disasters, and the dinosaurs, and everything else. And do you realize that the odds, the odds of you, yeah, right here, put your computer away, stand up for me, Doug! (Laughter) So the odds of Doug here, turn around, say "hi" to everybody – the odds of Doug being born at the moment in time he was born, to the parents you were born to, with the DNA structure that you have, one in four hundred trillion! Isn't that amazing? Doug: I'm so lucky! Mel: Yes! You're not fine, you're fantastic! You have life-changing ideas for a reason, and it's not to torture yourself. Thank you. Thank you, Doug. (Applause) Christine was right when she said all of you could be on stage. Because all of you – we're all in this category. One in four hundred trillion. All day long you have ideas that could change your life, that could change the world, that could change the way that you feel, and what do you do with them? Nothing! (Grunts) Hopefully I won't moon you. (Laughter) You didn't pay for that. (Laughter) And I want you to just think for a minute, because we all have – I love to use the analogy "the inner snooze button" – you have these amazing ideas that bubble up. You've been watching people all day and I guarantee you, like ping pong balls – bam-bam-bam and everytime you have an idea, what do you do? – Hit the snooze! What's the first decision you made this morning? I bet it was to go back to bed. "Yeah, first decision today, I'm one in four hundred trillion, I'm going to go back to sleep." And I get it! Your bed is comfortable! It's cosy, it's warm! If you're lucky, you've got somebody that you love next to you, or in my case, I've got my husband and my two kids and possibly the dog. And the reason why I'm bringing up this first decision that you made today, and the inner snooze alarm, is because in any area of your life that you want to change, any – there's one fact that you need to know. This one: You are never going to feel like it. Ever. No one's coming, motivation isn't happening, you're never going to feel like it. Scientists call it activation energy. That's what they call the force required to get you to change from what you're doing on autopilot to do something new. So try this test tomorrow. You think you're so fancy, I know, you're attending TED. (Laughter) Try this. Tomorrow morning, set your alarm for thirty minutes earlier. And then when it goes off, take those sheets, throw them off, and stand up and start your day. No snooze, no delay, no, "I'll just wait here for five seconds because Mel's not standing here" – Do it. And the reason why I want you to do it is because you will come face to face with the physical, and I mean physical force that's required to change your behavior. Do you think that somebody who needs to lose weight ever feels like going on a diet? Of course not! You think they ever feel like eating boiled chicken and peas instead of a croissant? I don't think so! The activation energy required to get your ass away from your computer and out the front door, to go on the walk, you said that you were going to go on, is the exact same amount of force that it takes you to push yourself out of a warm bed and into a cold room. What's interesting about being an adult is that when you become eighteen, nobody tells you that it's now going to be your job to parent yourself. And by "parent yourself", I mean it's your job to make yourself do the crap you don't want to do, so you can be everything that you're supposed to be. And you're so damn busy waiting to feel like it. And you're never going to! My son never feels like getting off his DS. That's my job! Get off the damn DS! Kendall, clean up the Barbies! If you're going to have a nude party in my bathroom, at least clean it up! (Laughter) God, chew with your mouth closed! We're not a barn, for crying out loud! Alright, dinner is coming, get out of the pantry. As parents, and you were a kid, your parents make you do the things you don't feel like doing. Because you won't. Ever. Not now, not then, not ever! And even when you get good at something, you'll figure out something else you don't want to do. And then you'll plateau out, get bored, "I hate this job. Blah blah boring." But will you look for a new one? No! You'll just bitch about that one. It's very, very simple to get what you want. But it's not easy. You have to force yourself. And I mean force. And the reason why I use the word "force" – when Roz was up here and talking about the emotion tracking, and she had the picture of two sides of the brain – I look at the brain the exact same way. Only I describe one side of your brain as autopilot and the other side as emergency brake. That's the only two speeds you get: autopilot, emergency brake. And guess which one your brain likes better: autopilot. You've had the experience where you've driven to work and you get there and you're like, "Oh my God, I don't remember ever driving here." (Laughter) You weren't drunk! That was your brain on autopilot. It was functioning just at this level. And the problem with your mind is that anytime you do anything that's different from your normal routine, guess what your brain does — emergency brake! And it has that reaction for everything. Everything! You walk into the kitchen and see everybody's left their breakfast dishes for you. And you think for the hundredth time, "I'm going to kill them. In fact I'm gonna leave it here and I'm going to make them do it." But that's not your normal routine, is it? So your mind goes: emergency brake! And you go right into autopilot. "I'll just load it, and be pissed, and then not have sex. That's what I'm going to do." (Laughter) (Applause) So, when I say "force", anything that's a break from your routine is going to require force. And if you think about your life, it's kind of funny because we are kids and then we become adults, and we spend so much time trying to push our life into some sort of stable routine, and then we grow bored of it! You wake up at the same time every day, you have largely the same breakfast, you drive to work the same way, show up at work, look busy, avoid making calls, update Facebook, you attend a meeting and doodle the whole time, go back and update Facebook, make plans for the evening, you look busy some more, then drive home the same way, you eat largely the same dinner or a variety of it, you watch the same kind of media, and then you go to bed, and do the same thing all over again! No wonder you're bored out of your mind! It's the routine that's killing you. I have this theory about why people get stuck in life. So, most of you've probably taken your Basic Psych 101 class, and you've bumped into Abraham Maslow's "Hierarchy of Needs"? Well, your body is kinda cool. Because you have these basic needs. And your body is wired to send you signals. If you need food, what do you feel? If you need water, what do you feel? If you need sex, what do you feel? (Laughter) Thank you. I think when you feel stuck or dissatisfied in your life, it's a signal. And it's not a signal that your life is broken. It's a signal that one of your most basic needs are not being met. Your need for exploration. Everything about your life, about your body, grows! Your cells regenerate, your hair, your nails, everything grows for your entire life. And your soul needs exploration and growth. And the only way you'll get it is by forcing yourself to be uncomfortable. Forcing yourself to get outside, out of your head. Thank you. If you're in your head, you're behind enemy lines. That is not God talking, okay? It's not! In fact, if I put a speaker on it and we broadcast what you say to yourself, we would institutionalize you. (Laughter) You would not hang out with people that talk to you the way you talk to yourself. So get out of your head! Your feelings! Your feelings are screwing you! I don't care how you feel! I care about what you want! And if you listen to how you feel, when it comes to what you want – you will not get it. Because you will never feel like it. And you need to get outside your comfort zone. It's not about taking risks, it's about getting outside your comfort zone. Those first three seconds when you push yourself out of bed, they blow. But once you're up, it's great. Those first three seconds when you're sitting here in a stadium like this and somebody says, "Get up and come dance," and you think, "Oh, I should do that," and then you're like, "Uhmm." That experience that you had when you had the impulse to do it and then you didn't do the activation energy required to force yourself, your emergency brake got pulled – "I'm sitting right here. I'm not going up with those crazy people, I don't like to dance..." What happened for me is I came up, and I bumped into Rachel, and then we started talking, and next thing you know, she's tweeting. And we're friends. And – boom! Get outside. That's where the magic is. That's where the one in four hundred trillion exists. So everything I do – oh, OK, this is the last part. Sorry. So one more thing that you can use, I call it the five-second-rule. Your mind can process a facial expression in 33 milliseconds. It can move pretty damn quick. The other thing that it does very quickly is if you have one of those little impulses that are pulling you, if you don't marry it with an action within five seconds, you pull the emergency brake and kill the idea. Kill it! If you have the impulse to get up and come dance while the band is playing, if you don't stand up in five seconds, you're going to pull the emergency brake. If you have an impulse about, you were inspired by somebody's speech today, and you don't do something within five seconds – write a note, send yourself a text – anything physical to marry it with the idea, you will pull the emergency brake and kill the idea. Your problem isn't ideas. Your problem is you don't act on them. You kill them. It's not my fault. It's not anybody's fault. You're doing it to yourself. Stop it! I'm counting on you. One in four hundred trillion. You got stuff to do! And it's not going to happen in your head. So I want you to practice this today. When we go off to party, thank God it's coming soon, because I think we all could use a cocktail, I want you to practice the five-second-rule. You see somebody and you think you have an impulse, they look interesting? Walk over there! You were inspired by somebody and you have a request? Make it! That's why you're here! Experiment with it, and I think you'll be shocked about what happens. And one more thing, I want you to know that everything that I do, whether it's the radio show, or the television show, or the book that I wrote, or the column, it's for you. And if there is anything that I can do, if I can do anything to make you do the things you don't want to do, so you can have what you want, I will do it. But you need to walk over, you need to open your mouth, and you need to make the request. You got it? Good. Go do it. (Applause) Thank you! Thank you, yes! Stand up! You have the impulse, stand up! Thank you!
Dobrodošli! Zdravo San Francisko! TEDx - o moj bože, oslepljujuće svetlo! Ćao svima! Kako ste? (Ovacije) Dobro?! O moj bože! Dakle... Zovem se Mel Robins, i u proteklih 17 godina, uradila sam sve da pomognem ljudima da dobiju sve ono što žele. U granicama razuma! Moj muž je ovde. Dakle, uradila sam to u sudnici, u sali za sastanke, u spavaćoj sobi, u dnevnoj sobi ljudi, bilo kojoj sobi u kojoj želite da budete, Ako sam ja tamo, pomoći ću vam da dobijete šta god želeli po svaku cenu. U poslednje tri godine - organizujem sindikatnu radio emisiju. Pet dana u nedelji, uživo pričam u 40 gradova i pričam sa muškarcima i ženama duž Amerike koji se osećaju zaglavljeno. Da li znate da se trećina amerikanaca oseća nezadovoljno u životu ovog trenutka? To je 100 miliona ljudi! To je ludo! I suočila sam se sa tim u novoj emisiji koju radim, koja je isto luda, i zove se "Rodbina". Uselim se kod porodica duž Amerike - (Smeh) Pogodili ste! - koje su u svađi sa svojom rodbinom. Premestimo ih u istu kuću, verbalno ih sve napadnem, otvorimo pandorinu kutiju, i nateram ljude da prestanu da se svađaju oko krofni i ko organizuje Dan zahvalnosti, i pričamo o realnim stvarima. I to je ono o čemu bih želela da pričam sa vama. Tu sam za vas. Reći ću vam sve što ja znam, za manje od 18 minuta, o tome kako da dobijete ono što želite. Želim da zastanete samo na milisekundu i mislite o tome šta želite. Vi! Želim da budete sebični. Ko šiša Sajmona i partnerstvo. Ovo je sad u vezi sa mnom! (Smeh) (Aplauz) Izvini Sajmone. Šta želite? Ovako stoje stvari. Ne želim da zvučim dobro drugim ljudima. Dobro zdravlje vas neće naterati da potrčite. Gubljenje muških sisa da biste se spanđali sa nekim, to je već motivacija. (Smeh) Prema tome, želim da znam: "Šta želite?" Da li želite da smršate? Da li želite da utrostručite vaš prihod? Želite započeti neprofitnu organizaciju? Želite li da nađete ljubav? Šta je to? Nađite to, upravo ovde. Ako znate šta želite, ne analizirajte u sitna crevca, samo odaberite nešto. To je deo problema. Nećete da izaberete. Pričaćemo o tome kako da dobijete ono što želite. A iskreno, dobiti ono što hoćete je jednostavo. Ali primetite da nisam rekla da je lako. Veoma je jednostavno. U stvari, ako porazmislite o tome, mi živimo u najimpresivnijem trenutku u istoriji. Ta stvar koju ste zamislili, koja god ona bila, želite da zdravom ishranom izlečite dijabetes, želite da pronađete način da se pobrinete za starije i pokrenete novi centar za zdravstvenu negu, želite da se preselite u Afriku i izgradite školu... Znate šta? Možete da uđete u knjižaru - ovog trenutka! - i kupite barem 10 knjiga pouzdanih stručnjaka o tome kako da to uradite. Možete to da izguglate. I verovatno biste mogli da nađete, pa ne znam - hiljadu blogova na kojima je objavljen korak po korak promene koju neko drugi već pravi. Možete da nađete bilo koga na internetu i da ih sajber-proganjate! (Smeh) Možete ići njihovim koracima - samo koristite nauku o sakupljanju. Pratite šta su svi drugi uradili, jer neko već to radi! Pa, zašto nemate to što želite, kada imate sve informacije koje su vam neophodne, kada imate sve kontakte koji su vam potrebni, ima besplatnih alatki na internetu koje vam omogućuju da pokrenete posao ili se učlanite u grupu, ili uradite šta god vam volja? Sve se svodi na jednu reč: D+@®©. Neverovatno, znate na šta mislim? Ta ružna reč. Svuda je! Svakodnevno je čujete! Ja iskreno ne razumem u čemu je stvar sa ovom rečju. Mislim, ne zvučite pametno kad je izgovorite. I stvarno ne odražava to kako se osećate. To je jeftin pokušaj koji možete povući. A naravno pričam o reči "dobro". "Kako ste?" "Pa, dobro sam." O stvarno? Dobro ste? Vucarate unaokolo tih dodatnih 40 kila, i dobro ste? Osećate se kao da cimerišete sa suprugom, a dobro ste? Niste imali seks četiri meseca, i dobro ste? Zaista?! Ja ne mislim tako. Ali vidite, u ovome je stvar kad kažete da ste dobro, zapravo je genijalno. Jer ako ste dobro, ne morate da uradite ništa. A kad porazmislite o reči "dobro", jednostavno me razljuti. Na koferenciji smo gde pričamo o življenju. A vi opisujete iskustvo življenja kao "dobro"?! Kakva bezvezna i nemoćna reč! Ako ste loše, recite da vam je loše! Ako ste divno, recite da ste divno! Recite istinu! I ovo ne važi samo za društveni konstrukt: "Ne želim da vas smaram činjenicom da mrzim svoj život", ili: "Hej, ja sam divno! Ali onda bi se ti osećao užasno." Veći problem - Veći problem sa rečju "dobro" je taj što vi to govorite sebi. Stvar koju želite, garantujem vam, da ste ubedili sebe da vam je dobro bez te stvari. Zato se ne trudite. To su oblasti u vašem životu gde ste odustali. Gde ste rekli: "Ma, dobro sam. Moja majka se nikad neće promeniti, zato ne mogu da pričam o tome." "Dobro sam. Moramo sačekati da deca završe školu, pre nego što se razvedemo, tako da ćemo prosto spavati u odvojenim sobama." "Dobro sam. Izgubila sam posao, jedva da mogu da platim račune, ali šta god - teško je naći posao." Jedan od razloga što me ova reč toliko iritira je, naučnici su izračunali - O da, silazim! (Smeh) Naučnici su izračunali verovatnoću vašeg rođenja. Tako je. Oni su analizirali brojeve. Vidim vas tamo gore. Oni su obradili brojeve vašeg - Da, vi momci što stojite, bolje da sednete. Oni su izračunali verovatnoću vašeg rođenja. A uzeli su u obzir sve ratove, prirodne nepogode, dinosauruse, i sve ostalo. A da li shvatate da verovatnoća, verovatnoća da vi, da, vi tamo, odložite kompjuter, ustanite za mene, Dag! (Smeh) Dakle verovatnoća da se Dag, okreni se, reci "ćao" svima - verovatnoća Dagovog rođenja u trenutku vremena kad se rodio, od roditelja koji su vas napravili, sa DNK strukturom koju imate, jedan u četristo biliona! Nije li to zadivljujuće? Dag: "Baš sam srećnik!" Mel: "Da! Niste dobro, vi ste fantastično!" Imate ideje koje mogu da vam promene život s razlogom, a ne da bi vas mučile. Hvala Vam. Hvala Vam, Dag. (Smeh) Kristin je bila u pravu kad je rekla da svi vi možete biti na podijumu. Jer svi vi - svi smo mi u ovoj kategoriji. Jedan u četiri stotine biliona. Tokom celog dana imate ideje koje vam mogu promeniti život, koje bi mogle da promene svet, da promene to kako se osećate, a šta vi radite sa njima? Ništa! (Groktaj) Nadajmo se da vam neću pokazati zadnjicu. (Smeh) Niste platili za to. (Smeh) Želim da samo mislite na trenutak, jer svi mi imamo - volim da koristim analogiju "unutrašnje dugme za odlaganje" - imate te divne ideje koje vam se pojave u glavi. Gledali ste ljude ceo dan i garantujem vam, kao loptice za ping pong - bam-bam-bam a svaki put kad imate ideju, šta vi uradite? - Odlažete! Koja je prva odluka koju ste doneli ovog jutra? Kladim se da je bila ta da odete nazad u krevet. "Da, prva odluka danas, Ja sam jedan u četiri stotine biliona, idem da se vratim na spavanje." I razumem vas! Vaš krevet je udoban! Prijatan je, topao je! Ako imate sreće, imate nekoga pored sebe koga volite, ili u mom slučaju, imam muža, moje dvoje dece i možda kuče. A razlog što pominjem ovu prvu odluku koju ste doneli danas, i unutrašnje dugme za odlaganje, je zato što u bilo kojoj oblasti vašeg života koju želite da promenite, bilo kojoj - ima jedna činjenica koju treba da znate. Ova: Nikada nećete biti raspoloženi za to. Nikada. Niko vam neće pomoći, motivacija ne dolazi, nikada nećete biti raspoloženi za to. Naučnici to zovu aktivaciona energija. Tako zovu silu koja je potrebna da vas natera da promenite ono što radite mehanički, da radite nešto novo. Tako da probajte ovaj test sutra. Mislite da ste baš fensi, Znam, prisusvujete TEDx-u. (Smeh) Probajte ovo. Sutra ujutru, podesite alarm za pola sata ranije. A kada se upali, uhvatite tu posteljinu, bacite je, pa ustanite i počnite dan. Bez dremke, bez odlaganja, bez: "Čekaću ovde 30 sekundi pošto Mel ne stoji ovde" - Uradite to. A razlog što želim da to uradite je taj što ćete se suočiti sa fizičkom, mislim fizičkom silom koja je potrebna da vam promeni ponašanje. Mislite li da onaj ko mora da smrša ikada želi da ide na dijetu? Naravno da ne! Mislite da se ikad osećaju kao da im se jede kuvana piletina i grašak umesto kroasana? Nisam baš sigurna! Aktivaciona energija potrebna da vas pomeri od kompjutera, a kroz ulazna vrata, da odete u šetnju, u koju ste rekli da ćete otići, je ista količina sile koja vas tera da se izgurate iz toplog kreveta u hladnu prostoriju. Ono što je interesantno u vezi sa tim da ste odrasli, je to da kad napunite 18 godina, niko vam ne kaže da je sad vaš posao da se starate o sebi. A kad kažem "starate o sebi", mislim da je vaš posao da se naterate da uradite stvari koje ne želilte da radite, tako da možete da budete sve što ste hteli da budete. I prokleto ste zauzeti čekajući da budete raspoloženi za to. I nikada nećete biti! Moj sin nikad neće da skine sa nitenda. To je moj posao! Skini se sa prokletog nitenda! Kendal, pospremi barbike! Ako ćeš da imaš nudističku žurku u mom kupatilu, barem ga pospremi! (Smeh) Zaboga, žvaćite sa zatvorenim ustima! Nismo štala, za ime boga! 'Ajde, uskoro će večera, izađi iz špajza. Kao roditelji, a bili ste dete, roditelji vas teraju da radite stvari koje vam se ne rade. Jer nećete. Nikada. Ne sada, ne posle, nikada! Čak i kad postanete dobri u nečemu, pronaći ćete nešto drugo što nećete da radite. A onda ćete dostići neki nivo, smoriti se: "Mrzim ovaj posao. Bla bla dosadno." A da li ćete potražiti novi? Ne! Vi ćete samo da se žalite o tom. Veoma je jednostavno da dobijete ono što želite. Ali nije lako. Morate da se naterate. I mislim na silu. A razlog što koristim reč "sila" - kad je Roz bila ovde i pričala o praćenju emocija, imala je sliku dve strane mozga - ja gledam na mozak na isti način. Samo što ja opisujem jednu stranu mozga kao autopilot, a drugu stranu kao kočnicu za slučaj opasnosti. To su dve brzine koje imate: autopilot, ručicu za slučaj opasnosti. i pogodite koju mozak više voli: autopilot. Desilo vam se da ste vozili na posao i da ste stigli tamo i da ste pomislili: "O bože, ne sećam se vožnje dovde." (Smeh) Niste bili pijani! To je bio vaš mozak na autopilotu. Funkcionisao je na ovom nivou. A problem sa umom je taj što svaki put kad uradite bilo šta što je drugačije od vaše normalne rutine, pogodite šta mozak uradi - koči! I ima tu reakciju za sve. Sve! Ušetate u kuhinju i vidite svi su ostavili svoje sudove od doručka za vas. I pomislite po hiljaditi put: "Ubiću ih. U stvari ostviću sudove ovde i nateraću njih da ih operu." Ali to nije vaša normalna rutina, zar ne? Pa vaš um podiže ručicu za slučaj opasnosti. I onda odmah pređe u autopilota. "Ubaciću ih ja, i biti besna, i onda neću imati seks. To ću da uradim" Prema tome, kad kažem "sila", bilo šta što odskače od vaše rutine će da zahteva silu. I ako porazmislite o svom životu, i nekako je smešno jer smo deca a onda odrastemo, i potrošimo puno vremena pokušavajući da naguramo život u neku vrstu stabilne rutine, a onda nas te rutine smore! Budite se u isto vreme svaki dan, imate u velikoj meri isti doručak, vozite do posla istim putem, bivate na poslu, izgledate zauzeto izbegavate da pozivate ljude, ažurirate Fejsbuk, prisustvujete sastanku i žvrljkate sve vreme, vratite se, ažurirate Fejs i napravite planove za veče, izgledate zauzeto još malo, onda vozite kući istim putem, jedete u velikoj meri istu večeru ili nešto slično, gledate iste vrste medija, a onda odete u krevet, i radite istu stvar ispočetka. Nije ni čudo što ste umrli od dosade. Rutine vas ubijaju. Imam teoriju o tome zašto se ljudi zaglave u životu. Većina vas je verovatno pohađala časove uvoda u psihologiju, i naleteli ste na "Hijerarhiju potreba" Abrahama Maslova? E pa, vaše telo je nekako kul. Jer imate te osnovne potrebe. I vaše telo je programirano da vam šalje signale. Ako vam treba hrana, šta osećate? Ako vam treba voda, šta osećate? Ako vam treba seks, šta osećate? (Smeh) Hvala vam. Mislim da kad se osećate zaglavljeno ili nezadovoljno u životu, da je to znak. A to nije znak da je vaš život pokvaren. To je znak da jedna od vaših osnovnih potreba nije zadovoljena. Vaša potreba za istraživanjem. Sve u vezi sa vašim životom, sa vašim telom, raste. Vaše ćelije se regenerišu, vaša kosa, vaši nokti, sve raste tokom celog života. I vašoj duši je potrebno istraživanje i razvoj. A jedini način da dođete do toga je da se terate da vam bude nelagodno. Da se terate da izađete napolje, iz svoje glave. Hvala vam. Ako ste u svojoj glavi, iza neprijateljskih linija ste. To ne priča bog, okej? Ne priča! Zapravo, ako vas stavim na zvučnike i prenesemo šta govorite sebi, institucionalizovali bismo vas. (Smeh) Ne biste se družili sa ljudima koji pričaju sa vama na način na koji vi pričate sa sobom. Prema tome izađite iz svoje glave. Vaša osećanja! Vaša osećanja vas varaju! Ne zanima se kako se osećate! Zanima me to šta želite! I ako poslušate kako se osećate, kad je u pitanju šta vi želite - nećete tu stvar dobiti. Jer nikada nećete biti raspoloženi za to. Morate da izađete iz zone komfora. Ne radi se o rizikovanju, radi se o izlaženju iz zone komfora. Te prve tri sekunde kad se izgurate iz kreveta su užas. Ali čim ustanete, super je. One tri sekunde kad sedite u sali kao ovoj i neko kaže: "Ustani i dođi da plešemo", i pomislite: "O, trebalo bi da to uradim", a onda ste u fazonu: "Hmmmm". Taj doživljaj koji ste imali kad ste imali impuls da to uradite, a onda niste izvršili aktivacionu energiju koja vam je bila potrebna da se naterate, ručica za hitne slučajeve se povukla - "Sedim upravo ovde. Ne ustajem sa tim ludim ljudima, ne volim da plešem..." Ono što se desilo meni je da sam došla i naletela na Rejčel, a onda smo počele da pričamo, sledeća stvar, ona tvirtuje. I prijateljice smo. I - bum! Izađite napolje. Tamo je magija. Tamo gde postoji jedan u četiri stotine biliona. Dakle sve što ja radim - O, okej, ovo je zadnji deo. Izvinite. Još jedna stvar koju možete da koristite, ja ga zovem pravilo 5 sekundi. Um može da procesuira izraz lica u 33 milisekunde. Može da se kreće prilično brzo. Druga stvar koju um radi veoma brzo je ako imate jedan od onih malih implusa koji vas vuku, ako ne uradite ništa povodom toga u roku od pet sekundi, povlačite ručicu za hitne slučajeve i ubijate ideju. Ubijate je! Ako imate impuls da ustanete i odete da plešete dok bend svira, i ako ne ustanete za pet sekundi, povući ćete ručicu za hitne slučajeve. Ako imate impuls u vezi sa, da ste bili inspirisani nečijim govorom danas, i ne uradite nešto u roku od pet sekundi - napišite belešku, pošaljite sebi poruku - bilo šta fizički da se vežete za ideju, povući ćete ručicu i ubiti ideju. Vaš problem nisu ideje. Problem je što ne radite ništa sa njima. Vi ih ubijate. Nisam ja kriva. Niko nije kriv. Vi to radite sebi. Prestanite! Računam na vas. Jedan u četiri stotina biliona. Imate svašta da radite! I to se neće desiti u vašoj glavi. Tako da želim da vežbate ovo danas. Kad odemo na žurku, hvala bogu što se bliži, jer mislim da bi nam svima prijao koktel, želim da vežbate pravilo pet sekundi. Vidite nekoga i pomislite da imate impuls, izgledaju interesantno? Odšetajte do tamo! Bili ste inspirisani nekim i imate zahtev? Uradite to! Zato ste ovde! Eksperimentišite sa tim, i mislim da ćete biti šokirani onim što će se desiti. I još jedna stvar, želim da znate da sve što ja radim, bilo da je radio emisija ili televizijska emisija ili knjiga koju sam napisala ili kolumna, za vas je. I ako ima bilo šta što mogu da uradim, ako mogu uraditi išta da vas nateram da uradite stvari koje ne želite da uradite, tako da možete imati ono što želite, uradiću to. Ali morate da priđete, treba da otvorite usta, i treba da uputite zahtev. Jasno? Dobro. 'Ajde uradite to. (Aplauz) Hvala vam! Hvala vam, da! Ustanite! Imate impuls, ustanite!