I didn't know when I agreed to do this whether I was expected to talk or to sing. But when I was told that the topic was language, I felt that I had to speak about something for a moment.
Nisam znala kad sam pristajala na ovo da li se od mene očekuje da pričam ili pevam. Ali kad mi je rečeno da je tema jezik, osetila sam da moram da pričam o nečemu na trenutak.
I have a problem. It's not the worst thing in the world. I'm fine. I'm not on fire. I know that other people in the world have far worse things to deal with, but for me, language and music are inextricably linked through this one thing.
Ja imam problem. Nije to najgora stvar na svetu. Dobro sam ja. Ne gorim. Znam da drugi ljudi na svetu imaju mnogo veće probleme, ali za mene, jezik i muzika su neraspletivo povezani kroz jednu stvar.
And the thing is that I have a stutter. It might seem curious given that I spend a lot of my life on the stage. One would assume that I'm comfortable in the public sphere and comfortable here, speaking to you guys. But the truth is that I've spent my life up until this point and including this point, living in mortal dread of public speaking. Public singing, whole different thing. (Laughter) But we'll get to that in a moment. I've never really talked about it before so explicitly. I think that that's because I've always lived in hope that when I was a grown-up, I wouldn't have one. I sort of lived with this idea that when I'm grown, I'll have learned to speak French, and when I'm grown, I'll learn how to manage my money, and when I'm grown, I won't have a stutter, and then I'll be able to public speak and maybe be the prime minister and anything's possible and, you know. (Laughter) So I can talk about it now because I've reached this point, where — I mean, I'm 28. I'm pretty sure that I'm grown now. (Laughter) And I'm an adult woman who spends her life as a performer, with a speech impediment. So, I might as well come clean about it.
A to je da ja mucam. Možda to zvuči čudno s obzirom da provodim dosta vremena na sceni. Neko bi rekao da mi je prijatno u javnosti i da mi je ovde prijatno, dok pričam sa vama. Ali je istina da sam provela svoj život do ovog trenutka i uključujući ovaj trenutak u smrtnom strahu od govora u javnosti. Pevanje u javnosti, skroz druga stvar. (Smeh) Ali doći ćemo uskoro i do toga. Nisam nikad ranije eksplicitno pričala o tome. Mislim da je to zato što sam uvek živela u nadi da kada odrastem, neću da mucam. Živela sam sa tom idejom da ću kada odrastem, da naučim da pričam francuski, i da ću kada odrastem, da naučim kako sa novcem, i kada odrastem, neću da mucam. i onda ću moći da govorim u javnosti, i možda postanem premijer i znate, sve je moguće. (Smeh) Mogu o tome sad da govorim jer sam dostigla tačku gde ja - mislim, imam 28 godina. Prilično sam sigurna da sam odrasla. (Smeh) I ja sam odrasla žena koja provodi život kao izvođač, sa govornom manom. Tako da mogu i otvoreno o tome.
There are some interesting angles to having a stutter. For me, the worst thing that can happen is meeting another stutterer. (Laughter) This happened to me in Hamburg, when this guy, we met and he said, "Hello, m-m-m-my name is Joe," and I said, "Oh, hello, m-m-m-my name is Meg." Imagine my horror when I realized he thought I was making fun of him. (Laughter)
Ima nekih zanimljivih stvari kad mucaš. Najgora stvar za mene koja može da se dogodi je da sretnem drugu osobu koja muca. (Smeh) Ovo mi se desilo u Hamburgu, kada je jedan momak, sreli smo se i rekao je, "Zdravo, m-m-m-m-moje ime je Džo," i ja sam rekla, "O zdravo, m-m-m-moje ime je Meg." Zamislite moj užas kad sam shvatila da je on mislio da ga ismevam. (Smeh)
People think I'm drunk all the time. (Laughter)
Ljudi misle da sam stalno pijana. (Smeh)
People think that I've forgotten their name when I hesitate before saying it. And it is a very weird thing, because proper nouns are the worst. If I'm going to use the word "Wednesday" in a sentence, and I'm coming up to the word, and I can feel that I'm going to stutter or something, I can change the word to "tomorrow," or "the day after Tuesday," or something else. It's clunky, but you can get away with it, because over time I've developed this loophole method of using speech where right at the last minute you change the thing and you trick your brain. But with people's names, you can't change them. (Laughter) When I was singing a lot of jazz, I worked a lot with a pianist whose name was Steve. As you can probably gather, S's and T's, together or independently, are my kryptonite. But I would have to introduce the band over this rolling vamp, and when I got around to Steve, I'd often find myself stuck on the "St." And it was a bit awkward and uncomfortable and it totally kills the vibe. So after a few instances of this, Steve happily became "Seve," and we got through it that way. (Laughter)
Misle da sam im zaboravila ime. kad oklevam pre nego što izgovorim. I to je jako čudno, jer su vlastite imenice najgore. Ako koristim reč "sreda" u rečenici, i dolazim do te reči, i osećam da ću da zamucam ili tako nešto, mogu da promenim reč u "sutra", ili u "dan posle utorka", ili nešto drugo. Nezgodno je, ali možeš sa tim da se izvučeš, jer sam tokom vremena razvila ovaj metod izgovora gde koristim jezik gdenu poslednjem minutu promeniš reč da prevariš svoj mozak. Ali imena ljudi ne možete da menjate. (Smeh) Kada sam dosta pevala dosta džez, radila sam sa pijanistom koji se zvao Stiv. Kao što možete i da pretpostavite, "S" i "T", zajedno ili odvojeno, su moj kriptonit. Ali morala sam da predstavim bend sa ovom svojom improvizacijom koja se ponavlja, i kada dođem do Stiva, često se zaglavim kod "St". I bilo je čudno i neprijatno i potpuno ubije atmosferu. I posle par ovakvih situacija, Stiv je na sreću postao "Siv", i tako smo to rešili. (Smeh)
I've had a lot of therapy, and a common form of treatment is to use this technique that's called smooth speech, which is where you almost sing everything that you say. You kind of join everything together in this very singsong, kindergarten teacher way, and it makes you sound very serene, like you've had lots of Valium, and everything is calm. (Laughter) That's not actually me. And I do use that. I do. I use it when I have to be on panel shows, or when I have to do radio interviews, when the economy of airtime is paramount. (Laughter) I get through it that way for my job. But as an artist who feels that their work is based solely on a platform of honesty and being real, that feels often like cheating.
Imala sam puno terapije, ustaljeni oblik lečenja je da se koristi tehnika koja se zove umiljati govor, gde se skoro pa peva sve što se kaže. Kao da sve spojiš na taj pevljiv način vaspitačice, i čini da zvučiš vrlo smireno, kao da si uzeo dosta valijuma, i sve je mirno. (Smeh) To u suštini nisam ja. I ja ovo koristim. Da. Koristim ovo kad sam u nekom panel šou, ili kad radim intervju na radiju, kad je ušteda vremena u etru najvažnija. (Smeh) Na ovaj način to odradim zbog mog posla. Ali kao umetnik koji oseća da je njegov rad je jedino zasnovan na platformi iskrenosti i osećaja stvarnosti, ovo se često čini kao varanje.
Which is why before I sing, I wanted to tell you what singing means to me. It's more than making nice sounds, and it's more than making nice songs. It's more than feeling known, or understood. It's more than making you feel the things that I feel. It's not about mythology, or mythologizing myself to you. Somehow, through some miraculous synaptic function of the human brain, it's impossible to stutter when you sing. And when I was younger, that was a method of treatment that worked very well for me, singing, so I did it a lot. And that's why I'm here today.
i zato sam htela da vam kažem, pre nego što pevam šta mi znači pevanje. To je više od stvaranja lepih zvukova, i više od stvaranja lepih pesama. Više od toga da se osećaš poznato, ili da si shvaćen. To je više od osećanja stvari koje ja osećam. Nije to zbog mitologije, ili stvaranja mitologije od sebe. Nekako, kroz neku čudesnu sinaptičku funkciju ljudskog mozga, nemoguće je da mucaš kad pevaš. Kad sam bila mlađa, to je bio metod mog lečenja koji je kod mene jako dobro delovao, pevanje, pa sam ja to dosta radila. I zato sam danas ovde.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
Singing for me is sweet relief. It is the only time when I feel fluent. It is the only time when what comes out of my mouth is comprehensively exactly what I intended. (Laughter) So I know that this is a TED Talk, but now i'm going to TED sing. This is a song that I wrote last year.
Za mene je pevanje slatko olakšanje. To je jedino vreme kad se osećam razgovetno. To je jedino vreme da ono što mi izađe iz usta je sveobuhvatno tačno ono što sam naumila. (Smeh) Znam da je ovo TED govor, ali sad ću da TED pevam. Ovo je pesma koju sam napisala prošle godine.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Hvala vam mnogo, Hvala vam.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
(Piano)
(Klavir)
♪ I would be a beauty ♪
♪ Bila bih lepotica♪
♪ but my nose ♪
♪ ali moj nos ♪
♪ is slightly too big ♪
♪ je malkice veći ♪
♪ for my face ♪
♪ za moje lice ♪
♪ And I would be a dreamer ♪
♪ I bila bih sanjar ♪
♪ but my dream ♪
♪ ali moj san ♪
♪ is slightly too big ♪
♪ je malkice veći ♪
♪ for this space ♪
♪ za ovaj prostor ♪
♪ And I would be an angel ♪
♪ I bila bih anđeo ♪
♪ but my halo ♪
♪ ali moj oreol ♪
♪ it pales in the glow ♪
♪ bledi u sjaju ♪
♪ of your grace ♪
♪ tvoje milosti ♪
♪ And I would be a joker ♪
♪ I bila bih džoker♪
♪ but that card looks silly when you play ♪
♪ ali ta karta izgleda smešno kad ti igraš ♪
♪ your ace ♪
♪ sa svojim asom ♪
♪ I'd like to know ♪
♪ Volela bih da znam ♪
♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪
♪ Ima li zvezda u paklu? ♪
♪ And I'd like to know ♪
♪ I volela bih da znam ♪
♪ know if you can tell ♪
♪ da znam ako znaš ♪
♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪
♪ da zbog tebe gubim sve što znam ♪
♪ That I cannot choose to or not let go ♪
♪ da ne mogu da izaberem da li da odustanem ili ne ♪
♪ And I'd stay forever ♪
♪ A ostala bih zauvek ♪
♪ but my home ♪
♪ ali moj dom ♪
♪ is slightly too far ♪
♪ je malkice predaleko ♪
♪ from this place ♪
♪ od ovog mesta ♪
♪ And I swear I tried to ♪
♪ I kunem se da sam pokušala ♪
♪ slow it down ♪
♪ da usporim ♪
♪ when I am walking at your pace ♪
♪ kada hodam u tvom ritmu ♪
♪ But all I could think ♪
♪ Ali jedino sam mogla da mislim ♪
♪ idling through the cities ♪
♪ na prazan hod kroz grad ♪
♪ do I look pretty in the rain? ♪
♪ Izgledam li lepo na kiši? ♪
♪ And I don't know how someone ♪
♪ I ne znam kako neko ♪
♪ quite so lovely ♪
♪ tako drag ♪
♪ makes me feel ugly ♪
♪ čini da se osećam ružnom ♪
♪ So much shame ♪
♪ mnogo srama ♪
♪ And I'd like to know ♪
♪ I volela bih da znam ♪
♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪
♪ Ima li zvezda u paklu ♪
♪ And I'd like to know ♪
♪ I volela bih da znam ♪
♪ know if you can tell ♪
♪ da znam da li znaš ♪
♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪
♪ da me činiš da gubim sve što znam ♪
♪ that I cannot choose to or not let go ♪
♪ da ne mogu da izaberem da li da odustanem ili ne ♪
Thank you very much. (Applause)
Hvala vam puno. (Aplauz)