I didn't know when I agreed to do this whether I was expected to talk or to sing. But when I was told that the topic was language, I felt that I had to speak about something for a moment.
Ketika saya setuju tampil di sini, saya tidak tahu apakah saya diminta untuk berbicara atau menyanyi. Tapi ketika saya diberitahu topiknya adalah tentang bahasa,
I have a problem. It's not the worst thing in the world. I'm fine. I'm not on fire. I know that other people in the world have far worse things to deal with, but for me, language and music are inextricably linked through this one thing.
saya merasa saya harus berbicara untuk beberapa saat. Saya punya masalah. Ini bukan masalah terburuk di dunia. Saya baik-baik saja. Saya tidak sedang diujung tanduk. Saya tahu bahwa banyak orang lain di dunia punya masalah-masalah yang lebih berat, tapi bagi saya, bahasa dan musik berhubungan erat dengan masalah ini.
And the thing is that I have a stutter. It might seem curious given that I spend a lot of my life on the stage. One would assume that I'm comfortable in the public sphere and comfortable here, speaking to you guys. But the truth is that I've spent my life up until this point and including this point, living in mortal dread of public speaking. Public singing, whole different thing. (Laughter) But we'll get to that in a moment. I've never really talked about it before so explicitly. I think that that's because I've always lived in hope that when I was a grown-up, I wouldn't have one. I sort of lived with this idea that when I'm grown, I'll have learned to speak French, and when I'm grown, I'll learn how to manage my money, and when I'm grown, I won't have a stutter, and then I'll be able to public speak and maybe be the prime minister and anything's possible and, you know. (Laughter) So I can talk about it now because I've reached this point, where — I mean, I'm 28. I'm pretty sure that I'm grown now. (Laughter) And I'm an adult woman who spends her life as a performer, with a speech impediment. So, I might as well come clean about it.
Masalahnya, saya seorang yang gagap. Mungkin ini terdengar aneh karena saya sering berada di atas panggung. Orang lain akan mengira bahwa saya nyaman berada dalam sorotan publik dan merasa nyaman berbicara kepada Anda semua di sini. Kenyataannya, sepanjang hidup saya sampai sekarang, termasuk saat ini, saya selalu merasa takut setiap kali saya berbicara di depan umum. Tapi lain halnya dengan menyanyi di depan umum. (Tawa) Nanti saya akan berbicara tentang itu. Saya tidak pernah membicarakannya secara terbuka sebelumnya. Saya rasa ini karena saya selalu berharap bahwa ketika saya besar nanti, masalah ini akan hilang. Saya tumbuh dengan pemikiran semacam ini. Kalau saya besar nanti, saya akan belajar bahasa Perancis, dan saya akan belajar mengatur keuangan saya, saya tidak akan gagap lagi dan saya dapat berbicara di depan umum, dan mungkin menjadi perdana menteri dan segalanya mungkin. (Tawa) Saya bisa membicarakannya sekarang karena saya telah mencapai titik dimana — yah, saya sudah berusia 28 tahun. Saya yakin saya sudah cukup dewasa. (Tawa) Dan saya seorang wanita dewasa yang menghabiskan hidupnya di atas panggung, dengan kegagapan. Jadi, sekalian saja saya bicara terus terang.
There are some interesting angles to having a stutter. For me, the worst thing that can happen is meeting another stutterer. (Laughter) This happened to me in Hamburg, when this guy, we met and he said, "Hello, m-m-m-my name is Joe," and I said, "Oh, hello, m-m-m-my name is Meg." Imagine my horror when I realized he thought I was making fun of him. (Laughter)
Ada yang menarik dari kegagapan saya. Bagi saya, hal terburuk yang mungkin terjadi adalah bertemu dengan orang gagap lainnya. (Tawa) Ini terjadi kepada saya di Hamburg, ketika itu saya bertemu seorang pria dan dia berkata, "Halo, n-n-n-nama saya Joe," dan saya berkata, "Oh, halo, n-n-n-nama saya Meg." Bayangkan betapa saya kaget ketika menyadari dia pikir saya mengolok-oloknya. (Tawa)
People think I'm drunk all the time. (Laughter)
Orang-orang berpikir saya selalu mabuk. (Tawa)
People think that I've forgotten their name when I hesitate before saying it. And it is a very weird thing, because proper nouns are the worst. If I'm going to use the word "Wednesday" in a sentence, and I'm coming up to the word, and I can feel that I'm going to stutter or something, I can change the word to "tomorrow," or "the day after Tuesday," or something else. It's clunky, but you can get away with it, because over time I've developed this loophole method of using speech where right at the last minute you change the thing and you trick your brain. But with people's names, you can't change them. (Laughter) When I was singing a lot of jazz, I worked a lot with a pianist whose name was Steve. As you can probably gather, S's and T's, together or independently, are my kryptonite. But I would have to introduce the band over this rolling vamp, and when I got around to Steve, I'd often find myself stuck on the "St." And it was a bit awkward and uncomfortable and it totally kills the vibe. So after a few instances of this, Steve happily became "Seve," and we got through it that way. (Laughter)
Orang-orang berpikir saya lupa nama mereka karena saya terbata-bata. Dan memang aneh, karena kata benda adalah yang paling sulit. Kalau saya akan menggunakan kata "Rabu" dalam sebuah kalimat, dan hendak mengucapkan kata tersebut, dan saya merasa saya akan terbata-bata, saya bisa menggantinya dengan "besok," atau "sehari setelah hari Selasa," atau semacamnya. Kedengarannya kikuk, tapi saya bisa menghindarinya karena dari waktu ke waktu saya menyelamatkan diri dengan berbicara seperti ini dimana di saat-saat terakhir, saya mengganti satu dua kata dan mengelabui otak sendiri. Tapi saya tak bisa mengganti nama orang. (Tawa) Ketika saya harus menyanyikan banyak lagu jazz, saya sering berkolaborasi dengan seorang pianis bernama Steve. Anda mungkin sudah bisa menebak. Huruf S dan T, baik berjejeran ataupun berdiri sendiri merupakan kelemahan saya. Tapi saya harus memperkenalkan anggota band saat jeda, dan ketika giliran Steve, saya sering kesulitan menyebut "St." Suasananya menjadi agak cangung dan tidak nyaman, dan merusak mood yang ada. Jadi setelah beberapa kali, saya menyebut Steve "Seve," dan begitulah kami mengatasinya. (Tawa)
I've had a lot of therapy, and a common form of treatment is to use this technique that's called smooth speech, which is where you almost sing everything that you say. You kind of join everything together in this very singsong, kindergarten teacher way, and it makes you sound very serene, like you've had lots of Valium, and everything is calm. (Laughter) That's not actually me. And I do use that. I do. I use it when I have to be on panel shows, or when I have to do radio interviews, when the economy of airtime is paramount. (Laughter) I get through it that way for my job. But as an artist who feels that their work is based solely on a platform of honesty and being real, that feels often like cheating.
Saya sudah melalui banyak sesi terapi, dan pengobatan yang biasa digunakan adalah sebuah cara yang dinamakan berpidato mulus, dimana Anda hampir selalu menyanyikan setiap ucapan Anda. Anda menggabungkan semua yang ada dalam metode menyanyi ini, seperti halnya guru TK mengajar, dan ini sangat menenangkan, seperti habis minum banyak Valium, dan semuanya begitu tenang. (Tawa) Sebenarnya saya tidak seperti itu. Namun saya melakukannya, ketika berada di acara temu bicara, atau wawancara di radio, ketika saya harus tampil di depan publik demi uang. (Tawa) Ini siasat saya dalam bekerja. Tapi sebagai artis yang merasa pekerjaannya berdasarkan semata-mata atas kejujuran dari diri kita yang sebenarnya,
Which is why before I sing, I wanted to tell you
saya merasa seperti telah berbuat curang.
what singing means to me. It's more than making nice sounds, and it's more than making nice songs. It's more than feeling known, or understood. It's more than making you feel the things that I feel. It's not about mythology, or mythologizing myself to you. Somehow, through some miraculous synaptic function of the human brain, it's impossible to stutter when you sing. And when I was younger, that was a method of treatment that worked very well for me, singing, so I did it a lot. And that's why I'm here today.
Karenanya, sebelum saya bernyanyi, saya ingin memberitahu apa arti menyanyi bagi saya. Menyanyi lebih dari sekadar menciptakan melodi yang indah, dan lebih dari sekedar membuat lagu yang bagus. Lebih dari sekadar dikenal dan dimengerti. Menyanyi berarti membuat Anda merasakan apa yang saya rasa. Ini bukanlah mengenai mitologi, atau memitologikan diri saya kepada Anda. Seakan-akan, melalui keajaiban fungsi otak, kegagapan yang ada hilang. Ketika saya kecil, metode ini berhasil, Bernyanyi. Jadi saya sering bernyanyi. Dan itulah mengapa saya di sini hari ini. (Tepuk tangan)
(Applause)
Terima kasih.
Thank you.
Singing for me is sweet relief. It is the only time when I feel fluent. It is the only time when what comes out of my mouth is comprehensively exactly what I intended. (Laughter) So I know that this is a TED Talk, but now i'm going to TED sing. This is a song that I wrote last year.
Menyanyi semacam suatu pelampiasan bagi saya, karena itulah satu-satunya masa dimana saya merasa sangat fasih, satu-satunya saat dimana apa yang keluar dari mulut saya adalah sesuatu yang benar-benar saya maksud. (Tawa) Saya tahu ini acara ceramah, tapi sekarang saya mau bernyanyi. Lagu ini saya gubah tahun lalu.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Terima kasih banyak. Terima kasih.
(Applause)
(Tepuk tangan)
(Piano)
(Piano)
♪ I would be a beauty ♪
♪ I would be a beauty ♪ (Aku ingin menjadi cantik)
♪ but my nose ♪
♪ but my nose ♪ (tapi hidungku)
♪ is slightly too big ♪
♪ is slightly too big ♪ (terlalu besar)
♪ for my face ♪
♪ for my face ♪ (di wajahku)
♪ And I would be a dreamer ♪
♪ And I would be a dreamer ♪ (dan aku ingin bermimpi)
♪ but my dream ♪
♪ but my dream ♪ (tapi mimpiku)
♪ is slightly too big ♪
♪ is slightly too big ♪ (terlampau besar)
♪ for this space ♪
♪ for this space ♪ (untuk tempat ini)
♪ And I would be an angel ♪
♪ And I would be an angel ♪ (dan aku ingin menjadi malaikat)
♪ but my halo ♪
♪ but my halo ♪ (tapi lingkaran cahayaku)
♪ it pales in the glow ♪
♪ it pales in the glow ♪ (terlihat pucat di hadapan)
♪ of your grace ♪
♪ of your grace ♪ (sinar anugerahmu)
♪ And I would be a joker ♪
♪ And I would be a joker ♪ (Dan aku ingin menjadi Joker)
♪ but that card looks silly when you play ♪
♪ but that card looks silly ♪ (tapi kartu itu terlihat konyol) ♪ when you play ♪ (ketika kamu memainkan)
♪ your ace ♪
♪ your ace ♪ (kartu As-mu)
♪ I'd like to know ♪
♪ I'd like to know ♪ (Aku ingin tahu)
♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪
♪ Are there stars in hell ♪ (Apakah ada bintang di neraka)
♪ And I'd like to know ♪
♪ And I'd like to know ♪ (Dan aku ingin tahu)
♪ know if you can tell ♪
♪ know if you can tell ♪ (apakah kamu tahu)
♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪
♪ that you make me lose ♪ (bahwa kamu membuatku)
♪ That I cannot choose to or not let go ♪
♪ everything I know ♪ (kehilangan semuanya)
♪ That I cannot choose ♪ (dan aku tidak bisa memutuskan) ♪ to or not let go ♪ (untuk melepaskan atau tidak)
♪ And I'd stay forever ♪
♪ And I'd stay forever ♪ (Dan aku ingin tinggal selamanya)
♪ but my home ♪
♪ but my home ♪ (tapi rumahku)
♪ is slightly too far ♪
♪ is slightly too far ♪ (terlalu jauh)
♪ from this place ♪
♪ from this place ♪ (dari sini)
♪ And I swear I tried to ♪
♪ And I swear I tried to ♪ (Dan sungguh, aku mencoba untuk)
♪ slow it down ♪
♪ slow it down ♪ (berjalan lebih pelan)
♪ when I am walking at your pace ♪
♪ when I am walking at your pace ♪ (mengikuti langkahmu)
♪ But all I could think ♪
♪ But all I could think ♪ (Tapi yang kupikirkan)
♪ idling through the cities ♪
♪ idling through the cities ♪ (selagi melewati kota)
♪ do I look pretty in the rain? ♪
♪ do I look pretty (apakah aku terlihat cantik) ♪ in the rain ♪ (di tengah hujan)
♪ And I don't know how someone ♪
♪ And I don't know how someone ♪ (Dan entah bagaimana seseorang)
♪ quite so lovely ♪
♪ quite so lovely ♪ (yang cukup menarik)
♪ makes me feel ugly ♪
♪ makes me feel ugly ♪ (membuatku merasa jelek)
♪ So much shame ♪
♪ So much shame ♪ (Aku sangat malu)
♪ And I'd like to know ♪
♪ And I'd like to know ♪ (Dan aku ingin tahu)
♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪
♪ Are there stars in hell ♪ (Apakah ada bintang di neraka)
♪ And I'd like to know ♪
♪ And I'd like to know ♪ (Dan aku ingin tahu)
♪ know if you can tell ♪
♪ know if you can tell ♪ (apakah kamu tahu)
♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪
♪ that you make me lose ♪ (bahwa kamu membuatku)
♪ that I cannot choose to or not let go ♪
♪ everything I know ♪ ( kehilangan segalanya)
♪ that I cannot choose ♪ (dan aku tidak bisa memutuskan) ♪ to or not let go ♪ (untuk melepaskan atau tidak)
Thank you very much. (Applause)
Terima kasih banyak. (Tepuk tangan)