I didn't know when I agreed to do this whether I was expected to talk or to sing. But when I was told that the topic was language, I felt that I had to speak about something for a moment.
Kada sam pristala na ovo, nisam znala očekuje li se od mene da govorim ili da pjevam. Ali kad su mi rekli da je tema jezik, shvatila sam da moram govoriti o nečemu, barem na kratko.
I have a problem. It's not the worst thing in the world. I'm fine. I'm not on fire. I know that other people in the world have far worse things to deal with, but for me, language and music are inextricably linked through this one thing.
Imam problem. Nije to najgora stvar na svijetu. Dobro sam. Nisam se zapalila. Znam da se neki drugi ljudi u svijetu moraju nositi s mnogo gorim stvarima, ali za mene su jezik i glazba nerazdvojivo vezani u toj jednoj stvari.
And the thing is that I have a stutter. It might seem curious given that I spend a lot of my life on the stage. One would assume that I'm comfortable in the public sphere and comfortable here, speaking to you guys. But the truth is that I've spent my life up until this point and including this point, living in mortal dread of public speaking. Public singing, whole different thing. (Laughter) But we'll get to that in a moment. I've never really talked about it before so explicitly. I think that that's because I've always lived in hope that when I was a grown-up, I wouldn't have one. I sort of lived with this idea that when I'm grown, I'll have learned to speak French, and when I'm grown, I'll learn how to manage my money, and when I'm grown, I won't have a stutter, and then I'll be able to public speak and maybe be the prime minister and anything's possible and, you know. (Laughter) So I can talk about it now because I've reached this point, where — I mean, I'm 28. I'm pretty sure that I'm grown now. (Laughter) And I'm an adult woman who spends her life as a performer, with a speech impediment. So, I might as well come clean about it.
Stvar je u tome što mucam. Možda vam se to čini zanimljivim s obzirom da provodim veliki dio svog života na pozornici. Netko bi pretpostavio da mi je ugodno u javnoj sferi i ugodno ovdje, pričajući s vama. Ali istina je ta da sam život do ovog trena, i u ovom trenu, provela živeći u smrtnom strahu od javnog govora. Javno pjevanje, skroz druga stvar. (Smijeh) Ali do toga ćemo doći za trenutak. Nikad prije zapravo nisam pričala o tome tako otvoreno. Mislim da je to zato što sam uvijek živjela u nadi da kad budem odrasla, neću imati taj strah. Živjela sam zamišljajući da ću kada odrastem, naučiti pričati francuski, i kad narastem, znat ću upravljati novcem, i kada narastem, neću mucati, i onda ću moći pričati u javnosti i možda biti premijer i sve je moguće, znate. (Smijeh) Tako da o tome mogu sada pričati jer sam dosegla ovu točku, gdje — mislim, imam 28 godina. Sigurna sam da sam sad odrasla. (Smijeh) I odrasla sam žena koja provodi vrijeme kao izvođač, s govornom manom.
There are some interesting angles to having a stutter. For me, the worst thing that can happen is meeting another stutterer. (Laughter) This happened to me in Hamburg, when this guy, we met and he said, "Hello, m-m-m-my name is Joe," and I said, "Oh, hello, m-m-m-my name is Meg." Imagine my horror when I realized he thought I was making fun of him. (Laughter)
Tako da mogu barem biti iskrena oko toga. Postoje zanimljiva gledišta kada mucate. Za mene, najgora stvar koja se može dogoditi je upoznati drugu osobu koja muca. (Smijeh) To mi se dogodilo u Hamburgu, kad je ovaj tip - upoznali smo se i rekao je, "Zdravo, m-m-m-moje ime je Joe," i ja kažem, "O, zdravo, m-m-moje ime je Meg." Zamislite moj užas kad sam shvatila da misli da ga ismijavam. (Smijeh)
People think I'm drunk all the time. (Laughter)
Ljudi stalno misle da sam pijana. (Smijeh)
People think that I've forgotten their name when I hesitate before saying it. And it is a very weird thing, because proper nouns are the worst. If I'm going to use the word "Wednesday" in a sentence, and I'm coming up to the word, and I can feel that I'm going to stutter or something, I can change the word to "tomorrow," or "the day after Tuesday," or something else. It's clunky, but you can get away with it, because over time I've developed this loophole method of using speech where right at the last minute you change the thing and you trick your brain. But with people's names, you can't change them. (Laughter) When I was singing a lot of jazz, I worked a lot with a pianist whose name was Steve. As you can probably gather, S's and T's, together or independently, are my kryptonite. But I would have to introduce the band over this rolling vamp, and when I got around to Steve, I'd often find myself stuck on the "St." And it was a bit awkward and uncomfortable and it totally kills the vibe. So after a few instances of this, Steve happily became "Seve," and we got through it that way. (Laughter)
Ljudi misle da sam im zaboravila ime kad oklijevam prije nego ga kažem. I to je vrlo čudno, jer vlastite imenice su najgore. Ako ću koristiti riječ "srijeda" u rečenici, i dolazim do te riječi, i osjećam da ću zamucati ili nešto, mogu promijeniti tu riječ u "sutra," ili "dan poslije utorka," ili nešto drugo. Nezgodno je, ali možete se s tim izvući. S vremenom sam razvila zaobilaznu metodu korištenja govora gdje sve do zadnjeg trena možete promijeniti stvar i prevariti mozak. Ali imena ljudi, ne možete ih mijenjati. (Smijeh) Kad sam puno pjevala jazz, radila sam s puno pijanista koji su se zvali Steve. Vjerojatno možete zamisliti, S i T, zajedno ili odvojeno, moj su kriptonit. Ali, morala sam predstaviti bend tijekom uvodne glazbe, i kad bih došla do Steve, često bih stala na "St." Bilo je pomalo neugodno i nespretno i to totalno ubije vibru. Nakon nekoliko ovakvih slučajeva, Steve je rado postao "Seve," i tako smo to svladali. (Smijeh)
I've had a lot of therapy, and a common form of treatment is to use this technique that's called smooth speech, which is where you almost sing everything that you say. You kind of join everything together in this very singsong, kindergarten teacher way, and it makes you sound very serene, like you've had lots of Valium, and everything is calm. (Laughter) That's not actually me. And I do use that. I do. I use it when I have to be on panel shows, or when I have to do radio interviews, when the economy of airtime is paramount. (Laughter) I get through it that way for my job. But as an artist who feels that their work is based solely on a platform of honesty and being real, that feels often like cheating.
Bila sam na puno terapija, i uobičajeni način tretiranja je koristiti tehniku koja se zove glatki govor, a to je kada gotovo pjevate sve što govorite. Nekako pridružite sve skupa na ovaj pjevni način, poput učiteljice u vrtiću, tako da zvučite vrlo smireno, kao da ste uzeli puno Valiuma, i sve je mirno. (Smijeh) To zapravo nisam ja. I koristim to. Koristim. Činim to kad moram biti za govornicom, ili kad moram dati intervju na radiju, kada je upravljanje trajanjem programa najvažnije. (Smijeh) Tako to nadilazim zbog posla. Ali kao umjetnik koji osjeća da se njen rad temelji samo na platformi iskrenosti i stvarnosti, to se često čini kao varanje.
Which is why before I sing, I wanted to tell you what singing means to me. It's more than making nice sounds, and it's more than making nice songs. It's more than feeling known, or understood. It's more than making you feel the things that I feel. It's not about mythology, or mythologizing myself to you. Somehow, through some miraculous synaptic function of the human brain, it's impossible to stutter when you sing. And when I was younger, that was a method of treatment that worked very well for me, singing, so I did it a lot. And that's why I'm here today.
Zbog toga, prije nego zapjevam, želim vam reći što pjevanje za mene znači. Više je od pravljenja lijepih zvukova, i više je od stvaranja lijepih pjesama. Više je od toga da se osjećate poznato, ili da vas razumiju. Više je od toga da osjećate stvari koje ja osjećam. Ne radi se o mitologiji, ili mitologizaciji mene vama. Nekako, kroz neku čudesnu sinaptičku funkciju ljudskog mozga, nemoguće je mucati kad pjevate. Kad sam bila mlađa, to je bila metoda liječanja koja je bila vrlo uspješna na meni, pjevanje, tako da sam puno pjevala. I zato sam danas ovdje.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
Singing for me is sweet relief. It is the only time when I feel fluent. It is the only time when what comes out of my mouth is comprehensively exactly what I intended. (Laughter) So I know that this is a TED Talk, but now i'm going to TED sing. This is a song that I wrote last year.
Pjevanje je za mene slatko olakšanje. To je jedini trenutak kada se osjećam tečno. To je jedini trenutak kad ono što izlazi iz mojih usta je točno ono što sam htjela reći. (Smijeh) Znam da je ovo TED govor, ali ja ću sad TED pjevati. Ovu pjesmu sam napisala lani.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Hvala vam puno. Hvala vam.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
(Piano)
(Glasovir)
♪ I would be a beauty ♪
♪ Bila bih ljepotica ♪
♪ but my nose ♪
♪ ali moj nos ♪
♪ is slightly too big ♪
♪ je malo prevelik ♪
♪ for my face ♪
♪ za moje lice ♪
♪ And I would be a dreamer ♪
♪ I bila bih sanjar ♪
♪ but my dream ♪
♪ ali moji snovi ♪
♪ is slightly too big ♪
♪ su malo preveliki ♪
♪ for this space ♪
♪ za ovaj prostor ♪
♪ And I would be an angel ♪
♪ I bila bih anđeo ♪
♪ but my halo ♪
♪ ali moja aureola ♪
♪ it pales in the glow ♪
♪ blijedi u sjaju ♪
♪ of your grace ♪
♪ tvoje milosti ♪
♪ And I would be a joker ♪
♪ I bila bih džoker ♪
♪ but that card looks silly when you play ♪
♪ ali ta karta izgleda blesavo kad odigraš ♪
♪ your ace ♪
♪ svoj adut ♪
♪ I'd like to know ♪
♪ Voljela bih znati ♪
♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪
♪ Ima li zvijezda u paklu? ♪
♪ And I'd like to know ♪
♪ I voljela bih znati ♪
♪ know if you can tell ♪
♪ znati možeš li primjetiti ♪
♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪
♪ da zbog tebe gubim sve što znam ♪
♪ That I cannot choose to or not let go ♪
♪ Da ne mogu odabrati pustiti ili ne ♪
♪ And I'd stay forever ♪
♪ I ostala bih zauvijek ♪
♪ but my home ♪
♪ ali moj dom ♪
♪ is slightly too far ♪
♪ je malo predaleko ♪
♪ from this place ♪
♪ od ovog mjesta ♪
♪ And I swear I tried to ♪
♪ I kunem se da sam pokušala ♪
♪ slow it down ♪
♪ usporiti ♪
♪ when I am walking at your pace ♪
♪ kada hodam uz tvoj korak♪
♪ But all I could think ♪
♪ Ali sve o čem sam mogla misliti ♪
♪ idling through the cities ♪
♪ mirujući kroz gradove ♪
♪ do I look pretty in the rain? ♪
♪ izgledam li lijepo na kiši? ♪
♪ And I don't know how someone ♪
♪ I ne znam kako zbog nekog♪
♪ quite so lovely ♪
♪ tako ljupkog ♪
♪ makes me feel ugly ♪
♪ se osjećam ružnom ♪
♪ So much shame ♪
♪ Toliko srama ♪
♪ And I'd like to know ♪
♪ I željela bih znati ♪
♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪
♪ Ima li zvijezda u paklu? ♪
♪ And I'd like to know ♪
♪ I željela bih znati ♪
♪ know if you can tell ♪
♪ znati možeš li primjetiti ♪
♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪
♪ da zbog tebe gubim sve što znam ♪
♪ that I cannot choose to or not let go ♪
♪ da ne mogu odabrati pustiti ili ne ♪
Thank you very much. (Applause)
Hvala vam puno. (Pljesak)