Hello, Doha. Hello! Salaam alaikum.
Pozdrav, Doha. Salam alejkum.
I love coming to Doha. It's such an international place. It feels like the United Nations here. You land at the airport, and you're welcomed by an Indian lady who takes you to Al Maha Services, where you meet a Filipino lady who hands you off to a South African lady who then takes you to a Korean who takes you to a Pakistani guy with the luggage who takes you to the car with a Sri Lankan. You go to the hotel and you check in. There's a Lebanese. Yeah? And then a Swedish guy showed me my room.
Volim da dolazim u Dohu. Tako je internacionalna. Deluje kao Ujedinjene nacije upravo ovde. Sletiš na aerodrom i dobrodošlicu ti poželi Indijka koja te odvede do Al Maha usluga, gde upoznaješ damu sa Filipina koja te predaje dami iz Južne Afrike koja te odvodi do Koreanke, koja te odvodi do Pakistanca koji je zadužen za prtljag, koji te odvodi do kola čiji je vozač sa Šri Lanke. Stigneš do hotela i prijaviš se. Tamo se nalazi Libanac. Da? I zatim mi je Šveđanin pokazao sobu.
I said, "Where are the Qataris?"
Pitao sam: "Gde su Katarani?" (Smeh)
(Laughter)
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
They said, "No, no, it's too hot. They come out later. They're smart." "They know."
Rekli su: "Ne, ne, previše je toplo. Oni izlaze kasnije. Pametni su. " (Smeh) "Oni znaju."
(Laughter)
And of course, it's growing so fast, sometimes there's growing pains. You know, like sometimes you run into people that you think know the city well, but they don't know it that well. My Indian cab driver showed up at the W, and I asked him to take me to the Sheraton, and he said, "No problem, sir." And then we sat there for two minutes.
I naravno razvija se tako brzo, ponekad to prouzrokuje probleme. Znate, kao kad ponekad naletite na ljude za koje mislite da poznaju grad dobro, ali ustvari ga ne poznaju baš najbolje. Moj taksista Indijac pojavio se kod hotela "W", i ja sam ga zamolio da me odveze do Šeratona, i on je rekao: "Nema problema, gospodine." I zatim smo tako dva minuta sedeli.
I said, "What's wrong?" He said, "One problem, sir."
Pitao sam: "Šta nije u redu?" Rekao je: "Jedan problem, gospodine."
(Laughter)
Pitao sam: "Šta?" Na šta će on: "Gde se to nalazi?"
I said, "What?" He goes, "Where is it?"
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
I go, "You're the driver, you should know."
Kažem ja: "Vi ste vozač, vi bi to trebalo da znate."
He goes, "No, I just arrived, sir."
Na to će on: "Ne, upravo sam stigao, gospodine."
I go, "You just arrived at the W?" "No, I just arrived in Doha, sir."
Pitao sam: "Upravo ste stigli u W?" "Ne, upravo sam stigao u Dohu, gospodine.
(Laughter)
Bio sam na putu od aerodroma ka kući. Dobio sam posao.
"I was on my way home from the airport, I got a job. I'm working already."
Već radim."
(Laughter)
Pita me: "Gospodine, zašto Vi ne vozite?"
He goes, "Sir, why don't you drive?"
(Laughter)
"Ne znam kuda idemo."
"I don't know where we're going."
"Ni ja. Ovo će biti avantura, gospodine."
"Neither do I. It will be an adventure, sir."
(Laughter)
The Middle East has been an adventure the past couple of years. It is going crazy with the Arab Spring and revolution and all this. Are there any Lebanese here tonight, by applause?
Ovo jeste jedna avantura. Srednji istok zadnjih par godina je prava avantura. Srednji istok postaje sve luđi sa Arapskim prolećem i revolucijom i sa svim ostalim.
(Cheering)
Da li ima Libanaca ovde večeras?
Lebanese, yeah.
Neki Libanci po aplauzu? (Aplauz) Libanci.
The Middle East is going crazy. You know the Middle East is going crazy when Lebanon is the most peaceful place in the region.
Da. Srednji istok postaje sve luđi. Znate da Srednji istok postaje sve luđi kad je Liban najmirnije mesto u regionu.
(Laughter) (Applause)
(Smeh) (Aplauz)
Who would have thought?
Ko bi to pomislio? O, moj bože.
(Laughter)
Oh my gosh.
No, there's serious issues in the region. Some people don't want to talk about them. I'm here to talk about them tonight. Ladies and gentlemen of the Middle East, here's a serious issue. When we see each other, when we say hello, how many kisses are we going to do?
Ne. Postoje ozbiljni problemi u regiji. Neki ne žele da pričaju o tim problemima. Ja sam ovde večeras da pričam o njima. Dame i gospodo Srednjeg istoka, evo ga jedan ozbiljan problem. Kad se sretnemo, kad se pozdravljamo, koliko poljubaca razmenjujemo?
(Laughter)
Every country is different and it's confusing, okay? In Lebanon, they do three. In Egypt, they do two. I was in Lebanon, I got used to three. I went to Egypt. I went to say hello to this one Egyptian guy, I went, one, two. I went for three -- He wasn't into it.
Svaka država je drugačija i ovo je prilično zbunjujuće, u redu? U Libanu razmenjuju tri. U Egiptu, dva. Bio sam u Libanu i navikao se na tri. Otišao sam u Egipat. Otišao sam da pozdravim jednog Egipćanina, krenuo sam, jedan, dva. Hteo sam i treći. Nije baš bio za to. (Smeh)
(Laughter)
Rekao sam mu: "Ne, ne, ne, upravo sam bio u Libanu."
I told him, I said, "No, no, I was just in Lebanon." He goes, "I don't care where you were. You just stay where you are, please."
On reče: "Ne zanima me gde si bio. Samo ostani tu gde jesi, molim te."
(Laughter) (Applause)
I went to Saudi Arabia. In Saudi Arabia, they go one, two, and then they stay on the same side: three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 --
Otišao sam u Saudijsku Arabiju. Tamo, oni krenu, jedan, dva, i zatim ostanu na istoj strani - tri, četri, pet, šest, sedam, osam, devet, 10,11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
Next time you see a Saudi, look closely. They're just a little bit tilted.
Sledeći put kad sretnete Saudijca, pogledajte ga pažljivo. Oni su malčice nakrivljeni.
(Laughter)
"Abdul, are you okay?"
"Abdul, jesi li dobro?" "Jesam, pozdravljao sam se pola sata.
"I was saying hello for half an hour. I'll be all right."
Biću u redu."
(Laughter)
Qataris, you guys do the nose to nose. Why is that? Are you too tired to go all the way around?
Katarani, vi se pozdravljate nosom o nos. Zašto to? Previše vam je mrsko da pravite čitav "obilazak"?
(Laughter)
"Habibi, it's so hot. Just come here for a second. Say hello. Hello, Habibi. Just don't move. Just stay there, please. I need to rest."
"Habibi, mnogo je toplo. Dođi ovamo samo na sekund. Reci zdravo. Zdravo, Habibi. Ne pomeraj se. Samo ostani tamo molim te. Moram da se odmorim."
(Laughter)
Iranians, sometimes we do two, sometimes we do three. A friend of mine explained to me, before the '79 revolution, it was two.
Iranci, ponekad razmenjujemo dva, a ponekad tri. Jedan prijatelj mi je objasnio, pre revolucije 1979, razmenjivali su dva.
(Laughter)
Posle revolucije, tri.
After the revolution, three. So with Iranians, you can tell whose side the person is on based on the number of kisses they give you. Yeah, if you go one, two, three -- "I can't believe you support this regime!"
Kod Iranaca, možeš zaključiti na čijoj je strani ta osoba na osnovu broja poljubaca koje ti daje. Da, kad razmenjuješ jedan, dva, tri - "Ne mogu da verujem
(Laughter)
da podržavaš ovaj režim sa tvoja tri poljupca."
"With your three kisses."
(Laughter)
But no, guys, really, it is exciting to be here, and like I said, you guys are doing a lot culturally, you know, and it's amazing, and it helps change the image of the Middle East in the West. A lot of Americans don't know a lot about us, about the Middle East. I'm Iranian and American. I'm there. I know, I've traveled here. There's so much, we laugh, right? People don't know we laugh. When I did the Axis of Evil comedy tour, it came out on Comedy Central, I went online to see what people were saying. I ended up on a conservative website. One guy wrote another guy. He said, "I never knew these people laughed." Think about it. You never see us laughing in American film or television, right? Maybe like an evil laugh: "Wuhahaha."
Ali ne, ljudi, stvarno, uzbudljivo je biti ovde i kako sam već rekao, mnogo činite za kulturu, i to je zapanjujuće i pomaže u menjanju slike o Srednjem istoku na zapadu. Mnogi Amerikanci ne znaju mnogo o nama, o Srednjem istoku. Ja sam Iranac i Amerikanac. Tamo sam. Znam, doputovao sam ovde. Postoji toliko stvari, mi se smejemo, je l' tako? Ljudi ne znaju da se i mi smejemo. Kad sam bio na komičarskoj turneji "Osa zla " emitovali su na tv kanalu Comedy Central, otišao sam na internet da vidim šta su ljudi govorili o tome. Na kraju sam se našao na jednom konzervativnom sajtu. Jedan čovek je napisao drugom: "Nisam znao da se ovi ljudi smeju." Razmislite. Nikad nas ne vidite da se smejemo u američkom filmu ili na TV-u.
(Laughter)
Možda zli smeh - kao - "Buahahaha, buahahaha. (Smeh)
"I will kill you in the name of Allah, wuhahahahaha."
Ubiću te u ime Alaha, buahahaha."
(Laughter)
Ali nikad: "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."
But never like, "Ha ha ha ha la."
(Laughter)
We like to laugh. We like to celebrate life. And I wish more Americans would travel here. I always encourage my friends: "Travel, see the Middle East, there's so much to see, so many good people." And it's vice versa, and it helps stop problems of misunderstanding and stereotypes from happening.
Mi volimo da se smejemo. Mi volimo da slavimo život. I želim da više Amerikanaca doputuje ovde. Uvek ohrabrujem svoje prijatelje: putujte, posetite Srednji istok, ima toliko toga da se vidi, mnogo dobrih ljudi. I deluje u oba pravca i doprinosi zaustavljanju problema kao što su nesporazumi i stereotipi.
For example, I don't know if you heard about this, a little while ago in the US, there was a Muslim family walking down the aisle of an airplane, talking about the safest place to sit on the plane. Some passengers overheard them, somehow misconstrued that as terrorist talk, got them kicked off the plane. It was a family, a mother, father, child, talking about the seating. As a Middle Eastern male, I know there's certain things I'm not supposed to say on an airplane in the US, right? I'm not supposed to be walking down the aisle, and be like, "Hi, Jack." That's not cool.
Na primer, ne znam da li ste čuli nešto o ovome, nedavno je u Americi jedna muslimanska porodica prolazila između sedišta u avionu pričajući o najsigurnijem mestu za sedenje u avionu. Neki putnici su ih čuli, pogrešno su protumačili to kao razgovor terorista i izbacili su ih iz aviona. To je bila porodica, majka, otac, dete, šetali prolazom pričali su o tome gde da sednu. Sad, kao muškarac sa Srednjeg istoka, znam da određene stvari ne smem govoriti u avionu u Sjedinjenim Državama, zar ne? Ne smem se ponašati, kao, šetam niz prolaz, i kažem: "Ćao, Džek." Znate, to nije kul.
(Laughter)
Even if I'm there with my friend named Jack, I say, "Greetings, Jack. Salutations, Jack." Never "Hi, Jack."
Čak ni onda kad sam sa svojim prijateljem koji se zove Džek, moram reći, "Pozdrav, Džek. Pozdravljam te Džek." Nikad: "Ćao, Džek."
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
But now, apparently we can't even talk about the safest place to sit on an airplane.
Ali sad izgleda da čak ne možemo ni da pričamo o najsigurnijem mestu u avionu.
So my advice to all my Middle Eastern friends and Muslim friends and anyone who looks Middle Eastern or Muslim, so to, you know, Indians, and Latinos, everyone, if you're brown --
Moj savet svim prijateljima sa Srednjeg istoka i Muslimanima i svakome ko samo izgleda kao neko sa Srednjek istoka ili kao Musliman, znate, Indijci i južnoamerikanci, svi,
(Laughter)
ako su tamne puti,
Here's my advice to my brown friends.
evo ga savet mojim prijateljima tamne puti.
(Laughter)
The next time you're on an airplane in the US, just speak your mother tongue. That way no one knows what you're saying. Life goes on.
Sledeći put, kad ste u avionu u Sjedinjenim Državama, govorite samo maternjim jezikom. Na taj način niko neće znati o čemu pričate.
(Laughter)
Život ide dalje.
Granted, some mother tongues might sound a little threatening to the average American. If you're walking down the aisle speaking Arabic, you might freak them out --
Priznajem, neki maternji jezici mogu zvučati pomalo zastrašujuće prosečnom Amerikancu, zar ne? Ako šetate prolazom pričajući na arapskom, možda ćete ih prestrašiti, ako govorite: (Arapski)
(Imitating Arabic)
Oni se mogu pitati: "O čemu on priča?"
They might say, "What's he talking about?" The key, to my Arab brothers and sisters, is to throw in random good words to put people at ease as you're walking down the aisle. Just as you're walking down --
Dakle ključno je, za moju Arapsku braću i sestre, morate ubaciti i pokoju nasumičnu dobru reč da ih opustite dok šetate prolazom. Kako se šetate prolazom: "(Oponaša arapski) -
(Imitating Arabic)
jagoda!"
Strawberry!
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
(Imitating Arabic)
"(Oponaša Arapski) - duga!"
Rainbow!
(Laughter)
(Imitating Arabic)
"(Oponaša Arapski) - Tutti Frutti!"
Tutti Frutti!
(Laughter)
"Mislim da će oteti avion sa nekim sladoledom."
"I think he's going to hijack the plane with some ice cream."
Hvala vam mnogo. Želim vam prijatno veče.
Thank you very much. Have a good night. Thank you, TED.
Hvala, TED. (Ovacije) (Aplauz)
(Cheers) (Applause)