Hello, Doha. Hello! Salaam alaikum.
Zdravo, Doha. Zdravo. Selam alejkum.
I love coming to Doha. It's such an international place. It feels like the United Nations here. You land at the airport, and you're welcomed by an Indian lady who takes you to Al Maha Services, where you meet a Filipino lady who hands you off to a South African lady who then takes you to a Korean who takes you to a Pakistani guy with the luggage who takes you to the car with a Sri Lankan. You go to the hotel and you check in. There's a Lebanese. Yeah? And then a Swedish guy showed me my room.
Volim doći u Dohu. To je tako međunarodno mjesto. Osjećam se kao da su ovdje Ujedinjeni narodi. Sletite u zračnu luku i dočeka vas Indijka koja vas odvede do servisa Al Maha, gdje vas dočeka Filipinka koja vas usmjeri Južnoafrikanki koja vas nakon toga odvede do Korejca, koji vas odvede do Pakistanca s prtljagom, koji vas odvede do automobila u kojem je Šrilančanin. Odete do hotela i prijavite se; tu je Libanonac. Je li tako? A zatim mi je Šveđanin pokazao sobu.
I said, "Where are the Qataris?"
Pitao sam: „A gdje su Katarci?“ (Smijeh)
(Laughter)
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
They said, "No, no, it's too hot. They come out later. They're smart." "They know."
Rekli su mi: „Ne, ne, prevruće je. Oni izlaze kasnije. Pametni su.“ (Smijeh) „Oni znaju."
(Laughter)
And of course, it's growing so fast, sometimes there's growing pains. You know, like sometimes you run into people that you think know the city well, but they don't know it that well. My Indian cab driver showed up at the W, and I asked him to take me to the Sheraton, and he said, "No problem, sir." And then we sat there for two minutes.
I, naravno, sve toliko brzo raste pa ponekad bude problema tijekom tog rasta. Znate, ponekad naletite na ljude za koje mislite da dobro poznaju grad, ali ipak ga ne poznaju toliko dobro. Pred hotelom W dočekao me taksist Indijac. Zamolio sam ga da me odveze do Sheratona, a on je rekao: „Nema problema, gospodine.“ I onda smo tako sjedili dvije minute u autu.
I said, "What's wrong?" He said, "One problem, sir."
Pitao sam što se događa. Rekao je: „Jedan problem, gospodine.“
(Laughter)
Kažem: „Koji?“, a on će: „Gdje je to?“
I said, "What?" He goes, "Where is it?"
(Smijeh)
(Laughter)
Ja kažem: „Ti si vozač, ti bi trebao znati.“ A on će na to: „Ne, tek sam stigao, gospodine.“
I go, "You're the driver, you should know."
He goes, "No, I just arrived, sir."
I go, "You just arrived at the W?" "No, I just arrived in Doha, sir."
Kažem: „Tek ste stigli pred hotel?“ „Ne, tek sam stigao u Dohu, gospodine.
(Laughter)
Išao sam od zračne luke prema stanu, dobio sam posao
"I was on my way home from the airport, I got a job. I'm working already."
i već radim.“
(Laughter)
Nastavlja: „Gospodine, zašto ne biste vi vozili?“
He goes, "Sir, why don't you drive?"
(Laughter)
A ja kažem: „Ne znam kamo idemo.“
"I don't know where we're going."
„Ne znam ni ja. Bit će to pustolovina, gospodine.“
"Neither do I. It will be an adventure, sir."
(Laughter)
The Middle East has been an adventure the past couple of years. It is going crazy with the Arab Spring and revolution and all this. Are there any Lebanese here tonight, by applause?
To je pustolovina. Bliski istok je prava pustolovina posljednjih nekoliko godina. Bliski istok je poludio s arapskim proljećem, revolucijama i svim tim stvarima. Ima li večeras ovdje Libanonaca?
(Cheering)
Bi li Libanonci zapljeskali? (Pljesak) Libanonci.
Lebanese, yeah.
Da, Bliski istok je poludio.
The Middle East is going crazy. You know the Middle East is going crazy when Lebanon is the most peaceful place in the region.
Znate da je Bliski istok poludio kad je Libanon najmirnije mjesto u regiji. (Smijeh) (Pljesak)
(Laughter) (Applause)
Tko bi se tome nadao?
Who would have thought?
(Laughter)
Oh my gosh.
No, there's serious issues in the region. Some people don't want to talk about them. I'm here to talk about them tonight. Ladies and gentlemen of the Middle East, here's a serious issue. When we see each other, when we say hello, how many kisses are we going to do?
Ali u regiji ima ozbiljnih problema. Neki ljudi ne žele razgovarati o njima. Ja sam večeras ovdje kako bih govorio o njima. Dame i gospodo Bliskog istoka, evo ozbiljnog problema: kad se vidimo i pozdravimo, koliko ćemo si poljubaca dati?
(Laughter)
Every country is different and it's confusing, okay? In Lebanon, they do three. In Egypt, they do two. I was in Lebanon, I got used to three. I went to Egypt. I went to say hello to this one Egyptian guy, I went, one, two. I went for three -- He wasn't into it.
U svakoj je zemlji drugačije i to zbunjuje, OK? U Libanonu su tri. U Egiptu dva. Bio sam u Libanonu i navikao sam na tri. Otišao sam u Egipat i krenuo pozdraviti jednog Egipćanina. Jedan, dva, krenem na treći. On baš i nije bio za to. (Smijeh)
(Laughter)
Kažem mu: „Ne, ne, ne, nedavno sam bio u Libanonu.“
I told him, I said, "No, no, I was just in Lebanon." He goes, "I don't care where you were. You just stay where you are, please."
A on će: „Nije me briga gdje si bio. Samo ostani tu gdje jesi, molim te. Ostani tu gdje jesi.“
(Laughter) (Applause)
I went to Saudi Arabia. In Saudi Arabia, they go one, two, and then they stay on the same side: three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 --
Bio sam i u Saudijskoj Arabiji. Ondje idu jedan, dva, onda ostanu na istoj strani – tri, četiri, pet, šest, sedam, osam, devet, deset, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Next time you see a Saudi, look closely. They're just a little bit tilted.
Sljedeći put kad vidite Saudijca, dobro pogledajte. Glava im je malo nagnuta u stranu.
(Laughter)
"Abdul, are you okay?"
,,Abdul, jesi li dobro?“ „Ma jesam, pozdravljao sam se pola sata.
"I was saying hello for half an hour. I'll be all right."
Bit ću dobro.“
(Laughter)
Qataris, you guys do the nose to nose. Why is that? Are you too tired to go all the way around?
Katarci, vi radite ono s nosovima. Zašto? Jeste li preumorni da biste išli s jedne strane na drugu?
(Laughter)
"Habibi, it's so hot. Just come here for a second. Say hello. Hello, Habibi. Just don't move. Just stay there, please. I need to rest."
„Habibi, tako je vruće. Dođi na sekundu da se pozdravimo.“ ,,Zdravo, Habibi. Nemoj se micati. Tu budi, molim te. Moram se odmoriti.“
(Laughter)
Iranians, sometimes we do two, sometimes we do three. A friend of mine explained to me, before the '79 revolution, it was two.
Svaka zemlja – Iranci, mi ponekad imamo dva, ponekad tri. Prijatelj mi je objasnio da su prije revolucije 1979. godine
(Laughter)
bila dva. Nakon revolucije tri.
After the revolution, three. So with Iranians, you can tell whose side the person is on based on the number of kisses they give you. Yeah, if you go one, two, three -- "I can't believe you support this regime!"
Kod Iranaca, dakle, možete znati na čijoj je netko strani prema broju poljubaca koje vam daje. Ako vi krenete jedan, dva, tri – „Ne mogu vjerovati da podržavaš ovaj režim
(Laughter)
s ta tvoja tri poljupca.“
"With your three kisses."
(Laughter)
Ne, ljudi, stvarno, uzbudljivo je biti ovdje,
But no, guys, really, it is exciting to be here, and like I said, you guys are doing a lot culturally, you know, and it's amazing, and it helps change the image of the Middle East in the West. A lot of Americans don't know a lot about us, about the Middle East. I'm Iranian and American. I'm there. I know, I've traveled here. There's so much, we laugh, right? People don't know we laugh. When I did the Axis of Evil comedy tour, it came out on Comedy Central, I went online to see what people were saying. I ended up on a conservative website. One guy wrote another guy. He said, "I never knew these people laughed." Think about it. You never see us laughing in American film or television, right? Maybe like an evil laugh: "Wuhahaha."
i kao što sam rekao, mnogo ste toga učinili kulturološki i to je stvarno divno i pomaže promijeniti sliku Bliskog istoka na Zapadu. Mnogo Amerikanaca ne zna mnogo o nama, o Bliskom istoku. Ja sam Iranac i Amerikanac. Živim ondje, putovao sam ovamo. Ima toga puno. Mi se smijemo, zar ne? Ljudi ne znaju da se smijemo. Kad sam bio na komičarskoj turneji Osovina zla, emitirala se na Comedy Centralu i otišao sam online vidjeti što ljudi komentiraju na to. Završio sam na konzervativnoj internetskoj stranici. Jedan tip odgovara drugom tipu: „Nisam znao da se ti ljudi smiju.“ Razmislite o tome. U američkim filmovima i na TV-u nikad se ne vidi da se smijemo, zar ne? Možda kao da smo zli – nešto kao: „Wuhahaha, wuhahaha. (Smijeh)
(Laughter)
"I will kill you in the name of Allah, wuhahahahaha."
Ubit ću vas u ime Alaha, wuhahahaha.“
(Laughter)
Ali nikad kao „ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.“
But never like, "Ha ha ha ha la."
(Laughter)
We like to laugh. We like to celebrate life. And I wish more Americans would travel here. I always encourage my friends: "Travel, see the Middle East, there's so much to see, so many good people." And it's vice versa, and it helps stop problems of misunderstanding and stereotypes from happening.
Volimo se smijati, volimo slaviti život. I volio bih kad bi više Amerikanaca putovalo ovamo. Uvijek sam poticao prijatelje: „Putujte, pogledajte Bliski istok; ondje ima toliko toga za vidjeti, toliko dobrih ljudi.“ To ide i u obrnutom smjeru, pomaže da uopće ne dođe do problema pogrešnog razumijevanja i stereotipa.
For example, I don't know if you heard about this, a little while ago in the US, there was a Muslim family walking down the aisle of an airplane, talking about the safest place to sit on the plane. Some passengers overheard them, somehow misconstrued that as terrorist talk, got them kicked off the plane. It was a family, a mother, father, child, talking about the seating. As a Middle Eastern male, I know there's certain things I'm not supposed to say on an airplane in the US, right? I'm not supposed to be walking down the aisle, and be like, "Hi, Jack." That's not cool.
Na primjer, ne znam jeste li čuli, nedavno je u SAD-u muslimanska obitelj hodala prolazom u zrakoplovu razgovarajući o najsigurnijem mjestu za sjesti u avionu. Čuli su ih neki putnici, pogrešno zaključili da se radi o terorističkom razgovoru i tražili su da ih se izbaci iz aviona. To je bila obitelj: majka, otac i dijete. Hodali su zrakoplovom i razgovarali o sjedenju. Kao muškarac s Bliskog istoka, znam da postoje određene stvari koje ne smijem reći u zrakoplovu u SAD-u, zar ne? Ne smijem, recimo, hodati prolazom između sjedala i reći: „Hej, Jack!“ Znate, to nije cool.
(Laughter)
Even if I'm there with my friend named Jack, I say, "Greetings, Jack. Salutations, Jack." Never "Hi, Jack."
Čak i ako sam sa svojim prijateljem koji se zove Jack, kažem: ,,Zdravo, Jack! Pozdrav, Jack!“ Nikada „Hej, Jack!“ (hijack - otmica)
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
But now, apparently we can't even talk about the safest place to sit on an airplane.
No sada, očito, više ne smijemo razgovarati ni o najsigurnijem mjestu u zrakoplovu.
So my advice to all my Middle Eastern friends and Muslim friends and anyone who looks Middle Eastern or Muslim, so to, you know, Indians, and Latinos, everyone, if you're brown --
Dakle, moj je savjet svim prijateljima s Bliskog istoka, prijateljima muslimanima i svima koji izgledaju kao da su s Bliskog istoka ili da su muslimani, znate: Indijci, Latinosi, svi,
(Laughter)
ako ste tamnoputi –
Here's my advice to my brown friends.
evo mog savjeta tamnoputim prijateljima.
(Laughter)
The next time you're on an airplane in the US, just speak your mother tongue. That way no one knows what you're saying. Life goes on.
Sljedeći put kad se nađete u zrakoplovu u SAD-u, samo govorite materinskim jezikom. Na taj način nitko ne zna što govorite. Život ide dalje.
(Laughter)
Doduše, neki materinski jezici mogu
Granted, some mother tongues might sound a little threatening to the average American. If you're walking down the aisle speaking Arabic, you might freak them out --
prosječnom Amerikancu zvučati pomalo prijeteće, zar ne? Ako hodate prolazom u avionu govoreći arapski, mogli biste ih izbezumiti, ako hodate i [arapski],
(Imitating Arabic)
mogli bi reći: „O čemu to govori?“
They might say, "What's he talking about?" The key, to my Arab brothers and sisters, is to throw in random good words to put people at ease as you're walking down the aisle. Just as you're walking down --
Dakle, ključ je za vas, moja arapska braćo i sestre, tu i tamo ubaciti par dobrih riječi kako biste umirili ljude dok hodate prolazom u avionu. Znači dok hodate: „[Imitira arapski] –
(Imitating Arabic)
jagoda!“
Strawberry!
(Smijeh)
(Laughter)
„[Imitira arapski] – duga!“
(Imitating Arabic)
Rainbow!
(Laughter)
(Imitating Arabic)
„[Imitira arapski] – Tutti Frutti!“
Tutti Frutti!
(Laughter)
„Mislim da će oteti zrakoplov pomoću sladoleda!“
"I think he's going to hijack the plane with some ice cream."
Hvala vam svima! Ugodnu večer želim!
Thank you very much. Have a good night. Thank you, TED.
Hvala, TED! (Zvižduci) (Pljesak)
(Cheers) (Applause)