Hello, TEDWomen, what's up.
TEDWomen的各位,大家好!
(Cheering)
(歡聲雷動)
Not good enough. Hello, TEDWomen, what is up?
氣氛不夠熱喔 各位女士,妳們好嗎?
(Loud cheering)
(更熱烈的回應)
My name is Maysoon Zayid, and I am not drunk, but the doctor who delivered me was. He cut my mom six different times in six different directions, suffocating poor little me in the process. As a result, I have cerebral palsy, which means I shake all the time. Look. It's exhausting. I'm like Shakira, Shakira meets Muhammad Ali.
我叫梅意森·薩依德 別以為我喝醉酒了 幫我媽接生的醫生才喝得爛醉 他在我媽的肚皮上共劃了6刀 每一刀還不同方向 弱小的我在產程中硬生生窒息 結果呢,我就成了腦麻 這就是我一直抖個不停的原因 就像這樣 抖個沒完很累的 有點像能歌善舞的歌手夏奇拉上身 更像是夏奇拉和拳王阿里上身
(Laughter)
(大笑)
CP is not genetic. It's not a birth defect. You can't catch it. No one put a curse on my mother's uterus, and I didn't get it because my parents are first cousins, which they are.
腦麻既不會遺傳 也不是先天缺損 更不是傳染病 沒人對我媽的子宮下咒 近親結婚也不是腦麻的元兇 雖然我爸媽還真的是表親
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
It only happens from accidents, like what happened to me on my birth day.
意外跟腦麻絕對脫不了關係 就像我出生那天發生的一切
Now, I must warn you, I'm not inspirational.
不過我一點也不想變得"啟發人心"
(Laughter)
我也不想要在座任何人
And I don't want anyone in this room to feel bad for me, because at some point in your life, you have dreamt of being disabled. Come on a journey with me. It's Christmas Eve, you're at the mall, you're driving around in circles looking for parking, and what do you see? Sixteen empty handicapped spaces.
為我感到難過 因為生活中總有些時候 你們夢想變成身障者 讓我們想像一下 現在是平安夜 你開車來到購物商場 卻怎麼都找不到停車位 這時你看到甚麼? 16個空的身障車位
(Laughter)
然後你心想:“天啊,我能否變成
And you're like, "God, can't I just be a little disabled?"
一點點行動不便呢?”
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Also, I've got to tell you, I've got 99 problems, and palsy is just one.
我還要告訴大家的是 我有一拖拉庫的問題 腦麻不過是其中之一
(Laughter)
要是有個"壓"林匹克運動會
If there was an Oppression Olympics, I would win the gold medal. I'm Palestinian, Muslim, I'm female, I'm disabled, and I live in New Jersey.
我鐵定拿金牌 我是身障的女性, 還是巴勒斯坦裔的穆斯林 而且我住在紐澤西
(Laughter)
(笑聲掌聲此起彼落)
(Applause)
若你先前覺得日子難過 現在應該感到好過得多了
If you don't feel better about yourself, maybe you should.
(Laughter)
我來自紐澤西州的克里夫賽德帕克
Cliffside Park, New Jersey is my hometown. I have always loved the fact that my hood and my affliction share the same initials. I also love the fact that if I wanted to walk from my house to New York City, I could.
我很喜歡住在那裏 因為地名和腦麻很相似 都有個C和P 我也很慶幸 我從我家就能走到紐約市
A lot of people with CP don't walk, but my parents didn't believe in "can't." My father's mantra was, "You can do it, yes you can can."
畢竟大多腦麻患者無法行走 但我爸媽相信天下無難事 我爸還有個座右銘 “你做得到,你能化不可能為可能”
(Laughter) So, if my three older sisters were mopping, I was mopping. If my three older sisters went to public school, my parents would sue the school system and guarantee that I went too, and if we didn't all get A's, we all got my mother's slipper.
(笑聲) 所以我三個姊姊要幫忙拖地的話 我就要一起幫忙拖地 我三個姊姊可以上公立學校 我爸媽就會向校方申訴 以確保我也可以上公立學校 而若我們沒有每科都得A等 就等著媽媽的拖鞋伺候
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
My father taught me how to walk when I was five years old by placing my heels on his feet and just walking. Another tactic that he used is he would dangle a dollar bill in front of me and have me chase it.
我5歲時爸爸教我走路 他把我的腳跟放在他的腳掌上 然後一步一步走 他還有讓我進步的高招 他會拿1元美鈔在我面前晃 然後為了追錢我就會跨步向前
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
My inner stripper was very strong.
見錢眼開的我甚麼都願意做
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Yeah. No, by the first day of kindergarten, I was walking like a champ who had been punched one too many times.
日子一天天過去 到了我上幼稚園的第一天 我已走得像神氣活現的衛冕者 只不過是挨了好幾拳的衛冕者
(Laughter)
成長過程中我家附近只有6個阿拉伯人
Growing up, there were only six Arabs in my town, and they were all my family.
他們都是我家人
(Laughter)
現在增加到20個阿拉伯人
Now there are 20 Arabs in town, and they are still all my family.
但他們還都來自我家(笑聲)
(Laughter)
街坊鄰居大概以為我們來自義大利
I don't think anyone even noticed we weren't Italian.
(Laughter)
(笑聲掌聲不斷)
(Applause)
當然這都是在“九一一”恐怖攻擊前的往事
This was before 9/11 and before politicians thought it was appropriate to use "I hate Muslims" as a campaign slogan. The people that I grew up with had no problem with my faith. They did, however, seem very concerned that I would starve to death during Ramadan. I would explain to them that I have enough fat to live off of for three whole months, so fasting from sunrise to sunset is a piece of cake.
從前執政者絕不會濫用 "我反穆斯林"的激進口號 來作為政令宣傳的標語 和我一起長大的同伴 未曾質疑過我的宗教信仰 倒是非常擔憂我的健康 他們覺得齋戒月會把我餓死 我會請他們放心 畢竟身上的脂肪 夠我撐整整三個月 所以整天禁食沒什麼大不了
(Laughter)
I have tap-danced on Broadway. Yeah, on Broadway. It's crazy.
我曾上百老匯的舞台跳踢踏舞 聽來很不可思議 但沒錯就是百老匯(掌聲)
(Applause)
我爸媽當年沒錢給我復健
My parents couldn't afford physical therapy, so they sent me to dancing school. I learned how to dance in heels, which means I can walk in heels. And I'm from Jersey, and we are really concerned with being chic, so if my friends wore heels, so did I.
他們便送我去舞蹈學校 在那裏我學會踩著高跟鞋跳舞 自然也能穿高跟鞋走來走去 又因為我來自紐澤西 我和朋友都很注重女人味 所以我跟大家一起穿高跟鞋
And when my friends went and spent their summer vacations on the Jersey Shore, I did not. I spent my summers in a war zone, because my parents were afraid that if we didn't go back to Palestine every single summer, we'd grow up to be Madonna.
暑假時朋友紛紛到紐澤西海邊度假 但我沒有這樣的機會 我的暑徦大半是在戰地過的 這安排跟我爸媽的理念有關 他們擔心若沒有養成返鄉傳統 在每年暑假回到巴勒斯坦
(Laughter)
孩子長大后會像瑪丹娜 忘了自己的根本
Summer vacations often consisted of my father trying to heal me, so I drank deer's milk, I had hot cups on my back, I was dunked in the Dead Sea, and I remember the water burning my eyes and thinking, "It's working! It's working!"
(笑聲) 每年暑假 我爸都千方百計想治療我 為此我喝過鹿奶 我做過背部拔罐 還整個人泡在死海裡 鹽水弄疼了我的雙眼 我心想:“這有效!這終於有效了!”
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
But one miracle cure we did find was yoga. I have to tell you, it's very boring, but before I did yoga, I was a stand-up comedian who can't stand up. And now I can stand on my head. My parents reinforced this notion that I could do anything, that no dream was impossible, and my dream was to be on the daytime soap opera "General Hospital."
但真正有效的是瑜珈 說實在的瑜珈超無聊 不過在我做瑜珈前 我是個站不起來的即興喜劇演員 做瑜珈後我可以用頭倒立 我爸媽更堅強他們的信念 深信我能辦到任何事 而且沒有不可能完成的夢 當時我有個夢想 想要在影集“中央醫院”軋上一角
(Laughter)
我在平權法案時期上了大學
I went to college during affirmative action and got a sweet scholarship to ASU, Arizona State University, because I fit every single quota.
並獲得ASU的優渥獎學金 ASU是亞利桑那州立大學 那簡直是為我量身打造的缺
(Laughter)
我就像戲劇系上楚楚可憐的小猴
I was like the pet lemur of the theater department. Everybody loved me. I did all the less-than-intelligent kids' homework, I got A's in all of my classes, A's in all of their classes.
人見人愛 我幫非天才型的同學寫作業 我每門課都拿A 幫忙罩同學的課也不例外
(Laughter)
每次試鏡“玻璃動物園”劇中一角
Every time I did a scene from "The Glass Menagerie," my professors would weep. But I never got cast. Finally, my senior year, ASU decided to do a show called "They Dance Real Slow in Jackson." It's a play about a girl with CP. I was a girl with CP. So I start shouting from the rooftops, "I'm finally going to get a part! I have cerebral palsy! Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, I'm free at last!" I didn't get the part.
我詮釋苦苦單戀的身障女子 教授們都感動得直掉淚 但我還是沒能正式登台演出 終於在我大四那年有個大好機會 亞大計畫演出一檔劇目 叫做“慢舞的傑森小鎮” 主角是一位腦麻女孩 而我就是一位腦麻女孩 所以我欣喜若狂又叫又跳 “我終於可以粉墨登場囉!” “我有腦性麻痺,耶比” 我高呼:“自由了!自由了! 萬能的上帝,我終於自由了!” 但我還是落選了(笑聲)
(Laughter)
我同學雪莉·布朗得到角色
Sherry Brown got the part. I went racing to the head of the theater department crying hysterically, like someone shot my cat, to ask her why, and she said it was because they didn't think I could do the stunts. I said, "Excuse me, if I can't do the stunts, neither can the character."
我拔腿衝到戲劇系主任室 我歇斯底里嚎啕大哭 好像我的寵物被人殺了一般 我問她落選的原因 她說: 系上認為我不能應付劇中需要的特技 我嗆聲:“如果我都不能做特技” "那麼同樣腦麻的主角也一樣不能啊"
(Laughter)
(笑聲加掌聲)
(Applause)
This was a part that I was literally born to play they gave it to a non-palsy actress. College was imitating life. Hollywood has a sordid history of casting able-bodied actors to play disabled onscreen.
這角色是注定要給我的 他們卻硬生生給了非腦麻的演員 有人說大學是社會的縮影 而好萊塢一向有個不名譽的行規 他們讓身體健全的演員 登台演出身障的角色
Upon graduating, I moved back home, and my first acting gig was as an extra on a daytime soap opera. My dream was coming true. And I knew that I would be promoted from "Diner Diner" to "Wacky Best Friend" in no time.
畢業後我搬回家住 我的首演 在晨間播映電視劇中跑龍套 我總算圓夢了 我確信不久後我就會星運亨通 從龍套一躍成為當家紅牌演員
(Laughter)
不過我仍是名不見經傳的小卒
But instead, I remained a glorified piece of furniture that you could only recognize from the back of my head, and it became clear to me that casting directors didn't hire fluffy, ethnic, disabled actors. They only hired perfect people. But there were exceptions to the rule. I grew up watching Whoopi Goldberg, Roseanne Barr, Ellen, and all of these women had one thing in common: they were comedians. So I became a comic.
戲分之少讓我只能短暫露臉 我這才漸漸領悟 導演選角的考量 傻氣的身障演員很不受青睞 更不歡迎身為少數族裔的我 他們只錄用"完美無缺"的人 不過凡有原則必有例外 我從小就很迷琥碧·戈柏 和羅珊·巴爾、艾倫等人 這些迷人的女士有個共通點 她們都是喜劇演員 耳濡目染下我也開始當喜劇演員
(Laughter)
(笑聲加掌聲)
(Applause)
My first gig was driving famous comics from New York City to shows in New Jersey, and I'll never forget the face of the first comic I ever drove when he realized that he was speeding down the New Jersey Turnpike with a chick with CP driving him.
我第一份差事是開車載知名喜劇演員 從紐約到紐澤西的攝影棚 那位喜劇演員的表情令我難忘 他大驚失色 想到飛馳在紐澤西的高速公路上
(Laughter)
還是腦麻女孩開車不慌也難
I've performed in clubs all over America, and I've also performed in Arabic in the Middle East, uncensored and uncovered.
我曾巡演於全美各俱樂部 也曾用阿拉伯語在中東表演 內容原汁原味一刀未剪
(Laughter)
有人給我一個封號
Some people say I'm the first stand-up comic in the Arab world. I never like to claim first, but I do know that they never heard that nasty little rumor that women aren't funny, and they find us hysterical.
阿拉伯世界首位即興喜劇演員 我很低調不喜歡自誇 不過我敢掛保證 觀眾一定不會覺得冷場 他們還會讚許我們表演的幽默
(Laughter)
In 2003, my brother from another mother and father Dean Obeidallah and I started the New York Arab-American Comedy Festival, now in its 10th year. Our goal was to change the negative image of Arab-Americans in media, while also reminding casting directors that South Asian and Arab are not synonymous.
2003年,我和情同手足的 換帖兄弟Dean Obeidallah一起 發起一個活動 名為“紐約阿裔美人喜劇藝術節” 現在這個藝術節正要邁入第10年 我們想改變媒體對阿裔美國人 一貫的負面印象 也提醒選角的導演 別把南亞人和阿拉伯人畫上等號
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Mainstreaming Arabs was much, much easier than conquering the challenge against the stigma against disability.
讓阿拉伯人融入主流社會易如反掌 相較之下難如登天的是 消除對身障者的汙名化
My big break came in 2010. I was invited to be a guest on the cable news show "Countdown with Keith Olbermann." I walked in looking like I was going to the prom, and they shuffle me into a studio and seat me on a spinning, rolling chair.
一個大好機會在2010年降臨 我受邀擔任來賓 上有線電視新聞節目錄影 節目是“歐柏曼的關鍵時刻” 我興奮得像要去參加高中舞會 工作人員把我拖進攝影棚 給我一張搖來搖去的旋轉椅
(Laughter)
我與場控人員面面相覷
So I looked at the stage manager and I'm like, "Excuse me, can I have another chair?" And she looked at me and she went, "Five, four, three, two ..." And we were live, right? So I had to grip onto the anchor's desk so that I wouldn't roll off the screen during the segment, and when the interview was over, I was livid. I had finally gotten my chance and I blew it, and I knew I would never get invited back. But not only did Mr. Olbermann invite me back, he made me a full-time contributor, and he taped down my chair.
我說:“能給我換張椅子嗎?" 她看我一眼然後繼續讀秒 "5、4、3、2....." 我沒忘記是現場錄影 所以我一直緊抓主播檯 以免錄到一半就滑出去了 訪談結束後我鐵青著臉 得來不易的機會被我糟蹋 我想我再也沒機會受邀 但意外的是歐柏曼先生再次邀我 還讓我當常駐來賓 而且他有把我的椅子固定
(Laughter)
(笑聲加掌聲)
(Applause)
One fun fact I learned while on the air with Keith Olbermann was that humans on the Internet are scumbags.
上歐柏曼先生的節目教我一件事 我發現到
(Laughter) People say children are cruel, but I was never made fun of as a child or an adult. Suddenly, my disability on the world wide web is fair game. I would look at clips online and see comments like, "Yo, why's she tweakin'?" "Yo, is she retarded?" And my favorite, "Poor Gumby-mouth terrorist. What does she suffer from? We should really pray for her." One commenter even suggested that I add my disability to my credits: screenwriter, comedian, palsy.
在網路世界的人類都是人渣 許多人說童言童語很傷人 但我從小到大都沒被人取笑過 殘缺突然變成網路上的眾矢之的 在節目的線上播映官網上 總會有謾罵 "嘿,為甚麼她一直抽搐?" "嘿,她是腦殘嗎?" 更絕的是"癟嘴恐怖分子 她到底為何受苦? 我們真該幫她祈福。” 還有更毒舌的評論 建議我在經歷中加上一筆 劇作家、喜劇演員、腦麻患者
Disability is as visual as race. If a wheelchair user can't play Beyoncé, then Beyoncé can't play a wheelchair user. The disabled are the largest — Yeah, clap for that, man. Come on.
殘疾和膚色都顯而易見 但天生我材必有用 輪椅族難演好碧昂絲,反之亦然 身障族群是目前最大的... 對,你們該為這個比喻叫好!
(Applause)
(掌聲)
People with disabilities are the largest minority in the world, and we are the most underrepresented in entertainment.
身障族群是目前全球最大的弱勢群體 我們是最被漠視的一群 在娛樂圈中也是如此
The doctors said that I wouldn't walk, but I am here in front of you. However, if I grew up with social media, I don't think I would be. I hope that together, we can create more positive images of disability in the media and in everyday life. Perhaps if there were more positive images, it would foster less hate on the Internet. Or maybe not. Maybe it still takes a village to teach our children well.
醫生曾預言我一輩子不能走路 但我現在走在你們眼前 不過要是我生在社群媒體時代 我不覺得我仍可保有自信 我盼望 社會大眾能攜手消除成見 在媒體與生活中共創零歧視社會 或許有更多正面案例出現 就能減少網路上充滿憎恨的言論 但也可能適得其反 或許仍舊需要多管齊下
My crooked journey has taken me to some very spectacular places.
來教育孩子平等尊重的觀念
I got to walk the red carpet flanked by soap diva Susan Lucci and the iconic Loreen Arbus. I got to act in a movie with Adam Sandler and work with my idol, the amazing Dave Matthews. I toured the world as a headliner on Arabs Gone Wild. I was a delegate representing the great state of New Jersey at the 2008 DNC. And I founded Maysoon's Kids, a charity that hopes to give Palestinian refugee children a sliver of the chance my parents gave me. But the one moment that stands out the most was when I got -- before this moment --
回首我崎嶇的人生路 有許多精彩絕倫的遭遇 我曾走過星光大道 身旁是知名女星蘇珊·露西 以及羅倫·阿爾布斯 我曾和影星亞當·山德勒一起演電影 還有幸跟我的偶像— 才子德夫·馬修斯一起工作 我的足跡遍及世界各地 並以喜劇秀"阿拉伯也瘋狂"竄紅 我還擔任過代表 代表紐澤西州 出席2008年民主黨總統提名大會 我創辦梅意森孩童基金會 希望拋磚引玉 幫助巴勒斯坦難民營的孩子 開啟一扇機會之門 就如同我父母親替我做的一切 但我印象最深的關鍵時刻 是當我—我是說在這場演講前—
(Laughter)
(笑聲加掌聲)
(Applause)
But the one moment that stands out the most was when I got to perform for the man who floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee, has Parkinson's and shakes just like me, Muhammad Ali.
但我印象最深的關鍵時刻 是我能為一位名人表演 那人正是轟動武林驚動萬教 身手矯健無人能及 罹患帕金森症抖個不停的 傳奇拳王穆罕默德·阿里
(Applause)
(掌聲)
(Applause ends)
那是絕無僅有的一場演出
It was the only time that my father ever saw me perform live, and I dedicate this talk to his memory.
頭一次我爸到場看我表演 我想把這次演講獻給已故的他
(Arabic) Allah yerhamak yaba.
(阿拉伯語)
(English) My name is Maysoon Zayid, and if I can can, you can can.
我是梅意森·薩依德 如果我能扭轉逆境 你一定能絕處逢生
(Cheering)
(掌聲)
(Applause)