Hola TEDWomen, què passa? (Aclamació) No és suficient. Hola TEDWomen, què passa? (Aclamació) El meu nom és Maysoon Zayid y no estic èbria, però sí el metge que em va portar al món Va tallar a ma mare 6 cops en 6 direccions diferents, asfixiant la pobra de mi en el procés. Com a resultat, tinc paràlisi cerebral, per això tremolo tot el temps. Observin. És esgotador. Sóc com una mescla de Shakira i Muhammad Alí. (Riures) La paràlisi cerebral no és genètica. No és congènita ni es pot contreure. Ningú maleí l'úter de ma mare i no la vaig adquirir perquè els meus peres fossin cosins, que ho són. (Riures) Sols és causada per accidents, com el que em va succeir al néixer. Ara, us adverteixo, no sóc una font d'inspiració. I no vull que cap dels presents se senti malament per mi, perquè en algun moment de la vida, han desitjat ser discapacitats. Anem a fer un tomb. Nit de Nadal, són al centre comercial, condueixen a la recerca d'aparcament i, què veuen? 16 llocs buits per a discapacitats. I pensen: "Déu, puc ser almenys una miqueta discapacitat?". (Riures) A més, els hi dic, tinc 99 problemes, i la paràlisi sols n'és un d'ells. Si existís una olimpíada de la opressió,
Hello, TEDWomen, what's up. (Cheering) Not good enough. Hello, TEDWomen, what is up? (Loud cheering) My name is Maysoon Zayid, and I am not drunk, but the doctor who delivered me was. He cut my mom six different times in six different directions, suffocating poor little me in the process. As a result, I have cerebral palsy, which means I shake all the time. Look. It's exhausting. I'm like Shakira, Shakira meets Muhammad Ali. (Laughter) CP is not genetic. It's not a birth defect. You can't catch it. No one put a curse on my mother's uterus, and I didn't get it because my parents are first cousins, which they are. (Laughter) It only happens from accidents, like what happened to me on my birth day. Now, I must warn you, I'm not inspirational. (Laughter) And I don't want anyone in this room to feel bad for me, because at some point in your life, you have dreamt of being disabled. Come on a journey with me. It's Christmas Eve, you're at the mall, you're driving around in circles looking for parking, and what do you see? Sixteen empty handicapped spaces. (Laughter) And you're like, "God, can't I just be a little disabled?" (Laughter) Also, I've got to tell you, I've got 99 problems, and palsy is just one. (Laughter)
jo guanyaria la medalla d'or. Sóc palestina, musulmana, dona, discapacitada i visc a Nova Jersey. (Riures) (Aplaudiments) Si amb això no se senten millor, doncs haurien de fer-ho.
If there was an Oppression Olympics, I would win the gold medal. I'm Palestinian, Muslim, I'm female, I'm disabled, and I live in New Jersey. (Laughter) (Applause)
Sóc de Parc Cliffside, a Nova Jersey.
If you don't feel better about yourself, maybe you should. (Laughter)
Sempre m'ha encantat que el meu barri i la meva malaltia portin les mateixes inicials. També m'encanta que si volgués caminar de casa meva a Nova York, podria. Moltes persones amb paràlisi cerebral no caminen, però els meus pares no creuen en el "no es pot". El mantra del meu pare era: "Pots [can] fer-ho; ballar cancan". (Riures) Si les meves tres germanes grans netejaven, jo netejava. Si les tres anaven a una escola pública, els meus pares posaven una demanda al sistema escolar i s'asseguraven que jo també hi pogués anar, i si no trèiem totes la nota màxima totes rebíem la sabatada de ma mare. (Riures) El meu pare em va enseñar a caminar als 5 anys col·locant els meus talons sobre els seus peus i simplement caminava. Una altra tàctica que utilitzava era penjar un dòlar davant meu per tal que jo el perseguís. (Riures) La stripper que porto dintre era molt forta i... (Riures) Sí. El primer dia a l'escoleta caminava com un campió de boxa que ha rebut molts cops. Així, com anava creixent, sols hi havia 6 àrabs a la meva ciutat i tots eren de la família. Ara hi ha 20 àrabs, i segueixen sent tots de la família. (Riures) Crec que ningú no va sospitar que no érem italians.
Cliffside Park, New Jersey is my hometown. I have always loved the fact that my hood and my affliction share the same initials. I also love the fact that if I wanted to walk from my house to New York City, I could. A lot of people with CP don't walk, but my parents didn't believe in "can't." My father's mantra was, "You can do it, yes you can can." (Laughter) So, if my three older sisters were mopping, I was mopping. If my three older sisters went to public school, my parents would sue the school system and guarantee that I went too, and if we didn't all get A's, we all got my mother's slipper. (Laughter) My father taught me how to walk when I was five years old by placing my heels on his feet and just walking. Another tactic that he used is he would dangle a dollar bill in front of me and have me chase it. (Laughter) My inner stripper was very strong. (Laughter) Yeah. No, by the first day of kindergarten, I was walking like a champ who had been punched one too many times. (Laughter) Growing up, there were only six Arabs in my town, and they were all my family. (Laughter) Now there are 20 Arabs in town, and they are still all my family. (Laughter)
(Riures) (Aplaudiments) Això va ser abans de l'11-S i de que els polítics
I don't think anyone even noticed we weren't Italian. (Laughter) (Applause)
creguessin oportú utilitzar "Odio els musulmans" com a lema de campanya. Les persones amb les que vaig créixer no tenien problemes amb la meva fe. No obstant, semblava preocupar-los molt que em morís de fam durant el ramadà. Jo els hi deia que tenia prou greix per a viure 3 mesos sencers sense menjar, així que estar en dejú de la matinada fins a la posta de sol és molt fàcil.
This was before 9/11 and before politicians thought it was appropriate to use "I hate Muslims" as a campaign slogan. The people that I grew up with had no problem with my faith. They did, however, seem very concerned that I would starve to death during Ramadan. I would explain to them that I have enough fat to live off of for three whole months, so fasting from sunrise to sunset is a piece of cake.
Vaig ballar tap a Broadway. Sí, a Broadway. És de bojos. (Aplaudiments) Els meus pares no podien pagar la teràpia física, per aquest motiu m'enviaven a l'escola de dansa. Vaig aprendre a baillar amb sabates de taló, o sigui que puc caminar amb sabates de taló. Sóc de Nova Jersey, i allà volem ser "chic", així que les meves amigues calçaven sabates de taló, i jo també. I quan les meves amigues anaven a passar les vacances d'estiu a la costa de Jersey, jo no hi anava. Jo passava els estius en una zona de guerra, perquè els meus pares temien que si no tornàvem a Palestina tots els estius, ens transformaríem en Madonna. (Riures) Durant les vacances d'estiu sovint mon pare intentava curar-me així que jo bevia llet de cérvol, em posaven tasses calentes a l'esquena, em submergia al Mar Mort, i recordo que l'aigua em cremava els ulls i pensava: "Funciona, funciona!". (Riures) Però la cura miraculosa va ser el ioga. He de dir que és molt avorrit, però abans de fer ioga era una comediant d'stand-up que no podia posar-se de peu [stand up]. I ara puc mantenir-me sobre el meu cap. Els meus pares varen reforçar aquesta idea de que podia fer qualsevol cosa, de que cap somni no era impossible, i el meu somni era participar a la telenovel·la Hospital General. Vaig anar a la universitat mitjançant la discriminació positiva i vaig aconseguir una beca per a la UEA, Universitat de l'Estat d'Arizona, perquè entrava a totes les quotes. Era com un lèmur mascota del departament de teatre. Tothom m'adorava. Vaig fer totes les feines dels menys intel·ligents, vaig treure la nota més alta de la meva classe, i també de la seva classe. Cada cop que interpretava una escena de El zoo de cristall els meus professors ploraven. Però mai no vaig aconseguir el paper. Finalment, en el meu últim any, la UEA va decidir realitzar una obra anomenada Ballen molt lent a Jackson. És una obra d'una noia amb paràlisi cerebral. Jo era una noia amb paràlisi cerebral. Així que vaig començar a cridar als quatre vents: "Finalment tindré un paper!" Tinc paràlisi cerebral! A la fi lliure! A la fi lliure! Gracies a Déu totpoderós, a la fi sóc lliure! No vaig aconseguir el paper. (Riures) L'hi donaren a la Sherry Brown.
(Laughter) I have tap-danced on Broadway. Yeah, on Broadway. It's crazy. (Applause) My parents couldn't afford physical therapy, so they sent me to dancing school. I learned how to dance in heels, which means I can walk in heels. And I'm from Jersey, and we are really concerned with being chic, so if my friends wore heels, so did I. And when my friends went and spent their summer vacations on the Jersey Shore, I did not. I spent my summers in a war zone, because my parents were afraid that if we didn't go back to Palestine every single summer, we'd grow up to be Madonna. (Laughter) Summer vacations often consisted of my father trying to heal me, so I drank deer's milk, I had hot cups on my back, I was dunked in the Dead Sea, and I remember the water burning my eyes and thinking, "It's working! It's working!" (Laughter) But one miracle cure we did find was yoga. I have to tell you, it's very boring, but before I did yoga, I was a stand-up comedian who can't stand up. And now I can stand on my head. My parents reinforced this notion that I could do anything, that no dream was impossible, and my dream was to be on the daytime soap opera "General Hospital." (Laughter) I went to college during affirmative action and got a sweet scholarship to ASU, Arizona State University, because I fit every single quota. (Laughter) I was like the pet lemur of the theater department. Everybody loved me. I did all the less-than-intelligent kids' homework, I got A's in all of my classes, A's in all of their classes. (Laughter) Every time I did a scene from "The Glass Menagerie," my professors would weep. But I never got cast. Finally, my senior year, ASU decided to do a show called "They Dance Real Slow in Jackson." It's a play about a girl with CP. I was a girl with CP. So I start shouting from the rooftops, "I'm finally going to get a part! I have cerebral palsy! Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, I'm free at last!" I didn't get the part. (Laughter)
Vaig anar a intimidar a la directora del departament de teatre, plorant histèricament, com si algú 'hagués matat el meu gat, a demanar-li per què i ella em va respondre que perquè creien que no podria fer les escenes de risc. I li vaig dir: "Perdoni, si jo no puc fer les escenes de risc, el meu personatge tampoc no pot ". (Riures) (Aplaudiments)
Sherry Brown got the part. I went racing to the head of the theater department crying hysterically, like someone shot my cat, to ask her why, and she said it was because they didn't think I could do the stunts. I said, "Excuse me, if I can't do the stunts, neither can the character." (Laughter)
Era un paper pel qual literalment havia nascut i li varen donar a una actriu sense paràlisi cerebral. La universitat estava imitant la meva vida. Hollywood té una sòrdida història d'utilitzar actors sense discapacitat per a papers de discapacitats. Un cop graduada, vaig tornar a casa, i la meva primera gira com a actriu va ser fent d'extra a una telenovel·la. El meu somni s'havia complert. I sabia que rebria una promoció de "companya" a "millor amiga boja" en un tres i no res. En canvi, vaig quedar allà com un estaquirot, no se'm veia res més que l'esquena, i era evident per a mi que els directors de repartiment no contractaven actrius grassonetes, no blanques, amb discapacitat. Sols contractaven a persones perfectes. Però hi havia excepcions a la regla. Vaig créixer veient la Whoopi Goldberg, Roseanne Barr, Ellen... i totes aquestes dones tenien una cosa en comú: eren comediants. Per aquest motiu em vaig fer humorista. (Riures) (Aplaudiments)
(Applause) This was a part that I was literally born to play they gave it to a non-palsy actress. College was imitating life. Hollywood has a sordid history of casting able-bodied actors to play disabled onscreen. Upon graduating, I moved back home, and my first acting gig was as an extra on a daytime soap opera. My dream was coming true. And I knew that I would be promoted from "Diner Diner" to "Wacky Best Friend" in no time. (Laughter) But instead, I remained a glorified piece of furniture that you could only recognize from the back of my head, and it became clear to me that casting directors didn't hire fluffy, ethnic, disabled actors. They only hired perfect people. But there were exceptions to the rule. I grew up watching Whoopi Goldberg, Roseanne Barr, Ellen, and all of these women had one thing in common: they were comedians. So I became a comic. (Laughter)
Durant la meva primera gira vaig portar còmics famosos de Nova York a Nova Jersey, i mai no oblidaré la cara del primer còmic que vaig portar quan va adonar-se de que anava a alta velocitat per l'autopista de Nova Jersey amb una conductora que tenia parálisi cerebral. Vaig treballar en clubs d'arreu d'EEUU, i també en àrab a l'Orient Pròxim, sense censura i sense mocador. Alguns diuen que sóc la primera monologuista del món àrab. Mai no m'ha agradat reclamar el primer lloc, però sí sé que mai no havien escoltat aquell petit murmuri desagradable que diu que les dones no som divertides, i ens troben molt divertides.
(Applause) My first gig was driving famous comics from New York City to shows in New Jersey, and I'll never forget the face of the first comic I ever drove when he realized that he was speeding down the New Jersey Turnpike with a chick with CP driving him. (Laughter) I've performed in clubs all over America, and I've also performed in Arabic in the Middle East, uncensored and uncovered. (Laughter) Some people say I'm the first stand-up comic in the Arab world. I never like to claim first, but I do know that they never heard that nasty little rumor that women aren't funny, and they find us hysterical.
Al 2003, el meu germà d'una altra mare i pare, Dean Obeidallah, i jo llançarem el Festival de la Comèdia anglo-àrab de Nova York, ara en el seu desè aniversari. El nostre objectiu era canviar la imatge negativa dels àrab-nord-americans als mitjans de comunicació i al mateix temps recordar als directors de repartiment que sud-asiàtic i àrab no són sinònims. (Riures) Integrar als àrabs fou molt més fàcil que lluitar contra el repte de l'estigma de la discapacitat. La meva gran oportunitat va arribar el 2010. Vaig anar com a convidada al programa de noticies per cable Compte enrere amb Keith Olbermann. Vaig entrar com si fos un ball de graduació. em varen arrossegar a un estudi i em varen seure a una cadira de rodes. Vaig mirar a la directora i li vaig dir:
(Laughter) In 2003, my brother from another mother and father Dean Obeidallah and I started the New York Arab-American Comedy Festival, now in its 10th year. Our goal was to change the negative image of Arab-Americans in media, while also reminding casting directors that South Asian and Arab are not synonymous. (Laughter) Mainstreaming Arabs was much, much easier than conquering the challenge against the stigma against disability. My big break came in 2010. I was invited to be a guest on the cable news show "Countdown with Keith Olbermann." I walked in looking like I was going to the prom, and they shuffle me into a studio and seat me on a spinning, rolling chair. (Laughter)
"Perdoni, pot donar-me una altra cadira?". Ella em va mirar i digué: "Cinc, quatre, tres, dos...". I era en directe! Així que em vaig abraçar a l'escriptori del presentador per no sortir rodant de la pantalla durant el segment, i quan va acabar l'entrevista, estava pàlida. Finalment vaig tenir la meva oportunitat i la vaig desaprofitar. Sabia que no tornarien a convidar-me. Però no sols el senyor Olbermann va tornar a convidar-me, sinó que vaig quedar com a participant a temps complet i va enganxar la meva cadira. (Riures) (Aplaudiments)
So I looked at the stage manager and I'm like, "Excuse me, can I have another chair?" And she looked at me and she went, "Five, four, three, two ..." And we were live, right? So I had to grip onto the anchor's desk so that I wouldn't roll off the screen during the segment, and when the interview was over, I was livid. I had finally gotten my chance and I blew it, and I knew I would never get invited back. But not only did Mr. Olbermann invite me back, he made me a full-time contributor, and he taped down my chair. (Laughter)
Quelcom divertit que vaig aprendre del directe amb Keith Olbermann fou que les persones per Internet són escòria. Es diu que els nens són cruels, però mai no se'n rigueren de mi ni de nena ni de gran De cop, la meva discapacitat a Internet, va esdevenir motiu de burla. Veia clips en línia amb comentaris com: "Per què tremola?", "És retardada?". I el meu preferit: "Pobre bufona terrorista. Quina malaltia té? Realment hauríem de pregar per ella". Un comentarista va suggerir inclús que afegís la meva discapacitat al currículum: guionista, comediant, paralítica. La discapacitat és tan visual com la raça. Si algú en cadira de rodes no pot fer de Beyoncé, aleshores Beyoncé no pot fer d'algú en cadira de rodes. Els discapacitats són la... Sí, aplaudeixin, home. Va. (Aplaudiments) Els discapacitats som la minoria més gran del món, i tot i així els menys representats en el món de l'entreteniment. Els metges deien que no caminaria, però sóc aquí davant de vosaltres. No obstant, si hagués crescut amb els mitjans de comunicació, no crec que fos aquí. Espero que junts poguem crear imatges més positives de la discapacitat en els mitjans i en la vida quotidiana. Potser si hi hagués imatges més positives, això fomentaria menys l'odi a Internet. O per ventura no. Tal volta encara necessitem a tota la societat per educar bé els nostres nens. El meu tortuós viatge m'ha portat a llocs espectaculars. Vaig arribar a caminar per la catifa vermella flanquejada per la diva de les telenovel·les Susan Lucci i la cèlebre Lorraine Arbus. He arribat a actuar en una pel·lícula amb Adam Sandler i a treballar amb el meu ídol, l'increïble Dave Matthews. He recorregut el món pilotant "Els àrabs s'ha tornat bojos". He estat delegada en representació del gran estat de Nova Jersey a la CND del 2008. I he fundat "Els nen de Maysoon", una organització benèfica per a donar als nens refugiats palestins una ínfima part del que els meus pares em varen donar a mi. Però el moment més important -abans d'avui- va ser quan... (Riures) (Aplaudiments)
(Applause) One fun fact I learned while on the air with Keith Olbermann was that humans on the Internet are scumbags. (Laughter) People say children are cruel, but I was never made fun of as a child or an adult. Suddenly, my disability on the world wide web is fair game. I would look at clips online and see comments like, "Yo, why's she tweakin'?" "Yo, is she retarded?" And my favorite, "Poor Gumby-mouth terrorist. What does she suffer from? We should really pray for her." One commenter even suggested that I add my disability to my credits: screenwriter, comedian, palsy. Disability is as visual as race. If a wheelchair user can't play Beyoncé, then Beyoncé can't play a wheelchair user. The disabled are the largest — Yeah, clap for that, man. Come on. (Applause) People with disabilities are the largest minority in the world, and we are the most underrepresented in entertainment. The doctors said that I wouldn't walk, but I am here in front of you. However, if I grew up with social media, I don't think I would be. I hope that together, we can create more positive images of disability in the media and in everyday life. Perhaps if there were more positive images, it would foster less hate on the Internet. Or maybe not. Maybe it still takes a village to teach our children well. My crooked journey has taken me to some very spectacular places. I got to walk the red carpet flanked by soap diva Susan Lucci and the iconic Loreen Arbus. I got to act in a movie with Adam Sandler and work with my idol, the amazing Dave Matthews. I toured the world as a headliner on Arabs Gone Wild. I was a delegate representing the great state of New Jersey at the 2008 DNC. And I founded Maysoon's Kids, a charity that hopes to give Palestinian refugee children a sliver of the chance my parents gave me. But the one moment that stands out the most was when I got -- before this moment -- (Laughter)
El moment més memorable va ser quan vaig actuar per a l'home que vola com una papallona i pica com una abella, té Parkinson i es remena com jo, Muhammad Alí. (Aplaudiments) Va ser l'únic cop que mon pare em va veure actuar en directe, i l'hi dedico aquesta xerrada a la seva memòria. الله يرحمك يابا [descansa en pau, pare] El meu nom és Maysoon Zayid, i si jo puc, vosaltres també podeu. (Aplaudiments)
(Applause) But the one moment that stands out the most was when I got to perform for the man who floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee, has Parkinson's and shakes just like me, Muhammad Ali. (Applause) (Applause ends) It was the only time that my father ever saw me perform live, and I dedicate this talk to his memory. (Arabic) Allah yerhamak yaba. (English) My name is Maysoon Zayid, and if I can can, you can can. (Cheering)