I've been a critical care EMT for the past seven years in Suffolk County, New York. I've been a first responder in a number of incidents ranging from car accidents to Hurricane Sandy.
我在紐約蘇福克郡擔任 重症緊急救護技術員至今七年了。 我是各種意外的第一線急救員, 從車禍到桑迪颶風都碰過。
If you are like most people, death might be one of your greatest fears. Some of us will see it coming. Some of us won't. There is a little-known documented medical term called impending doom. It's almost a symptom. As a medical provider, I'm trained to respond to this symptom like any other, so when a patient having a heart attack looks at me and says, "I'm going to die today," we are trained to reevaluate the patient's condition.
如果你跟大家一樣, 死亡大概會是你最怕的事之一。 有些人能料到自己將死; 有些人不行。 有個醫學名詞鮮為人知, 稱為瀕臨死亡。 那幾乎算是種症狀。 身為醫療人員,訓練讓我 以平常心面對這種症狀。 因此當心臟病人看著我說: 「我今天就會死。」 訓練要我們重新評估病人的情況。
Throughout my career, I have responded to a number of incidents where the patient had minutes left to live and there was nothing I could do for them. With this, I was faced with a dilemma: Do I tell the dying that they are about to face death, or do I lie to them to comfort them? Early in my career, I faced this dilemma by simply lying. I was afraid. I was afraid if I told them the truth, that they would die in terror, in fear, just grasping for those last moments of life.
在我的職涯中, 我去過一些意外現場急救, 當中有些病人還有幾分鐘可以活, 而我卻無能為力。 因此我常面對進退兩難的問題: 我要告訴臨終病患,他們快死了嗎? 還是我應該說謊來安撫他們? 我還是菜鳥時, 碰到這種問題只會說謊。 當時我很害怕。 我害怕如果我說了實話, 他們就會在害怕和恐懼中死去, 只能緊抓生命的最後時刻。
That all changed with one incident. Five years ago, I responded to a motorcycle accident. The rider had suffered critical, critical injuries. As I assessed him, I realized that there was nothing that could be done for him, and like so many other cases, he looked me in the eye and asked that question: "Am I going to die?" In that moment, I decided to do something different. I decided to tell him the truth. I decided to tell him that he was going to die and that there was nothing I could do for him. His reaction shocked me to this day. He simply laid back and had a look of acceptance on his face. He was not met with that terror or fear that I thought he would be. He simply laid there, and as I looked into his eyes, I saw inner peace and acceptance. From that moment forward, I decided it was not my place to comfort the dying with my lies. Having responded to many cases since then where patients were in their last moments and there was nothing I could do for them, in almost every case, they have all had the same reaction to the truth, of inner peace and acceptance. In fact, there are three patterns I have observed in all these cases.
一場事件改變了我的觀點。 五年前,我到摩托車意外現場急救。 騎士受的傷非常嚴重。 我評估他的傷勢, 發現完全束手無策, 就像許多傷患一樣, 他看著我的雙眼問那個問題: 「我要死了嗎?」 在那當下 ,我決定改變作法。 我決定告訴他實情。 我決定告訴他,他快死了, 而且我完全無能為力。 他的反應至今仍讓我震驚。 他只是躺在那, 臉上露出接受的表情。 他沒有面臨我想像中 那樣的恐懼和害怕。 他只是躺在那裡, 我在他的眼裡看見 接受與內心的平靜。 從那個時刻開始, 我決定自己沒有立場 用謊言安撫垂死的人。 自此之後,我回覆許多臨終病患, 我無法幫他們做任何事, 幾乎每一位病患 面對實話的反應都一樣, 接受,以及內心的平靜。 其實我在所有案例中 觀察到三種模式。 第一種總會讓我吃驚。
The first pattern always kind of shocked me. Regardless of religious belief or cultural background, there's a need for forgiveness. Whether they call it sin or they simply say they have a regret, their guilt is universal. I had once cared for an elderly gentleman who was having a massive heart attack. As I prepared myself and my equipment for his imminent cardiac arrest, I began to tell the patient of his imminent demise. He already knew by my tone of voice and body language. As I placed the defibrillator pads on his chest, prepping for what was going to happen, he looked me in the eye and said, "I wish I had spent more time with my children and grandchildren instead of being selfish with my time." Faced with imminent death, all he wanted was forgiveness.
不論哪種宗教信仰或是文化背景, 他們都需要饒恕。 不管他們自認犯了罪 或只是有個遺憾, 他們全都感到內疚。 我照顧過一位年長紳士, 他的心臟病發,非常嚴重。 我做好心理準備,打點好器材, 因為他的心跳就快停止了。 我開始告訴他,死亡即將降臨。 他從我的聲調和動作中 已經預知了這件事。 我把電擊器放在他胸前, 準備好面對即將發生的事。 他直視著我的雙眼說: 「我好希望過去 能多花點時間陪陪兒孫, 而不是自私地享受獨處時光。」 面對即將來臨的死亡, 他只想要得到原諒。
The second pattern I observe is the need for remembrance. Whether it was to be remembered in my thoughts or their loved ones', they needed to feel that they would be living on. There's a need for immortality within the hearts and thoughts of their loved ones, myself, my crew, or anyone around. Countless times, I have had a patient look me in the eyes and say, "Will you remember me?"
我觀察到的第二種模式 就是被緬懷的需要。 不論是在我或是 他的愛人記憶中被緬懷。 他們都需要感到生命能延續。 他們需要永恆不朽地 存在愛人的心裡和腦海中, 或是在我、同仁或任何人的心上。 有無數次,病人看著我的雙眼問: 「你會記得我嗎?」
The final pattern I observe always touched me the deepest, to the soul. The dying need to know that their life had meaning. They need to know that they did not waste their life on meaningless tasks.
我觀察到的最後一種模式 總會觸動我的內心深處, 觸動我的靈魂。 他們渴望知道自己的生命有意義。 他們需要知道自己沒有浪費生命 在無意義的事情上。
This came to me very, very early in my career. I had responded to a call. There was a female in her late 50s severely pinned within a vehicle. She had been t-boned at a high rate of speed, critical, critical condition. As the fire department worked to remove her from the car, I climbed in to begin to render care. As we talked, she had said to me, "There was so much more I wanted to do with my life." She had felt she had not left her mark on this Earth. As we talked further, it would turn out that she was a mother of two adopted children who were both on their way to medical school. Because of her, two children had a chance they never would have had otherwise and would go on to save lives in the medical field as medical doctors. It would end up taking 45 minutes to free her from the vehicle. However, she perished prior to freeing her.
這種情況在我入行沒多久就出現了。 我曾接過一個急救任務, 有位快 60 歲的女性, 被卡在車裡動彈不得。 她的車子從側邊被高速撞上, 情況非常危急。 消防隊要從車子裡救出她的同時, 我爬進去開始急救。 我們對話時,她對我說: 「我這輩子還有好多事情想做。」 她覺得還沒在這世上留下印記。 我們談得更深入後, 我才知道她領養了兩個小孩, 而且他們都準備要唸醫學院。 因為她,這兩個小孩 擁有本來不可能得到的機會。 而且還能從醫,拯救許多生命, 結果花了 45 分鐘, 才將她從車子裡救出來。 但是她在那之前就已經死了。
I believed what you saw in the movies: when you're in those last moments that it's strictly terror, fear. I have come to realize, regardless of the circumstance, it's generally met with peace and acceptance, that it's the littlest things, the littlest moments, the littlest things you brought into the world that give you peace in those final moments.
我過去相信電影上演的: 你在臨終前 會感到非常恐懼、 害怕。 後來我才了解,不論在什麼情況下, 通常都會變得平靜也能接受。 是最微不足道的那些事、那些時刻, 你帶到世上最微不足道的那些事, 讓你在臨終時刻得到平靜。
Thank you.
謝謝。
(Applause)
(掌聲)